A quest for the old happy Em

You could be right ginlin, I can feel my hands and feet are swollen up if not the rest of me and I always feel heavier in the heat.

With any luck we'll both get a nice cold day tomorrow and have un-puffed by WI :D

Seriously craving alpen bars right now as I ran out. I guess it means I'll save a healthy B today but it might also drive me to the choccy machine instead....hope not. Had a tin of spaghetti on toast today for a change instead of beans at lunch so I must keep telling my tummy it's had enough. I think I'm just missing the bit of my brain that says 'I'm full' as I very rarely am. I'm like a bottomless pit or some sort of animal like a cow that has to keep grazing all day long and never gets satisfied.
 
Well it's started raining here, so fingers crossed that it gets colder then x

I really struggle with the 'stopping when satisfied' feeling, although as the weeks have gone on, I am much better.

I'm also trying to stop eating cereal bars as my hexb, as I find that it makes me want to eat more sweet things:eek:
 
Eugh, what an awful fortnight it's been since I last wrote on here. First I felt all rough as it was * week, then I caught a bug from probably the doctors surgery and spent all but the Monday last week at home on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. Unfortunately this didn't do the diet much good as I was sticking to it but my lack of movement meant any food was going to go straight to my thighs as I didn't burn any of it off!

I was still feeling weak right up until yesterday and I got my first good nights sleep coughing free last night so today I'm feeling a lot better. Fat club was given a miss last week as a result of being ill and at last nights I gained 2lb :-( Not so bad as that was 2 weeks gains I suppose but I'm up over 13stone again now. I have 10 weeks to go till holiday and I'm really concerned my clothes won't fit by then. At the moment despite me putting a few pounds on I don't seem to have gotten any bigger.

Not a good start that today was a girly lunch at work with pizza and we're then off to Harvester on Sunday too with my parents although that isn't so naughty if I have fruit for pud and jacket spud instead of chips.

Another girl at work is also booked to go on a cruise in a month and gave the girly lunch a miss today on account of her pre-holiday diet. She's stronger than me....she's done the Cambridge Diet, says it all really! She's about a size 12 and my height so I don't think she needs to lose any but each to their own. Some people think a size 10 is too fat for them.

I'm hoping to have the energy for the gym this week.....fingers crossed.
 
Hi EmmyLou, sorry to hear that you have been unwell but glad that you are feeling better.Hope that you have a positive SW week. x
 
I made it to the gym on Friday and was really proud of myself and I really was tired and wanted to go straight home but I still went. I weighed on Sunday but for some reason didn't weigh last Sunday so not sure what the gain was - about a pound I think. I'm now just a 0.3lb loss beyond my 3 stone sticker - any more gains and I'm going to have to alter my signature again :-( So I've put on half a stone in the last 2 months or so from goodness knows where. I've also been feeling loads more tired and unable to get up in the mornings so I'm wondering if it's all thyroid related.

Today is a new day as they say and 9 weeks till my holiday....really going to try and see what I can get off before then - that half a stone back off would do nicely! If I'm still struggling then back to the doctors I go as this is getting ridiculous. 4 years since I started taking medication for the thyroid issues and I'm still not the person I was, not even close :-(

This months magazine had a nice lot of green day recipes in so it's been a while since I did some new things and I'm going to give them a go. Wish me luck, this week is going to be tough!

 
Well yesterday could have been better, but it could have been worse too. I had 19.5 syns yesterday and today is looking to be 17 syns given what I have left in my lunch bag for lunch and tea (I'm off out to an open air performance of Treasure Island tonight so no going home for tea between work and that).

I know that means I need 2 days now of being really good to balance it out but I figured it was a step in the right direction to be counting it up at least. My downfall this morning was breakfast which used both my hexb's up so now I've had to syn all that I'd normally have as my hexb's. This diet really is pants for breakfast unless you're a stay at home Mum or jobless or something and have time in the mornings to be doing omlettes etc without using your hexb's. Given that my thyroid problem means I struggle to get up in the mornings at all, I certainly couldn't manage the extra time needed to cook a breakfast. I gave into cereal today, normally I try and not eat till I get to work and then have an Alpen Light bar but this morning my rumbling tummy wouldn't let me!

 
Totally lost track of yesterdays syns in the end....on the way home from the show having not really had any proper tea I succumbed to the 24 hour garage and a cheese and onion pasty :( It wasn't as nice as I remember them being which is a good thing as I'll know that for next time but it filled a whole and I was starving. Drawing a line under it and back to it today....
 
