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When you left home..............

KD

Gone fishing
#1
......I mean, when you first left you childhood family home to move into you first 'digs' or whatever.

Did you take the key, or did you give it back to your parents?

Strange question I suppose, but when I moved out to get married, I returned to find what was left of my belongings on the pavement, and my mother with an outstretched hand waiting for the return of the key.

After that, it was invitation only.

Rumour has it, that my son leaves home next week. I'm not my Mum...I'm hoping he will pop in frequently and he will always be welcome back.

But...in an ideal world, I'd like him to feel free to come and leave as he pleases. There again, if visits are few and unannounced, I'd like to think that I could do my own thing when everyone was out...walk around in my bra and knickers if needed, without worrying that I might find suddenly find him in the living room etc.

What did you do?
 
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KD

Gone fishing
#3
Thanks for that Sonya. What did you do when you wanted to go home? Did you let her know you were coming, or just go in and out as you please?
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#4
Thanks for that Sonya. What did you do when you wanted to go home? Did you let her know you were coming, or just go in and out as you please?
I always let her know I would be coming, and would always knock and let myself in.
Towards the end though I went to help her get washed and dressed everyday, so it was needed.
 

kittykat

Gold Member
S: 29st0lb
#5
I gave mine back
 

KD

Gone fishing
#6
I always let her know I would be coming, and would always knock and let myself in.
Towards the end though I went to help her get washed and dressed everyday, so it was needed.
Yes, I can understand that. I don't plan on needing that yet, but I do want them to be able to get in (especially when I'm older). Have this terrible fear of dying and nobody noticing until I'm turned to ash:eek:

I'm thinking of letting him keep the key, but telling him that he needs to phone if he's popping over. Hope that doesn't seem awful:eek: Just like to know where I am and who's likely to be about.

Does that sound fair?
 
S: 18st2lb C: 18st2lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#8
I kept a key (still have it) when I moved out and come and go as I please (to an extent). I usually call her first, to check she is home before I call in, but that's just because otherwise it's a wasted journey!!

I am also a keyholder for the alarm company purposes (but so is my brother and a neighbour) ...

I would like to think when my (now) toddler grows up she will always be welcome here with open arms and have her own key!!
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#9
I will let my boys keep a key, for safety sake and out of convienience. Though they must let me know they will be coming first.
 
#10
My son moved out last year (not before time he's 28!!)

He has a key and is welcome at any time..my way around the problem of him just walking in and me maybe walking about in a state of undress :eek: is to lock my front door behind me every time i come into the house. I leave the key in the lock then he can't open it from the other side so he has to give a little knock:)

The good thing is if your not at home they can enter no problem and if you are and they don't get an answer they would probabaly know something was wrong and give you a ring to make sure that everything is ok.
Hope this helps

Maisie x
 
#11
I've still got mine, but I live a good 60-90 mins away from home. My parents always know when i'm coming home, and I know I'm always welcome. I don't knock when I get home, I just let myself in, but this is because they always know when I'm coming. If I rang the doorbell or knocked on the door I'd probably get shouted at because my parents are fairly lazy and it's a big house!

I don't see it as 'home' anymore, it's my parent's house. 'Home' is where I live with my OH.
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 15st2lb G: 12st2lb Loss: 3st0lb(16.54%)
#12
Hi Karion,

Never got the key to the door as it was always left in it:)

When I got married I would have to let my parents know ahead of time I was coming home as to make sure I had a bed or that they would be at home. They had their own busy lives.

My Dad would tell me to throw on the kettle and my Mum would of baked some of her brown bread...


Only ever went home about once a year so I guess it was a treat for all of us.

I think like birds leaving the nest it takes time to learn how to fly solo, so you might find your son returns home a few times before he finds his wings.

Love Mini xxx
 

KD

Gone fishing
#13
I kept a key (still have it) when I moved out and come and go as I please (to an extent).
Thanks for your reply. All replies gratefully received :)
I would like to think when my (now) toddler grows up she will always be welcome here with open arms and have her own key!!
I think that is how I always expected I would be:confused: I'm quite confused about my confusion :D

Perhaps it is because my son is quite high maintenance (in the 'needs my full attention' department). Love him to bits and all that, but never truly relaxed when he is around.

Don't get me wrong, he's not a pain in the neck really. Very responsible and with good standards, just difficult in other ways.

I'm loving the extra bit of freedom to be myself in my own space, as the boys have got older. Knowing when they will be out and in, helps me go into my various modes 'me mode' and 'mummy mode'.

