Weight related bullying - long post sorry!

[beckyn22]

Edited post

 

[Mrs.S.]

Hi guys - I saw a similar thread that's quite a few months old but have plucked up courage to start a thread about hurtful comments whilst we are on our weight loss journey and how devastating they can be and thought it might be more appropriate to start a new one. I am so sorry for Sue for the people who have been on the end of these comments and have been encouraged (and made to laugh!) but the lovely warm, comforting responses people have posted on here and would like to get a few of my experiences off my chest. WARNING - LONG POST!!!

The horrible thing is - just one comment can knock your confidence and self esteem and I have had so many of these experiences it makes me feel a complete freak. Unfortunately these are the comments that come back to haunt me.

As a teenager, when I first started to put on weight and was a size 14-16 I was constantly bullied and called fat (mostly by boys) but also by some girl peers and older girls. This was in the 80s and admittedly it was less common for girls to be that size, but I look back at 'photos of me from then and I really wasn't very big although I was also the tallest girl in my year and, in point of fact, the school. There was just one other girl who was the same height as me who was slim :sigh:. Even a teacher, who no-one really liked and who everyone was horrible to (except me who used to stick up for him and tell the other kids off!!) called me fat during a geography lesson. I was a model student, but that day I flipped - as it was totally out of the blue - and I hit him with my pencil case on the arm and called him a very rude name!! I think he must have realised he had gone too far as he didn't take it any further! As a teacher myself I look back on that and think that if that had happened these days I would have been in very deep trouble - but he would probably have been disciplined as well!

As I got into Y11, the bullying and comments stopped and I lost weight and got down to a size 10 at sixth form college although there was an incident when my friend and I were on a bike ride together (aged 16) and a car with some young lads pulled up and made appreciative comments to my friend and said to me 'not you - you're ugly'.

At university, the weight went back on and I went up to a size 18. People seemed to accept me for who I was until one young man, who I didn't know but who knew friends of mine randomly came up to me in the university bar and proceeded to tell me how fat, ugly and unintelligent I was. I was totally unprepared for this onslaught, but tried to give as good as I got. It was relentless and I stayed too long listening to his vitriol before I went home. I laughed constantly and made out what he was saying was not affecting me - but even 19 years later it stays with me. Obviously he must had had a personality disorder but thinking that logically today doesn't detract from the pain he caused me that night and ever since.

Ironically, I really can't have been that unattractive as I had many 'flings' and briefly dated a celebrity who was, in those days, definitely A list!! At least there were some happy times!!

After this I started my teaching career and have had many children use my weight against me, especially when I had to 'tell them off'. The worst experience of this I had was last year when, at my heaviest, I was covering a temporary contract at a secondary school and the children there struggled with someone my size and were a lot less friendly and accepting than most children in Lincolnshire schools (I've taught at over 100 primary and secondary all in all!). They did get used to me as my contract ended, but I felt severely bullied and hated it there for the first few months. Even a member of staff commented on my weight to the kids - and I am at least happy to say this has NEVER happened before in my 16 years of teaching and she was disciplined for it.

In 2004, at about a size 22, a cyclist cycled straight across my path at a junction; I pressed the horn at him fearing for his safety as I had missed him by about an inch. He came back, threw his bike on my car making a dent and started to abuse me about my weight and looks. He would not move his bike out of my path and I had to stop in the middle of very heavy traffic. He continued doing this for about 10 minutes despite my calling my family on my mobile and asking them to call the police. I had been on my way to a meeting with social services about a student and was a shaking, unprofessional wreck when I finally got there!

In 2006, whilst standing on the forecourt of a petrol station with one of my dogs whilst my mother had gone in to pay, three young people and an older man walked into the petrol station and shouted abuse at me and my dog. I was very angry at being abused in this way for no reason and, probably not very sensibly, confronted them about their rudeness. The end result was that the youngest man grabbed me around the throat and tried to strangle me and one of the girls punched me in the face whilst they were all calling me a 'fat' c word. My mother pushed the man off me and the shop assistant, instead of defending me and calling the police shouted at us - not the offenders - to leave the shop which we did. I didn't report it to the police as I felt guilty and ashamed and thought they may say I had provoked the situation by answering back. I wish I had now.