Well finally a move on the scales in the right direction - 0.7lb off this week! Still 6lb above my lightest but I need to stop focussing on that and just concentrate on every little bit of a pound counting.

8 weeks till holiday, got myself a really nice waterproof coat on the weekend to take as the weather could do anything mid September.

Saw a friend for a meal on Friday and he said he couldn't see the half stone gain at all and I still looked smaller than I used too :D

Another random NSV on the weekend was realising I can now squeeze between the loft ladder and the banister on the landing - before now I had to make sure I had everything the right side of the ladder before getting it down as I couldn't fit past it if I mistakenly left something in the bedroom that needed to go up there. Going up and down the ladder is obviously loads easier too on my poor puny arms!

I tried a recipe from the magazine this weekend too as planned - bleugh. The usual bland veg with no yummy sauce or anything. It was spaghetti with aubergine, tomatoes, onion and garlic with a bit of cheese scattered on it. I used mozarella instead of feta as I think you might as well sprinkle soap powder on your food as use that nasty stuff :yuk: as that's what it tastes like to me. I ended up dousing it in balsamic vinegar and salt to give it some flavour.

I have cut out the recipe for some roasted pepper cous cous to try next. Great find in Sainsburys this weekend too was orzo pasta at last!! And some giant cous cous :D
 
Well I finally managed a whole day without using all my syns to the max! Just 8 syns yesterday in the end and no hexA's. 5 of the syns were margerine I carefully measured out onto my potatoes and sweetcorn - must try some of those butterbuds next time I'm in Lakeland.

Fingers crossed for tonight that I can manage a small loss at class.
 
The class scales got all confused and the little pda with the card in it told her I had a 1.5lb loss last night, but they said 13st 4lb which is only a 1lb loss from last time. End result is the same I guess and it's a loss!!!

I also ordered a food directory ready for my departure from class - I have 2 more classes left to go on vouchers but then I'm not sure what to do. If I'm on a losing streak again and my body has sorted itself out then I might stay, if it continues to infuriate me by gaining then I won't!

I really wanted the ground to open up and swallow me last night when she read out my loss.....as after 21 weeks my total loss is 4lbs!!! I'd rather she'd just said 'you lost 1.5lbs, well done' and left it at that. Surely she realises telling the class I have a grand total of 4lbs isn't helpful!? I know it's not entirely my fault it's so poor and no-one there knows I already lost 3 stone before joining which is why it looks so shameful.

They probably all think I'm not trying. Especially as a very big couple joined 2 weeks ago and she got her stone award last night and he got his 1.5 stone. How is that even possible no matter how many stone you have to lose?? :eek: I'd say he was 23 stone or more and her well over 23 too and she has a permenant oxygen tube up her nose with a carry along tank so I wish them all the luck in the world, as his breathing doesn't sound too hot either so losing weight will really help them sort out their health. Plus if they lose quick it'll keep them going without resorting to a gastric band or anything. But people losing so well makes my losses seem even worse. I know I shouldn't compare myself as my case is a bit different to the norm in terms of what I can achieve and my whole reason for joining class was to stop me regaining all the weight as my weight loss slowed up and got harder - which is what I've managed so that's a good thing.

I sneaked a peek on the scales this morning and it said I'd lost a bit already since Sunday so that's going to keep me going today. Yesterday was 14 syns in the end as I had yummy potato wedges for tea with quorn nuggets and those syns soon add up then.

Tonight I'm going to give the roasted pepper cous cous in this month's magazine a go....fingers crossed it's better than what I made from there on the weekend ;)

 
Hi EmmyLou, congratulations on your loss:D. I can identify with how you feel at class. I used to feel the same but always try to remember what you have acheived so far. I think that you have done amazingly well considering what you have been battling with healthwise. Glad to hear that things are looking up. x
 
Thanks Jane :) I know it's silly to compare ourselves to others but it's still a bit demoralising when others seem to lose with ease while others like us struggle and fight to lose every single pound. Shame it isn't as hard to put each one back on really!!

So far so good today:

B - Alpen light bar
L - Beans on nimble toast & a muller light
D - (will hopefully be) cous cous with roasted peppers
S - Mugshot, alpen light

Calorie wise a quick tot up in my head had me at 800 once I've eaten my mugshot. I can't see me making 6pm without it. So even with tea it'll be about 1100cals which is about where I need to aim for if I'm to lose any weight. Ridiculously strict but that's my knackered metabolism for you.

