Weigh In No1... and a long offload...

[la_tinkerbelle]

**long post - sorry!**

Oh ok, so two things to get off my chest today...

One is, First Weigh In! I lost 8lbs woohoo!!! Am so chuffed at that, haven't struggled with the diet as such food-wise this week, so feel quite confident that this is the start of lots of exciting weight losses!! yay!!

But.... that leads me to the second thing.. My emotions :cry:They are all over the place at the moment I don't know if it's the diet itself playing havoc with my body or if, probably more likely, it's the fact that food used to be my emotional crutch before and now that's out of the equation I'm having to 'fend for myself' and deal with things in a different way rather than reaching for the bread or the biscuits! The only thing is, I don't know how to deal with my emotions differently!! It's sad that it hasn't registered like this before, but I do know now that even after a week when things have been way up I've thought 'oh, now I'd normally order a Chinese = happy food' and when things were low last weekend I'd have pigged out on some chocolate = sad food...

When I was looking to start CD I read through loads of posts on this site, I can't stress enough how much of a support minimins and everyone on it is.... and this one has stuck with me profoundly:

Am currently sitting listening to Snow Patrol perform at the Isle of Wight Festival (can hear it from my house) and I just feel so lonely.

I would love to be there, I would love to see them (and so many of the other bands) perform live. But I've no one to go with. I went last year, only on the Saturday, on my own and although I enjoyed every minute of it - It was completely overshadowed by the fact that I had no one to talk to about it.... to reminise.

I just want someone to have in my life that I can share things with. Ideally a wonderful guy who really cares for me - but a friend would be a start!

Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, not many but I do have some. Two of them aren't interested in the same music as me, andhave no desire to see bands perform live; one lives on the mainland; and the other is too wrapped up in everything going on in her life to worry about anyone else.

It's so difficult to meet people here - I joined a book club (had to miss the last two meetings due to things out of my control) but they're a lot older there - joined a 'happy group' but it's the same - am thinking of doing an evening course at college in September but still can't exactly guarantee that I'll meet anyone - friend or otherwise.

I just don't want to be lonely anymore.

(hope it's ok to copy this? was a post by Sparkle on another bit of the forums...??!)

I could have so written this! I realised after Weigh In today I had no-one to share in what should have been a huge thumbs up, pat on the back moment

I'm off work the rest of the week to do some DIY, and even painting the toilet I had a stupid weepy moment - I'm felt so frustrated because I can't do DIY for my life, but there's no-one to help me?? I live alone, my dad - bless him - will do anythig for me but he's naturally tied up doing things for my mum at their house I feel bad for pestering him... but why do I have to cope with things all by myself???

When I'm sick (I was really bad with cold the beginning of last week) I don't have anyone to get a hug from, or to make me a cuppa, or to put a blanket over me if I'm cold... there's no-one even asking how I am... Like I say, I'm off work until Monday and if I don't go see my parents this weekend I know I can pass from now until Monday without contact with another human being :crywell, except the lady in the supermarket!

I have one friend, whose own life this past year has pulled her away from me and now we've not really seen each other or spoken for about 8 months now... (I've tried but she needs time to sort out her own issues I think...)... I work in a small small firm with everyone ages apart and no-one really 'mixes' with work people - I don' know why, just no-one ever socialises beyond the office... I lost a lot of my 'friends' due to my being ill - I have a brain illness/tumour - which when I was diagnosed years ago meant I had lots of time in hospital and whenever a night out was arranged I could never guarantee at being able to go even at the last minute cos of the pain and meds etc... On the one hand I know if these friends had been genuine they'd have stuck no matter what, but I do kinda understand why they'd get p*ssed off and frustrated with me too... :cry:

I just feel so lonely... I have no-one to share this journey with (other than yourselves, and trust me, without you all I'd be sat here pigging out rather than trying to vent!!)... I wish there was anything in my life to distract me from sitting and staring at the four walls...

