30st 5lb Start Weight

I find it unreal the amount of calories in cakey things. I'll take a picture tomorrow of what 400 cals of M&S Victoria sponge looks like, it is minuscule. You are doing so well Hershey. You feeling good for monday WI? X

It's mad that I can make a whole meal for less calories than a slice of cake!

I'm doing ok diet wise but the Dr didn't ring me back today :( I haven't taken my tablets for 2 days just so I can get to sleep but I can feel myself slipping back into anxiety :( I was just in loading the dish washer and I dropped a plate, it didn't smash but I burst into tears as it made me panic. I'm so jumpy when I'm anxious, it's such a horrible feeling.

Joe just found a pack of anti deps in the drawer, it has 23 tabs in. If the Dr doesn't get back to me then I know I at least have enough tablets to take me up to my bday in 21 days and then as joe is off work for that he will take me to the drs.

By then I'll have not left the house for 74 days. 2.5 months :( but i really can't step outside. The anxiety is so bad.

This is why I'm determined to lose as much weight as poss in the next 21 days as I have promised people I will go out on feb 4th (I'm a twin so sis wants me to see her) and I want to have an extra bit of confidence in how I look when I do go out.

It terrifies me to think of going out the front door. There's houses opposite and there's a man who's always standing outside his door nosing and being pervy. It frightens me that he watches me when I go out :(

Ugh. Sorry for the essay. I'm so fragile today xx
 
fingers crossed!! How have you been doing this week chezz? Xx


hji lou
i am doing good this week i hope this doc going to get back to you its ridiculous they said they was going to be more alert where mental health was concerned mmm not looking that way at the min ohh lovely it must be sodding horrid for you x x x x
 
Oh honey, I can't imagine how that must feel and clearly isn't helped by your weirdo sounding neighbour. It's good that you have a date to aim for - that week is spurring me on too, I fly to Hong Kong for business trip on 7th.

The doctor really should have called you back, they're so overworked these days. But it's annoying because it sounded like the AD were starting to really work but I get why you've stopped taking them. You can't live like a vampire!!

Weekend nearly here, woo hoo!!
 
Aw Hun! I hope you start to feel better soon. That's bad that your GP hasn't called you back. I'd get bk on at them!
X
 
Thank you both!

I do feel like a vampire lol!

After lastnights episode I took a tablet again and will keep taking them until I can leave the house to see the doc.

I didn't get to sleep until 3:40am ish, I woke 4 hours later at 7:44. Duncan is off school as the weather is so bad here I don't feel safe having him go on the bus. Last year a bus was toppled over and ended up in a river because of the winds, his school roof was ripped off too :( trees are coming down all over the county and I would rather him be home while the weather dies down. We don't live in the same town as the school so he goes on the public bus which takes an hour.
I don't care if it makes me a bad mum in some people's eyes, I just want him home and safe.

He's made me a cup of tea in bed and some raisin crispy slices. I really like them, I get the from tesco but you can get them in Aldi and lidl, they are like go ahead biscuits. 165 cals for 3 and they do me for breakfast.

I don't feel that sleepy but I'm going to stay under the covers for a bit where it's warm. I like to get the house work done before bed so there's nothing immediate to do.

Dunc is happy killing bad guys on his xbox and the cats are happy and fed so if I fall asleep I fall asleep. I only got 4 hours :/
As I had a small gap in the tablets and I took one last night, I feel nauseous again today :/ that will keep me on the straight and narrow diet wise at least.

Scales have been tracked but nothing's showing on the Royal Mail website, it'll be a miracle if they show up today. My guess is Saturday or Monday.

Tea tonight is chorizo and bean stew again. I do love it, it's so easy to make and so tasty and perfect for the cold weather. I go months without making it but when I make it once I remember how yummy it is and then add it to the weekly rotation :)

Joe wants me to make a braided loaf again to go with it so I will attempt that later. Not sure if I have enough flour but I do want to look up the recipe for making french bread and maybe try that.

Me and Joe made a list for next weeks meals last night. It makes life and eating healthy so much easier when I'm prepared. So often he's come home from work and I've not got any out of the freezer or ive been so depressed I can't even get out of bed and we've ordered in. It's so expensive and so not good for us.

The last few times though (before xmas) I had chosen wisely. Instead of crispy beef or pork in batter with noodles and chips and sauce I had ordered schezuan beef with plain rice and it was nice. Loads less calories. Same if joe and Dunc had pizza, I would have chips and beans. Not the best but better than loads of cheesy dough.

It's nice to know I can be restrained so if in the future we ever do have a takeaway as a treat (like normal people do, not every other night!) then I know I won't ruin my diet.

I'm feeling a lot more positive today. It's the weekend :) joe isn't working tomorrow and I'm looking forward to having him home for 2 days.

I can't bear it when he's not here, I do miss him a lot. He's as mad as me and we do have a laugh together :)

I am considering going out for a walk on the weekend. In the dark though. So maybe after tea one night. The beach is about a minutes drive away but has THE BIGGEST HILL YOU EVER SAW to get to it so there's no way I could walk there and back so we could drive there and have a walk across the front in the dark :) weather depending of course. It's been so bad here lately. Yesterday a big gust tore through the house as we keep the window open for the cats, and it pushed the hatch to the attic!! Scared me half to death! I imagined a thousand spiders falling out and eating me. Ugh!

Anyway, nonsense over. Have a good day everyone xx
 
I just realised my period is due tomorrow. Humph :( I thought it was next week. Now it'll be a miracle if I get a loss as i always gain.
I'm going to drink plenty and definitely go for a walk tomorrow and Sunday to combat any gain from totm.
 
