Will I ever be thin, in MY eyes

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Blonde Logic, 19 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Ahh yes, a cup of coffee, a litre of water, a smoke and some early morning ramblings...

    Yesterday I was wondering what it is going to be like when I am thin. (right there is a notable difference - usually I would have said I wonder what it's like to be thin - referring to others, not myself). But this time is different - I am planning on my future being slim. Definatly a different approach and outlook this time. Interesting.

    Anyway, I was wondering if I will recognise that I am thin, when I get there. All my life, as said in previous posts, I felt horrible and overweight, and this fat thing that noone could stand to look at, to touch, to love. But looking back on photos, I know, logically, that was not the case. I WAS slim!! <shaing head> If only I could have seen that just once - things might have turned out differently?

    How will I look at myself now I wonder....when I am slim. Will I have shed that horrible self image? Or will I always feel unworthy and fat.

    I suppose that is sort of what I was talking about on Claire's thread, about being frightened of actually being thin. That is one aspect of it. Am I ever going to SEE it.

    The mirror does play tricks on one. When I went to our chirtsmas doo just this past christmas, as I said, I was dreading it. So I tried to find something that was 'ok' to wear and made me look at least 'ok'. And I thought I had. The typical black and dark clothes. But looking in the mirror that night - I thought it was passable, but then, seeing photos aferwards I wanted to shrivel up and dissappear! I was embarassed by them, and ashamed. And I wonder what the others must have said when they saw the pics. (I hate not being the owner of the camera at public doos - I just know they are going to see horrible photos. At least if its mine - I can delete them!)

    So yes, I find the mirror an interesting thing.

    IF when I was thin, I saw myself as fat - and now that I am fat, I see myself as 'just passable' (definatly denial!)....how will I know if I truly see myself for what I am. Do we see what we want to see?

    And if so - why did I choose to see myself as fat when I was younger, when I was not? Why would I care so little about myself to 'punish' me like that? That still makes me sad. SO much time lost.

    Something to ponder.

    As Suns' post said, I know I will ALWAYS have to be on guard with my weight. It will never come naturally. And I suppose I could feel sorry for myself, and sometimes I do a little if I am honest, but everybody has got some monkey on their back. I guess this is mine.

    So much is going to change, isn't it. Shedding the equivelant of another person is going to have big a impact on the psyche.

    I hope I'm ready!

    X
     
    Last edited: 19 January 2008
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  3. silhouettes

    silhouettes Silver Member

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    I know exactly how you feel as i have the very same fears myself. I struggle to see the 8.5 stones that i have lost although logically know there is a huge difference.
    I hope that part of the counselling on LL will help me to put my true size into perspective and looking at the photos taken from the meetings might mean that eventually i can see it.
     
  4. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Ladies, I am in the same boat. I know what the labels in the clothes that I now wear say but I don't think that it has really sunk in. I still feel like that fat woman I used to see in the mirror and not the slim woman that I really do know that I am now.
    Something just hasn't clicked yet.
    I still feel that when I walk into a clothes shop that the assistants will be looking at me and thinking what is she doing in here? Because I am sure when I was larger that they did.
    I guess time will tell as to how we relate to our new versions of ourselves.
    I, like many, know that this is something that I will always need to keep my eye on and my guard can't slip or I will end up back where I began and I really, really don't want to be there. Food will always be an issue for me, I just need to learn to manage it.
    Hopefully one day I will look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.
     
  5. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    I think you ladies need to talk to your inner Chatter Box. Speak to it on a regular basis and tell it. Well I am looking better, I am feeling better and I am definately healthier. Remember negative thoughts beget negative thoughts. Positive thoughts make you feel really good. You may feel a total twat when you first start doing this, but you never know it may make you laugh, and laughter is very very healthy.

    I have been as you say thin/slim although I am not a lover of those words. Mainly because some people are happy and healthy just above being slim/thin. When I weighed 9.7 (which was in the upper part of the healthy zone) I was told by someone that I was fat. They didnt take into account I had just had a baby and the flabby bits would probably drop off naturally.

    I am not po poing your concerns, but as I can see it you deserve medals. Look what you have achieved, how many people could stay in abstinence like we do.

    Try using your chatter box to eliminate your concerns by swapping them for postitive thoughts.

    You will all be lovely when you a fit and heathy and at the weight YOU wanna be.

