Why are some folk so negative!!!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by sammyslim, 30 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. sammyslim

    sammyslim Member

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    I'm so glad I've joint this forum, at least there's encouragment here, b'cos I'm getting nothing but negativity :mad:from my friends whom i've told about CD. I get comments like, "What's the point in losing so much weight when you're only gonna put it back on again" etc
    I've decided not to say anything anymore :sigh:

    My mums supporting me, but Fiance, well that's a confusing one. He met and fell for me when I was a size 10, I'm now a size 16, so when I told him I'll be starting CD, he wasn't pleased, can you believe that! He said he prefers me the way I am now, but I told him I'm not happy with the way I am. Men!

    How do you all deal with negative comments if any?
     
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  3. kayjay

    kayjay Full Member

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    I know what you mean!!

    Luckily my nearest and dearest are being really supportive, but other peeps i have told are really negative and just tell me that its dangerous etc. I just point out to them that my GP was 100% behind me doing it and had to sign a medical form for me to start the cd! They just shut up then!!

    Good luck hun - you'll always have loads of support from us on here!!

    Kj xxx
     
  4. pumakino

    pumakino Full Member

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    Hey Sammy :)

    I face a similar situation. My fiance LOVES *big* women and has told me that I shouldn't loose any weight cause chances are he wont find me attractive once I loose all the *curves*. I hate my body and find it soo difficult to feel attractive. As for family..well I haven't even told them I am on CD as I know they will turn around and say 'why bother?' :p

    I guess one should just ignore them and focus on reasons as to why you want to loose the weight. It's not that we are trying to do for anyone else..it's for our own self so next time someone says something negative just IGNORE :D :D
     
  5. dreamingmaid

    dreamingmaid Silver Member

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    Forget what your friends say...it's basically ingnorance when people make negative comments about this diet.
    Of course you will put on all your weight again IF you go back to your old eating habits. But that is true of any diet. Most of my friends are supportive but there have been a couple who have noticed my weight loss and still disapprove of the method i'm using. But they are normally the people who have weight issues themselves so i don't really care what they think.
    The important thing is not to let anyone talk you out of doing this if you really want it xx
     
  6. sammyslim

    sammyslim Member

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    Thanks Puma and Kj, yea I think silence is the best form of defence. And do you notice another thing. I'm a person like this, if I notice someone has put on weight I don't say anything, as obviously they must know and maybe are a little sensitive about it, so I say nothing. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, but for me, when I started getting big, no tact or descretion was used it was "MY GOD YOU'VE PUT ON WEIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED?" Yet these same people when I lost the weight said (you've guessed it) NOTHING!

    AAARGH

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not losing weight for other people to notice, but surely if they noticed me getting bigger that they couldn't hold back their comments, they could also notice when I got smaller, yet they hold their comments back.
     
  7. sammyslim

    sammyslim Member

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    Thanks Yummy, infact their comments are giving me more motivation and determination to continue. I'm turning the negative to positive
     
  8. dreamingmaid

    dreamingmaid Silver Member

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    That's the spirit :happy096:
     
  9. pumakino

    pumakino Full Member

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    LOL :D

    Yup..i know the kind of people u are talking about. No compliments when you loose the weight but the minute you gain some weight they do nothing but talk about it. I even have a friend who makes sure she tempts me or should i say *forces* me to eat everytime she thinks I have lost weight (i think she just gets jealous :p ) hahaha... but keep strong and keep smiling. Dont let these negative ppl let you loose focus

    *hug*
    xxxx
     
  10. SharonJayne1970

    SharonJayne1970 Silver Member

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    I think really what we have to do is be happy with ourselves, difficult I know. You need to find the compliments within and try not to give a stuff about what other people think. You are doing this for YOU not everyone around you so really and truly it only matters what YOU think and feel. Try and find the positives and even write them down, stick them on the fridge or on your mirror then the negative comments from other people won't seem quite so important to you.
     
  11. louisa26

    louisa26 Full Member

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    i have had that but thankfully my husband and family,his family and my friends are 100% behind me. It seems to be strangers i tell about it who arent, but i just nod and walk away and forget everything they say. Last week my water aerobics instructor put me through a whole lecture about what a diet should consist of and these 'crash' diets arent any good and it makes her so frustrated hearing about people on them!!!! but i just said ok see you next week and walked away a bit peed off with what she said but carried on with the diet!
    Its a shame your fiance isnt supporting but once he sees the weight drop off i am sure he will come round.
     
  12. pumakino

    pumakino Full Member

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    True said Sharon. For some odd reason a lot of us place our happiness on opinions of others instead of relying on ourselves :D I used to do that a lot and had really low self-esteem ( thanks to years of *verbal abuse* from family, ex-husband and general ppl) but last year something snapped and I decided to not really give a damn as to what others think/want. One needs to learn to love themselves before anyone else can love them. I know its easier said than done but I guess one has to keep trying :)
     
  13. SharonJayne1970

    SharonJayne1970 Silver Member

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    So difficult to do. I think we as women, can't speak for the men, spend far too much time worrying about what other people think. I don't want to generalise but this is going to come across that way. I think people with weight issues, generally speaking, have low self esteem anyway and we get into that spiral downwards of gaining weight, getting depressed about it, feeding the addiction, getting more depressed etc etc. Obviously not everyone is like that some people have the resolve to do something about it "the conventional way" but a truly believe a lot of women have emotional issues and that's why some of us find it so hard to overcome the negativity. After all how can we expect other people to "be nice" when a lot of the times we aren't nice to ourselves. I think one of the key things we need to learn as women, and society even, is to find the things we love about ourselves and concentrate on those instead of worrying about the things we and others perceive as being "wrong" with us. Then once we find our good points it becomes increasingly easier to build on those foundations and improve our self esteem. Once you have your self esteem back and feel a bit more confident it snowballs and then it just doesn't matter what others think because you are happy with you.
     
  14. tootsie

    tootsie Silver Member

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    We did alot of work on this when I was in foundation last year, as a few of us in the group were becoming increasingly frustrated with negative comments.

    Friends and relatives have a picture in their mind when they think of you, by loosing alot of weight you are no longer the same as that picture and they are unable to marry the two together so become confused. Admitting that you are looking different makes them have to realise that you are changing and people don't like change!!

    Selfishness and jealousy plays a major part in this. For instance, if your fella wants you to remain the same then there must be an insecurity in his head, be it concious or unconcious, that you are going to look different, better and therefore be more attractive to men!!!

    I had to do some serious bonding and convincing with one of my friends that I am still the same me as I always have been, I just look different. This was almost a year ago and no one mentions anything now because the picture they now have in their head is the way I look now....

    Sorry to ramble but I have felt really strongly about this as you can tell. Your partners, friends and relatives will all to soon forget the old you and relish in the new you...

    good luck xx
     
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