At the same time, I had started going out with my now fiance and we used to meet in a pub after work. He had a circle of 'friends' in the pub who were friendly enough to my face, but 3 years ago we went out into town (something we do not do these days!) and met one of the 'crowd' from the pub. She ignored me but was openly flirting with my partner which I wasn't happy about, especially as she was very drunk and had her arms round him! At that time I had lost about 2 stones from being at my (then!) heaviest weight. She told me that she thought I must have lost about 8 stones and that when I used to meet my partner in the pub she and her friends called me 'the human blimp' and used to refer to me as 'it' because I looked so fat I didn't deserve to have a gender. This caused a row between my partner and I - who was very supportive of me but who is not the confrontational type! - and I ended up sitting on a wall in tears on the way home. The wall was about four feet high and there was a drop below it onto rubble and broken glass. A man walked past us, grinned at me and came up to me - took hold of my shoulders and pushed me back onto the rubble and broken glass and ran off. I wasn't badly hurt but that night didn't go down as one of my better ones!

I did a short stint of taxi driving one summer, late shifts on Friday and Saturday nights and got abuse about my weight from quite a few drunken passengers.

2 summers ago to try to avoid the dole (I am now on supply) I worked briefly for a care agency. On my first night I was just about to enter a client's house - very self conscious in my less than flattering uniform! - when a car full of young lads passed by (slowly) and one of the lads shouted 'fat' c word at me. I memorised the reg and reported this to the police - and this time they went around and 'had a word'. Apparently it wasn't the owner of the car that had shouted it but one of his friends, and he was extremely annoyed that he had got into trouble about it and hopefully passed on his annoyance to his friend!
At least this episode made me feel slightly more empowered.

I still don't think I have listed every single abusive weight related incident, and I haven't listed the 'well meaning' comments from old dears I looked after in hospital when I worked as a healthcare assistant in my student days ('ooh you're a big lass aren't you?', 'that dress you're wearing today doesn't make you look so fat') etc etc.

Have I had it worst than most, or have other people battling with their weight had similar almost constant experiences, but they bury the pain of these incidents abd don't really talk about them? Sorry it's such a long post but I feel a lot better for deciding to 'go public' about my weight related bullying over the years. xx

Hunny I don't know what to say

Each and every person you've mentioned here is not worth a second of your time or thoughts.

You sound like you have a lovely fella and a decent job, love you for you, and stuck two fingers up at all these haters and leave them where they belong, in the past!

Hugs xxx

 

[beckyn22]

Aww thank you so much Mrs S, that's made me cry. I was regretting baring my soul in the OP as I'm rather hormonal at the moment but your lovely response has made me think I've done the right thing and that hopefully it will help me heal, leave the haters in the past and NOT let anything get me off plan - oh and well done on your fab weight loss. You look great! :bighug:xx

 

[Mrs.S.]

Aww thank you so much Mrs S, that's made me cry. I was regretting baring my soul in the OP as I'm rather hormonal at the moment but your lovely response has made me think I've done the right thing and that hopefully it will help me heal, leave the haters in the past and NOT let anything get me off plan - oh and well done on your fab weight loss. You look great! :bighug:xx

Thanks chic - Sw is fab and you can get there too! Not overnight, but this site is fab so stick around and you'll make some lovely friends! xx

 

[Moo85]

Some people are just appalling human beings - was really shocked to read your post! however, they only win if a) they are allowed to get away with it and b) you start feeling like you deserve it. Mrs.S is right, the important thing is to focus on all the good things in your life, and even though there are some vile people out there, most people aren't like that. What's more, the ones that are usually have a reason (eg. they are a waste of space with nothing decent in their lives or they're jealous!)

 

[Scorpiolady2710]

beckyn22 - I want to thank you for sharing your stories with us.

Clearly you have experienced more hurt and pain than anyone should ever have to just because of your weight...all by selfish, mindless, ignorant, stupid people. You are a very brave woman to pour your heart out like you have and I applaud you for that.

It's a possibility that most people who are overweight have experienced some form of abuse...yes it is abuse!...but try to pass it off as a joke or pretend it hasn't bothered them or even smiled sweetly at the 'well-meaning' old dears when you really want to tear their faces off. I'm also glad that you at least on one occasion felt empowered by reporting those idiots to the Police. :happy096:

I hope that you can put all this in the past and concentrate on your future which includes the weight loss target you want to achieve. You have a supportive partner and there will be more than enough support on here. There's a few mini weight loss challenges on here...just for fun. Feel free to join in on them. We're all in it together and we're in it for the long haul not the quick fix!