    I probably feel this way as I dont share those concerns, and I can see yours from the outside and dont like to see you all worry yourselves when you are doing sooooo well. We are all different and I do have many other concerns that you have helped me with.

    I dont know about you it took years to get this big, so losing it quickly is going to be a shock to the system, as we havnt got as long to get used to it, but I have wasted enough of my life being large and feeling awful, I am definately gonna enjoy every minute of this new trim and healthy me.

    :sign0168: all.
     
    Last edited: 19 January 2008
  6. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    It takes a while to adjust, I would guesstimate it took me a year after reaching goal weight to realise that I was actually slim at an unconcious level.

    I still used to look at my jeans when I put them on and think they weren't going to fit and used to worry about fitting in gaps but then found I walked straight through.

    Time does help but also the scales don't lie! If the scales say you have a healthy BMI then how can you argue with that ?

    In terms of looking in the mirror then you will see what you want to see, if you want to see yourself in a bad light you will, if you want to see a superstar then you will...all in the mind.

    Mike
     
  7. x-Katie-x

    x-Katie-x Gold Member

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    I agree with Lady in that we need to tell ourselves how much better we look, slimmer we look, healthier we feel. I know that for me when I did this last time there were loads of people who commented on how much slimmer I was etc but that didn't necessarily make me feel good - there were times when I'd take it on board and think it was great they'd commented, other times they'd comment and I'd just think about what I saw and how much I knew I had still to lose and other times when I'd just feel bad that they felt they had to say something, no I don't mean that they had to say something I mean that I was so big before that the situation was there to talk about.

    This time I aim to enjoy the new me, I'm already relishing in the difference I can feel in my waist and nobody else has noticed anything yet. I'm doing this for me and it's a difficult journey I'm on but I plan to try and enjoy it the best I can and to enjoy every little bonus I feel in my body, be it clothes going loose, feeling the inches drop off, finding bones that had previously been hidden in fat, seeing the difference in the mirror and fitting into new clothes - the whole gamut. This way I believe that if I do take on board all of these things as I go slim then when I am slim it won't feel as big a trauma.
     
  8. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    There is a very good thread re "self esteem" by Diva on "Bring your head inside"

    I would put a link but you know me by now:confused:
     
  9. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Thanks for all the good replys. I guesss why I am thinking so much about things, is that the realisation is sinking in that I will be slim and fit and healthy relatively soon, and believe I will be. Where as wiht other programs, I woud think, 'oh, it doesn't matter - will probably never make it there anyway so it is a moot issue'. Still trying to get my head around, in a positive way - that I AM going to be there THIS YEAR! lol

    I apologise if my rambles sound down trodden - I don;t mean them to be, and when I say I am scared, I don;t mean that in the literal sense....its just going to happen so much faster then I ever ever dreamt possible. So I sort of feel like I need to sort my head out and catch up! I have had such negative thoughts fo so many years - feels a bit strange to turn them around so swiftly.

    I will do though! And I too am going to enjoy my future svelte bod...no doubt about it...but just want to be sure my head is in the right place.

    Half the time my rambles don;t make much sense anyways!! I tend to open mouth and insert foot an awful lot - speak before thinking, etc.

    But its all good - and I am committed to success - failure is not an option, so I will get used the the whole positive approach, I promise!! LOL

    X
     
  10. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    BL I, and I am sure many others love your ramblings. Please dont stop doing it.

    I know what you mean about not making to goal previously, and not expecting to. When I used to go on diets I would tell friends "I am on a diet, but dont hold your breath, you know what I am like". I now say, I am going to get to goal, watch this space. I must say a few people have looked shocked as if another person was speaking.

    I wasnt criticing your ramblings, as I said earlier I love em and the can be so helpful. I just felt for you and thought you didnt deserve these worries.

    SO PLEASE KEEP RAMBLING. They are good for you and us.
     
  11. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Lady you sweetheart - I didn't think you were criticising at all!! Silly woman you!! xx

    It is good speaking with conviction, and all your friends are going to be so proud of the new you!!

    lol - and thanks fo your comments abbout rambling - not much fear of me stopping. lol - never been able to stop gabbing as it goes!! hehehe But thanks so much!!

    X
     
  12. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

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    Hi BL

    I loved reading this thread.

    Funny thing is this morning my flatmate and I were discussing weight (she has been a rock in my first week) She told me what she weighed (just over 10 stone). and I heard these words come out of my mouth " You know when I weighed 10 stone I can remember standing in the gym looking in mirror and thinking how fat I was" How messed up is that. Anyway the way I see myself is going to change. Who am I not to be fabulously gorgeous!

