A friend's reaction

[shelleylovesjelly]

As I was walking with my friend to our zumba class on Monday, we were talking about weight. At that point I'd had my first official weigh in and I'd lost 5.5lb. She was saying how it was really great and that she could see the difference already.

and then I asked what she weighed...

She told me she weighed 8st 4lb, and that after last christmas she had never managed to lose what she called her "cheese baby" after pigging out on cheese. At first I was a bit shell shocked, she was 8st 4lb and complaining about it?! Then I thought a bit more reasonably about it, if I was happy with my weight, put 4lb on and been unable to lose it after a year, I'd be pretty miffed too.

Then I worked out how much more I weighed than her when I first went to slimming world...

Her reaction when I told her that I had weighed 10st 9lb MORE than her when I started was as though she had seem someone being attacked further up the street, the way she screamed "oh my god!". She kept saying she had no idea it was that much, and that she never would have guessed. It made me feel like I had revealed some horrid perverted secret.

Please don't think that I am making out that she is not a supportive friend, this girl is my rock. She gets her sweat on with me every week at zumba, is always there to talk to and offer support, I think she was just genuinely surprised.

The trouble is though, being fat is all I've known. At school I was the chubby kid, I vaguely remember being a size 10 and being proud that I fit into "ladies sizes" and not children's clothes, even though I was a child, I just really wanted to be a grown up and "ladies sizes" meant I was one. My weight rocketed through high school and college, at the top I was knocking on 21 stone.

I managed to lose almost 3stone on my own, gained one when I tried and failed at weightwatchers and now I've joined slimming world I'm already back down to the lowest weight I remember being.

I'm worried that when I get to a size I'm happy with, people will still remember me the way I am now. I get scared when thin people talk about how frail and unwell Pauline Quirke looks now, and I wonder what they will say about me. I'm scared I'm going to do really well but have ridiculous amounts of saggy skin left over.

Losing weight is such an emotional rollercoaster, it can be really scary at times.

 

[Maddysmum]

First of all - well done for loosing 3 stone already.
As for what everyone will say when you get to target weight - Does it really matter???
Its how YOU will feel that matters.
As for excess skin, when you've lost some of your weight do some excercise, it doesn't have to be strenious but all will help your body/ skin shrink as you do. Its get skinny quick diets which cause excess skin!
Please don't worry about the future - live now, the future will take care of itself
x

 

[meadowbankles]

To be honest, I think your lovely friend doesn't see a fat girl, she just sees her lovely friend and it was probably your revelation of those big numbers that shocked her because she simply hadn't realised - not that she thought there was anything wrong with it. Does that make sense? I know what I mean

 

[LisaC]

Don't you feel great though that you've got yourself in gear & already had a good loss? You should be proud of yourself!!

Sometimes people have no idea how much we weigh & revealing it to them (which isn't easy) can shock them. When I weighed 13st my dad guessed that I weighed 8 & a half st, I felt it was a stupid comment for him to make but he had no idea (obviously!). I weigh more than I look so I'd understand if someone was way off.

I read the article on Pauline Quirke & I thought she looked great! I love reading articles about "celebs" (including Ruth Jones) who have lost weight the healthy way. That's what you're doing, you're putting your health first & your hard work will pay off.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what people think of us (I struggle with that) so as long as you're happy with yourself that's all that matters. Plus your friends love you for you, not for what size you are. So when you're at your target weight you'll still be the same YOU, just with more confidence

As for the saggy skin, I don't know of any SW members who've had problems but exercise would really help tone you up as you lose weight.

 

[Lonestitcher]

Firstly, be proud that your friend was so shocked!!! That means that she sees you as you and not your size. People at group were amazed when I told them that no-one noticed I'd lost weight (until I'd hit the 2 stone gone mark) - I told my group I was happy - it meant that I was hiding my fat well!!!!

People only mention about Pauline Quirke because it is a bit of a shock. No-one sees her for ages, and then suddenly - pow! Huge loss later and full page spread showing 'before' pictures. Most of us have been going about our normal lives, losing weight and that is what people see and remember. Maybe if we all walked about with a lifesize cut-out of ourselves at our starting point, people may comment!!!

Lastly, the scary 'loose skin issue'. DON'T PANIC!!!! I started not much lighter than you (1/2 stone) and have lost 6 stone. Ok, I'm a little bit more droopy than when I started, but I'm probably older than you, and two years older than when I started... and I've been doing no exercise ... really must start soon....

Relax and enjoy yourself... and be glad that you've got such a good friend!!