I'm already planning for a friends bbq on Friday. I have my 1 syn burgers ready in the freezer, I need to get some small wholemeal rolls to have 2 as my hexB's for the day (stretching it I know!) and then stick to salad (if there is any - she's the one who doesn't eat fruit or veg but hopefully her husband does). I'm also going to make some SW potato salad and fill myself on that as no-one else is likely to want to eat it ;-) I personally love it but all the more for me if others hate it right.

Saturday I'm bound to burn of lots of calories shopping but what to do for lunch? It's that same friend from the bbq and she was on her under 1000 calories a day diet again the other day so hopefully that means I'll be steered somewhere good.

Last time we shopped we ate in the car and she only had a small bag of grapes so hopefully it's more substantial than that! I noticed on another post that Frankie and Bennys now do a lighter menu and it doesn't look too bad actually for mains under 650 calories and puds of sorbet for 110. Last week I was rather in the mood to say hang it, I'll have a krispy kreme while I'm in town, but now I think I want to say no. Amazing what finally seeing a loss on the scales can do for your will power isn't it!?
 
Ta da, this is me 4 days down being super strict and all ready for another day on plan with my hexb free lunch to save them for my rolls at the bbq tonight - if it goes ahead. Right now it's looking pretty darn gloomy out there....still wearing my birki's to the office though. I think they'll have to be prised off my feet come autumn as I don't want to give them up!

I had a little sneaky peek at the scales this morning (yes, that habit comes back when I know I'm trying hard), and I've somehow lost nearly 3lbs since Sunday. Fingers crossed the scales are still so kind to me this Sunday as that'll be 4 of the 7lbs I gained gone and will hopefully be the start of my weight going down again.

I think it’s like last time I ‘gave up’ when it just refused to come off and I gained 7lb in 7 months. The thought of carrying on like that and undoing all that hard work focused me back on being really strict again. This time I managed to gain 7lbs in half that time and the fear kicked in again. It’s not like I was going off plan completely but an odd bowl of cereal or chocolate bar and then the odd meal out which would have no effect on ‘normal’ people seems to make my weight rocket up. I’m a very finely tuned machine it seems :D
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I think giving my body a break and myself a bit of a rest from what feels like a daily punishment of dieting, and relaxing about it all and enjoying the odd treat has helped. People on here are always saying to shake up your diet a bit if your weight loss stalls and it seems small gains (relatively speaking) of half a stone are the way forward for me when my weight loss halts. I guess that’s good in that I get to enjoy food for a while, but it’s also very hard to get back on track and know you’re half a stone away from picking up where you left off.

If my efforts are being rewarded again though and the weight comes off then I'm sure I'll stay motivated.....I tend to lose it when I'm sticking to the damn diet for weeks/months at a time and the scales refuse to budge. I'm sure plenty of you know how I feel :)

 
Well it wasn't quite so good come weigh in, just 2lb rather than the 3 the scales showed mid week but that's still an awful lot for me to lose in a week so I'm pretty happy with that.

I had a bit of a day off dieting yesterday while shopping and opted for some chips and a pudding at lunch time but then I think I compensated for that by walking for miles and having a small tea. Before this week I might have been tempted to pick a bit more last night but I was in the mood to not make the day worse and I avoided the Krispy Kreme in town too :p

Today is back on plan, no more 'I'll do it Monday' :D So far today I've had beans and poached egg on nimble toast and a lolly for afters (3.5 syns). Tea is leek and pea pasta which is 2.5 syns from memory but I'll have to check.
 
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I finished yesterday on just 6 syns in the end and 1.5 hexb's! This last week I've been under 10 syns on 4 out of the 7 days which is a real change for me.

A sneaky peek on the scales this morning (well I had to after a smaller loss showed on the scales than I expected yesterday!) had me another 0.8lb down but I'll bank that for next week :D

Today is looking ok so far, 2 alpen lights for breakfast and morning snack, beans on toast for lunch with a muller light for pud then tea is an unknown at the moment.

I'm finally getting a haircut tonight about 2 months overdue (it looks awfully stragly as it's very thin and patchy due to the alopecia so when it gets to shoulder length it starts to look like rats tails). Tea will have to be something speedy after that.
 
Yesterday was all change after my hairdresser had a migraine. Yesterday I stupidly forgot to pack bread in my lunch bag too so made do with a bowl of beans for lunch! I had the bread later with a salad for tea as I randomly fanicied one whilst wandering round Tesco's (freakish, I know). I also needed lunch for today that didn't need cooking as I was out on site so took the other half of the salad.