    Thanks again BL this did make me think of my own issues.
    Tan
     
  13. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    This is a great thread and thanks for all the great comments. I am, by and large(no pun intended!!! Heee Hee) a very positive person and I am so much healthier than I was this time last year, of that there is no doubt. I am happy in myself to be honest. I just don't quite recognise the sillouette I see in the mirror yet. I knew that it will take me a while to adjust to the new look me and I love it more and more ever day. Today I jumped on my home scales, naughty I know, and I was at a weight I had always dreamt about reaching with this program and that put a huge smile on my face and I am sure I will be bouncing about all day at work today.!! Last weigh in as a developer tomorrow night and then it is onwards into RTM.
     
  14. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Big congrast ScottWannaBe - that must have given you such a rush!!! Good luck at your last WI and your entry in to RTM! :)
     
  15. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    Well done Scotwannabe, I could feel your enthusiams down the line.

    I think you will look stunning in your bra under the moonlight.
     
  16. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Oh, I hope so!!! I have a lot of practice to do before I can power walk 26.2Miles round Edinburgh but my new treadmill arrives on Thursday and that is me on the road to getting toned and geared up for the Moonwalk. Food and exercise, gosh what a week it is going to be!!!!
     
  17. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Do you need to look slim in your eyes?...really??

    I'm sure you think you do, but if you get your head in the right place, it wont really matter.

    There are two main things that a dieter wants. One to be healthy, and the other is to look slim.

    Being healthy. Yes, you will feel so much better. It's amazing. You will be so proud of yourself and have more energy.

    Looking slim. Yes, it takes time for the brain to catch up with itself (mine's in a permenant state of plateau:D), but how important is it?

    We want others to see us as slim. There's no doubt about it. What good is looking slim if nobody is around to see it? How important would it be for you to look slim if you were on a desert island and would never see anyone again? Looking slim would mean nothing. Feeling healthy and light would mean everything.

    So, as long as people see you as slim (which they will), you can take comfort in that ;)

    BTW, I found that if I look in a mirror, I see fat. If I catch my reflection unexpectedly, I look slim. I catch my brain offguard.
     
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  19. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Why is it important? Well, for me, as you may know from previous posts, when I was a teen and young adult, I was slim. ABuot 9 or 10 stone in my 20s, probably less in school. But - in my mind, I was fat, and horrible, and embaraasd and ashamed of my body....I could not see that I was just like everyone else. That cost me dearly, and had a horrific impact on my self esteem which lasts to this day. I missed out on many of the joys of being a teen. I sat on the sidelines. And it makes me sad I missed all that. I don't wallow in it - don't get me wrong - but I do regret it teribly. There is noone to blame - it was just my very warped self image. My perception of me.

    It still pains me, and I do not want to spend the next half of my life, still seeing the 'fat kid' in the mirror, thereby believing and not living life to the fullest.

    So it is important to me. I want to learn to have an accurate self image, and to accept and appreciate myself.

    I look at it slighlty different then you.....yes, it will be nice for others to see me slim....but it will be meaningless if I hate myself. People di see me slim....but I chose to believe my twisted head rathar then the reality and it cost me a lot.

    I gets a bit more complicated then that, but thats how I can best explain what I meant. I hope it makes sense!! lol

    :)
     
  20. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    But don't you think you are then looking for self esteem in the wrong place? Your self esteem will come from within. Loving yourself for who you are, not what you think you look like.

    But you'll know this time. You'll know it's your crooked thinking, and hopefully it wont concern you so much. You're older and wiser now ;)
    You can accept and appreciate yourself at any stage of the journey. That wont come with slimness. If you think that you can only increase your self esteem by looking acceptable to others, then I reckon you're on to a loser...IMO and all that ;) You'll always see things that you don't like. Nothing is ever perfect if you have low self esteem, it's not the prize you get when you reach goal.

    You may well be very proud of yourself for reaching that goal; you may feel terrific because you've lost the weight, but if you are more concerned about how others view you, then you are on shaky ground, because people are fickle. What if they don't tell you (which will happen when the novelty of your reaching goal wears off?) what if you do see that slim person, but nobody backs it up? After all, surely if you want to look slim, then you are wanting approval from others....not really doing it for yourself.

