2013 the year to lose 100lbs+, 19lbs gone exactly 100lbs to go :D

[madmuppet]

Well here I am again new year and new me. Once again I find myself logging into MM for help, support and inspiration

I was here 2 years ago and thought that I would be here now lighter then ever but alas i have no one to blame except myself for the fact I'm still fat not big boned not plump but fat morbidly obese to be percise, there i said it for once facing the facts that blantetly stare back at me in the mirror everytime i allow myself to look in it.

Well were do I start I'm 32 mother of 2 great boys and wife to a lovely man sounds ideal but in truth I struggle everyday to keep everything together, to keep my boys happy and the house going the bills paid and just to try and keep the place calm, to look after my mum and nan while the kids are at school to fit in 1001 things into the day when all i want to do is sit on the sofa and forget about everything to just relax and feel as though there isn't a care in the world to have just 5 minutes where my mind completley switches off and stops over thinking everything. I've always been over weight but in recent years its got worst and i know it needs addressing. Hence I'm here to vent to all you lovely people to offer my support as you offer yours, to get hints and tips to listen to your storys to share good days and bad days. To open up and be truthful about myself to all off you as we travel on the long journey to slimville

In time im sure i'll fill you in with more of my life the good the bad and the ugly lol but for now here i am back at the beginning getting ready for the start day on monday to my fantastic uphill downhill funny sad hard journey to gain back my body my life and my happiness.

X

 

[skinnylegs]

Welcome back! You've already completed the hardest thing, getting back on it.

 

[slimsarah]

Hello & welcome

I started off around the same weight, you can do this. Use this diary to vent, show off, moan, anything. I found mine really really helped. Good luck lovely xxx

 

[madmuppet]

Hi and thanks skinny and sarah

Officially starting tomorrow have plugged the wii in to charge so that i can weigh in on wii fit board as dont own any scales.

Finally got rid of alot of the excess christmas chocs and munchies today so there isn't much temptation around well except the huge box of thortons chocolates but i have a silly idea in my head that as they are mine the longer they sit there unopened the more it says about my determination hmmm good or bad i'm not sure lol but if not the bin for them as soon as i feel the urge to open and eat them.

We had a chinese tonight as it was the last day of christmas sort of tradition for us where that came from i dont know i wasnt even that hungry but ate it anyway and said to OH thats the first and last chinese of the year he gave me that look as if to say give it a few weeks and we'll get another. Part of me thinks yep he's right and another part thinks right i'm going to show you!

Let me share abit more about me, Ive always been big from around the age of 10 I can clearly remember my age matching my weight for most of my high school life and after. I have diarys from that time and every single january my aim was to lose weight I even kept count of what chocolates i had had and by febuary if not sooner all good intentions had gone out the window. I've been with my husband 14 years and in that time not only has my weight gone up but so has his except mine by so much more he has no idea how much i weigh and i suspect he and many other would be shocked by it One day when the time is right when i have lost enough to feel happier I'll let everyone know how much i used to weigh for now it's between all you fellow MM's well from tomorrow anyway lol. I'm guessing I'm around the 20st mark again how on earth i let myself get this big I will never really know the comments from friends when i say i really need to lose weight and them replying your tall you carry it well etc really havent helped as i have just been kidding myself for years that if they think that i cant be to bad when really the best thing they could have done was said yep you could lose abit hun.

My worst problem is comfort eating not in front of others but alone if im having a particular bad day i'll drop the kids at school go to the shop on the way home and buy anything from baquettes to sausage rolls to chocolate and biscuits. and think nothing of it going home putting the kettle on and eating everything until its gone then feeling even worst about myself this is one thing thats got to stop as of now! I'm sure over the next few weeks I'll open up more to you all and fill you in on how and why i get to these points where i just want to binge I think thats one of the things i need to do this time to succeed with this journey.

I dont have any expectations its going to be a long slow and incredible hard year but then i think back to the last year and think my god what a tough year that was and i survived so nomore excuses the weight is going and the year cant be any worst then last just because I'm changing how i eat for the better

I'm not exactly sure what diet plan im going to be doing if i had the money I'd go back to doing the cambridge diet but as thats out the question i have invested in some slimfast shakes to have for breakfast and lunch and then i'm going to be cooking a different meal from the hairy bikers new cook book for this week also i am waiting for my slimming world pack to arrive in the post once thats here it will give me a better idea of what plan to follow but for now its 2 shakes and a proper dinner but super sized down lol.

