a long road to travel

Hi Chezz, oh I did exactly the same the other day, I shoved the scales under the chair in my bedroom, kind of out of sight out of mind as otherwise I become a crazed scale hopper ! ha ha I will be on and off them all the ruddy time which is so stupid when you think of all the weight fluctuations we can have especially as women, I think once a week is plenty good for me!

I meant to come on yesterday but didn't in the end as I didn't end up coming on the computer at all yesterday evening, I had a really tough therapy session earlier in the day and my mind was so elsewhere, I should have come here really as I was struggling last night with my food, I so wanted to binge yet I didn't in the end, I know it was emotional hunger not physical hunger but I really don't know how I didn't binge yesterday as I came so very close.

How are things with you? Em x
 
Hi Em
wow well done you have face your demon in the face and told it no im not giving in to you .......... you go girl thats brill another little step you have took you should be really proud of yourself, im doing good im a little nervous about the first food meeting tomorrow but one of my friends is there with me to so its not to bad now walking in with someone instead of by myself gosh im a plob lol ...... not sure wot is wrong though today i do feel a little emontional but i asume my body is going through all changes at the moment lol well keep up the good work love we will get there

xx chezz xx
 
thanks Chezz, your support on here in particular is making me feel like I can do it this time! I always log in to see if you are about as I just feel we are so on the same wave length!

I really hope the food meeting goes well, I am so pleased you have a friend going with you, its so important to have support, good on you for trying to educate yourself re food etc, I know recently I have been reading up and researching more and more about the foods we eat etc, as someone who loves their food I sure didn't know much about it! ha ha

I hope you get through the emotional time, I know as soon as I feel more emotional my need for food increases big time its really my toughest challenge then to stay away from the food, saying that my house is full of much healthier options than it ever used to be so to a certain extent if I do have a slip up it will be a less serious one than before the diet!

How are you doing today? Em xx
 
hi em
hope you are feeling ok today hun..... well the reshape meeting went good there was about 14 of us there and all so friendly as we all have weight to lose but i had to laugh to myself i was the biggest one lol but hey who cares really enjoyed it will be going for the next 8 weeks on a thursday so least its a day out lol well my friend never came pulled out an hour before we was going but when i got to our social club where i meet with my friends just for a orange and soda water and a game off bingo ( lol i sound 80 lol and im not ) she told me she was ill on the text and when i walked in she was sat there with a pint of larger i was mad but did not show it i thought sod you love i do not need people like you letting me down all the time i might aswell do this journey on my own like i started doing.....she came over letter look at the booklets and papers they gave us and said ho i think i might leave it for now i just said look do what you want you always do she always lets me down all the time but shes my friend so i forgive her but its getting on my nervous at the moment as my friend who as very bad depression cameout for the first time last thursday and she was really enjoying being out ok she was nervous but she know i would make sure she was ok i only went to the toliet and the other friend had upset her i could really slap her sometimes she knows since her dad died she as had very bad depression and she does this i mean it was only three years ago and its still fresh to her i have known her since we was kids so i want to be there for her and help her like i know she would if the boot was on the other foot and it was me sorry for rambling love im just so mad at her well got weighed and measured while there least i waslast everyone had gone lol lol well off to see a gym next week to see wot its like then will have a week or a month to think about it lol lol no a week lol anyway love hope your ok and hey if you fall off like we all do brushed yourself down and just get back on do not give in love i know you can do it im 100% behind you em im here for you take care for now
XXchezzXX
 
Hi Chezz, I am glad the reshape meeting went well, don't worry about you feeling you are the biggest one there, I often find I am when I go to things, but to be honest whats more important is your mind set and willingness to change and educate yourself re food etc and you are doing that so well so don't run yourself down! I am so sorry your friend let you down, well you did better than I would have done, you still went to the meeting even though she let you down at the very last minute, now that just shows your determination, I would have bottled it most likely so be proud of yourself as its never easy going to a place on your own when you don't know anyone there. I can understand your frustration though I would have felt very let down as well, she will be envious of your progress though when she realises how well you are doing and as she sees you lose the weight she may well have a change of heart. Also we have to be aware that some friends don't like change, change for them or change for you, just make sure she doesn't sabotage your efforts, I don't mean to be harsh its just some people sadly who we love and are close to sometimes don't always have our best interests at heart.

I have suffered with severe depression myself and I personally became very reclusive and have only recently started getting back out there so I know how hard it would have been for your other friend but how lucky she is to have a close friend like you, sadly you can't be responsible for what your other friend did although I can totally understand your anger as I would have felt the same way. I have a friend very much like you and shes stuck by me over the years even when I have wanted to push her away when the depression was at its worst and she has been wonderful, just like you are being to your friend.

