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When does confidence kick in?


Slimming down the aisle
So we're all working to lose all this weight. We're becoming new, slimmer people. But when does out new confidence set in? When do we stop seeing ourselves as we did? Because honestly, I don't know. I've lost just over 2 stone, but I'm not sure I'm any more confident than I was. Most of the time anyway, I'll have a fleeting moment, more than before, but it never lasts. And part of me thinks that even if I get to goal, I'll still have the same issues. This journey for me isn't just about losing the weight. It's about me, as a whole. Becoming happy with who and what I am. But surely we should be learning to do that now right? Surely our love for ourselves, our confidence, it shouldn't come from having these bodies that we're aiming for, it should be no matter what. I know that in my head, but what I feel, completely different. If I can't love me, as I am now, how can I love me at any point? And if I can't love me at any point, how can I let anyone else! Just wonder where that switch inside is that changes me away from the ugly hall of mirrors type view that I have of myself, where every flaw is highlighted further, and every good thing is just distorted.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, I'm rambling. Sorry.
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No idea luv I'm nearly 6 stone down and still have very fat days

Confidence no more up than 6 months ago , saying that I don't lack in confidence anyway but can't get my fat head off

Caroline I think it happens at a different point for everyone. I am just starting on my journey. I have lost 3.5 stones but I still have 8.5 to go. I have to say that this week I do suddenly feel a lot better in myself. I can see a visible difference and have had to tighten my watch strap as my wrists have got considerably smaller.
I've got out clothes I haven't been able to wear in ages and have even worn a nice pair of boots with heels. I couldn't wear them before as they were too painful. I find I am taking much more of an interest in what I wear now and getting dressed is fun again.
I think your plans for getting fit are good and all you need to do is stick to it and you will start to feel much better within yourself.


Can hug her knees :)
I know exactly what you mean, I think this week something has changed, now dont get me wrong im not walking around like im gods gift or anything, but I did realise this week that Im not looking at people thinking they are looking at me and thinking how grossly fat I am xx


Back 2 finish my journey
I feel confident when i get dressed up in lovely slimming fashionable clothes hair and make up done, i walk with my head held higher. When i'm just slumming it on a day that i can't be bothered i feel very fat and pull on my big jumper.

I do know though that my head hasn't caught up yet because i am still the same person now as i was then and when everyone fusses to congratulate me at an inappropriate time, when i don't want the moment to be about me (when my grandad was poorly) i think whats the big deal i'm just me. Its a strange one.


Gone fishing
I felt more confident in a few ways, but then took a massive confidence blow in other ways when I got to goal.

Personally, I think it's a dodgy thing to expect much of a rise in confidence and anyway it does little to help you maintain your weight. Confident people come in all shapes and sizes.

Self esteem is important though because it's much harder to maintain your weight if your self esteem is rock bottom, and my self esteem grew and grew as I lost the weight.


Slimming down the aisle
That's what I mean KD, it's not about losing weight and getting confident, it's about finding that confidence regardless. I guess what I'm more talking about is self esteem than confidence really. Neither of which are very good for me!
I'm with KD here. Whilst my confidence may not have improved greatly in some situations (although there are marked changes, which do feel fantastic!) my self esteem is much improved. Part of this is just about having taken control over my eating, and having made headway in terms of losing the weight. I do however, like to think that i remain realistic, and remain focused in that the hardest part of the journey lies ahead and i would be foolish to think i have 'cracked it' yet. However, i do think that my imoroved self esteem does help, in that i percieve that i am capable of acheiving this, if i work hard enough. Whereas i have never come close to believing in myself enough in the past. (if any of that makes sense) All to do with gaining a sense of mastery i suppose. Hope you begin to feel better soon. xx
Hi Caroline, when I lost weight last time it was my 1st taste of being healthy weight in my whole life at the age of 25! Although I felt great in my going out gear with my trendy toni and guy cut I was never ever truelly confident because I knew what I looked like in the buff. Also as kd mentioned about self-esteem, even when mines boosted its still not high.
However at almost 4 stone down I would say I am feeling more of a buzz x


