Why are people so tactless?
- Thread starter stivesliz
- Start date
x_Champagne_Supernova_x
The Prodigal Daughter
I'm trying, slowly but surely!! Might go on a sun holiday when i lose my next stone as ill no longer be overweight!
We are better - people generally feel uncomfortable around shallow people.
We're more likable!
Ally89
Gold Member
I get the same problem with my mum. I'm sure she doesn't realise what she says hurts sometimes, the comments when you buy something new and she says "oh it will look better when you lose some more weight" or the "you'll soon get rid of that belly if you stop eating chocolate" comment. Though the one that bugs me most is (and i get it EVERY night) "you have to think ahead on slimming world, no use coming to it in the morning and you have no lunch"...mum, its not that I haven't though about it, its that I haven't got round to doing it yet i know perfectly well whats on the menu for tomorrow, that doesn't mean you have to do it for me because I haven't done it yet, then give me that comment.
sparklesazzy
Full Member
I think they are all just jealous. I could never imagine being jealous of someone else losing weight. I was really happy for my friend when she lost weight a couple of years ago, and it just made me want to lose weight, but I wasn't ready then.
Now she is pleased for me that I am losing weight, and she is down as she put hers back on and more, and I don't gloat I just tell her she can do it too if that's what she wants and that I love her how she is aswell. Her husband is really horrible to her about her weight and I don't think he realises that instead of making healthy choices, she sneaks food/choc and eats it upstairs as she can't be honest with him or herself anymore
You are all doing amazingly, and I am proud of you all even if your family/friends aren't, well done everyone!!
Now she is pleased for me that I am losing weight, and she is down as she put hers back on and more, and I don't gloat I just tell her she can do it too if that's what she wants and that I love her how she is aswell. Her husband is really horrible to her about her weight and I don't think he realises that instead of making healthy choices, she sneaks food/choc and eats it upstairs as she can't be honest with him or herself anymore
You are all doing amazingly, and I am proud of you all even if your family/friends aren't, well done everyone!!
*Emsie*
Gold Member
My Grandad was one of the worst offenders when I was bigger, he was actually quite complimentary about my weight loss but then told me I needed to get my teeth done now! and once I got to my target he started the oooh but will you be able to keep it off and at xmas he seemed to be watching every mouthful I ate :sigh: and commented that I couldn't have more trifle as it would make me fat when everyone was sat around eating puds
Its hard with people like this around and this sort of attitude contributed to making me so big in the first place as my stubborness took over
I just try and be happier about myself and dowhats right for me now and not let the b's get me down!
easier said than done sometimes though!!
and once I got to my target he started the oooh but will you be able to keep it off and at xmas he seemed to be watching every mouthful I ate :sigh: and commented that I couldn't have more trifle as it would make me fat when everyone was sat around eating puds Its hard with people like this around and this sort of attitude contributed to making me so big in the first place as my stubborness took over
I just try and be happier about myself and dowhats right for me now and not let the b's get me down!
easier said than done sometimes though!!
x_Champagne_Supernova_x
The Prodigal Daughter
Your friend would benefit from pushing her husband off a cliff... If he loves her he shouldn't be such an arse about her weight!I think they are all just jealous. I could never imagine being jealous of someone else losing weight. I was really happy for my friend when she lost weight a couple of years ago, and it just made me want to lose weight, but I wasn't ready then.
Now she is pleased for me that I am losing weight, and she is down as she put hers back on and more, and I don't gloat I just tell her she can do it too if that's what she wants and that I love her how she is aswell. Her husband is really horrible to her about her weight and I don't think he realises that instead of making healthy choices, she sneaks food/choc and eats it upstairs as she can't be honest with him or herself anymore
You are all doing amazingly, and I am proud of you all even if your family/friends aren't, well done everyone!!
I can't eat in front of people, cant even look at food around most people - let alone mention it. Even when shopping I've been known to wait until an aisle's empty so i can pick up food. I also can't eat in silence or at a table as i think it brings too much attention to the fact I'm eating. I've even ran out of shops because there were people there!
And people wonder why we do that?!!!
My OH is hilarious though, he sings if there's any silence on tv and I'm eating 'cos he knows how awkward i get!
stivesliz
Gold Member
Your friend would benefit from pushing her husband off a cliff... If he loves her he shouldn't be such an arse about her weight!
I can't eat in front of people, cant even look at food around most people - let alone mention it. Even when shopping I've been known to wait until an aisle's empty so i can pick up food. I also can't eat in silence or at a table as i think it brings too much attention to the fact I'm eating. I've even ran out of shops because there were people there!
And people wonder why we do that?!!!
My OH is hilarious though, he sings if there's any silence on tv and I'm eating 'cos he knows how awkward i get!
Its really sad that you do this but I understand completely!
I have a very very rude friend ( male ) and when we went for a meal once and the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he said 'well I'm sure chubby here will'' and the waitress laughed and gave me the menu!!!!!! I also lost 3 stone with SW about 10/11 years ago and when I went to pick up my then little girl from school I happened to mention that I had eaten a cornish pastie and one of the kids' grandads kept going on and on about how I shouldnt cos I would put on all that weight again grrrrr.
But possibly one of the wrost comments I ever had was from a fellow SW member who was a waitress at another meal I went to. We hadnt gone to class for ages and when she came to the table to take our order she asked me in front of about 15 people 'how much weight I had put on?'' since stopping going!
I try to rise above it and as I said, I dont get many comments as I have now lost a lot of weight but I still remember them x
AnnaFaraday
..
There is a fridge magnet saying which I have always liked "if you can't be a good example you will just have to be an awful warning".
So let these dreadful people be an "awful warning" to us all.
We will never be like them.
We will never say unkind things, or anything that might upset someone, however well-meaning we intend to be.
If we do say something that upsets someone, we will immediately apologise - and mean it.
We will be like Thumper - if we can't say something nice then we won't say anything at all.
We will be pleased to see people, and tell them so, and appreciate all their good qualities.
And we will never, ever, be jealous of anyone.
Well, we will try, anyway!
So let these dreadful people be an "awful warning" to us all.
We will never be like them.
We will never say unkind things, or anything that might upset someone, however well-meaning we intend to be.
If we do say something that upsets someone, we will immediately apologise - and mean it.
We will be like Thumper - if we can't say something nice then we won't say anything at all.
We will be pleased to see people, and tell them so, and appreciate all their good qualities.
And we will never, ever, be jealous of anyone.
Well, we will try, anyway!
stivesliz
Gold Member
x_Champagne_Supernova_x
The Prodigal Daughter
Try, being the key word!! And i wish life was like disney movie!! I'm jealous of my own shadow sometimes (when it looks tall and skinny!).
Its a good way to live what you just described - pity not many people do!
:-/
Its really sad that you do this but I understand completely!
I have a very very rude friend ( male ) and when we went for a meal once and the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he said 'well I'm sure chubby here will'' and the waitress laughed and gave me the menu!!!!!! I also lost 3 stone with SW about 10/11 years ago and when I went to pick up my then little girl from school I happened to mention that I had eaten a cornish pastie and one of the kids' grandads kept going on and on about how I shouldnt cos I would put on all that weight again grrrrr.
But possibly one of the wrost comments I ever had was from a fellow SW member who was a waitress at another meal I went to. We hadnt gone to class for ages and when she came to the table to take our order she asked me in front of about 15 people 'how much weight I had put on?'' since stopping going!
I try to rise above it and as I said, I dont get many comments as I have now lost a lot of weight but I still remember them x
Men can be arses about weight - but im sure that's 'cause they're used to playfully insulting each other. They don't realise how much they can hurt us!
The waitress was a bit out of line and i dont know how she still has her job after that!!
carlyflower
Member
Wow, this thread is actually quite therapeutic... It's comforting knowing that you're not the only person dealing with these things!
The worst comment I've ever had was from my Mum a couple of years ago, after a bottle or two of wine I might add!
She was congratulating my friend on how much weight she had lost and said something along the lines of "I hope you're not starving yourself... She should take a leaf out of your book, she'd last a few months living off her fat alone", meaning me :/
I know it was because she was drunk and she'd never dream of saying it sober... But that's really stuck with me.
As you say, people should learn that if they can't say anything nice then say nothing at all!
Xx
The worst comment I've ever had was from my Mum a couple of years ago, after a bottle or two of wine I might add!
She was congratulating my friend on how much weight she had lost and said something along the lines of "I hope you're not starving yourself... She should take a leaf out of your book, she'd last a few months living off her fat alone", meaning me :/
I know it was because she was drunk and she'd never dream of saying it sober... But that's really stuck with me.
As you say, people should learn that if they can't say anything nice then say nothing at all!
Xx
pinkcustard
Full Member
i think samjay1234 is right - people get jealous when you start to lose weight and they try and cover it by pretending not to be bothered or biting back. It probably isn't even intentional but when i think about how long its taken me to face up to being so overweight and then even longer to bite the bullet and do something its probably unsettling when someone close does bite the bullet because it make you feel an even bigger failure. I've always known my mum has always had issues with how big I was and now I'm losing it some of the off hand remarks she has made since about my size and how big i got have been pretty cutting. It like she now feels free to tell me what she 'really thought' but actually I wish she wouldn't. she poked me in the back recently saying' you used to have huge rolls of fat here (poke poke) it really was fat!! (poke poke poke)' I don't find that very comforting or supportive
I've found that some people at work have been weird too - a few ladies have said how much more are you going to lose? you don't want to go too far.. you won't look 'bonny' if you lose too much weight... Its almost as if some people are uncomfortable with me losing weight and would rather i be the 'token fat girl'. I never realised losing weight would involve dealing with other peoples issues not just mine!
I've found that some people at work have been weird too - a few ladies have said how much more are you going to lose? you don't want to go too far.. you won't look 'bonny' if you lose too much weight... Its almost as if some people are uncomfortable with me losing weight and would rather i be the 'token fat girl'. I never realised losing weight would involve dealing with other peoples issues not just mine!
MetalMaiden
Full Member
I know the feeling, the worst offenders (apart from all the childhood bullies) have been my grandma and my ex boyfriend.
My grandma meant well I think, but she constantly commented on my weight as a younger child, and whenever I stayed there she dragged me out of bed every morning to weigh me and tut. She also put me on some pretty dangerous diets, such as starving me one day then giving me 900 calories the next. I dread her seeing me now.
My ex boyfriend was abusive in lots of ways, but since he knew that my weight was a sore spot he used that to torment me. Lots of hurtful comments. Often he would make me cook for him then say how delicious it was while not letting me eat, because "I paid for that food, it's my kitchen and you don't need more food"
My other half now is truly lovely and says he fancies me just as I am, but when he looks at other women (which I don't mind, I get to ogle blokes) they're always skinny.
I'll admit that I have the fear of him leaving me for a thinner lady... Then I feel bad for not trusting him... Then I over eat. See where I'm going with this? :sigh:
My grandma meant well I think, but she constantly commented on my weight as a younger child, and whenever I stayed there she dragged me out of bed every morning to weigh me and tut. She also put me on some pretty dangerous diets, such as starving me one day then giving me 900 calories the next. I dread her seeing me now.
My ex boyfriend was abusive in lots of ways, but since he knew that my weight was a sore spot he used that to torment me. Lots of hurtful comments. Often he would make me cook for him then say how delicious it was while not letting me eat, because "I paid for that food, it's my kitchen and you don't need more food"
My other half now is truly lovely and says he fancies me just as I am, but when he looks at other women (which I don't mind, I get to ogle blokes
) they're always skinny. I'll admit that I have the fear of him leaving me for a thinner lady... Then I feel bad for not trusting him... Then I over eat. See where I'm going with this? :sigh:
Lonestitcher
Silver Member
My OH is hilarious though, he sings if there's any silence on tv and I'm eating 'cos he knows how awkward i get!
That is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever read.
Weird isn't it.
It's truly astonishing the way some people feel perfectly entitled to comment on someone else's weight.
Next time someone does it to you, tell them you're solving your weight problem and ask them when they'll be tackling their rudeness problem.
Keep up the good work ladies, it's so worth it.
Next time someone does it to you, tell them you're solving your weight problem and ask them when they'll be tackling their rudeness problem.
Keep up the good work ladies, it's so worth it.
kingleds
Gold Member
I have also noticed how people who have lost weight can be just as judgemental. My step sister has lost a load of weight on SW & she now makes comments about other peoples size. The last time I saw her a young woman walked past us who was fairly large & wearing some fairly tight fitting clothes. My step sister says to me 'I can't believe people let themselves get like that (bear in my she was a size 24 herself at one point & this girl was not even that big). My response 'would you like some massive stones to throw in that huge glass house in which you live???????' it was akin to an ex smoker who coughs up a lung when someone lights up near them!
mrsthunderbolt
Silver Member
I had this with my mum last year. I'd lost almost 3 stone when I saw her & her comment was "oh, had you put on more weight since I last saw you?". I'd only seen her 6 weeks before I joined SW.
Everyone else could see my weight loss but her. The worst thing is when we'd left the room she'd said to my MIL that I "reckoned" I'd lost weight, thank goodness for MIL who had a go at her!
I haven't seen her for 6 months so it will be interesting to see what she thinks as I have lost almost 7 stone now.
Everyone else could see my weight loss but her. The worst thing is when we'd left the room she'd said to my MIL that I "reckoned" I'd lost weight, thank goodness for MIL who had a go at her!
I haven't seen her for 6 months so it will be interesting to see what she thinks as I have lost almost 7 stone now.
