la_tinkerbelle
Full Member
**long post - sorry!**
Oh ok, so two things to get off my chest today...
One is, First Weigh In! I lost 8lbs woohoo!!! Am so chuffed at that, haven't struggled with the diet as such food-wise this week, so feel quite confident that this is the start of lots of exciting weight losses!! yay!!
But.... that leads me to the second thing.. My emotions :cry:They are all over the place at the moment I don't know if it's the diet itself playing havoc with my body or if, probably more likely, it's the fact that food used to be my emotional crutch before and now that's out of the equation I'm having to 'fend for myself' and deal with things in a different way rather than reaching for the bread or the biscuits! The only thing is, I don't know how to deal with my emotions differently!! It's sad that it hasn't registered like this before, but I do know now that even after a week when things have been way up I've thought 'oh, now I'd normally order a Chinese = happy food' and when things were low last weekend I'd have pigged out on some chocolate = sad food...
When I was looking to start CD I read through loads of posts on this site, I can't stress enough how much of a support minimins and everyone on it is.... and this one has stuck with me profoundly:
(hope it's ok to copy this? was a post by Sparkle on another bit of the forums...??!)
I could have so written this! I realised after Weigh In today I had no-one to share in what should have been a huge thumbs up, pat on the back moment
I'm off work the rest of the week to do some DIY, and even painting the toilet I had a stupid weepy moment - I'm felt so frustrated because I can't do DIY for my life, but there's no-one to help me?? I live alone, my dad - bless him - will do anythig for me but he's naturally tied up doing things for my mum at their house I feel bad for pestering him... but why do I have to cope with things all by myself???
When I'm sick (I was really bad with cold the beginning of last week) I don't have anyone to get a hug from, or to make me a cuppa, or to put a blanket over me if I'm cold... there's no-one even asking how I am... Like I say, I'm off work until Monday and if I don't go see my parents this weekend I know I can pass from now until Monday without contact with another human being :crywell, except the lady in the supermarket!
I have one friend, whose own life this past year has pulled her away from me and now we've not really seen each other or spoken for about 8 months now... (I've tried but she needs time to sort out her own issues I think...)... I work in a small small firm with everyone ages apart and no-one really 'mixes' with work people - I don' know why, just no-one ever socialises beyond the office... I lost a lot of my 'friends' due to my being ill - I have a brain illness/tumour - which when I was diagnosed years ago meant I had lots of time in hospital and whenever a night out was arranged I could never guarantee at being able to go even at the last minute cos of the pain and meds etc... On the one hand I know if these friends had been genuine they'd have stuck no matter what, but I do kinda understand why they'd get p*ssed off and frustrated with me too... :cry:
I just feel so lonely... I have no-one to share this journey with (other than yourselves, and trust me, without you all I'd be sat here pigging out rather than trying to vent!!)... I wish there was anything in my life to distract me from sitting and staring at the four walls...
Another post I read went something like 'I don't want to laugh off having children, claiming I don't want any, when all along it's that I have no-one to have any with!' - for the past few years I've convinced everyone that I don't want kids, I'm happy being the old lady with the dogs but in reality I've realised I do want kids, I do want a hubby, I want the whole thing... does it really come down to the fact that I'm overweight that I don't have these? Am starting to think it's not and I'm scared that I'll do the CD and lose my weight, and still be just as lonely
What a pathetic post... I'm sorry guys, I just had to get this out... I'm not an emotional person normally, but this week it's like a rollercoaster ride in my head and heart... and I'm stressed out by it... I don't want these emotions to make me fail on this diet, I do want to succeed, I really do...
Oh ok, so two things to get off my chest today...
One is, First Weigh In! I lost 8lbs woohoo!!! Am so chuffed at that, haven't struggled with the diet as such food-wise this week, so feel quite confident that this is the start of lots of exciting weight losses!! yay!!