I'm disappointed with myself for feeling this way. They will always be welcome. I can't see that I would turn them away. Just thinking that I might prefer warning of his arrival....even if only a minute or two:eek:
 

KD

Gone fishing
#14
I will let my boys keep a key, for safety sake and out of convienience. Though they must let me know they will be coming first.
I think that might be the perfect solution for us. He'll have a key, so will feel that the door is open, but telling him to warn me when he's coming, will only be fair IMO. Thanks Sonya!

My son moved out last year (not before time he's 28!!)

He has a key and is welcome at any time..my way around the problem of him just walking in and me maybe walking about in a state of undress :eek: is to lock my front door behind me every time i come into the house. I leave the key in the lock then he can't open it from the other side so he has to give a little knock:)
That's a good idea too. Thanks Maisie:)

I've still got mine, but I live a good 60-90 mins away from home. My parents always know when i'm coming home, and I know I'm always welcome. I don't knock when I get home, I just let myself in, but this is because they always know when I'm coming. If I rang the doorbell or knocked on the door I'd probably get shouted at because my parents are fairly lazy and it's a big house!

I don't see it as 'home' anymore, it's my parent's house. 'Home' is where I live with my OH.
It seems that most people do warn their parents that they are coming home. Pleased about that :D I would be happy for him to just walk in (and make me a cuppa when he feels), if I was expecting him.

Hi Karion,

Never got the key to the door as it was always left in it:)
That's Ireland for you :)

When I was at my childhood home, we even had all the windows nailed down. Blighters still managed to burgle us:mad: Even when we were at home!


I think like birds leaving the nest it takes time to learn how to fly solo, so you might find your son returns home a few times before he finds his wings.

Love Mini xxx
I think so. I think he'll have a great time, but he'll miss me :D I think he'll have a shock too about the costs of things. He does pay me board and lodging, but it's going to be hard on him financially as his job doesn't pay well. He is sensible with money, but I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up back home again permanently.

Meanwhile....though he told me many months ago that he would move out in March...little has been said since, except for the time when I mentioned that younger son would get his bedroom and he was always welcome to stay in the small bedroom where youngest is now.

But...it seems that eldest son has scolded youngest son for putting posters up in his small bedroom as "I'm moving out next week...so this will be mine...don't do any more damage to it!"

Ummmm. Will need to bring the topic up again about exactly when he's leaving!
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 15st2lb G: 12st2lb Loss: 3st0lb(16.54%)
#15
Hi Karion,

I think it is best to let him go when he is ready as this way he will own it.

If he knows he is welcome back at any time this will help him feel more confident and secure.

Even if he does come back a few times, he will fly off eventually.

My parents never wanted any of us to leave home...we all left. :rolleyes: eventually but the apron strings were never cut until they died.

Love Mini xxx
 

KD

Gone fishing
#16
Hi Karion,

I think it is best to let him go when he is ready as this way he will own it.
You're right there Mini. It's got to come from him.

He'll have thought it through. He's a good lad all in all, and I can trust him.

I remember on his 18th birthday, I told him that he could now fly, but to remember to not do anything that would hurt himself or others.

He looked astonished, and said "well there goes my plans for the next 70 years" :D
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 15st2lb G: 12st2lb Loss: 3st0lb(16.54%)
#17
You're right there Mini. It's got to come from him.


I remember on his 18th birthday, I told him that he could now fly, but to remember to not do anything that would hurt himself or others.

He looked astonished, and said "well there goes my plans for the next 70 years" :D
He has got a good sense of humour like his mother!:D

It is hard letting go...but you have to trust that you have put in a good foundation down the years.:)

He will have this to fall back on.

Someone once said? ...

"To hold your children tight with open arms"!

Love Mini xxx
 

KD

Gone fishing
#18
Someone once said? ...

"To hold your children tight with open arms"!

Love Mini xxx
That's a good one. Never heard that before.

I think I have always had my kids on elastic. They have been free to run, free to have fun and to make mistakes, but I can always draw them back when I think it's necessary.
 

MissPiggyFi

somebody shrink me
#19
Hi Karion,

I've been away at uni for the past three years and still have my own key for my mum's house. My mum prefers me to use that than to knock as she keeps reminding me it will always be my home; but then I think she just can't accept that I've moved out- she even makes me keep a second toothbrush there as she couldn't accept there being only one there!

By choice I always phone ahead of going home though, because, well it's polite isn't it?!:p
 

KD

Gone fishing
#20
she even makes me keep a second toothbrush there as she couldn't accept there being only one there!
Perish the thought:D I think I might be like that when everyone else has gone. For the moment, toothbrushes are in abundance.:rolleyes:

By choice I always phone ahead of going home though, because, well it's polite isn't it?!:p
Ah yes! I will use that reason when I tell him. Thanks :)
 


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