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Where's the wagon?

I have not had a good week. I have ME and depression, and this week have been all hormonal and it's a full moon as well :break_diet:

I am SO SCARED of going to class tomorrow. I've eaten like a big fat chocolate monster this week - I've had more in the past few days than I've had over the previous three months.

And it's not that I'm scared about going on the scales. I know there's going to be a gain tomorrow. There can't not be. I'm scared because I've been "so good" before now. I'm one of the people the consultant mentions as doing the plan 100% - which I have been.

And then I got my 2 stone award last month. I got into a size 14. I spent a hideous amount of money (bonus) on new clothes that show off my figure. I've actually lost nearly four stone in total this year, so I've done so well. People were congratulating me all the time. Someone I've worked with for three years didn't recognise me from the back.

And since then - I've had two STS and then this week. I'm going to put some on. And it's all my fault.

But I don't know how to stop. I just want to eat all the norty stuff again. I've had at least six krispy kreme doughnuts this week (and the big fat chocolatey filled ones, not the "relatively OK at 10.5 syn" original glazed ones). I had a mcdonalds (not my usual fishfinger happy meal - 17 syns but a big mac meal - large - and a mcflurry).

I just can't see me getting out of this phase. I know that it's just me being lazy because my ME has been flaring up and so takeaway/chocolate is easy because it means no cooking/chopping etc, it's "good for my mood" - hah - except now I feel horrendous, and I'm hormonal and need chocolate. Because I'm female.

I'm so scared that I'm going to put all the weight back on and will never be able to wear all these clothes that I've bought. People are going to be disappointed in me. Yet again, I'm going to be the fat failure... :4633:
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Wow don't be so hard on yourself. We're only human and we've all been there and so will the people at group. They're there to share when you're doing well and to support you when things aren't going so well. Sometimes when you're doing well it's easy to get complacent when you'd think it would motivate you to do even better. You know you can do it so try to plan your next week and start again - remember your goals too, why you're doing this. We often lose sight of that in a sea of free food, syns, etc

I'm copying you a Poem my consultant sent this week. Its lighthearted and seemed quite appropriate. Hope it makes you smile and gets you to group and back on that wagon. Here it is:

Flossy missed group some 6 wks b4, she didn't have courage to walk thru the dr. She knew she had gained & had places to go & found it so hard to simply say no. A 'catch up week' planned but Flossy gained more & felt even worse than the week b4! How would she ever get back on track when willpower was something she seemed to lack? 'Tomorrow is Christmas, what mite I gain by New Year. Then eating what's left could mean more gains i fear. If only I'd faced the scales that night & asked my consultant to help make things right? Perhaps Christmas Eve I'd be wearing a smile instead of living my life in denial.' So please don't be Flossy, don't quit when its rough. I'm here to help when the going gets tough. I'll hold your hand thru the good & the bad. Lets make this the best weight loss Christmas you've had! Lets do it together, take knocks on the chin! Lets see how it feels to stick with it and WIN!

I have ME as well and I know how easy it is to go for something easy when you don't have the energy to do anything.
What you need to do is go to group and get on the scales. Ok you may have a gain but it should give you the kick up the bum you need. Your consultant is there to help you and understands that everybody has times when they fall off the wagon. Just remember how nice it is to buy clothes smaller than before and how good you feel when people comment on how good you now look. You have done so well so far that you don't need to beat yourself up so much.

Definitely go to group and get the support you need.

For those times when you can't be bothered to cook could you do some batch cooking when you are feeling well and freeze individual portions for times like now.

It will be easier to get back on track if you go to group rather than trying to go it alone.

Thank you all. I went to group (well, it's paid for - I knew I bought countdowns for a reason). But before, I nipped to the shop and bought myself a nice little notebook and a pretty purple pen so I can start writing things down again, and recording my syns properly. And I was so nervous on the scales, but (and I don't know how) I've lost 3 lbs. I honestly couldn't believe it. Consultant confirmed that scales were calibrated yesterday!

So - I got lots of help from people at group. Best mate cooked a huge slow cooker stew yesterday and it's now in portions and in my freezer (and it's 1/2 syn per portion!), she also reminded me that I've got some HM roasted vegetable soup buried in there too, so must remember that. Or write myself a note and stick it on the freezer. One of the problems I have with ME is that my memory is so bad, which is also why writing my food down helps. Apparently, I had four hi fi bars one day last week, because I'd kept forgetting I'd had my B choice!

Just the scare I've had from thinking I've gained (and deserving one, to be honest) has really refocused me. Totally back on plan this week - not even having my Wednesday Weigh In Night Off. Am looking forward to salmon fillets, rice and stir fried veggies (in chinesey fry light)...OMNOMNOM!!!

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