X_Tasha_X Re-start Diary

[X_Tasha_X]

Date: 17.6.2010
Weight: 21st 10lbs

Hello

After 4 months of messing around on the CD i have now decided to give it another go and try my best to lose this bloody weight.

The last 4 months i have not been good and every week said i will start a fresh but never ended up doing it. To be truthful i dont think i have lasted 1 whole day on the diet in the last 4 months without cheating.

I had lost 33lb between Jan and March but with messing around and eating what i liked i have put on 1st 3lbs which aint to great I hope to get that off as soon as i can!

I have mixed emotions about the diet really, i see no light at the end of the tunnel as i have so far to go. I have never been able to do this before so i have no faith that i will be able to do it now and i feel like i am just going to fail again. Altho i have not been sticking to the diet i have still been going to see my CDC and trying to get back on track. Every week i leave her room feeling really positive and like i can do it and i always end up breaking it that night or early the next day.

But here i am again giving it another go and i feel more confident about it this time. I am happy that i keep trying and this is the ONLY diet that has ever worked for me and had such great results. I know i can do this i just need to get on with it and do it.

So here i go starting a fresh trying not to think about me failing and how i have failed in the past but treat this as a 100% new start.

Today i woke up feeling very positive as i normally do and i drank my first pint of water. At work i drank lots of water and ran to the toilet lots.

When i told people i was back on CD they just rolled their eyes which is expected as i am always starting and stopping the diet.

At lunch time i picked up my OH Andreas and we went to my nanas. I watched him eat a pot noddle and 2 slices of bread and i gulped down my mint choc shake. I was proud that i didnt ask to eat anything as this is also a time where i say ... oh i will start tomorrow, tomorrow never seems to come tho lol.

After i finish work is a real red zone for me and is the time where i normally give up and end up eating lots because i am so hungry. But today i got home and took the dog straight out for a walk to meet Andreas from work. It was boiling hot and i am not used to walking ANYWHERE so i was shattered walking the 20mins to his work lol but i did it He was very pleased to see me and we had a nice slow walk home.

As Andreas made his tea, i say made what i ment is put pizza in the oven lol i went to my nanas to pick up my brother who is visiting from Cyprus so he could come round to mine and watch the footy with Andreas. I have had another mint choc shake and bar and drank more pints of water.

While they are playing on MarioKart like a cupple of kids i thought i would come on here and keep myself motivated. I have drank around 6pints of water today and i am feeling great. I cant believe i have managed to last one whole day on the diet hehe!!

This diary is not going to be a daily thing, just when i feel like i have something i need to get out. I hope to look back in a few months and see how well i have done. I really dont want to be looking at it feeling sad that i didnt stick to it.

Come on Natasha you have got through day one i KNOW you can get through day two aswel.

<3 xxx

 

[Surfhunny]

Right Tash, kick ass time!!! You can do this!!! Why not set a target, not the final target by any means, but a reachable target. Don't set yourself a time frame, just a weight. It'll give you something within reach to aim for. Times add pressure, and there's no reason to add pressure!!! I've learned that one eventually.

I did this when I very first started. My first target was to get below 15st - this was the weight that I always seemed to stick at when I was doing SW. I could always get to 15st, but never any lower. And guess what I was so determined that I would get below that 15st that I stuck to the diet with no problem.

I don't think it matters if this first target is only small, but so long as it's reachable. Then once you've got there you'll get an amazing sense of achievement, and you can then make a new target. Take it chunk at a time and before you know it the light at the end of the tunnel will be megabright and you'll get there! Baby steps, don't think about the big picture, just take baby steps.

Ignore all the rolling eyes and other peoples opinions, as far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter how many times you start and restart CD the fact is you're aware and you're doing something about it, which is more than a lot of the population are doing!!! Good luck chicken, you know I'm always around to whoop your ass lol.
xxx

 

[*Shanny*]

Good luck Tasha, surfhunny is right ' time to kick ass now'!
x

 

[X_Tasha_X]

LOL Thank sally hun.

Yes thats a really good idea about the breaking it into little chunks. I think my first little goal is going to be get below 20st. I think that is more than doable talk soon xxx

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Haha sorry my boss walked in the office and i had to cut it short LOL. I will talk more when i have more time xxx

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Well i am quite proud of myself as i have made it to day 3 woop woop!! Last night i went to the pub to watch the football with my OH, my Brother, his GF and a few mates. As they all sat drinking wine and beer i was drinking ice water and i didnt mind one bit Very happy that i managed to do it hehe!!