Good luck with your weight loss journey. :wavey:

 

[BSL11]

Hi there,

your post struck a chord with me and I have lots of weight related horrible things happen to me too - some years and years ago but like you, they stay with you don't they.
I know it's not as easy as this but I try hard to turn the negative energy into will power to keep going. Sometimes if I'm having a moment where I want to have a pig out I'll think of some of those nasty things that have happened and turn the weakness into a strength.
You come across as a lovely person and I bet you wouldn't dream of making awful comments about the way someone looks (I wouldn't either), which makes it all the more hurtful I think. Try to think that they must have self esteem issues to feel the need to put others down like that.
Keep going and do this for yourself most importantly. x

 

[nodge]

There's some braindead morons about who, only to make them feel better about their own sad and pathetic misgivings pick at other people's differences.

If you always remember that it's those that are insecure that bully, I often then smile to myself and brush it off.

I had stick for being a redhead, and being prone to weight myself. I'm not going to waste an ounce of energy of any of these haters anymore.

Look after yourself, and I promise you that the shallow folk of the world will show themselves, full of admiration. Often the very same people that once drove you down.

Take it all in and smile. You'll always be the better person

 

[suepat10]

What a horrible time you've had xx

I've had some 'incidents' over the years and every so often, when I'm at my lowest, one of them will come to the forefront of my mind.

you are worth 10 of every single one of them xx

 

[Shirleen]

Hun if it's any consolation I had some incidents similar to yours when I was a child, but for being tall and skinny!! The consolation is it's not YOU, your size, your hair colour that's the problem it's THEM!

I was picked up and thrown into stinging nettles on the two minute walk home from school, so I would walk the long way home which took me 25mins! My mum was always too smashed to notice what time I came home, or if she did notice I would get a slapping and then do whatever chore/errand that made her miss me in the first place.

When I got big I worked with a woman who was a total *****, but she (mostly) covered it up by being treacley sweet the rest of the time.
One day a colleague was asking me about diets and as I read alot and have a retentive memory I was telling her what I'd read.
***** boss said "There's irony, YOU telling HER about diets" heeheeeeheee! I wanted to die, or slap her!

There's a few others, but hey it's time to move on, the reason they pick on you is because you let them, that's the truth! When I stopped letting kids bully me, they stopped trying!

 

[JezVonSavage]

I've never experienced anything like this, I'm shocked. I am quite a confident person and if somebody spoke to me like that in the street I would probably be on a murder charge. Maybe you need to start keeping your chin up more? You are obviously an intelligent woman, You could wipe the floor with these f*ucktards. I've never been bullied in my life and I've got plenty to be bullied about, trust me, but I think people look at me and see my outward persona and just think I'm the wrong person to mess with.

These people are worthless. I wouldn't spend a minute more thinking about this stuff! If it makes you feel better though, I'll stick them on my "list"

 

[Shirleen]

I've never experienced anything like this, I'm shocked. I am quite a confident person and if somebody spoke to me like that in the street I would probably be on a murder charge. Maybe you need to start keeping your chin up more? You are obviously an intelligent woman, You could wipe the floor with these f*ucktards. I've never been bullied in my life and I've got plenty to be bullied about, trust me, but I think people look at me and see my outward persona and just think I'm the wrong person to mess with.

These people are worthless. I wouldn't spend a minute more thinking about this stuff! If it makes you feel better though, I'll stick them on my "list"

Yes, Bullies can pick their victims.

 

[SerenEala]

I've been the subject of weight-related bullying too, and I was welling up when I read your OP as it brought back memories for me. But I totally agree with everyone else who has replied, and even though I don't know you, I DO know you didn't deserve it, and you are 20 times the person those idiots were.

I hate all kinds of bullying and it is never justified.

 

[Leapfrog]

I am totally shocked by this post. What gives anyone the right to pick on a total stranger like that - for whatever reason? It is beyond belief.