Good luck with the gym, I still have to think about that, it terrifies me, so silly I know!

Today was a bit up and down, at points I felt great and motivated and some of the time I could have eaten for England yet I knew those times were due to emotional hunger rather than physical hunger as I had a decent meal just before that feeling, I just wish sometimes I could not have such an emotional relationship with food, it sometimes feels like my best friend and worst enemy rolled into one!

Em xx
 
Hi em

thanks for the nice kind words i am trying so hard to do it this time to climb the old belly moutain and chip away at the old sculpter as i need a new one lol its getting to heay this one to carry around and somtimes my back kills lol im still debating the gym i really want to go but im so i dont know i sippose im scared but i think i might go and have a look i mean wot can that hurt i would love just to be able to walk and thats is and swim i love swimming i might think about that for a bit who cares if people stare have they never seen a chunkie girl swim before lol
aw bless you em im glad ou have a good friend who is there for you and she is standing by you also im glad you are getting out now love thats great you have really come a long way thats great news and to be doing the deit as well thats fab...
do you know em good on you knowing that you can admitt your realtionship with food you have halfed your demons ther admitting to that as you know wot triggers your eating off and like i say if it does take over like i knoow they can least it healthy food not the other crap we use to eat....

you are so right about the people we love and friends not liking change you hit the nail on the head with a few of my friends they will want to get me back to the girl i use to be eating crap and having a larger with them i mean i still go out once a week but know i only drink soda water and there like come on have a pint i think here we go again just like when i gave up the cigs it went on for 6 months and then they left me alone ......

so wot will you be up to this weekend em anything nice or you going anywhere ???
whatever you do have a good weekend love will try and catch you on here over the weekend

take care

xxchezzxx
 

Hi Chezz, how are you? I had my second weigh in today and lost 6 lbs somehow, that is a stone in two weeks, I'm truly in shock as I have been eating plenty just alot healthier I guess, well I am very heavy so my body is I guess happy to see some of the weight go!

I understand your feelings re your body, its so tough, I think what motivated me was that I was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and I feel the tiredness is ruining my life, they said there is no guarantee weight loss with get rid of it but as my sleep apnea is fairly mild in comparison to some there is every chance it will help so I am going with it!! I also found myself finding it harder to do those normal things people take for granted like putting socks on, bending over was harder, my knees were hurting and I am 34 not 84 !! I just knew I had to do something about it before its too late. I am sure together we can both change our bodies and our lives!!

I understand your worries re swimming, I have been silly and not been swimming since I left school all because of my weight, one of my aims is actually to go swimming with my nieces. Why should we let our weight stop us doing something but I know its my body image that gets in the way!

I find it so useful to be aware of the trigger foods for example I tried these Mikado biscuits for a change so I could have a treat now and again because they were low in carb, only thing like that I tried, well I scoffed the whole box, it just triggered me into binge mode whereas nothing else I have had whilst on this diet has done that as I have basically removed all trigger foods from my eating plan, something I was advised to do by my therapist who specialises in eating disorders.

I know I didn't want to sound mean about your friend its just from experience I know that my friends can be so supportive of me but they like me being that "fat and funny" one when I lose weight and if I get smaller than them as they all battle to a lesser degree with their weight I am worried its going to be an issue!!


I hope you have a lovely wkend, I am off out with my nieces which I am looking forward to later today, talk soon, love Em xx
 
Chezz and Em can I join you two. Ive got about twelve stone to lose and I feel a bit on my own. I'm doing Slimming World and have lost 21.5lbs so far.

The reshape programme looks brilliant. I could do with something like that.
 
Hi travelswithafatgirl, welcome and yes feel free to join us two, its always good to have more people to talk with, I know both myself and Chezz have found each others support on here of great use and there are also lots of supportive people in this group in particular. I know many people feel more at home here as you can chat with others who have a lot of weight to lose so you feel like you belong. I had found being around people who said had half a stone to a stone or just over to lose a bit depressing as like you I am aiming to lose half my body weight! Wow with regards to your weight loss so far, thats great. You will find most of the people in this group seem to be doing calorie counting type diets and programs like SW or WW as we are all in for the long haul with how much weight we have to lose, Em x
 
hi travel
yes cause you can join in us i try to get on a least once a day to catch up with em and the others and i agree with em you will gets lots and lots of support on here as we are all in the same boat and well done on your weight loss so far .............. yes the reshape programme is great i have just started on it its for ten weeks but looking forward to leaning new things about food plus its free and run by the nhs good loook on your journey and chat on here whenever you want to me and em will support you