Sooner here the sooner it's over :) (no real help I know :( but it will be gone soon!) Hope it's not too bad :) xx
 
It will be a travesty if you don't lose weight. You have been amazing. I defo ate more than you this week!

TOTM just sucks!!
 
It would be brilliant if you could get out for a walk. I think the fresh air, natural daylight and vitamin D could be a brilliant boost. Hopefully the weather is on your side.

And of course you have hubbster to be your wingman :))
 
hi
lou i really hope you can get out with joe for a walk and im sure like the others have said it will do you the world of good darling x x x
 
I want to walk and Joe said he'll drag me out!

Usually with totm I'm a useless bleeding heap and that's probably why I gain so I will try extra hard to have a good period but that can only go so far as it all depends on what mood my womb is in this month.

It has started tonight so I hope I can sleep and not lay awake in pain. Ugh!

Fingers crossed my scales come tomorrow! X
 
I want to walk and Joe said he'll drag me out! Usually with totm I'm a useless bleeding heap and that's probably why I gain so I will try extra hard to have a good period but that can only go so far as it all depends on what mood my womb is in this month. It has started tonight so I hope I can sleep and not lay awake in pain. Ugh! Fingers crossed my scales come tomorrow! X
Oh yuck, yes I'm the same with my totm. I just want to lie with a hot water bottle and eat choc and crisps. But I did read that the better you eat the better your periods become so let's see if that is true! Hope you get a good sleep x x x
 
I want to walk and Joe said he'll drag me out! Usually with totm I'm a useless bleeding heap and that's probably why I gain so I will try extra hard to have a good period but that can only go so far as it all depends on what mood my womb is in this month. It has started tonight so I hope I can sleep and not lay awake in pain. Ugh! Fingers crossed my scales come tomorrow! X

The first day I come on I am in agonising pain. I'm not being a drama queen I mean genuinely tear inducing cramps that I can only compare to labour (except I didn't have any in labour!) haha

Looking forward to hearing about the walk tomo :)

I'm wide awake and alarm going off at 7 for insanity class. Urgh
 
The first day I come on I am in agonising pain. I'm not being a drama queen I mean genuinely tear inducing cramps that I can only compare to labour (except I didn't have any in labour!) haha Looking forward to hearing about the walk tomo :) I'm wide awake and alarm going off at 7 for insanity class. Urgh
me too :( it's horrid, but it's every day of the period :( if I don't take my tablets I'm in absolute agony :( horrid horrid.

I shall take a photo of me on my walk just for you :) it'll be dark though :D x
 
Oh yuck, yes I'm the same with my totm. I just want to lie with a hot water bottle and eat choc and crisps. But I did read that the better you eat the better your periods become so let's see if that is true! Hope you get a good sleep x x x

I'd die without my hottie bottle! It's my saviour during totm. I crave too, choc and crisps and stodgy thick buttery gloopy huge servings of anything. Mostly mashed potato or a big cheese naan bread. Fatty carby goodness!!! And totm is the only time I have choc. Can leave it the rest of the time.

But, I'm going to try my very hardest to not give in and to stick to my normal meals and drink plenty of water. Watch this space! Xx
 
Haha I'm in bed next to joe who is fast asleep and ive got earphones in to watch Dexter, I'm having a break from that so decided to do some googling, drooling over clothes and shoes and boots I really want and listening to iTunes, I'm trying so hard not to sing out loud and dance laying down! I'm making up for it with bum dancing and toe wiggling :D I'm making myself laugh! X
 
I'd die without my hottie bottle! It's my saviour during totm. I crave too, choc and crisps and stodgy thick buttery gloopy huge servings of anything. Mostly mashed potato or a big cheese naan bread. Fatty carby goodness!!! And totm is the only time I have choc. Can leave it the rest of the time. But, I'm going to try my very hardest to not give in and to stick to my normal meals and drink plenty of water. Watch this space! Xx

Bless ya Hun. Totm is not fun! All bloated and binging! I can fully relate. I have PCOS and other gynae issues! It's a right pain! Plus like you say it makes you want to eat. Dunno if it's a hormonal response or if it's a comfort thing?! Either way it's a hindrance!

Hope you're ok? That walk sounds a nice idea Hun :) x
 
Bless ya Hun. Totm is not fun! All bloated and binging! I can fully relate. I have PCOS and other gynae issues! It's a right pain! Plus like you say it makes you want to eat. Dunno if it's a hormonal response or if it's a comfort thing?! Either way it's a hindrance! Hope you're ok? That walk sounds a nice idea Hun :) x

I've got tablets to stop my periods but I figured it's better out than in so will ride it out. I do hate it though, with a passion.

Yesterday before I realised it was due I made plans to clean out the fridge and give the hob a good scrubbing so I'm still going to attempt that. That's 200% more than I usually do during totm but this is a new me!

I fell asleep at 6am and woke at 8:44am so have had less than 3 hours. Joe's off shopping at lidl and he's taking Dunc's phone to be repaired so I will take the opportunity to catch a few zzzzz then help him out when he gets back.

I'm ok, thank you for asking :) my usual madness mixed in with slight zombie tendencies. I hope you are ok too! Xx
 
Postman has been, still no scales :(

I decided I will log the last weight i was which was on Wednesday.

I had lost 3.6lbs.

I can't wait until Monday, I want this to be a new week so I will next weigh on Friday as hopefully the scales will have come by then!!

Therefore my new total loss is 17.6lbs :) not bad for 1.5 weeks!! Xx
 
Oh poo on the scales, what IS that postman doing? :D

But yeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah on the loss hun, that is so brilliant!!!
 
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