Emmylou1402
Full Member
I have not had a good week. I have ME and depression, and this week have been all hormonal and it's a full moon as well :break_diet:
I am SO SCARED of going to class tomorrow. I've eaten like a big fat chocolate monster this week - I've had more in the past few days than I've had over the previous three months.
And it's not that I'm scared about going on the scales. I know there's going to be a gain tomorrow. There can't not be. I'm scared because I've been "so good" before now. I'm one of the people the consultant mentions as doing the plan 100% - which I have been.
And then I got my 2 stone award last month. I got into a size 14. I spent a hideous amount of money (bonus) on new clothes that show off my figure. I've actually lost nearly four stone in total this year, so I've done so well. People were congratulating me all the time. Someone I've worked with for three years didn't recognise me from the back.
And since then - I've had two STS and then this week. I'm going to put some on. And it's all my fault.
But I don't know how to stop. I just want to eat all the norty stuff again. I've had at least six krispy kreme doughnuts this week (and the big fat chocolatey filled ones, not the "relatively OK at 10.5 syn" original glazed ones). I had a mcdonalds (not my usual fishfinger happy meal - 17 syns but a big mac meal - large - and a mcflurry).
I just can't see me getting out of this phase. I know that it's just me being lazy because my ME has been flaring up and so takeaway/chocolate is easy because it means no cooking/chopping etc, it's "good for my mood" - hah - except now I feel horrendous, and I'm hormonal and need chocolate. Because I'm female.
I'm so scared that I'm going to put all the weight back on and will never be able to wear all these clothes that I've bought. People are going to be disappointed in me. Yet again, I'm going to be the fat failure... :4633:
I am SO SCARED of going to class tomorrow. I've eaten like a big fat chocolate monster this week - I've had more in the past few days than I've had over the previous three months.
And it's not that I'm scared about going on the scales. I know there's going to be a gain tomorrow. There can't not be. I'm scared because I've been "so good" before now. I'm one of the people the consultant mentions as doing the plan 100% - which I have been.
And then I got my 2 stone award last month. I got into a size 14. I spent a hideous amount of money (bonus) on new clothes that show off my figure. I've actually lost nearly four stone in total this year, so I've done so well. People were congratulating me all the time. Someone I've worked with for three years didn't recognise me from the back.
And since then - I've had two STS and then this week. I'm going to put some on. And it's all my fault.
But I don't know how to stop. I just want to eat all the norty stuff again. I've had at least six krispy kreme doughnuts this week (and the big fat chocolatey filled ones, not the "relatively OK at 10.5 syn" original glazed ones). I had a mcdonalds (not my usual fishfinger happy meal - 17 syns but a big mac meal - large - and a mcflurry).
I just can't see me getting out of this phase. I know that it's just me being lazy because my ME has been flaring up and so takeaway/chocolate is easy because it means no cooking/chopping etc, it's "good for my mood" - hah - except now I feel horrendous, and I'm hormonal and need chocolate. Because I'm female.
I'm so scared that I'm going to put all the weight back on and will never be able to wear all these clothes that I've bought. People are going to be disappointed in me. Yet again, I'm going to be the fat failure... :4633: