Why are people so unsupportive

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by bunnycd, 19 February 2007 Social URL.

  1. bunnycd

    bunnycd Full Member

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    I have noticed since loosing just over 2 stone people are generally being really unsupportive. My nan said that I am going to put it all back on and my friends say that I don't need to loose weight. Plus my boyfriend is getting worried saying things like "are you going to stay with me?" and "Can you stop when I think you are thin enough"

    I want to loose weight for me and noone else. It is just so annoying - has anyone else had this type of reaction?:break_diet:
     
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  3. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

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    Totally agree Bunny...I think people forget that it's not about THEM...it's about US !!!

    I always find that people feel free to have their say when it really isn't any of their business....this is the main reason why only my OH and kids even know that I'm doing CD...cos I really don't see why I should have to justify myself to anyone...!

    Like you, I'm doing this for ME....keep up the great work - you are doing brill...and don't let their negativity get ya down.....

    I can kindof understand where your BF is coming from...but it's just his sense of insecurity...and he's probably just worried that once you've lost the weight you'll leave him for someone else....lots of cuddles and reassurance needed for him, methinks !!

    chin up Missus...you can do this :D

    love

    Debz
    xx
     
  4. nce1

    nce1 is a reader not a poster

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    yep i can definately agree with your post bunny im hiding the fact i am on a vlcd as i cant deal with other peoples negativity at the momment.
    Your looking great bunny so keep on going for you
     
  5. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I'm afraid I hid it for a long time too. Waited until I lost loads and people started asking questions.

    Had all my replies ready by then.

    Sounds like your boyfriend needs a bit of reassurance
     
  6. slimslow

    slimslow Full Member

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    Hi,

    I am the same at present my family donot know that i am on a VLCD and think i am just exercising as i tend to giv ethe excuse i will be at the gym when they invite me for meals. Work is the worst with people telling me that my confidence is the problem because i am not confident with my size and should be they i wouldnt need o diet like that. I tend to talk them to death wwith facts upon facts or just ignore them completely.

    But keep up the faith

    My partner who is generally supportive said he hoped i wouldnt be a ***** when i lost the weight????

    Not nice is it
     
  7. Allan G

    Allan G Gold Member

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    Even us blokes get it, my work colleagues were the same, they said its a waste of time and money, but when i got to my ideal weight they were impressed, mind im the type of person that doesnt really bother about other peoples opinion, i knew i was doing it for the right reasons, and so should you.:D
     
  8. kiran

    kiran Member

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    hi bunny, yeh I know how it feels, I went though the same thing, first I did not even tell anyone, then when the weight started to come off and I started to feel good, I started to get nasty comments, but at the end of the day, I felt good and really I was doing this for myself and no one eles, I just kept that in my mind and carried on, I lost three stones, last year and kept it off, until the begining of this year it slow started to pile on.
    so today I am on ss and loveing every min of it, I hope you feel the same
     
  9. SARAHP

    SARAHP Silver Member

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    I find the same, everyone except my hubby says its not healthy and it will all go back on plus more!!! Ive just started to blank them and am getting quite good at looking like im listening even though im not!! Just keep coming on here where everyone is positive and helpful. Sarahxx.
     
  10. Mamma_caz

    Mamma_caz Have a serene day!!

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    A friend of mine said the other day, oh you don't want to lose to much (I have nearly 4st still to loose) or you will look ill/to thin, but I realised it is because she has never known me thin we have known one another for over 35 years and I have always been overweight. I think she was just frightened that when I lost weight I would change and it wouldn't be the me she knows. They are the ones who are slightly lacking in confidence and if anyone is nasty, DO YOU REALLY want to have them as either friends or aquaintances coz they obviously only care about themselves and certainly not YOU.

    Keep the faith girl, you know that on here everyone cares about each other and knows exactly what each of us is going through, so tell them to swivel.

    Hugs.,

    xxx
     
  11. blitz

    blitz Silver Member

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    Youve got to learn to ignor the unsupportive ones. I also hid my diet for the 1st 5 weeks but now Ive told people and to be honest its loads easier not making excuses why I can join in with the eating.

    Also remember some people are very selfish and they dont want you to loose weight and look better than them. Its sad but true, how many thin people to you know who moan about their own weight and then tell you that you dont need to loose weight as your already look good!

