You don't have to put up with abuse...

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by V-Girl, 9 October 2011 Social URL.

  1. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    Hi all,

    Not sure if this is in the right section but I wanted to share my story, of what happened to me this week, so hopefully you know that you should never have to put up with being abused in public or otherwise because of your weight.

    Last week I was walking home in the evening and en-route I walked past a local pub. I was actually on the opposite side of the road. But there was a group of men standing outside and one of them shouted over, 'oh my God, look at that, - hey you salad dodger.' All the other men laughed. I carried on, but when I got home my heart was pounding from both rage and shame.

    I'm a UK dress size 20 by the way.

    I calmed down and shrugged it off.

    Today, just before lunch, I walked past the same pub and the same group of men were standing outside. Two ladies who were quite slim were walking in front of me. One of the men said to the ladies, 'hello, girls,' and the rest of the men smiled and laughed. Then I walked past and the same guy said, 'Oh god, look at that, wobbling past,' All the guys laughed.

    They were all in their late 40-50's by the way. Not that it makes much difference, but they weren't teens or anything. They should have known better.

    Because I'm no pushover and because they did it in front of others, I turned around and snapped back - I have to admit I did shout an obscenity, which I will not repeat here. But you can imagine. :sigh:

    I then went to meet my Grandmother for coffee, but I was so incensed I couldn't relax. I tried to phone the landlord of the pub because this was the second time this had happened in less than 7 days. But I had no response - so I did what not many people do when they are called names in public - I went to the police. And believe it or not they took it very seriously.

    They told me that it is every person's right to walk freely in a public place without harassment and they even took a statement. They said my weight was no excuse for someone to belittle me in public and that would actually be sending officers to the pub to speak with the owner, as well as get the licencee people to pay him a visit regarding how his patrons dealt with themselves outside his pub.

    Now obviously you may think I was over reacting, but the police were very happy to deal with my complaint and they said they wished more people would step forward when they feel harassed by others. Basically this incident now has a police report and if any other incidents occur they will be added onto this report.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, for many years I worked in an arena where my size was celebrated, so I have never been heckled in public or other wise about my weight. But I was bullied when younger because of my ethnicity, so I know how much name-calling can cut deep. It can leave unseen scars for many years.

    I'm now losing weight for health reasons and because deep down I do not want to get into a position where I cannot be as physically active. That said, If I chose to stay this size or get bigger I should not have to be subjected to verbal harassment in broad daylight/or night from grown men.

    The interesting thing was that the police asked me if they thought the verbal attack was racial and I said no. They said, well if it's racial there is a lot more they can do. It's funny that verbal attacks regarding weight are not seen as the same as a racial attack. Just something to ponder...

    Anyway, I want you to know, if you don't already, that bullying is bullying. If you get it at work - report it to your supervisors. If you get it in public - report it to the police (especially if it happens more than once in a certain place or by the same people.) Do not put up with other people's complexes.

    No matter what your size - you're a beautiful human being who deserves to walk anywhere and work in peace, without verbal insults about what you look like.

    xxx
     
    Chunky_Monkey, blossums and Mini like this.
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  3. FatmanSlimming

    FatmanSlimming Full Member

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    Shallow people, shallow minds.
     
  4. spangles

    spangles Bouncy Castle

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    what a brilliant, brilliant story. you are an inspiration and a total star.
     
  5. Roziee

    Roziee Gold Member

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    Congratulations for having the strength to do such a thing :)
     
  6. blossums

    blossums Full Member

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    Good for you :happy096:

    I didn't know that this was something you can do

    I relate very much to your feelings of anger about this

    I do remember one occasion that I actually lost it with this sort of behaviour and went and knocked him over - extremely out of character for me and I hope I don't do that again really, but it was rather satisfying to remember him running away!
     
  7. Mrs jk

    Mrs jk Full Member

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    Well done- I have a friend who cannot get above 7.5 stone and get gets bag of bones and 'rexie go eat a burger' I think I shall be telling her this...
     
  8. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    Thanks everyone. I just felt that I had to make a stand and make it an official one.

    I know as a child bullying only stopped when I addressed it. As an adult, up until now, I've never had a problem. Sure, I guess people natter behind your back - but to shout something in the street like that is not only mean it's also something that I've now discovered is not taken lightly by the police.

    I don't know if I happened to get a really nice officer on duty who totally understood, but he said that when he goes out on patrol some weekends he gets a lot of abuse (as you can imagine) he said he doesn't take it personally because it comes with the job, but he made a very valid point - that everyday citizens have the right to walk down the street without duress. It is their right.

    And yes, Mrs JK, I can imagine it can work both ways. I think these people would be mean to anyone. They'd find something to be negative about. Anyway - I felt very empowered by the whole thing and today I walked past the same place with my head held high. No one was outside, but I just wanted to make a personal point to myself - I'm not afraid of you bullies. :)

    xxx
     
  9. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    Blossums, I felt like turning around and doing the same, but an expletive shut them up. I made a point of telling the police that and they said they didn't blame me, really. Although I really should have bitten my lip maybe? Anyway, it's done now so I can't change it. We move through every day learning valuable lessons. :) xxx
     
  10. thunderthighs

    thunderthighs Silver Member

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    People can't actually change their race so I suppose that's why it's taken more seriously.
     
