weight loss and OH

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by loveablemonkey, 22 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. loveablemonkey

    loveablemonkey Full Member

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    Lost(%):
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    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Hey! Just wondering if anyone else is worried that when they lose weight their OH is going to become a bit insecure and jealous? I know my boyfriend has quite jealous tendencies anyway so if I get more attractive as I get slimmer, and getting looked at a bit more I'm worried it's going to rocket! Either that or it'll bring us closer together for going through CD together (me not eating and being emotional and him being my support) which is happening at the moment, we're getting along great - but I think once CD is over, the jealousy and insecurity is more likely as a final outcome!!

    Anyone experienced their full loss and how has it affected their relationship, if at all?

    It's the only thing I worry about losing the weight! I don't want my relationship to spontaneously combust as a result!
     
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  3. MinnieMel

    MinnieMel Why Be Normal?

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    Hi LM --

    When I hit goal it did not seem affect my relationship with my OH at all. He loved me bigger and loved me smaller. I think if your OH feels that you love him and are doing this for yourself and not because you want to be attractive to someone else (as he is with you as you are now), then it should be okay.

    Just make it clear why you are doing this: health reasons, because your feet hurt, you are worried about job prospects, etc. whatever your reasons are -- as long as he knows you aren't doing it to "improve" your romantic prospects it should be okay.

    MM
     
  4. loveablemonkey

    loveablemonkey Full Member

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    Diet:
    Cambridge
    thanks for the advice :)
     
  5. Mrs Taurus

    Mrs Taurus Silver Member

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    Hiya, I got to 1st 4 away from goal last time and looked significantly different........and no it didn't make a scrap of difference to Mr T, although admittedly when I was slimmer before Mr T he used to tell me he preferred me half a stone heavier than my personal lowest weight as I had a very thin face......charming eh!
    Mr T says regardless of my weight he sees that I am happier when controlling what I eat and he finds it better when I am more confident.

    However Mr T sometimes a bit overly confident to a fault, and never shown a jealous side.....even when there actually was a bit of competition when we 1st started going out, I often imagine it would be nice to have someone who gets jealous, but am sure that isn't the case.

    The grass is always greener hey! x
     
  6. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Hey hon

    I don't have an OH but am changing as a person as I go through this journey and my friends and family are noticing a difference. Essentially I am learning to care about myself and look after myself... and this means I am developing some boundaries about what I will tolerate from others. Most people are embracing this change in me and see it as a positive step as they feel they are seeing the "real me" rather than the person who became what I thought they wanted to see whenever I was around them. Some "friends" haven't taken it quite so well and I learned that our relationship was based on what I could do for them; those friendships and fallen by the wayside but to be honest I am not feeling the loss too much as I can see that they were dysfunctional.

    The thing to remember about jealousy though (from past experience) is that jealousy is about the person being jealous and their self-esteem and sadly there is nothing you can do to stop them being jealous if they want to be. You can never reassure them enough as they don't believe in themselves enough. I have a friend who used to turn herself inside out trying to reassure her OH that she loved him etc and all he used to do was move the goal posts on her each and every time. She finally had to leave him for her sanity and the sanity of their young daughter.

    All you can do is stay true to who you are and believe that he loves you and have faith.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Mrs H to be

    Mrs H to be Full Member

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    I've worried a little about this aswell because my OH has never seen me any smaller than a size 16-18. But he knows the reason that I'm doing CD and is 100% supportive. I think instead of being jealous they should be proud to be with such gorgeous ladies!!

    I totally agree with Gorey girl about friendships. When I was 20 I lost a lot of weight and was a size 12 and it made me see that my friends werent really my friends. They were jealous that I wasnt their 'fat friend' anymore and I was the one getting attention. It makes you see people for who they really are xx
     
  8. loveablemonkey

    loveablemonkey Full Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    13st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    3st9lb(21.16%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I agree with you all, I can feel myself changing and it will be interesting to see how friends take it, and if it does emerge that any aren't real friends!

    Also GG your comments on jealousy hit very close to home, I know he is incredibly insecure and won't listen to a word I say! He isn't too bad at the moment and as long as it doesn't get worse it will be fine, but if it does it will be a struggle - though at the same time if I lost weight and he got too much, and I then finished with him, he would just think it's because there's now lots more options and I want to play the field rather than acknowledging the fact he pushed me away, which would be frustrating as I would never leave him for the former reason!! Hopefully it wouldn't come to that though (fingers crossed!) and luckily there's no kiddie involved!

    Thanks for all your comments, its v interesting to see what people think - I think I'm just picking apart the consequences of the diet too much, as I feel its too good to be true so far so there has to be some bad stuff to come! I must be more positive! Hopefully some of you are right and he will just be thrilled to have a hottie on his arm ;) he is unbelievably supportive about the diet so hopefully that's a sign of things to come!

    Thanks again for replies x
     
    Last edited: 23 February 2011
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