    Keep going for you after all that is who you are doing this for. But also agree that your boyfriend needs some reassurance, you need to convince him that your relationship will improve because you will be happier.:)
     
  12. bettyboo

    bettyboo Silver Member

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    I agree completely. My SIL has been my worst sabateur.......rings me up regularily saying are you still on that dangerous diet. Your hair will fall out. I usually laugh and say...........ah yes I will be bald but thin.........drives her mad. She needs to loose about 6 stone herself.......In fact I will look quite like Britney (sorry I know its not funny)xBettyboo
     
  13. polishrose

    polishrose Gold Member

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    Yeah I have a few people like that though luckily most are really impressed that I can stick to it(when I did LL last year).My sister isn't a fan of the diet and my parents, although impressed with the weight loss, always say they can't see why I can't just cut down on portions.
     
  14. I think maybe people who don't understand can be like that. My sister did LL last year and when she started, my hubby said 'Imagine paying someone all that money to starve you!' Having gone on to see her lose more than 7 stone, he decided to join me on CD and is now doing rather well. We have a laugh now at his previous comments.:D
     
  15. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    It will help if you can be objective when hearing all these comments. Stand back and analyse why would these people say these things.

    Insecurity is a big one. Partners, friends, colleagues, can feel threatened by the new you emerging. Your shape is not the only thing which is changing. Your attitude towards yourself and others is also evolving.

    The most important person to please is yourself of course. But here too,your own inner voices are ready to pounce and catch you unawares, at a vulnerable moment.

    It is good that you have started this thread Bunny, it gives everyone a chance to think about this important subject, and to share their experiences.

    I have been lucky, apart from my parents concerns - they have been somewhat dismissive so far. Luckily, they live hundreds of miles away!

    It has been mostly my inner voices which have caused me to doubt myself. They are currently silent, probably sulking due to being ignored for so long!

    Try not to take peoples' comments personally, they are just showing their own insecurities. Don't let them see yours.:)

    Good luck on your continued success Bunny!
     
  16. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    All great advice, and I have nothing really to add, apart from when I got those comments it made me even more determined to get there!!! I wanted them to eat their own words, and I did!!!!

    Ignorance and insecurity is a major part here, but when they see you at goal, and staying there then they will be impressed x
     
  17. clairabellx

    clairabellx Full Member

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    I think they are frightened of you changing (espec your partner). They can probably see not just changes in your weight and appearance but also confidence and attitude (lets face it the CD requires a lot of willpower to get into it) and this is probably scary - people are often negative when they feel threatened.

    Funnily enough my boyf made me feel bad about being overweight so I decided to do SS rather than 1000 or 790 as I originally planned. Now I think he is threatened by the compliments and attention I am getting (see my thread on 'compliments').

    You can reassure your partner all that he needs (unless he is someone who prefers you large - there are many men like this, and that is fine, if you are BOTH happy - but you may be more worried about health concerns [this is my issue]).

    I bet there is a bit of envy too - that you are doin so well!

    I remember a dear friend of mine, who worried for me doing CD but still respects my choice in doing it - she gave me a poem about surrounding yourself with people who support and are positive for you.

    I agree with AJ above totally.

    And well done you!!!!!!!!
     
  18. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    As someone who is shortly to have their 1st CD 'anniversary' (I started my diet on 24th February last year) I know just where you're coming from.

    I didn't tell anyone except my husband and closest friends that I started CD - frankly I didn't see it was anyone else's business! - and it wasn't until I lost well over 2 stone that anyone started to notice I'd lost weight. Well, I did have over 8 stone to lose ... :rolleyes:

    I was lucky in that my husband was always supportive, although did get some negative and unhelpful comments from a friend who was convinced either a) it wouldn't work; b) I'd never be able to stick to it or c) I'd put it all back as soon as I came off the diet.

    I'm glad to say that I reached my target weight on 15th December - I lost 115 lbs to get down to 10 st 6 lbs - and guess what weight I am today? Exactly 10 st 6 lbs!! :D

    So you see it's more than possible to keep the weight off .. but ONLY if you go through the stabilisation/maintenance steps as set down and not allow yourself to go back to your old eating habits. But then, they are what made you put on weight in the first place so why would you want to? :)

    Good luck with your diet, keep reassuring your boyfriend that while you may change on the 'outside', the you on the 'inside' stays just the same as you have always been .. just with a smaller frame to carry it around with :)

    Love
     
  19. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "the stabilisation/maintenance steps as set down and not allow yourself to go back to your old eating habits. But then, they are what made you put on weight in the first place so why would you want to? :) "

    Hear, hear, Summerskye! It's fantastic that you've finally been able to (a) get to your goal weight and (b) stayed there!

     
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