Another post I read went something like 'I don't want to laugh off having children, claiming I don't want any, when all along it's that I have no-one to have any with!' - for the past few years I've convinced everyone that I don't want kids, I'm happy being the old lady with the dogs but in reality I've realised I do want kids, I do want a hubby, I want the whole thing... does it really come down to the fact that I'm overweight that I don't have these? Am starting to think it's not and I'm scared that I'll do the CD and lose my weight, and still be just as lonely

What a pathetic post... I'm sorry guys, I just had to get this out... I'm not an emotional person normally, but this week it's like a rollercoaster ride in my head and heart... and I'm stressed out by it... I don't want these emotions to make me fail on this diet, I do want to succeed, I really do...

 

[LollyPop]

Oh Tinkerbelle Darling...

You deserve to be happy as much as the next person. I do understand how you feel. I only have one REAL friend and she to be fair is wrapped up in her own life these days. I miss having people to share my life with whether it be sad news or happy. Of course, I'm lucky I'm *blessed* with my husband who I loev to pieces. But its not the same. I can't share with him how I feel about many things - he either wouldn't understand or maybe I don't want him to. I'm 27, I think really in the scheme of things thats quite young, I want to go to festivals, go out drinking, socialise - he doesn't (he's younger than me).

I think joining a college course is a good way to go; hopefully that way you can meet like-minded people. I don't know if this rings a bell with you but I find it hard to let people into my life as I worry I'm telling them too much about myself all at once. I think I seem to eager. I have to remind myself that before I met them they have a world all of their own - they don't need to hear every detail and might not have room for me in their "social circle" (I hate that saying); as I have so much time to give.

Sorry for the rambling post... it was meant to be supportive but I think I've lost the point.

Was really just trying to say that you will find the people you are meant to... and this place is the best substitute for one-on-one support until then.

Well done on your loss honey, you should be very proud. We are proud of you

 

[SandraEG]

One of the reasons I chose LL was the support of a group and the counselling. Perhaps you could find these things in another way to support your CD journey?

This forum is great support and that's a start BUT do put yourself out there and meet new people. Perhaps get a few life coaching or self-help type books from the library and see if any of the advice strikes a chord?

If sparkle was reading this I would say she should have gone to the festival on her own. I've done this kind of thing myself. Sometimes I end up talking to the people next to me and make friends at those kinds of things BUT even if I haven't, it's so much better doing things that you enjoy doing - and no-one else knows you're there on your own. Take a book and revel in the atmosphere - look at the stalls - dance around the field - no-one's going to stop you.

Last week's counselling in my LL group was about life not being a dress rehearsal. We wrote lists of the things we wished we'd done more of in our lives and the things we wished we'd done less of and then we shared the things we wanted to share and talked about them. Once we went through that process, we wrote a new list of the things we wanted to achieve in our lives. Mine was:
write more
have children
get a new career that means something to me
get to goal weight

Some of the others had loads of things including travelling and learning a language and whatever.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. You've started this change and you can change your life in other ways.

Good luck!

 

[la_tinkerbelle]

Oh Tinkerbelle Darling...

I don't know if this rings a bell with you but I find it hard to let people into my life as I worry I'm telling them too much about myself all at once.

that's it exactly!!!!!

I think I seem to eager. I have to remind myself that before I met them they have a world all of their own - they don't need to hear every detail and might not have room for me in their "social circle" (I hate that saying); as I have so much time to give.

Sorry for the rambling post... it was meant to be supportive but I think I've lost the point.

Was really just trying to say that you will find the people you are meant to... and this place is the best substitute for one-on-one support until then.

Well done on your loss honey, you should be very proud. We are proud of you

thank you so much, I needed to hear that... to make sure I wasn't the only one to feel like this... I feel so much of a loser (no pun intended!) and I either scare people away with coming on too strong, or making a hash of things cos I'm so out of practise at this making friends lark, or I hold off wondering why would they be interested in knowing me...