On the way home i had a sudden urge to eat i felt sick and like my tummy was so empty, i had already had my 3 packs for the day and was battling with myself should i eat something or not, in the end i just went home and got straight into bed.

This morning i woke up feeling great that i managed the night and not ate a thing. Today i had planned to go shopping down the metro centre with my brother. The hard thing was that he ate in front of me (he said he felt bad and he wouldnt if i didnt want him to) i said it was fine but it was killing me inside I could smell the lovely food and i felt sooo hungry, but its not like i can stop anyone eating haha i dont have that right and i aint that selfish it was just hard because i REALLY wanted to eat what he was eating lol.

All around the metro centre i could smell food and drink and people eating and shops with food etc, i just couldnt handle it

I got home safe and my OH picked up a bad of peanuts (which i HATE) and they smelt really nice LOL and all i wanted to do was take them off him and EAT THEM ALL, an i hate peanuts!! Whats wrong with me

I'm feeling so hungry right now in my head, i know it aint my tummy. Tonight i am off to the cinema with OH, my brother and his GF and my brother is already talking about what he is going to eat there... nachos and cheese and hot dogs etc etc and i know my OH will dig in too. Its going to be sooo hard i just want a big binge eat.

I am going to chop up my bar tho and take it in a little bag and munch on that lol. I know i know i am happy i aint broke the diet its just i'm finding it so hard to battle with my head 24/7 about eating.

Does it get better... i cant remember it being this hard the last 2 times i did it?

Tomorrow my nan is having a BBQ with loads of lovely food she has made crumple and everything so i am going to have to watch everyone eating all this lovely food 2morrow.

I dunno whats with me i am feeling quite poop today i think. I feel like i could cry to be honset i just feel really upset about it all.

I know i really dont want to break the diet as once i slip up and even have a diet coke or chicken salad i never seem to get back on plan. Its took me 4months to get past day 1 so i know now i have lasted nearly 3 days i am really happy with myself and i want/need to carry on. Just finding it really hard.

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Day 4

I had a very emotional day yesterday and was in tears i found the day very hard and got very upset. I never want to have that feeling again. I am very proud that i managed to last the day and go to the cinema with out anything passing my lips that shouldnt but it was the most hardest thing i have ever done. To sit and watch my brother and OH eating nachos and cheese and popcorn was so hard when all i want to do it comfort eat because i am upset.

I find i am thinking about CD 24/7 and about food!! Its seems there are so many adverts on tv advertising food. All social occations involve food some how and i am just finding this week so so hard. I can not let myself slip and get off track again as its took me 4 months to get this far. I have worked so hard for this.

I am off to my nanas BBQ today with my brother and OH just the 4 of us so it shouldnt be that bad. I wish i was eating haha but i will defo not be. I will drink lots of water and take 2 packs to drink. If i can get through today i know i am on my way to losing this weight for good.

I know i can do this xxx

 

[Surfhunny]

You're on day 4 that's over half way through the first week, that's brilliant!! Stay strong at the BBQ!! I know exactly what you mean about all the social occasions involving food!!! It's partly what's taken me so long to get my backside into gear! The first 5 months of this year have been filled with birthday meals or christenings for me, every single week and I just wasn't strong enough to resist, but so far you have been and that's a massive achievement!!!

I've also learned that comfort eating just isn't worth it, it's makes you feel better while you're doing it but literally seconds after you've finished you feel worse than ever, and you carry that guilt around with you until it forces you to give up on dieting for a while.... I find something else to do if I desperately want to eat and I find that after 10 minutes or so the desperation wears off. It's mind games, all of it is tricks of the mind, telling you you're hungry.

I found something else out that's helped me endlessly too. You know that knawing hunger pain you get in your stomach? It's not actually real hunger... It's your stomach acids at work, it usually happens when your stomach is empty so we automatically associate it with hunger. But it's not!!! I looked it up because I "felt" hungry even after I'd eaten a big meal and it worried me a bit. Now if it happens I just have a good drink of water to dilute the acid and I'm fine.

Good luck with today, remember you can do it!!!!

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Ok i am now on day 5!!!

I cant believe i am on day five and lasted the weekend. Yesterday was really hard at the BBQ. My brother was cooking and it smelt sooo nice. I love meat of any kind so it was really torture!! My nan was fussing around asking if i wanted anything but i just said no thank you, and then my brother would say...''shes not eating anything i aint gonna let her'' Bless him he really is helping me lol.

