Aerobics for Dummies

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Gemstone, 23 June 2008 Social URL.

  1. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    On one of my previous attempts to lose weight I decided to join an aerobics class at the local leisure centre. Having been fairly inactive for a while and VERY overweight I thought a low impact class would suit me fine.
    I should have read the signs.
    First there was the interview - a radient woman of around 35 years old, stick thin and a vision of pink lycra greeted me. "Hello, my name is Jenny," she gushed. As she set up the audio equipment and pulled out the mats she asked searching questions about my errant lifestyle. Then, shock! Horror! she asked me to step on the scales! Oh-My-God!
    As the scales slid through the numbers Jenny looked over the glasses she had perched on her nose. She didn't say a word - not a syllable - she didn't have to!
    As the girls arrived in their leotards, tights and lycra, looking for all the world like a delegation from RADA. I could feel embarassment rise within me. Standing there in my old black leggins and baggy T shirt I felt like an elephant among flamingos.
    Just when I felt I could bear it no more I felt what I thought was a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Jenny was smiling with the indulgent look usually reserved for small children and animals and said, "I should go to the back dear if I were you".
    No sooner had I got to the back of the class than the "fun" bagan! Oh it started easily enough, slow easy little moves to the left and right, forward and back. The music was good and I was getting the hang of it.
    Then it happened! The music moved on apace and I found myself going left as the person next to me went right. "Silly woman" I thought as I returned to the right, only to bump into the woman the other side who was going left.
    Having got out of sync with my right and left I now found myself going forward when I should have gone back, tripped over the back stretched foot of the woman in front and ended up a crumpled heap on the floor.
    To the dismay of the whole group, the music stopped and all eyes were fixed on ME! As I sat there a plan began to take form. "Oooh... my ankle hurts" I complained.
    As I hobbled towards the door, making unintelligible excuses as I went, I felt a collective sigh of relief run through the group - but not as big a sigh as mine, as I legged it down the stairs and ran to the car :)
     
    Last edited: 24 June 2008
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  3. Taz

    Taz Spam Hunter

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    Gem, your fabulous writing makes a bad experience seem like a comedy! You really should write a book!
     
  4. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    Thanks again Taz for your kind words x
     
  5. abz

    abz Gold Member

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    gem!! you have had a hell of a couple of days :D

    and you sound like bill bryson :D hee.

    abz xx
     
  6. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    Ha Ha. Glad to make you titter abz - life's gotta be like that hasn't it. Sense of humour is your greatest asset x
     
  7. Taronga Leela

    Taronga Leela Full Member

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    I'm with Taz on this one Gem!

    You should totally write a novel about your weight loss experience! You can so relate to probably 99% of the adult female population! I find myself giggling and nodding along to most of the stuff you write!

    Pleeeeeease start a thread where you post daily jems like these, they'll made my days much more bearable!

    x x x x
     
  8. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    Thanks for that Bex. Not sure I've got QUITE that many experiences but I have been around for a while and even as an overweight child dealt with playground bullying, so I've had a long experience of either dealing with or side-stepping (was that right or left?) most situations. I can't promise a daily ramble but I will search through the cobwebs of my brain and write as the something appears through the fug x
     
  9. Georgiestar

    Georgiestar Silver Member

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    wow what an ordeal lol! yeah you make these situations into a comedy heh.
     
  10. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    Thanks for the comment Georgiestar x
     
  11. kazzymc

    kazzymc Gold Member

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    maybe the happy hippos could organise an aerobics for dummies class hehehehe
     
  12. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    You poor pet! I've been to one of those kinds of classes, and been put to the back too! Another case of the slim & beautiful taking pity on us poor 'fatty's'!? Its like skinny people dieting....they shouldn't be allowed do exercise classes either! (kidding!)
    ...I think the 'Hippo's' are starting to sound appealing.... ;P
     
  13. Gemstone

    Gemstone Here for the Journey

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    Thanks everyone for your comments. You would think it was our right to be able to access these classes but they seem to be geared to stick insects who want to "tone and look lovely doing it". No problem though, when WE are the lovelys we will be MUCH nicer to those with a little further to go won't we? x
     
  14. Taz

    Taz Spam Hunter

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    We sure will Gem x
     
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