Why am I like this!

[vickililly]

No need to reply to this, just think I will feel better if I can write it all down.

This morning I went to put on an office suitable summer dress and it wouldn't even nearly do up. I have had to fish out my fat clothes just so I can be comfortable. I have fat hanging over, and feel horrible, my face hardly looks like my own.

Last I started slimming world in the February, and by the summer I had lost 1.5 stone. Then I had a stomach operation which seriously restricted what I could eat for 2 months, and I dropped another stone. Not surprisingly, I put that stone back on when I started eating normally again, but from then I pretty much stayed the same or gained. I was still trying, but not sure my heart was in it.

Roll on to November and I got made redundant. I was pretty down so moved back in with my parents for company, and struggled with the biscuits and cakes in the house. The weight gradually increased. I had to move to Aberdeen from Glasgow just to get a job (although it is the job of my dreams), and only have £30 a week to feed 2 of us and a dog (partner came with me and finally living together). Again, the first few weeks we did ok, not having the money to spend on sweets and snacks, but now I have managed to gain all the weight I had lost.

This week I decided that I would start again, and yet I find myself 4 days in, 3lbs heavier and still looking terrible. I know I have not even remotely stuck to the diet, and I don't understand what is wrong with me. I suggested fish & chips at the beach, even though we had healthy food in the house. I've had sweets and chocolate, and well over my syns.

I know if I went to group I would get support, but right now, we just can't afford it. We have no money left over after paying a mortgage and rent, and my car broke down last week and wiped out our rainy day fund.

I know this is up to me, and I know I have to get myself back in the swing, but this morning I feel so terrible and depressed and hating the way I look, it just seems so far away...

If you've reached this point, thank you for reading my vent, and sorry for being so depressing on a lovely sunny day

x:wave_cry:

 

[Rochelle1]

Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish. Sounds like you're having a bad time of it financially and there's nothing worse!

Some people on here have mentioned that some doctors can give you a 12 week course for free? Maybe you could see about that? I didn't know that gps did this until I read it on here.

Until then, I can understand completely why you can't get your head into it! My only advice is don't put too much pressure on yourself you're coping as best you can you can't do anymore. Have a read about on this forum see if it gives you a bit of enthusiasm about the diet? Good luck hun x

 

[vickililly]

THat might be an idea, do all doctors do it?

 

[kelz89]

I have days like that, where i wake up and feel awful about myself but then other days i wake up and i manage to look at the good points instead! Don't put too much pressure on yourself xx

 

[vickililly]

I don't think it has helped that I trained for the london marathon, so was running 15+ miles a week, and could basically eat anything and not gain too much, but injured my foot on the day, so can't do any real walking or running, driving to work instead of walking every day etc. I'm trying to stay positive, but I have all these lovely summer clothes in a 14 from last year and they are just too tight to be comfortable

 

[kelz89]

I can see how that would have an effect on your mind frame, can you go swimming etc? it might help you feel like you are being more active? think positively & you will get there! xxx

 

[vickililly]

If only the sea wasn't so damned cold I could go swimming for free!! I might try and work next months budget a little...

 

[wenchie]

Go and see your GP and see what they can offer you - sometimes they can "prescribe" SW and/or free council gym/pool membership, either of which could be a support to you, and the very least they should be able to offer is a regular weigh in with the practice nurse so that you're getting that outside support and checkpoint to help motivate you if you cannot do classes right now.

It's hard right now, you've been through a HUGE change and you're still adjusting, but you'll get there and things will get better, promise, you just need to decide that you deserve to fit into your lovely summer clothes more than you deserve that fish and chips by the sea!

 

[Rochelle1]

THat might be an idea, do all doctors do it?

Not all, they have to have signed up for something, but its worth enquiring!!

 

[Smudge321]

As others have said, don't give up. You recognise what you need to do and believe me, its only being human when we can't stick to what we know is right but main thing is to keep trying and start again.

Good luck and I am jealous you get to stay in Aberdeen lol - one of my favourite places to be

 

[vickililly]

I had such a good day yesterday, feeling much more positive. We had a picnic sitting under the shade of trees in a secluded cove beside the River Dee. We had SW pimms in plastic champagne flutes, skinless grilled chicken, pepper slices in balsamic vinegar, strawberries and peaches. Then at night, I had to do a mystery shop for a pizza place, but I allowed myself half a slice and then made the salt & pepper mix and had it through noodles.

Feeling much better, thank you for giving me a boost when I needed it

 

[Alsmum]

Just think it is only the start of the good weather you may still feel great in that dress. We all get days/weeks sometimes longer where it is so hard but conversely we get times where it is quite easy. I think the key here is which do you want more the fatty foods or to fit comfortably into those clothes? Only you can say which you truly want most. Somebody on here has as their signature something like; being overweight is hard, slimming is hard, you choose your hard. Unfortunately it's true either way will be difficult, if you stick with the plan it will eventually get a little easier and you will feel proud of yourself.