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A letter to my past self...


Full Member
I had to do this in therapy, and wondered if anyone else would like to join in? It's good fun! x

Dear Izzy

I know you won't listen to me, because you won't believe a word of what I'm about to write, but you are just about to tip over in to something big and dangerous, and I want to warn you, before its too late.

You need to stop right now. That cute little notebook you bought to record your calories? Burn it. It will be the start of so much grief for you. It is what will push you from a fad diet into a full blown eating disorder.

Theres no point telling you that actually, cos you WANT an eating disorder, you WANT to be thin, I know you do. Let me tell you this then:

Very soon, you will just stop eating. Altogether. You will faint about twice a week, you will fall behind at school and then end up not going at all. You will lose your friends. Your only friend will be your eating disorder and the strangers you meet on Pro ana websites.

Your days, Izzy, will revolve around fasts and exercise and calories. You will think of nothing else. But it'll be ok, izzy, cos you'll lose weight, and you will be happy. Thats all that will matter to you.

But think on this my love, Your hair will begin to fall out, you will get stomach pains so bad that Ibuprofen can't stop them, the same with leg cramps. Your hands and feet will switch between painfully cold to just downright numb. You will be grey and you will get horrible hair all over your body.

You will look worse thin then you EVER looked fat. The little bit of confidence you have will disappear and you will become housebound.

Then will come your lowest point, when you take a bottle of vodka and the sharp kitchen knife and you will tell yourself that you WILL be as light as air, even if it means being dead. You really mean it Izzy, and you will have those scars for the rest of your life. A constant reminder that no amount of makeup or bracelets can hide from the world.

It won't end there though, you'll have to endure months of therapy you don't want to attend. You will be force fed 6 times a day until you believe you are as fat as an elephant and you will sob at every meal, cry yourself to sleep every night, hating the feeling of your flesh on the mattress.

Then, everything will fly into reverse, you will beat the disorder. Mostly. But instead you will gorge yourself until you balloon to almost as big as you are now, and then the cycle will continue...

That is what will happen to you Izzy if you keep that notebook. Or you could go to Mum and ask her to sign you up to weight watchers. Have a normal life, go to parties, and have boyfriends. There is so much more to life than a computer screen and calorie burning.

Please, Isabella, listen to me, you ARE beautiful and you are NOT AS FAT AS YOU FEEL. You are worth so much more than Ana. Don't let her into your life.

All my love, Izzy xx
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