Yoyo-ing friend

[*Emsie*]

I have a friend who has issues about her weight. She goes on diets and loses and gets really pleased about it and then puts back on and gets down.
I fin it really hard to see her going through this and have tried various ways of helping her and don't seem to be able to make a difference.
I've tried encouraging what seems good and discouraging what seems bad.
She doesn't like sw says it doesnt workfor her (she is of the mind where if you want to lose weight you can't eat)
She told me a fewweeks ago she was dieting doing it on her own and then has been texting mewhat she has lost.
We are supposed to be going out friday and today in a text she put its party time friday I have lost 19lbs in a month.
I didn't know what to reply.
As I am typing this I think I need to be honest with her as can be. Which is I love her whatever her size, hate her to be unhappy and hard on herself whether thats because she has eaten or by not eating etc so find it hard to know what to say in response to the loss texts etc
She has told meshe is doing it cutting down/healthy eating but I have been told by others that she is not eating and having some milkshake stuff.
Just needed to air about this as it upsets me to see her like this and that if she hadn't lost those lbs she wouldnt be able to party

 

[Divster]

Maybe this is her time? Meal replacements are ok, and work well for some people. Be happy for her, maybe its finally clicked for her? I bet she is feeling on top of the world right now, and thats a lovely feeling

 

[*Emsie*]

I really hope it is her time and I will be happy for her if so and if she can be happy.
I personally don't think highly of meal replacements but if they are ok why has she not told me that is what she is doing if that is even what she is doing.
I probably am coming accross really badly but it is very hard to see someone so unhappy with their weight and not be able to do anything to help.

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Because this is her battle, and she has to fight it in her own way, I suspect. We none of us can do this unless we have the right mindset - but unless they actually want help, the pattern will remain the same.

Does she know how you feel about meal replacements? Maybe thats why shes not mentioned it, or maybe she just doesnt want to publically fail again because shes not yet of a mind that she can succeed?

Let her know that no matter what, you are her friend, you wont judge and you love her however she is. That is really all you can do.

 

[*Emsie*]

I'm not sure if she knows what I think about meal replacements and could understand her not wanting to do it publicly. She has been texting me weekly to say what she's lost which is fine but I worry what to say in response because if I say thats great fab then on the flipside of that is well does that mean if she gains/doesn't lose its not fab and if shes not doing it in a healthy way am I encouraging it, if I say to be careful etc its giving attention to it and I don't know if thats the right thing to do

 

[MadameLaMinx]

I think if the weight losses continue to be really high then it might be worth you going "Wow, how on earth are you managing those sorts of losses? I would expect them to be that high at the start but usually these things slow down?" and see if that opens the discussion. If she is doing meal replacement of some sort, to your mind its not the best way, but there are plenty of people on the meal replacement parts of the forums who have successfully lost and kept it off, so they might disagree, but if that is the case, you could suggest to her that when she gets to half a stone left to lose, she joins a SW group so she can learn about how to maintain with a healthy balanced diet long term. However, this does mean she needs to confess first. I think I would bide my time and just be supportive unless she actually shows signs of ill health through what she is doing. At the end of the day, these meal replacements are easily accessible and people will choose to use them to lose weight fast.

Her real issue, from what I have seen from what you said - is self-esteem, if she equates weighing less with being worth more, then that isnt something a diet can fix, because yes, you lose the weight, you feel better about yourself, but then any minor gains or a heavy meal or two that temporarily shove the scales in the wrong direction can cause a major self-worth plummet. Maybe when you meet up you could have a conversation about how having lost weight, you now realise that its not what the scales say that make you who you are, its the person inside, and that you cant afford to rely on the scales to tell you if you are a good or a bad person, only your behaviour and the way you treat yourself and other people can do that.

Put it from your own perspective and it will give her food for thought without challenging her directly, maybe?