 

[Eamoo]

I've told a few people that I need to lose about 10 stone to get to a healthy weight and they have all had similar reactions to your friend. It has spurred me on that it's so shocking to them, but at the same time I allow myself to take it as a compliment that I must carry all this extra weight well!

I'm in a similar situation to you - always been chubby, in ladies sizes midway through senior school. Sometimes I feel like no-one else understands how that feels as most people started putting on the weight as a teenager, after having kids etc so it's almost refreshing to know that someone else has had that life-long struggle too.

I think sometimes when you've been overweight all your life it can be harder to imagine getting to your goal because you've never been there. If you've only ever been 'the fat girl' you take on that persona and I know sometimes that holds me back because it's scary to think about being someone else. But I know that losing the weight is the best thing I can do for my physical and mental health. I'd take saggy skin over the sore joints I get at the moment.

Best of luck, sounds like you're doing great already

 

[LittleFlutterby]

I started SW weighing in at 22 1/2 stone. When I lost about 3 stone, I wasn't ashamed to tell people what my weight was. I always told people that I had 10 stone to lose, and I always got the "omg" response.

It makes me laugh now- nearly 6 stone down the line- because when i tell people how much i've lost they look at me with their gob on the floor

A few of my friends, if I havent seen them in a while, tend to scream from one end of the room in shock at how different I look. I love it now, because I like how people can see it

I can't see the loss myself- but I don't think I ever will to be honest. I have BDD- in my eyes I will always be fat

anyhoo- well done on your loss so far that's awesome! Don't worry about getting saggy skin. i don't know how old you are, because age is a factor in "sagginess", but Pauline Quirke lost the weight very very fast, and her skin didnt have enough time to "ping" back (as my mum calls it)

Enjoy your journey- it's not a chore, it doesn't have to be boring and painful- look forward, think positive and enjoy

 

[shelleylovesjelly]

I've told a few people that I need to lose about 10 stone to get to a healthy weight and they have all had similar reactions to your friend. It has spurred me on that it's so shocking to them, but at the same time I allow myself to take it as a compliment that I must carry all this extra weight well!

I'm in a similar situation to you - always been chubby, in ladies sizes midway through senior school. Sometimes I feel like no-one else understands how that feels as most people started putting on the weight as a teenager, after having kids etc so it's almost refreshing to know that someone else has had that life-long struggle too.

I think sometimes when you've been overweight all your life it can be harder to imagine getting to your goal because you've never been there. If you've only ever been 'the fat girl' you take on that persona and I know sometimes that holds me back because it's scary to think about being someone else. But I know that losing the weight is the best thing I can do for my physical and mental health. I'd take saggy skin over the sore joints I get at the moment.

Best of luck, sounds like you're doing great already

I understand exactly how you feel, I think it can be so much easier for those who want to fit back into their wedding dress or be the same size they were before they went to uni, they aren't leaping into the unknown.

I'm going to have to call in the cavalry next year, it's my boyfriend's brother's wedding in June, and I'm already in a flap about dress shopping!

 

[hannata]

i HATE the whole aghast "omg you were that size" reaction... or "OMG you don't need to lose that much wise up"

Just really bugs me for some reason... I don't mind a big deal being made about it in a sw class for example, but it just really irks me when people that have no clue put on false pretenses, almost in a patronising way.. especially when one of those people insulted me only a few days beforehand...

 

[SWRocks!]

Congrats on your weight loss, by the sounds of it your friend probably didnt see you as being as big as you were which to me is only a good thing. Too many people focus on size, we all need a friend like yours

 

[cyberjelly]

When I started SW in January this year I was technically 8 stone over weightvwhen I told someone atcwork this she screamed 'No' at the top of her voice. She has urged me all the way through the year not to lose too much as I would look gaunt.
Well I have lost 4 stone now, she now keeps on that I need to stop as 'Why would I want to lose more?'
What she fails to reaslise is its my weight lose not hers, I am only about 1 stone from where I want to be, I have asked others fo I look gaunt but no obe has said yes yet( I do have a few honest friends).
Remember its your weight loss journey and your body. Even your best friends can't begin to know how you honestly feel about your body, you have done so well.
As for the saggy skin, I only have my little belly pouch as I do exercise 4 times a week, but after 2 kids and 3 abdominal surguries I have no hope of a flat tummy.
Keep up the good work.

 

[tara40]

Firstly congratulations on your weight loss. I find SW not a diet but a healthy eating plan. I also worry about getting saggy skin but as mentioned earlier in this thread that loosing it slowly will give you skin time to tighten as you go.

good luck and keep us posted.

and cyberjelly. you just keep going until you are happy with yourself.