kingleds
Gold Member
Need a bit of advice people.
My mum & I have a somewhat fraught relationship, primarily because she left when I was 4 & I barely saw her most of my childhood. When my dad died I had to I've in with her, but she never really seemed to want me or my little sister there & the moment I went it uni I never went back. In fact, one year i turned up for Xmas &'she'd moved without telling me.
Anyway, she is my only parent, and so whilst she is unbelievably self centred & completely oblivious to how she treats me I still see her & talk to her etc. I paid for her to come to my wedding in Jamaica, because you can't get married without your mum there. She never even said thanks, and spent the week moping about because her fiancé had died bout 2 months beforehand. That sounds awful of me, but this was a man who had already disappeared on her for 3 months the day they were supposed to move into a brand new house he had bought for them both (turns out it was all a con, he was skint), but she still let him back in when he rocked up 3 months later, and he promptly ran up a shed load of debt which she ended up paying off after he'd died. Fair to say she has bad taste in men - i wish he was the worst. Anyway, I digress.
She is 60 at the end of July and she's booked a pub for a party. I live 4 hours away so it's about £100 in petrol to get there. My sister lives 2 hours away from her so again, about £50 in petrol. She phoned my sister the other day to tell her about the party & my sister said, she had been thinking of organising a surprise party for her. To which my mum responded, 'well if you want to do something then you & your sister can pay for the food & DJ.
Now, am I being completely out of order here? I'm already shelling out a ton to drive up there for the party, my sister (who has 4 kids btw & her husband is out of work at the moment so you can imagine how much spare cash they have) is shelling out £50, not to mention drinks etc whilst we're there, 2 days of my hard earned holiday, plus I will probably have to pay for a hotel for a few nights, and now she wants me to pay for a sodding DJ or some food? My husband has categorically told me he will not pay a penny towards it & that's she's lucky I even speak to her let alone pay for anything.
I am almost at the point of saying I won't go & finally telling her to stick it. The only thing that has stopped me in the past is that she has a tendency to try & hurt herself when you do tell her some home truths & I don't really want to feel responsible for that happening again. But she really has taken the mick this time & I am more than slightly fed up with her.
What do I do?
My mum & I have a somewhat fraught relationship, primarily because she left when I was 4 & I barely saw her most of my childhood. When my dad died I had to I've in with her, but she never really seemed to want me or my little sister there & the moment I went it uni I never went back. In fact, one year i turned up for Xmas &'she'd moved without telling me.
Anyway, she is my only parent, and so whilst she is unbelievably self centred & completely oblivious to how she treats me I still see her & talk to her etc. I paid for her to come to my wedding in Jamaica, because you can't get married without your mum there. She never even said thanks, and spent the week moping about because her fiancé had died bout 2 months beforehand. That sounds awful of me, but this was a man who had already disappeared on her for 3 months the day they were supposed to move into a brand new house he had bought for them both (turns out it was all a con, he was skint), but she still let him back in when he rocked up 3 months later, and he promptly ran up a shed load of debt which she ended up paying off after he'd died. Fair to say she has bad taste in men - i wish he was the worst. Anyway, I digress.
She is 60 at the end of July and she's booked a pub for a party. I live 4 hours away so it's about £100 in petrol to get there. My sister lives 2 hours away from her so again, about £50 in petrol. She phoned my sister the other day to tell her about the party & my sister said, she had been thinking of organising a surprise party for her. To which my mum responded, 'well if you want to do something then you & your sister can pay for the food & DJ.
Now, am I being completely out of order here? I'm already shelling out a ton to drive up there for the party, my sister (who has 4 kids btw & her husband is out of work at the moment so you can imagine how much spare cash they have) is shelling out £50, not to mention drinks etc whilst we're there, 2 days of my hard earned holiday, plus I will probably have to pay for a hotel for a few nights, and now she wants me to pay for a sodding DJ or some food? My husband has categorically told me he will not pay a penny towards it & that's she's lucky I even speak to her let alone pay for anything.
I am almost at the point of saying I won't go & finally telling her to stick it. The only thing that has stopped me in the past is that she has a tendency to try & hurt herself when you do tell her some home truths & I don't really want to feel responsible for that happening again. But she really has taken the mick this time & I am more than slightly fed up with her.
What do I do?