My nan put out a big bowl of doritios right next to me which i think was pretty crule lol but i didnt say anything and i came on here to look at some before and aftre pics. I managed the BBQ with out eating a thing, it was very hard indeed but i hope in time situations like that i will get used to and before long it will just become the norm.

My brother came back to mine last night and played on the WII with my brother. They ordered a pizza and omg it smelt sooo nice!! My brother was loving it i could tell be as he was munching it down he was telling me how horrible it tasted haha!! So i tried to imagin that it was a horrible pizza but they had to eat it and i was being saved by not eating it... so in a way i was really lucky. Silly i know but it seemed to help a tiny bit haha. After a while i just went outside my house for some fresh air while they finished it off.

Later that night i found my nan had been a bit mean about me. I found out she had said that i wouldnt last on the diet and that she couldnt believe i picked a time when she had arrangd to have a BBQ and bought all the food!!! She also said that it was rude of me to re start when my brother has come across from cyprus. It all really upset me and i dunno wetaher to have it out with her or just let it go and prove her wrong that i can do the diet and get slim. She is always putting me down about my weight (i think it makes her feel better abou herself) and then when i start the diet she ALWAYS tries to make me break it, i think she secretly likes me being fat. Shame really as i thought the last 7 months when its been just me and her we have been getting on GREAT but i guess its just because she had no one else to ***** about me too. Never mind

Anyway on a more exciting possitive note... I AM ON DAY 5 OFF SS!! woop woop!! Cant believe i have got this far again i was seriously thinking of just giving up and not bothering ever again. I am so happy with myself!

Note to self- If you break this i will NOT be happy after all this hard work i went through at the weekend!!

 

[Cartwoman]

Good luck Tasha! When you mentioned that you see no light at the end of the tunnel, why don't you cut it all up in little goals. Like with the month-challenges. Take it per month and make a goal of what you want to loose in that month. Before you know it, time flies by and you have lost lots of weight already.

 

[Awaken Me]

You are a legend..end of!! You made it through the cinema and a BBQ in your first week and I honestly couldn't have done that. If you can do that then you can see this diet through to the end.

Sorry to hear about your nan - you would think the people who claim to love us the most would be our biggest supporters but it isn't always the case. If you feel it is the right thing to do then talk to her and say your piece - that it would be nice to have her support but you will do this with or without it (unlike your Brother who sounds adorable).

Don't let anybody derail you hun, you have made it this far and I'm sure your weigh in will reward you with a fabulous loss. Hold on to the way you feel now, it will so be worth it.

Sharon xx

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Aw thank you both so much. <3<3

I have kind of cut it down into little chunks and made some mini goals but i dont think i will even hit them because i have little fail in myself eek! I have a white board in my kitchen and i have wrote down all my goals on to it a bit like my signature but with more goals. My brother has wrote something to keep me focused on it and so as OH. So when i look at it (its right next to the fridge) i will see how far i have come and the words of wisdom my brother and OH wrote haha and will stop me going in the fridge.

As for my nan i dont think it is worth mentioning anything. she has a hold over me becuase i use her car and she is the type of person if she has a arguement with me she will just say you cant use my car. Never mind i will live haha. I will get skinny and look amazing and be a much better person on the inside and outside, maybe she will like me a little better then lol.

Hope your all haivng a ovely day <3 xxxx

 

[groovygroovy]

Hi sweetie, your thoughts regarding nana trying to sabotage your diet: I think your nana loves you and loves the way you are, that's all. Nanas have a sharp tongue, don't let it bother you. Show her that you can do it!

Week 1-4: 17.5lbs Week 4-9: 15.5lbs

x4

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Thanks hun I know i will show her i can do this xxx

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Ooo La La its day 7 hehe!!

ITS WI DAY!!! i am soooo excited i could burst hehe! I know its daft but i aint going to drink to much today as i wanna be as light as possible haha! Cant wait! I will let you know how i get on later tonight xxx

 

[Cartwoman]

Good luck on your WI!!

 

[Narkyknickers]

Hi all, i new to site, started my return to CD on Saturday - can we do our journey together?

 

[X_Tasha_X]

Of course we can hun i would really like that? So are you looking forward to saturday? xxx

 

[Awaken Me]

Good luck with your weigh in hun, hope you have a great result xx

 

[Aaleigha]

Just found your diary and wanted to wish you luck for weigh in
I too am on a restart my started yesterday