  11. spangles

    spangles Bouncy Castle

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    I remeber being shouted at once - it was quite late at night and i was walking home with my husband (10 stone if he's soaking wet). Some lads jeered something like "fat monster" at me, and I stopped in my tracks, really wanted to say something (I'm a secondary school teacher in Peckham: fearless, and with a great line in withering putdowns). But my husband talked me down - and then pointed out that if I had said something it would have been him that got beaten up. Fair point.

    People are such gits, though.
     
  12. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    It's hard to bite your tongue isn't it, Spangles? I know if my son had been with me I wouldn't have said a word.

    Btw, you deserve an award for the job you do. Good for you! xxx
     
  13. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    You make an excellent point.
     
  14. Blue Butterfly

    Blue Butterfly Gold Member

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    Thanks for sharing that story v-girl. You were brave to shout back at the idiots, good for you.
    I'm surprised the police did something about what happened, very glad they did though.

    Years ago I was out with one of my brothers walking along and passed some people when all of a sudden my brother spun round and got in this guys face.....apparently this idiot and his friend had called me a fat something (I hadn't heard them but my brother had) and my brother was not impressed. I had a hard time draggind him away before he did something silly.
    I just dont understand how people think they have the right to judge others.
     
  15. gina_b

    gina_b Les Mills Fitness Freak

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    you should be proud of what you did, well done! these bullies need to be punished for their actions.

    it hurts when people call you about weight, ive had it before and it has been hurtful. even at the size i am now ive had a group comment on my weight, the words "fat b***h" and "look how big her legs are" i told them to go F themselves. im not super skinny, i have got bigger hips and legs but thats not meaning im fat. not every girl can look anorexic.... id sooner look like i eat than not eat
     
  16. Chunky_Monkey

    Chunky_Monkey Full Member

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    About a year ago, I was waiting at a bus stop to go to town with my boyfriend on valentines, I had recently been told I had PCOS and I was feeling very low about myself.
    I was wearing a pair of black trousers and a black Mac. I wasn't dressed my best but I make sure I never look bad when leaving the house.
    I was having a cuddle with my boyfriend as it was cold when a car drove by with about 5 people in, around between the ages of 21 and 25. They beeped the horn, slowed down, and shouted 'You fat *****!'

    I am a size 16, and I am 5 ft tall. I do look big but not so noticeable as for them to go so much out of their way to insult me in such a way.
    Of course, I was quiet on the jouney to town, and didnt eat a single bite of my meal. When I got home I cried and cried and still to this day, I feel scared and threatened that someone might do it again and put me through that humiliation. I walk with my head down and majority of the time, have head phones in.

    I don't understand why these people think that it is okay to discriminate against a person when they know nothing about me. Yes I might be larger, but I am certainly not a ***** and never will be.

    I couldnt help but hope that some day down the line, they get bigger or their partner gets bigger, and they have to deal with the same pain they gave me!

    xxx
     
  17. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    I was happy the police took my statement and gave me an incident number for it, so if it happens again I can add to the incident file. They were really nice to me and very understanding. I think it helps if you're calm with the police and not too OTT. :D

    It's so tempting to fight with fists, but often times that doesn't help the matter - only makes it worse. Thank goodness you got your brother to calm down. I'm sorry you've had this happen too. xxx
     
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  19. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    Yes, Chunky Monkey it's not nice to be called names, and in the street too! I too felt humiliated. If it happens again, I'm just going to stand there and call the police, and I'm not budging until they turn up. I won't even say a word either. I'll just wait for them to keep adding on the insults. The more they say, the more that's going to be placed on that report file. Let them dig their own holes with their spiteful tongues. Meanwhile - my head will be held high. ;) I know the landlord would be spitting fire if he knew what his patrons were doing to passersby. It looks very bad on him and his pub.

    Chunky Monkey - trust me, if it wasn't your weight they would find something else. Some people just can't keep their traps shut, and almost get off on making other people feel like crap. Don't let memories get the better of your self esteem hun! You totally rock - say that loud and proud every single day! xxx
     
  20. LittleSis

    LittleSis Silver Member

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    Well done V-Girl..

    Sadly people think they can say what they like to any who doesn't look "normal".. You don'e say but I'm sure all those who shouted insults were Adonises... Not!!
     
  21. V-Girl

    V-Girl Member

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    hehe - well I didn't see any Brad Pitts among them, no. But honestly - brain power is beautiful and I heard nothing that lead me to believe they were using theirs at the time. :p
     
  22. MrsLmc

    MrsLmc Gold Member

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    Well at least we can do something about our weight if we choose to, these people will definately be complete idiots for the rest of their lives!!!!!
     
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