*big sigh* I know deep down I am a lovely person - without bragging!

I'm 29 so I know there's more round the corner, I dunno, I just always thought life would be... 'better'... y'know...?!

 

[la_tinkerbelle]

If sparkle was reading this I would say she should have gone to the festival on her own. I've done this kind of thing myself. Sometimes I end up talking to the people next to me and make friends at those kinds of things BUT even if I haven't, it's so much better doing things that you enjoy doing - and no-one else knows you're there on your own. Take a book and revel in the atmosphere - look at the stalls - dance around the field - no-one's going to stop you.

I know this is good advice, and a few years ago I did go to a play I very much wanted to see - I took the afternoon off work, and took myself off on the bus (I couldn't drive cos of my illness at the time)... It was a play wih Patrick Stewart in and cos I really really wanted to see him I forced myself to go...

But everyone - and I do mean everyone - had a comment to make about my going on my own... ranging from the 'oh that's so sad you had to go alone', to the incredulous 'you really went on your own??' ... and it's still like that now... I was going to go see Pavarotti last july for my birthday treat, again no-one to go with me, but each time anyone at work asked me who I was going with I couldn't bear saying no-one and lied and said I was going with a friend :cry:truth is, I wish I had a friend who could have done this, and loads of other things! - but I couldn't take the 'social pressure' I feel of having to produce someone to share things??! I hate that I had to lie too...

Do you think the losing weight will increase some confidence bank or self-esteem levels which I am obviously falling short on right now?

I'm fervently hoping so... I can't bear the thought of doing this diet, getting to goal and then thinking, ok I'm a size <whatever> where's my happiness? I hope my weight loss, whatever it is, makes me more able to put myself out there and not give a stuff what other people think...

The advice books sound good... I will hopfoot myself to library tomorrow and see what they have...

tinks x

 

[LollyPop]

I'm 29 so I know there's more round the corner, I dunno, I just always thought life would be... 'better'... y'know...?!

I know exactly what you mean hun! I feel like I have so much to give/ offer other people but noone seems to need it (does that make sense?)

I (like you) think I'm a pretty nice person; my husband tells me I get TOO involved in my friends worries - All I see is me offering support as I would hope to receive if I ever needed it. My friend M, is fantastic when I need her... its just that she's so busy I don't ask her when I need support - I keep it all inside and.. generally.. worry.

There is more to life and I'm not sure for me.. its about losing weight (although I think it will help my confidence) I think its more about taking risks and not caring if people like you or not.

Maybe together we can crack this ;-)

 

[kammeg]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this but please be assured that you will find happiness be that friends, bloke or anything else you desire.

I have been through rough patches and come through the other side - i am 'lucky' to have bf, and good friends but i still get days where i wonder why they like me or why they would want to hear what i have to say - its a confidence thing tha ti think weight plays a small part of.

we can tell your a lvoely person and just want a few things out of life!

join college, don't be scared, do what you need to do in your life to make you happy!

big hugs and please just message me if you want a chat! xxxxxx

 

[sophia-jo]

Tinks, I've PM'd you sweetie XXXX

 

[la_tinkerbelle]

Lollypop, I feel like you could be my twin lol...

I've had a few 'arguments' this week which I know haven't helped... I never argue with people because I'm always (usually!! I know these posts won't convince anyone lol) the happy person y'know... always there with a smile and spreading the sunshine... But lately I've just been feeling the frustration of I'm always the one people come and talk to or at, rather than with??

One colleague (different company but we work close together) finally made me crack when he admitted I was his 'sounding off person' - I know he didn't mean it like it came out but he basically said he is more superficial with my colleague in the office - more laughing and trivial stuff - but with me he talks about the things that are getting him down... which is fine (the guys a lot older so nothing at all more than friendship I stress!) I'm willing to be there, just then when I turn the tables and need some support, there's none waiting...? Once is a one-off but this has happened twice this week and I've finally caved and called both people on it... If I had a £1 for everyone who says to me 'god, you're wonderful to talk to, you're so good at listening' I'd be a flippin' millionaire... might change my name to Clare Rayner one of these days...