But.... that leads me to the second thing.. My emotions :cry:They are all over the place at the moment I don't know if it's the diet itself playing havoc with my body or if, probably more likely, it's the fact that food used to be my emotional crutch before and now that's out of the equation I'm having to 'fend for myself' and deal with things in a different way rather than reaching for the bread or the biscuits! The only thing is, I don't know how to deal with my emotions differently!! It's sad that it hasn't registered like this before, but I do know now that even after a week when things have been way up I've thought 'oh, now I'd normally order a Chinese = happy food' and when things were low last weekend I'd have pigged out on some chocolate = sad food...
When I was looking to start CD I read through loads of posts on this site, I can't stress enough how much of a support minimins and everyone on it is.... and this one has stuck with me profoundly:
Am currently sitting listening to Snow Patrol perform at the Isle of Wight Festival (can hear it from my house) and I just feel so lonely.
I would love to be there, I would love to see them (and so many of the other bands) perform live. But I've no one to go with. I went last year, only on the Saturday, on my own and although I enjoyed every minute of it - It was completely overshadowed by the fact that I had no one to talk to about it.... to reminise.
I just want someone to have in my life that I can share things with. Ideally a wonderful guy who really cares for me - but a friend would be a start!
Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, not many but I do have some. Two of them aren't interested in the same music as me, andhave no desire to see bands perform live; one lives on the mainland; and the other is too wrapped up in everything going on in her life to worry about anyone else.
It's so difficult to meet people here - I joined a book club (had to miss the last two meetings due to things out of my control) but they're a lot older there - joined a 'happy group' but it's the same - am thinking of doing an evening course at college in September but still can't exactly guarantee that I'll meet anyone - friend or otherwise.
I just don't want to be lonely anymore.
(hope it's ok to copy this? was a post by Sparkle on another bit of the forums...??!)
I could have so written this! I realised after Weigh In today I had no-one to share in what should have been a huge thumbs up, pat on the back moment
I'm off work the rest of the week to do some DIY, and even painting the toilet I had a stupid weepy moment - I'm felt so frustrated because I can't do DIY for my life, but there's no-one to help me?? I live alone, my dad - bless him - will do anythig for me but he's naturally tied up doing things for my mum at their house I feel bad for pestering him... but why do I have to cope with things all by myself???
When I'm sick (I was really bad with cold the beginning of last week) I don't have anyone to get a hug from, or to make me a cuppa, or to put a blanket over me if I'm cold... there's no-one even asking how I am... Like I say, I'm off work until Monday and if I don't go see my parents this weekend I know I can pass from now until Monday without contact with another human being :crywell, except the lady in the supermarket!
I have one friend, whose own life this past year has pulled her away from me and now we've not really seen each other or spoken for about 8 months now... (I've tried but she needs time to sort out her own issues I think...)... I work in a small small firm with everyone ages apart and no-one really 'mixes' with work people - I don' know why, just no-one ever socialises beyond the office... I lost a lot of my 'friends' due to my being ill - I have a brain illness/tumour - which when I was diagnosed years ago meant I had lots of time in hospital and whenever a night out was arranged I could never guarantee at being able to go even at the last minute cos of the pain and meds etc... On the one hand I know if these friends had been genuine they'd have stuck no matter what, but I do kinda understand why they'd get p*ssed off and frustrated with me too... :cry:
I just feel so lonely... I have no-one to share this journey with (other than yourselves, and trust me, without you all I'd be sat here pigging out rather than trying to vent!!)... I wish there was anything in my life to distract me from sitting and staring at the four walls...
Another post I read went something like 'I don't want to laugh off having children, claiming I don't want any, when all along it's that I have no-one to have any with!' - for the past few years I've convinced everyone that I don't want kids, I'm happy being the old lady with the dogs but in reality I've realised I do want kids, I do want a hubby, I want the whole thing... does it really come down to the fact that I'm overweight that I don't have these? Am starting to think it's not and I'm scared that I'll do the CD and lose my weight, and still be just as lonely
What a pathetic post... I'm sorry guys, I just had to get this out... I'm not an emotional person normally, but this week it's like a rollercoaster ride in my head and heart... and I'm stressed out by it... I don't want these emotions to make me fail on this diet, I do want to succeed, I really do...