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Warning. Rant

#1
please dont feel you have to reply. I just need to vent.

I feel like crap. My 6lb loss yesterday doesnt feel real and i am now scared to eat incase my smaller portions have tricked my body into thinking i wasnt 'eating properly'

Oh is on nights and i feel so lonley at home. iv got work 8-3 tomorrow, then 5-9 so wont see him on his evening off. Saturday hes got a stag do and sunday, im working again.

Then hes just phoned me whilst at work with his brother and made a comment about the cupcake course i booked for me and emz for her birthday. Saying it was money we could have 'saved' yes your quite right we couldnt really afford it. We also couldnt afford to re-insure, tax, MOT and fix all the flipping stuff thats wrong with his stupid modified car, but he did it anyways. This is all whilst his brother listened, who said last week that i'd left our house a tip when i rushed out to my second job in the evening. Id left one pan, a plate and cup with a banana skin on the kitchen side. Thats all.


I applied for another teaching assistant job round the corner at another school today. I really flipping want one of these jobs but i know in my heart its not going to happen, i dont have a good education, my experiance is limited and my age is more than against me. and to top it off when i phoned the first school to check my aplication pack got to the headteacher okay, because i had left it with someone who was on the school grounds during half term, and she informed me i'd got her name wrong. Flipping fabulous, i dont even know how i managed to make that mistake. All i could do was appologise.


Im tired and i feel poorly and i dont want to go to work tomorrow. The heavy lifting makes me so tired and it ruins my day with the kids because im barely awake enough.. im constantly on edge due to the fact 6 weeks ago my boss said i clearly wasnt handleing the job anymore because im always so poorly. Iv had my second round of blood tests (second round for this time, plenty in the past!) this morning and i just dont believe were ever going to find whats making me so exhausted and unwell all the time.



and then to top it off some stupid overly camp 12 year old spotty looking bloke working for scottish power just knocked on my door, and asked me four times if i was really the bill payer.. and then still had the cheek to comment on my age after. . and he said he didnt like my pajamas. wtf!?



:(argh.

again, please dont feel you must reply. I just needed to vent somewhere.
 
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#3
You've had a high with the weight loss...now your having a bit of a come down. You did really well and it paid off. Stick to what your doing as it's working for you.

Sorry to hear that OH is complaining about how you spend money on your hobbies while his hobby seems quite expensive. As far as his brother is concerened what buisness of his is it if you leave a plate or a sink full of washing up??? It sounds like your life is really busy and you don't have to be perfect or live up to anyone else's standards. Be good enough...and sometimes that means living some dishes so you can run out of the house to earn extra dosh for your cupcake course.

As far as looking for TA work, just keep plugging at it. Age also means experience and often the TA is working with students with additional needs and experience is really needed.

Q
 
#6
Nothing to critique unfortunatly. his house is like a flipping show home. If hes got a problem with mine he can always clean it for me.

Im still huffy.. had me tea and im watching some more telly. xx
 

ilovelife

Wishing and hoping!
#11
Id rather be seen as a home that is used, then no added pressure to be spotless. Plus that if your flat is filthy (though I can not stomach a filthy mess) it strengths your immune system ;)
 
#13
To be fair, because the house we rent has been furnished quite old fashioned and the kitchen is quite outdated also, mixed in with our new furniture it's impossible to make it look 'nice' even when spotless.

to be fair, if he wants to look after and feed his brother, do the food shop, clean the house, work two jobs AND babysit on the side, whilst being poorly and trying to keep your sanity long enough to have a good week on plan for my own health.. then fair enough.

i think what gets me most is joe said his words were 'god shes left it all for you to do hasnt she'

excuse me! why should he assume i expected Joe to do it?


a few weeks ago he came back with joe from work to pick up his van as joe had driven, and needed to use our loo. Id double locked the door so joe's key wouldnt turn, so i let them in.. i opened the door but didnt pull it open because i thought it was just joe and often he unlocks the door then faffs unloading the van.

because i didnt open the door and greet them, darren assumed i was in a mood and said to joe ' iv never seen her like that'

honestly.. i just feel like im constantly walking on egg shells with his brother, maybe i should transform into the perfect robotic wife to please him.


sorry, pity party for one here i know! lol
 
#14
i think what gets me most is joe said his words were 'god shes left it all for you to do hasnt she'
OH my word. I'd have had itchy palms at that, ready to slap him. ;)

Is there some reason why OH shouldn't wash up a plate and a saucepan? Sounds like his brother is one of those blokes who thinks all women should be Stepford Wives. Must be fun for the woman/women in his life. :rolleyes:

You're coping with a lot in terms of your health and working two jobs, so stick two fingers up to the idiot and tell him to mind his own business.
 
#15
Oh i do when his back is turned trust me! LOL hes not always like this, but i always feel like im being judged!

his poor wife is almost 30 weeks pregnant, how she keeps their house THAT spotless and work as a nursery nurse full time still!!!!
 

gemma_

Silver Member
#16
aww sweets!

what do they think is wrong with your health diabetis or something?
what do you work as?

with the boyfriend thing arghh ...my other half loves a spotless house but does nothing to help its his only problem! he'll happily clean his car all day then come in as ive just finished cleaning and ask what i been doing LOL... i think its a man thing at times!
 
#17
basically iv been suffering from the following:

dizzyness
headaches
extreme fatigue
severe unexplainable joint pain
severe unexplainable stomach pains
muscle spasms
nausea
body temperature.. one minute im boiling, the next im so cold it sets off muscle spasms from how tense i am
excessive dryskin/ecsma
my hair falls out and snaps very easily and my nails arnt very strong at all
back pain
breast pain
easy bruising
asthma
very poor immune system (its truely shocking, i get a new bug every week near enough!)
.. oh how the list goes on.


Basically iv swapped doctors to get a frehs look,
he thought i had mild arthritus, fibo neuralga (spelling is apauling i know) and possibly ME. My tests came back negative but my Liver was shown abnormal and my sodium levels perticuarly high..

iv now had my second lot of tests to check my liver again, and depending on the results depends on what specific tests we do in the past, eventually i will be referred to the hospital to see a rhumathologist (again spelling..) about my joint pain and may have a scan for Ankylosis spondilious as it runs in my family - oh the joy.



Basically im an 80 year old stuck in an 18year olds body as Joe likes to joke!
x
 
#18
Ankylosis spondilious

that imflamation in the back/hips isnt it?
My bf has that.

I had a time when i was so tired all the time, they thought i had glandular fever but it turned out not to be. I know what it feels like to be like the walking dead and to be ill over and over again and just geting more and more run down. i really feel for you hun and hope you get sorted soon.
 

Fray

Full Member
#19
Aww, honey! I'd have slapped your OH's brother by now. Best to get the rant out your system too.

I hear you on the health bit. I'm poorly too and it's frustrating not knowing what's up!

Kick back and relax tonight!
 

Mummoth

Silver Member
#20
I'm not surprised you're a bit down. Poor health, especially when no-one's certain of the cause, is enough to get anyone down. And you sound like you have a lot of other things going on besides.

Your 6lb loss was fantastic though. You should try to focus on that because, well, what an achievement!
 


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