    If others see you as slim, and the scales agree, but you still hate yourself, then your size isn't the issue.
    I do understand. Been there, done that and all that, that's why you need to change that twisted head, because believing it last time didn't get you slim forever did it?

    I'm not saying it isn't nice to be able to see a beautiful reflection for ourselves. Of course it is. But it's the icing on the cake...just not that important in the long run.

    I really don't expect you to believe me :D Think about it though, because it's important if you want to get off the yoyo dieting regime forever.

    Feel free to challenge me. Haven't had a good debate in ages :D

    Let me ask you a question. Why do you want to lose weight?
     
  21. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Yes, I agree - but 47 years of learned behaviour will take time to undo and adjust the thinking, don't you think? I wish it were just there NOW, like a lightswitch, but I can't seem to find that.

    Again, I guess I just attribut this to the fact that my inside voice has been positively awful for most of 47 years. I hope I am older and wiser. I am certainly older!! lol

    I will accept and apreciate myself, when I can. I can't just yet. Ihave let myself down too many time. I know It is negative chatter - I realise that - but I am not one who can just silence it on demand. WIsh I was!

    You missed my point though - I am not concerned how OTHERS see me, I am concerned how I see me. I;ve gotten good at turning a blind eye to others disparaging looks, etc. It;s not about them, its about me. There is a certain amount of truth thought to what you say, I do want some approval from others. Doesn't everyone? To a degree? But that is not necisariyl about my weigh - just in general.

    True.

    but again, I think you are thinking I am looking at this from a vanity point of view?....what I am saying is that I hope my head changes, finally, and I have a perspective in reality rathar then fantasy or self deprecating. That to me is as important as anything esle.

    I don;t NOT believe you at all - I just think you have had more time to sort all that out and work on it, and I am just learning. So I do value what you are saying. I know it, I think, I mean I think I understand it....I am just not very good at applying it. I have never been one of those 'in touch' with themselves, and all that new agey stuff.(not saying you are or aren't- just trying to describe it) ..I just sort of trundle through life, trying to enjoy myself best I can, without ever getting deep, etc. Not very good maybe, but that was how it has been. That sort of complacency has caused me other problems in life too. So these are things I am hoping to learn how to change.



    because every bone in my body hurts. Because I can't do anything physical. becasue I want to be healthy. because my drawers are stuffed to the brim because plus size clothing is huge. because I want to be like most others. becasue I want to put my seat tray down on an airplane. because I want to get to the top of the stairs without huffing. because I want to notvbreak in to a sweat the first weed I pull in the summer. because I want to look nice. because I want to feel good.

    Theres a start! lol :D
     
    Last edited: 20 January 2008
  22. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    It'll come if you let it. If you question beliefs you've had for ages. Takes time. I'm 52, and have spent a lifetime hating myself, thinking I was fat, thinking people thought so too, but the crooked thinking can be straightened out.

    LOL. It's time to start working on changing. Just because you've always believed that inner voice, doesn't mean you have to continue to think that way.
    Aaah, but is it really. That's what I thought. I wanted to feel good about me, and I thought that would come by looking slim. Truth is, it doesn't really matter how we look if there's nobody there to see us does it? Would you feel it was important that you looked good if everyone was blind?

    There's a heck of a lot of truth about what I say, you just can't see it all yet LOL

    You are your head. You can make it think whatever you like. Do the work. Question yourself and all the things that you have learned to believe. Never accept that these negatives are a part of you.
    And I'm just giving you a short cut, because it took me too long to work it out:p
    It's hard I know. It's just not what people say is it. People don't usually stand up and say it doesn't matter and so we go through life thinking it's important.

    Read and understood. I'm not either. I did go through a very religious, spiritual phase, but now I'm as down to earth and you'll find. I don't work on 'loving myself'. The thought makes me want to heave. I don't read books on how to value myself, how to get in touch with my innermost feelings, but I do question...and question...and question.

    And all valid reasons for wanting to lose weight. These are the things that will raise your self esteem...make you feel good. Value yourself.
    Yes, we all want to, but it's good to see that you've put that within a sentence at the bottom of the list:p The other things are more important;)
    And you will. You'll be so proud of yourself. You'll have so much more energy. It will be easier to buy clothes, sit on planes etc. This is what you'll need to remember to keep you maintaining.

    I'm not judging you BL. Thinking you are vain or anything. Just trying to share something I learnt along the way.
     
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