A Chukle for this Friday Afternnon

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by mandy-1975, 1 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. mandy-1975

    mandy-1975 Regular Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Gastric Bypass
    [FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']WOMEN'S REVENGE[/FONT][FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.' [/FONT]

    [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']UNDERSTANDING WOMEN[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.[/FONT]

    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] AND TAMPONS[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']A man[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] walks into a pharmacy[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] and wanders up & down the aisles.[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    The sales girl notices him[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] and asks him if she can help him.[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    He answers that he is looking for[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] the correct aisle. [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    A few minutes later,[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']he deposits[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] a huge bag of cotton [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused,[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] '[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers,[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] '[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] You see,[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] it's like this, [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] of cigarettes, and[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] she came back[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] with a tin of tobacco[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    and some[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] rolling [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] papers; cause[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] much cheaper.
    So, I figure[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] if I have to roll my own[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] .......... so does she. [/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']WIFE VS. HUSBAND[/FONT][FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'] A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.[/FONT]
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, [/FONT]
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'[/FONT]
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' [/FONT]

    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']WORDS[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' [/FONT]

    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']CREATION[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you[/FONT]
    [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'] ! [/FONT]

    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']WHO DOES WHAT[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning. [/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] 'HEBREWS'[/FONT]

    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']The Silent Treatment[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    and were giving each other the silent treatment. [/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and [/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif'] see why his wife hadn't wakened him,[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    when he noticed a piece of paper by[/FONT]
    [FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']the bed.[/FONT][FONT='Trebuchet MS','sans-serif']
    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.[/FONT]
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  3. Kellie=]

    Kellie=] Silver Member

    Lighter Life
    its really hard to read :(
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