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

just seen your post,,, these people that have done or said these awful things to you are not worth another second of your time,,, its so brave of you to put your thoughts and feelings down like this and even braver for you to share them with strangers.... but youv done the hard thing now,,, treat this as your closure for the terrible things that have happened and look forward.... never let the things you have written about above upset you again,,,, you only get one shot at this life,, dont let losers waste any of your thoughts ... hugs to you !! xxx

 

[Sam1988]

It makes me so angry to read a post like this beckyn22 no matter how big a person is they are still a human being with feelings!! I'm lucky that i haven't really experienced any incidents like you describe but i know i would feel exactly the way you do if i had!
I know anything i say wont delete those things from your memory but my advice is use it as motivation. If you are exercising, want to pig out on pizza or even just trying to get back on the wagon after a bad day - think about all those times!
When you get to target (and i say 'when' not if!) you can look back on those events as a positive because they have helped you get to where you want to be! You will also be sticking 2 fingers up to all those horrible people, because they would have wanted you to feel pain from their comments/actions not use what they have done to end up feeling brilliant about yourself!
I'm not sure if i'm making much sense but i know (especially while exercising) that thinking about these sort of things makes me work 50 times harder! My 'thing' is thinking of the people i want to prove wrong, thought i would fail or generally think they are better than me because they are 'slim'.
xxxxx

 

[beckyn22]

Some people are just appalling human beings - was really shocked to read your post! however, they only win if a) they are allowed to get away with it and b) you start feeling like you deserve it. Mrs.S is right, the important thing is to focus on all the good things in your life, and even though there are some vile people out there, most people aren't like that. What's more, the ones that are usually have a reason (eg. they are a waste of space with nothing decent in their lives or they're jealous!)

Thankyou Moo85. You are right xxx

 

[beckyn22]

beckyn22 - I want to thank you for sharing your stories with us.

Clearly you have experienced more hurt and pain than anyone should ever have to just because of your weight...all by selfish, mindless, ignorant, stupid people. You are a very brave woman to pour your heart out like you have and I applaud you for that.

It's a possibility that most people who are overweight have experienced some form of abuse...yes it is abuse!...but try to pass it off as a joke or pretend it hasn't bothered them or even smiled sweetly at the 'well-meaning' old dears when you really want to tear their faces off. I'm also glad that you at least on one occasion felt empowered by reporting those idiots to the Police. :happy096:

I hope that you can put all this in the past and concentrate on your future which includes the weight loss target you want to achieve. You have a supportive partner and there will be more than enough support on here. There's a few mini weight loss challenges on here...just for fun. Feel free to join in on them. We're all in it together and we're in it for the long haul not the quick fix!

Good luck with your weight loss journey. :wavey:

Thank you so much Scorpiolady. You are absolutely right - it is in the past and I need to focus on the future. Even 'though things are tough at the moment my partner is wonderful and i am so lucky to have him. I'll look out for the challenges. It is lovely to feel all the positivity and support on here xxx

 

[beckyn22]

Hi there,

your post struck a chord with me and I have lots of weight related horrible things happen to me too - some years and years ago but like you, they stay with you don't they.
I know it's not as easy as this but I try hard to turn the negative energy into will power to keep going. Sometimes if I'm having a moment where I want to have a pig out I'll think of some of those nasty things that have happened and turn the weakness into a strength.
You come across as a lovely person and I bet you wouldn't dream of making awful comments about the way someone looks (I wouldn't either), which makes it all the more hurtful I think. Try to think that they must have self esteem issues to feel the need to put others down like that.
Keep going and do this for yourself most importantly. x

Thank you BSL11. You are right; it needs to stay in the past (lol just typed pasta - how freudian!!) and it does help to think as I go into new schools etc that even if someone makes a negative comment they're not going to be able to say it for much longer!! XXX

 

[beckyn22]

There's some braindead morons about who, only to make them feel better about their own sad and pathetic misgivings pick at other people's differences.

If you always remember that it's those that are insecure that bully, I often then smile to myself and brush it off.

I had stick for being a redhead, and being prone to weight myself. I'm not going to waste an ounce of energy of any of these haters anymore.

Look after yourself, and I promise you that the shallow folk of the world will show themselves, full of admiration. Often the very same people that once drove you down.

Take it all in and smile. You'll always be the better person

Thank you Nodge. My OH is a red head too,as are all his kids and I dyed my hair red for years. It's a beautiful colour and it annoys me so much when kids at school tease other kids. And you're right - bullies always have their own issues and I think some of the people I encountered had mental health problems as well xxx