Well i suppose i should head to bed before i turn into a pumpkin as its gone midnight and get a good rest before tomorrow day one onwards and weight downwards

Keep up the good work everyone xx

 

[skinnylegs]

That's a brilliant idea about the Thorntons you could put a sticky note on each week denoting how many weeks you've resisted.
You seem to be in a brilliant frame of mind and youre determined to see it through. I wouldn't worry too much about before because this is a brand new diet for a brand new you in 2013.
I follow slimming world and use a lot of the recipes from the hairy bikers I just have to adapt them a little.
Have a brilliant new day and don't let the weigh in bring you down, we have to start somewhere x

 

[madmuppet]

Well weigh in was better then expected 19st 10lbs just shows that i havent gone back to my original weight back in 2011 and that i have actually lost a few more pounds since i stopped so all pretty good on the weight front ok once we get that 9 out of the line up and replaced with a 0 it will look even better

Today food wise i havent stuck to plan i think this is due to kids still being at home till tomorrow, I havent been bad just i havent eaten one thing that i really need to do is focus on having that breakfast weather it be cereal or more then likely grabbing a shake. Breakfast is a struggle for me i can quite easely go though till 3 without eating but then i have dinner and graze all nights not all the time but more often then not so tomorrow while im doing the packed lunches i will be drinking me shake.

One of the things ineed to sort out is the amount of coffee i drink or atleast the 2 sugars i have in each one i can easily drink 15 cups and some a day hate to think how many calories alone in all the sugar in them so am going to start cutting down to 1 sugar and see how that goes for the first month.

keep up the good work everyone and i'll check back later, im off to hunt out the tape measure

 

[madmuppet]

Evening all

well today has been good total gone into my mouth 8 coffees 1 ham sandwich and am just waiting to have a ham salad for dinner lots of lettuce cucumber spring onions, cherry tomatoes and celery with 2 slices of ham and some coleslaw im not having any dressing or anything just a big spoon of coleslaw about 150 cals in that and so im thinking not a bad dinner really

Goals for tomorrow
shake for breakfast and again for lunch followed by the hairy bikers lasange
Less coffee and coffee i do have only 1 sugar per cup instead of the normal 2
More water if i drank a glass every time i walked though the kitchen i would easily drink my 8 glasses in a day
To smile and hold my head high im doing this

Have a great evening all x

 

[slimsarah]

Wow you sound so much like me. My husband never knew what i weighed, he still doesnt know, infact nobody does.

Your eating habits sound like mine were, i dot know if you have ready my diary? Its on here, in my first post I list my reasons for wanting lo lose weight and talk about my eating habits. Xxxx

 

[madmuppet]

Hi Sarah Have just found your diary and had a read of the first few pages I actually laughed out loud at a few parts yes we are very similiar indeed, if i was in the supermarket and saw new chocolates (kitkats in your case ) i would buy all the new ones to try and also the jam donuts im the same buy a 6 pack of sausage rolls and eat 4 then think oh **** and eat the other 2 before disposing of the evidence before anyone came home. I'm hoping that that will be a thing of the past now I expect to have a few hic cups along the way but i think it would be unrealistic if i didnt.
Day 2 for me and it was all going well till i went to my cleaning job, started the day with a slim fast shake and a coffee took the kids to school came home and drank a big bottle of water whilst catching up online with a dear friend. lunch was another shake and then went off to cleaning job all was going well till i had finished and the lady made a cuppa like normal i had completely forgot that we always have some sort of treat and today it was a lemon tart eek i reasoned with myself that next week i will make something to take with me except a healthy option and explain that yet again i am dieting she will be great support bless her. Have just peeled spuds for the rest of the brood to have with sausages and peas I think im going to have a salad again and hopefully rectify some of the tart damage I'm currently sitting here with my 2nd coffee of the day by now i would normally have had atleast 10 so thats a good thing.

Note to self more water needed!!
Hope everyone is having a good day I may pop back later and add a few thoughts here like you sarah i think honest thoughts in my diary are going to help me along the way
x

 

[skinnylegs]

You're doing really well, it is hard when you meet up with people and get something to eat. I always panic.
Have you decided what diet you'll follow or are you just going for healthy eating? Keep it up.

 

[madmuppet]

Hi skinnylegs I havent commited myself to a diet yet i'm sure i will in the long run At the moment its a slimfast shake for breakfast and lunch then a evening meal so far thats been ham salad lol but i love salad so thats no problem. I have just received my slimming world pack in the post so am going to settle down to read though that tonight and hopefully get some inspiration for mealss from that all little steps that will lead into a giant leap in my life

How are you getting on this week?
x

 

[jayde1148]

Hi hun, good luck on your journey. I too have been an emotional eater, binge eater and hiding the evidence! I'm looking forward to seeing how you are doing. The biggest thing that has helped me is listening to slimpods to help change they way I think about food and I really am amazed at them!

 

[madmuppet]

Hi Jayde, ive never heard of slimpods but show now have a look at them lol you are doing really well keep up the good work it may take us some time but we will get there in the end x

 

[jayde1148]

Hi Jayde, ive never heard of slimpods but show now have a look at them lol you are doing really well keep up the good work it may take us some time but we will get there in the end x

There is a section on here all about slimpods in the 'bring your head inside...' section have a read through the diaries. In my opinion they are the real way forward, the diet industry just keeps us yoyoing !!

 

[mybodyisacage]

ohhhhh so much to say and agree with! I am so similar to you in many ways, the binge eating and hiding the evidence! the fact that no one knows how fat I really am! everyone says ohhh I never think of you as fat, you carry it well or you always dress so well. IM LIKE MORBIDLY OBESE. lol and it seems we have identical eating patterns too!!