Slimming down the aisle
My thing is I don't want to just feel good about myself when I've lost the weight. I'm still like 6 stone away from goal, that's 6 months of CD at least, but I can't afford CD at the moment so that's more like a year of dieting and exercise if I don't mess it all up! Am I really going to spend the next year being like this? Because I don't think I can! I'm at a point where I don't want to feel the way I feel about myself, but it's learning how to turn that into a change of thinking and feeling. That's the bit that's harder! I don't want to learn to be happy with my weight, but I want to learn to be happy with me, regardless, if that makes sense?!
That makes a lot of sense, and I agree, but sadly I can't deny that since starting to lose my weight I realise how it affected everything- almost every minute of every day. However, I am 2st 8 off my personal goal ,which is bmi 24 or 23 I think that a lot of my boost is because I'm in control of what I'm putting into my mouth. Exercise will make you feel great as well, when I lost weight last time I was childless so hit the gym most nights,gave me a real sense of achievement as I increased my programme. So I think just by eating healthily and exercising that should improve your spirit. x


Stubborn tortoise
Interesting... but I don't think confidence comes from the way we look. It comes from inside, from beliefs formed over the years, rightly or wrongly. You can lose the weight and still feel bad about yourself! I think i expected CD to fix a lot more than my weight issues, and was surprised when the same old troubles cropped up even after goal. So... I'd say, start working on self-image and confidence issues now, and keep on working, it's a work-in-progress and a lifetime's task... but best to begin sooner rather than later.

Look at all the great things about you... and make friends with yourself, a little bit at a time. Try stepping outside all of the usual self-criticisms and see yourself as you would a stranger you want to make friends with... give yourself the same gentle interest/kindness/appreciation you would to them. Self-esteem doesn't come from being a certain weight, or having perfect skin, or a pair of designer shoes... it comes from US. Make friends with yourself - it's the most important friendship you will ever make.

Good luck... and go for it!



Slimming down the aisle
You guys are all right, just got to try and work all of that into change, what would I do without you all huh!

So we're all working to lose all this weight. We're becoming new, slimmer people. But when does out new confidence set in? When do we stop seeing ourselves as we did? And part of me thinks that even if I get to goal, I'll still have the same issues. This journey for me isn't just about losing the weight. It's about me, as a whole. Becoming happy with who and what I am. But surely we should be learning to do that now right?


I think your ramlings are spot on... it IS about being happy with who you are --and right now you are not. People want ot change things about themselves (other than weight) all the time.

Losing the weight (for me at least) was about FINALLY being successful at something I had tried to do and failed at so many times over 13 years. Once I made it to goal, stayed there for awhile -- and people finally stopped commenting on how different I looked, etc. When the "smaller me" became "just me"... then the confidence arrived.

However, I did start to gain back some of the weight and let it go further than I had promised myself I would -- but instead of beating myself up, wallowing in self-pity, feeling like a failure, etc. I just "bit the bullet" went back onto a VLCD (as it work before) and am on my way back to a healthier me. So, give it time... confidence will arrive.

caroline, what you feel is how alot of us feel. the weight dropping off won't fix self esteem issues. as you said your self esteem is independent of your weight. you need to measure your worth in the ways that count. being fat or slim doesn't make you a worthier individual. you are worthy and valid. you are beautiful and special. you have to believe that without a shadow of a doubt, at this weight and any other. refuse to believe otherwise. it's something that just IS regardless of anything external. sometimes you have to convince yourself but trust me your weight doesn't make or break you girl. you will be alright!


taking control (again)
I think a few people have touched on some important points, but I think confidence is more of a mental thing and maybe not so much how we physically see ourselves. Yes, how we look in a mirror can make us feel good, but only when we like what we see of course. The problem is, when we are so used to not liking what we see (and as a result not really looking) it's difficult to actually see ourselves for what we really are.

Anyone who has been over weight for a long period of time will naturally be down on themselves. Some have great ways to cover that up, but mostly everyone suffers in silence. Years of feeling low and not liking ourselves cannot be undone as quick as a "diet" like CD can take away the pounds. It can take a while for the mental side of things to catch up on the physical side of things.

Another big part of this is the people around us. Other peoples comments can help us just as quickly as they can hurt us. Some are lucky enough to have some nice people around them and this will certainly be an advantage. Others are not so lucky and have to work much harder for anyone to actually take notice and give us any kind of compliment (if at all).

We all have our reasons for wanting to lose weight, but unless we have a firm and solid understanding of that reason (and have the determination to stick with it) then it's very easy to lose sight of our goals. Confidence or self esteem is really only a part of it. Let's be honest, we are all either looking for love or looking to keep a love we have already found.

I think I should leave it there, before I get too deep!! :eek:
Mat, I reckon I'm right there with you - reading between the lines. Thanks - good to know I'm not on my own in that one xxx

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