xxchezzxx
 
yes yes yes yes yes im out of the 23sts and into the 22sts looks like i could be in the 21's in september fingers crossed 3 lbs lost this week yippieeeeeee
 
hi em

hope you had a good weekend with your family yesterday ... we went out for the day me and the hubby for a meal for is birthday on tuesday nothing over the top lol saying that the women near us had a lovely burger oh i could have nicked it lol lol and then she had choc choc pudding for afters and i had to laugh she was about 8 stone wet through and shes going on about losing so weight i thought well love one stop eating that and 2 why the hell do peeps like your always moan about your weight when your stick thin ............... i myself do not want to be stick thin i just want to fit in to a size 14 and i will be so happy with that then i can shop at any clothes shop just not the big girl ones
yes i agree with you about the mates im the fat funny one who does not mind making a fool of herself and i know now there is a little bit of ***** biting behind my back but im not doing it for them im doing it for me and like my hubby said if they cannot accept it then not real friends i have to laugh cause i have lots of weight to lose so why here being funny sometimes im not sure oh well never mind
hope you enjoy rest of your weekend
xxchezzxx
 
wow well done chezz, 3lbs is fab and out of the 23s that brilliant, I am so happy for you! :D I hope you had a nice meal, oh yes don't you just hate really skinny people who bang on about diets and their weight it makes me see red! arghhhh You made me smile as I was only saying to my dad the other day my aim is to able to wear a size 14, for me that is curvy even slim for me, I don't care what anyone thinks if I get to a size 14 and someone says I am still big I'll thump them ha ha

Oh yes the fat funny one I can relate to that, yeah why is it that as soon as you are trying to lose weight even early on in the process it brings about weird reactions from friends.

I had a lovely day with my nieces yesterday, funny thing was they know I'm trying to lose weight and they said they were worried if I lost too much I wouldn't be auntie Emma anymore as they have only known me big and cuddly and said they don't want me to turn into "Billy Bones" ,as if!!! ha ha ha Em xx
 
hi em
are you sure you are not my younger sister lol we think a like so much i always say i will never be a size 0 lol i was born that lol no no im joking no size 14 like yourself is enough for me and if people do not like it though its better than being a 28 so i want to be half of my jeans now lol lol oh dear im mad ......... bless the little ones thats lovely wot they said em and it shows they love you for who you are bless them and im so glad you have had a good dayout yesterday it does make a diffrence i think when we get out thats why on a saturday i like me and the OH to get up and go out somewhere for the day we take our sandwiches with us for dinner and then have our tea out or have it when we get back in ..... that sweet chilli egg noddles and chicken at wetherspoons in lovely and filling they have some nice meals and it tells you hom many calories are in them as well and fat ............ i use to love pints of larger no halfs for me it was always a pint and thats when my weight piled on so now if we go out i change it to a bottle of wine and soda water a lot better for me or dry martini and diet lemonade thats my favourite .....been going to aldi these last 2 weeks for a few things and there fruit and veg is lovely there really fresh and there beans and tomatoes are nice to and i can be really fussy................well im going to go on amazon and treat my self to that biggest loser slimdown dvd for the exercise a friend as told me to get it she said for the weight im at this will be ok and not knock me out lol lol so putting the gym on the back bolier for now but im still walking and going to go swimming i have got to take that first step lol well that big bang bong splash in the pool lolol it will be empty lolol me thinks i better just walk in lololol......and thanks it feels great to be in the 22sts

talk to you real soon
xxchezzxx
 
exactly Chezz, I'm a size 24 / 26 at present and so like you I think a size 14 would be wonderful, I have never actually been a size 14 as an adult so for me it would be a totally new experience and I am happy at the thought of being curvy just not big as I am now. Size 14 has always been my dream, anyway with my build I would look stupid if I got too small as I have broad shoulders. My sister is the same build body wise as me but alot slimmer and she always looks wonderful when shes a size 12 / 14 yet when she was at uni she went on a stupid starvation plan and got down to size 8 I am not joking because of her build etc she looked so ill, she looked like she needed to be in hospital as she just didn't have the frame for a size 8 yet her friend who is a size 8 looks fine on it as she has a really small frame.