Jayde, is it like hypnosis?!

x

 

[jayde1148]

Yeah a bit like cognitive hypnotherapy and the guy who does them (Trevor) uses a term called word weaving. They really work though, i can really feel a difference in the way I feel about food and it makes making healthier choices much easier.

 

[mybodyisacage]

I shall have to investigate! thanks!

 

[Rose-Anna]

Hey, I was browsing around and came across your diary and felt like I had to reply as I also feel the same as you do and could relate to a lot of the things you said, I wish you good luck with your weight loss, am starting my slimming world classes tomorrow, your diary has been great keep up the good work

 

[madmuppet]

Hi All and welcome Rose,

Today has been a slow start woke up and felt like all i had done last night was toss and turn and not really sleep at all which resulting in me feeling grumpy and tired for most of the morning

Today I should have been getting my house in some sort of order its a mess and really needs a good spring clean it only adds to my grumpyness seeing it like this my oh is no help at all in this department the most he will do is wash up christmas day and thats because we spend it at my mums lol This is one of the things that i know add to my weight gain the house being in a mess and getting me down and then just not knowing where to start with it, I wonder aimlessly from room to room just looking at it all and thinking right i'll have a cuppa and crack on normally said cuppa involves eating aswell and then feeling worst and not getting anything done grrr today although i havent got what i wanted done i have managed to stay clear of food so far i had a shake for breakfast and a cuppa followed by a bottle of water (big one) and then another cuppa and 4 water crackers before finally heading round a friends to have a cuppa and catch up. I have lost count of the times i have opened the kitchen cupboards and just wanted to eat anything i could find in there all i have wanted is to sit and pig out but i havent i know this is one of the areas i need to battle and stay on top off so tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully the sun will shine and i will wake feeling better about everything and just crack on and get this house sorted. I so know that once it is done i will feel better about it and hence the want to eat more will disappear with it.
Im going to try and start doing my wii fit again not going to say everyday but perhaps 3 times a week to begin with i know this was a great way to get rid of some of my frustrations with the boxing and also im looking forward to walks down the beach, it only takes me about 20 minutes to walk the prom fast so every little will help and to get out the house abit will surely help with the gloom hanging over me when im there aswell as get my arse of the sofa

Hope everyone is having a good day and catch up with you all later x

 

[madmuppet]

Well the day got somewhat better i found some energy and finally seem to have woken up only problem with that is its now time to wind down so fear a late night coming up

For tea i had cheese salad only had a little grated cheese over the salad as didnt have any ham left lol am also now on my 3rd bottle of water yay

now just a little moan wednesdays are busy busy busy with the boys from the moment they get in from school due to different clubs etc so they always have there tea early and me and OH have ours later or he will grab something whilst im playing taxi driver with the kids, well tonight he came home just as i was about to do the first club drop off he sat straight down on the pc and stayed there the whole time till i got back from the 2 club drop off and the first club pick up lol so by this point i ask him yet again what he wants for dinner and he just shrugs so im like ok i'll let you grab something as i need to eat and it will take all of 5 minutes to rustle up my salad his reply was fine by me. It was at this point that i get that same dreaded feeling from all the other times ive tried to lose the weight the moment i seem to be in the right place and enjoying myself and actually keeping on track he gets all arsey I sit down eat my salad and then go and do the last pick up get back sort the kids out in the bath then switch the kettle on OH says he'll make the coffee so im like ok just remember one suger for me though please no problem he says well im still in the kitchen messing about and i see him put a spoon full of sugar in my mug not just alittle spoon full but a massive one im angry but i say nothing as i just know it will lead to a argument where im made to feel in the wrong and just vow to make all the coffee now. If this isnt bad enough once the kids are in bed hes banging around in the cupboards moaning that there's nothing to eat which means there is loads but nothing that i have already cooked for him and he isnt capable of making himself anything other then toast so i let him carry on banging around before he finally huffs comes though sits down and says do you want some custurd and biscuits? Ummm now let me think about that NO! i do politely say no thanks hun and now he's even more annoyed off he goes to the kitchen again before coming back with a whole tin of custurd and a packet of biscuits and proceeds in offering me a biscuit every minute until he has none left! Normally i would have joined him but i want to stick to this i didnt fancy it so there was no need for me to have it thing is the whole time he was sitting there eating it i was getting more and more angry part of me wanted to join him with the biscuits but i knew if i had 1 i wouldnt stop plus he would have that look of i knew it was just a fase again. again in the past i would wait till he goes out the room aqnd sneak a few biscuits so he wouldnt notice but then that would just make me feel bad as well so we are now sitting here him silent and me annoyed with lack of support aswell as fighting the urge just to comfort eat for the hell of it arghhhh

Now i have wrote this i feel better, i want to one day be able to show him this and perhaps then he will realise how hard this journey is and how at times he makes it that little bit harder oh well thats my rant over with and i can now sit here quite smuggly in the knowledge that i have survived another day and he have eaten close to 2000cals of crap

Keep on losing everyone we can do this x