Does this mean instead of being the nice people we think we are, we're actual mugs/suckers/idiots who are being walked over and used rather than appreciated/valued/genuinely wanted...?

Maybe together we can crack this ;-)

I would love to hope so!

Thank you, truly xxx

 

[LollyPop]

Does this mean instead of being the nice people we think we are, we're actual mugs/suckers/idiots who are being walked over and used rather than appreciated/valued/genuinely wanted...?

I really hope that's not the case; but thats what my DH and Mum reckon. I'm still not that cynical though and couldn't stop being that person even if I wanted to.

I know what you mean about everyone comes to you for advice. I have a similar thing going on with practically everyone I know. Lots of people at work and aquaintances feel safe to tell me really personal stuff and I really don't have a problem with it most of the time. I realise that everyone needs someone to talk to (rather than with). But, like you, it frustrates me when I need to talk - I always feel with my friend that its never the right time, her youngest is cryin gor she has to cook her other half's dinner. By the time thats finished she's telling me about her life again - ooppss didn't get chance to squeeze in my little problem. After that I just want to get out of there and end up feeling more lonely than I did when I got there.

Still... this diet is the first thing I'm doing on my own without consulting anyone and because of that and everyone on here I'm feeling quite empowered right now.. and I feel like I'm sharing it with all you guys so I'm not missing anyone else right now!

 

[SandraEG]

Being a good listener is such a great skill, so you shouldn't downplay it.

Maybe you can use it to your advantage - volunteer on childline or something like that. Actually volunteering is a great way to expand your group of friends - and can give you a sense of being valuable to society in a broader sense.

When you meet the right person you will want to be able to take to each other and listen as well!

With the comments from others about going somewhere on your own - you just need to pretend that it isn't a problem at all. Say 'Oh no, I'm really happy going on my own'.

Despite having a loving partner, I do often go to plays on my own anyway because he doesn't like the same kinds of things I like. He's much more into commercial stuff and I like to be intellectually challenged. I've stopped forcing him to come along because he really doesn't enjoy it and I feel annoyed that he won't talk about the play afterwards...

(We did see Patrick Stewart in The Tempest this year in London and he loved that though.)

A thought - if you are interested in theatre and opera, how about finding an amateur dramatic society near you? You don't always have to particpate in the acting, if that would make you nervous. Sometimes they need people to help out with organising the events.

 

[saffron]

oh tinkerbelle sweetie i so feel for you, you dont deserve to feel like this, and i to beleive there are people out there to be frends/bf but there are people out there for you and you will meet them hun, i have been through bad patches to and got through and i also sometime why the very few friends (and there not many) i do have why they like me and want to be friends with me!!, sorry its a ramble and feel free to take no notice spose wot i am trying to say is you will get there huni,and ion the way we are all here for you. well done on ur fab weight loss aswell hun, msn or pm me if ever you want a chat ok hun x

 

[la_tinkerbelle]

thank you to you all... I do feel a bit better, I promise I'm not normally like this - so my future posts should be brighter!, and I really do think a big part of this 'crappiness' is due to my not being able to reach for the jaffa cakes when I'm feeling blue!

I'm def. going to try and put myself out there more - I wanna be a rounded person when I get to goal, not to have to face a whole new set of stress from having no one to share my success... Looked at some concerts and plays and even nights away tonight that I feel I might be upto doing alone, and *big sigh* I am going to try and be forthright and honest and cheerfully tell people I'm doing things alone - even if I don't feel it at first, I'm sure the more I do it, the more 'natural' it will become... I hope!


Anyhow... tomorrows a new day with no worries or stresses in it... so Week 2 Cambridge Diet here goes...

((thanks again))

(Jo, I do thank you very much for my PM's x)

tinks x

 

[fingers crossed]

Have PMed you x