Oh my nieces are great, they love me so much and always show it and I adore them, they call me their second mum which I love and they are ultra protective over me, they will not admit that I have a weight problem as to do that is to find fault in someone they love so much! I think they like me being slightly larger as I am good for cuddles, bit of a bear hug ha ha I think at size 14 I could still do bear hugs they just don't want me very skinny ha ha I loved their "Billy Bones" idea, like that would ever happen!! lol

Let me know how the dvd goes when you get it, I tend to do dog walks for exercise as I have a young collie who needs walking at least twice sometimes three times a day and she has me walking all over the place, its really good for me as I really push myself and living in the countryside is a blessing.

I am so pleased you are in the 22s! :D

Em xx
 
hi em
thanks for the kind words hun i feel great to say hey im in the 22s now lololl im mad ....... i think its great with your neices they sound lovely and yes iagree with you size 16/14 is just right you got all the curves in the right places then i mean i know its a long way of for me but hey its fun daydreaming about it lol ..... i think its lovely that they said hey you will not be billy bones how lovely is that they love there cuddles by the sound of it wot a pleasure they are and that rare these days hope you have had a good day
and you go gril on this losing jouney we will be curvi stud muffins lolol lol

xxchezzxx
 
well what a day it ended up being work went fine really good day today ...............then it happened went in to the supermarket and there was one of my so called mates who i have not seen for ages not very good with words this one think she was born a b**** i really do anyway i took a deep breath and said hello how are you and the kids did i get a straight reply .......................your kidding ohh hello chez longtime no see wow don't you look bigger than the last time i saw you oh i know you have stopped smoking you said but wow you have put alot of weight on .......................well i thought do not let her get to you luckly my bro was shopping with me and he said yeah she looks great don't she now shes losing weight lol i had to laugh she did not know where to put her face one in the face for her i had to get my own back i said well least when i lose my weight i will not need a face lift as all big girls have pretty faces i said to her thats wot you always ues to say to me so whem im slimmer well the worlds my oyster ( not that i think that i wanted to rub salt in the wind her up ) gosh didnt i feel good thanks big bro you made my day

xxchezxx
 
curvy stud muffins ha ha love it! Sorry I wasn't on last night, Tues is my therapy day and I am always usually a bit all over the place that evening after that and so tend to not come online then.

How are you? hope you have been able to get over the supermarket situation, what is it with people like that, I had one the other day who I hadn't seen for ages who then made it very obvious that she would have never recognised me as I had put so much weight on and then went on to say how she was thinking of having liposuction as it was perfect for people like her as she had looked after herself and just wanted to get rid of a little bit unlike people who have let themselves go and looked in my direction as she was saying it, I was so upset and freaking angry grrrrr I am loving your brother right now, I'm so glad he said what he did, good on him!

I have been struggling in the last few days, not sure why just suddenly doubting myself, I know its all part and parcel of trying to lose weight which is why these groups are so useful as we can talk with others. I just wanted to binge the other day even though I didn't in the end , I came so close and I had already eaten plenty of healthy food just had this need to have a "fix" which for me would be something chocolate like but luckily the moment passed but I seem to have been battling much more recently so I am just hoping its a temporary glitch. I often find therapy makes me hungry ha ha !!

Em xxx
 
Hi Em

yeah i feel alot better today it really knocked me sideways i was so shocked wot she said its made me doubt again about the gym just got my head round going to have a look and maybe joining up im not the kind of person who lets words and looks bother me i shrug them of but sometimes i do feel hurt it was the way she said it and the look she gave bloody b****...... well i have bought me gym stuff so im going to try and make myself go next week just go and have a look round but im going swimming next week so thats a start watch out there will be a drought next week i will have swallowed it all lol lol lol .... im sorry to hear you are feeling the urges but trust me em they will go and your doing great and im behind you 100% do not forget to buy yourself somethnig for every loss you lose as that spurs you on to ....................well off to work will try to get on later after i have been to my reshape meeting keep up the good work em we will be stunning muffins and will be able to help other people who have had the same problem we have and what a great gift that will be for them and for us

xxchezzxx
 
hi em

hope you have had a good day and your feeling ok

the reshape meeting went great im really getting into it and the group is getting bigger so they have took some of our group to the early one i know its only common sense there learning us but its great that other people are behind you to and they know what your going through so feeling good now been there been talking about the gym with them tonight and they have told me to try two in my area just have a look round and see which one i like best one is direct debit and you cannot cancel till after three months and the other is a one off £15 and then its £3.00 everytime you go are £7.00 a week and if you do not go for a week you do not pay it so i will have to see oh the first one is £35 a month and you can use gym sanua steam room and swimming pool .....
have a good day tomorrow wot ever your doing
xxchezzxx
 
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