Cerulean
Silver Member
I almost cracked today. My chatterbox has been having a right go at me about how saggy my bum looked in the mirror, about how wrinkly my armpits are, about how inadequate I felt at work today and how I just might as well eat. Of course my chatterbox is ignoring my firm upper torso, my almost entirely vanished cellulite, my amazing cheekbones and all the wonderful things that are emerging this week. It's just a bad week - I droop for a couple of weeks and then it catches up and gets perkier - I have to keep remembering that.
Thing is I have 152 perfect days of abstinence under my belt - I don't want to give up. I don't want to break the pact with myself. I don't want to entertain the thought of failure for a second. I have won. I am just climbing the podium to get my medal at this stage!
I have a deep need to prove to myself that the quitter, the pathetic wretch I thought I was for giving up and eating in all those times of crisis - that she isn't me. The person that is me is the dedicated, committed, thoughtful, strong woman that has stuck with this every inch of the way and been modest about my successes when appropriate and bloody proud of them too.
I always knew I was beautiful even when I was over 18st. But now I just feel like that beauty is enhanced by my strength of will and perseverance.
I know that now is where the hard work begins. I need to start getting ready to let the food back in and to watch my thoughts and behaviour as carefully and lovingly as I will chew and enjoy each bite. So I will start to prepare and take excellent care of myself, inside and out.
I think I need to start logging this all much more closely - so I will start using my extrapounds blog more.
Oh - and also - you may not recognise me - and this was filmed when I was about 2 stone heavier than I am now but about 4 stone into my LL journey...but I'm the one in the blonde wig and the black dress...
YouTube - New Royal Family - Anyone Fancy a Chocolate Digestive?
I am going to keep on going - because I have to. Because this has worked. Because I deserve it. And because I will look amazing in a US size 6 Diane Von Furstenberg dress!
Thing is I have 152 perfect days of abstinence under my belt - I don't want to give up. I don't want to break the pact with myself. I don't want to entertain the thought of failure for a second. I have won. I am just climbing the podium to get my medal at this stage!
I have a deep need to prove to myself that the quitter, the pathetic wretch I thought I was for giving up and eating in all those times of crisis - that she isn't me. The person that is me is the dedicated, committed, thoughtful, strong woman that has stuck with this every inch of the way and been modest about my successes when appropriate and bloody proud of them too.
I always knew I was beautiful even when I was over 18st. But now I just feel like that beauty is enhanced by my strength of will and perseverance.
I know that now is where the hard work begins. I need to start getting ready to let the food back in and to watch my thoughts and behaviour as carefully and lovingly as I will chew and enjoy each bite. So I will start to prepare and take excellent care of myself, inside and out.
I think I need to start logging this all much more closely - so I will start using my extrapounds blog more.
Oh - and also - you may not recognise me - and this was filmed when I was about 2 stone heavier than I am now but about 4 stone into my LL journey...but I'm the one in the blonde wig and the black dress...
YouTube - New Royal Family - Anyone Fancy a Chocolate Digestive?
I am going to keep on going - because I have to. Because this has worked. Because I deserve it. And because I will look amazing in a US size 6 Diane Von Furstenberg dress!