All this sounds very good till you hear I had a 1 inch slice of choccy cake for someones birthday by way of making up for my lonely beans for lunch (counted is as the full days syns though). I also had mozarella cheese in my salad and I've been avoiding using my healthy A's as they make me gain weight so that's 2 days in a row I will have had an 'A', oops. I bought some extra light heinz salad cream (didn't know you could get more than 'light') so had a tablespoon of that yesterday and today. I put 1 syn down for today and yesterdays sort of went missing off my list due to the 15 syn cake but maybe 1 syn today covers two tablespoons as it's extra light? Light ketchup is only half a syn per tbspb afterall.

I'm not beating myself up over a tiny slip up like that....I could have gone for doughnuts, cookies etc but I chose to cut my own tiny sliver of cake.

Today has been on plan, just my hexA for the cheese, hexB for the 2 alpen lights, my salad, strawberries for a snack and beans on toast for tea after my haircut. No class tonight as I couldn't fit her in any other time but tonight and my hair came first :)

I'm sure site work adds to my body magic especially in 28 degree heat, steel toe caps (heavier than you might think on your tired feet!) and all that lifting. I actually opened a hydrant the bloke I was with couldn't open - gym paying off maybe!? He didn't put his bum in a pile of stinging nettles though and sting a whole cheek like I did later on in the day!!! Who knew they'd sting through trousers so effectively?

I text my consultant to let her know I wouldn't be going tonight (faked a sicky, naughty I know), and just as well I was paying attention....her name comes up as Lesbo using predictive text. Not sure that would have been a good opening line - Hi Lesbo!

 
Eek, not a good start to the day (well a yummy start but not a very good diet start). More birthday cakes in the office!! I figure I'll burn a fair few calories tonight while ice skating so allowed myself a piece of brownie....being * week my resistance to chocolatey goodness is pretty much non existant! Not sure it helps with the pain but then it cheers me up for a brief moment :D What makes it worse though is that he did bring fruit in I could have had :eek:

I'm feeling a good deal lighter in the hair department today which is a relief. Realised it was 1st of Feb I last had it cut, oops. First thing she said as she came in the door was 'ooh, you look so skinny, look at you!' so that was really sweet of her and put a huge grin on my face. She's struggled with her weight too and has a dodgy knee so can't do a lot of exercise which doesn't help. She used to come to my old fat club class years ago too so she does SW at home now. She's dropped from a 22 to a big 16 like me but being 5' 8" she carries it off better :) I think she looks amazing regardless of her size though and looks my age even though she's 10 years older than me. I've wanted to look like her since she first started cutting my hair at Primary school age!! I think being curvy she always had the figure a think a woman should have....so it's not like I don't like my curves and proportions - I just need them to be scaled down slightly ;)
 
Not sure how many calories I burnt last night but an hour and a quarter of skating with my heart rate above 130 the whole time must have done some good right!? Sooooo tired this morning as it was a late night but at least my inner thighs aren't in agony like I feared they might be, ice skating really does use muscles you don't often use at the gym!

Not sure what I'll be eating today, the usual beans on toast for lunch I expect and tea I think I have some sweetcorn to use up and new potatoes.

Hope everyone has a good day :)
 
Put on 0.9lb :mad: Now I know I had a few little things last week but not a pounds worth so I'm not impressed. Oh well, looks like anything over 1200 cals a day is going to see me gain weight so going to have to try being super strict again this week. So far today just had my alpen bar but I'm going to try (for today at least and see how I go) to wait until I'm starving hungry before anything goes in my gob. That way I can try and eat less than I have been and only eat when I really need to. I also need to up the exercise - I know I keep saying this but my thyroid makes me so tired I just can't do what I'd like to. I did a little bit last week but this week I want to try and squeeze a gym session in on the two nights I'm not busy doing something else. It does mean I'm out every night of the week but I just won't get the gym sessions in otherwise.

I've been watching Biggest Loser series 11 this weekend that my boyfriend has downloaded. Having only ever seen the series that was on ITV last year (we don't have sky) I was curious to see what the US version is like and what this Jillian Michaels everyone goes on about is like. Really enjoying it and can't wait for next years UK one. The US one just crushes ours in terms of how much weight they lose each week. I still can't see how it's physically posssible to lose over a stone a week no matter how big you are but they must just do sooooo much exercise and eating just 1000cals a day I guess the maths must work. I don't see how they have the energy to do it on such little food but it has made me think I could do more if I forced myself like they do. I'm always making excuses that I'm too tired but this is how I'm set to be for the rest of my life with my thyroid so I can't avoid regular exercise forever! I get faint if I don't eat regularly but they seem to push on through on that programme so it has inspired me to try harder :) Who says tv is a waste of time!?

 
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