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A little humour

S: 17st12lb C: 16st10lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st2lb(6.4%)
#1
This is very funny!



A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified h erself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally mad e it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Nissan in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an act ivity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other **** too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny ***** to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_____________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't hav e any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching ele ve n straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
 
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ChellyWellyBoot

I will be skinny again!!!
S: 14st10.5lb C: 11st12.5lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 23.9 Loss: 2st12lb(19.37%)
#2
lol
 
S: 19st4lb C: 13st13lb G: 14st0lb BMI: 24.4 Loss: 5st5lb(27.78%)
#3
that made me chuckle
 
S: 14st7lb C: 13st7lb Loss: 1st0lb(6.9%)
#4
that was brilliant!
 
S: 13st11lb C: 12st9lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 31.4 Loss: 1st2lb(8.29%)
#5
I love it!!
 

LovelyLauren

My husband = My hero
S: 20st0lb C: 14st7lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 30.9 Loss: 5st7lb(27.5%)
#7
hahahaha that was fantastic! sounds just about right i think!! x
 
S: 19st7lb C: 15st5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 39.3 Loss: 4st2lb(21.25%)
#8
Lol so true, personal trainers are on the devils payroll!!!!
 

blue eyes

Positive and focused!
S: 13st13lb C: 11st9lb G: 9st0lb Loss: 2st4lb(16.41%)
#9
lol I liked that! XX
 
S: 20st7lb C: 20st7lb G: 9st4lb BMI: 44.9 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#10
well that brought a smile to me face..lol
 


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