Agnes' very boring SS diary

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by Agnes, 23 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    Right, first of all, I'm not a great writer so this diary won't be an interesting read, sorry!

    I've been doing well for the last 7 weeks and didn't feel the need to have a diary before today.

    I started beginning of February and was super motivated. I'm still motivated but I feel I'm beginning to lose my focus a little bit. I think partly it's because I've been getting loads of compliments in the last week (especially last weekend when I met up with 2 friends I hadn't seen since starting CD). That's all very nice of course but I know I still have a long way to go.

    This afternoon I had half a pack of biscuits, I won't moan about it, it happened and I already drew a line under it, I'll just have my two remaining shakes later today.

    I'm hoping that keeping a journal will keep me sane and sorted.

    I have my 7th WI tonight, wish me luck! I'll update my stats tomorrow. My clothes are looser so I do think I have lost some lbs.

    Last thought, CD really is a great diet and I know I will get there despite today's blip.

    x
     
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  3. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Hello again Agnes (jut posted on your other thread).. your diary won't be boring, because some of us (me) are nosey on here ;) and love reading what other ppl get up to.. and we love to offer support too.

    So I'm afraid you are stuck with us, lol.. Be good to follow your journey and well done for staying on track for 7 weeks, heck.. that can't have been easy anyway. So:grouphugg: new CD buddies here you come. xx
     
  4. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    THANK YOU ETERNALFLAME! That's so nice to read.
     
  5. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    You are welcome Agnes. xx
     
  6. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Good luck for your 7th WI xxx
     
  7. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    Evening everyone, just had my 7th WI and lost 3 lb, my smallest loss so far but I'm still happy, especially considering the biscuit binge today and a (planned, couldn't get out of it) work lunch last week. My CDC was great, we spoke a bit about self-sabotage, the fear to succeed and the fear to be too much in the spotlights (I had told her people had started to comment on the weight loss). Resolutions for this week: be 100% again every day and stop weighing myself at home, it only makes it harder (for me anyway) than it needs to be (and stay away from the biscuit tin). xx
     
  8. cornishkez

    cornishkez Gold Member

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    Hi Agnes, well done on your 3lbs. It's still a great loss, even if it is your smallest so far! Your CDC sounds great, sounds ike she understands how we work (self sabotage etc). That's gotta be a comfort! Good to hear you drew a line under the biscuits, it doesn't pay to dwell on the past. x
     
  9. rubber ring

    rubber ring Full Member

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    Hi there

    I reckon 3lbs loss is pretty good for week 7:D so well done you! I'm just into week 6, been 100%, but am starting to day-dream about food...:)

    I know what you mean on the losing focus after getting the compliments and feeling good but imagine how good it will be when you get to goal! Keep going you're doing brilliant xx
     
  10. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Morning Agnes..

    Well done on your 3lb loss :clap:.That is just over half a bag of spuds, about 9 apples my dear.. and that is heavy enough carrying about.. you shouldn't feel that is a small loss, even though it maybe your smallest yet.. its good and I'm so pleased for you. Good CD too you have there. My mate does LL and gets all that in her weekly group meeting and I think its important to know why we do the things we do..

    Have a great day. xx
     
  11. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    Good morning all you lovely people :flirt2:,

    Thank you for the encouragement, I also think 3lb is still a good loss (although my CDC likes to point out that 4lb is the average on Sole Source :rolleyes:).

    Today is a new day and I'm feeling fine, I could be wrong but I don't think the biscuits got me out of ketosis as I'm not feeling hungry at all.

    I decided to go back to basics, ie to drink more water and to get more sleep. I would go to bed around 9am for the first three weeks and it really helped me to get through the tough moments. Lately I've gotten back into my bad habit of going to bed around midnight which makes me moody and peckish during the day. I want this diet to be more than just about losing weight but also a lifestyle change; getting enough sleep and just generally looking after myself.

    I was thinking about the self sabotage last night, I'll elaborate in my next post (lots to think about!).

    x
     
  12. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    Well, day 51 is going well so far. I had toffee & walnut shake around 8am for breakfast, a choc tetra for lunch and I'm sipping another choc tetra and a black coffee now.

    Re the self sabotage: I definitely feel uncomfortable with people commenting on the way I look. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to get compliments but I find it awkward to be in the spotlights. I've definitely been living most of my life in the shadows (I'm in my late twenties now). Especially the last two years, I've been in a job I'm not happy in and being fat seems to provide me with a protective layer. I do my work and for the rest everyone ignores me and I've been ok with that for too long now.

    I work in finance and most of my colleagues and bosses are men, they always completely ignored me (which I was fine with) but now they are a lot friendlier and more respectful (I'm still big obviously although I'm the slimmest I have been since starting this job). I had a haircut, have started wearing make up again and just look and feel happier than I have been in a long time. It makes me sad though that they couldn't treat me with respect before, I guess it's a shallow world.

    I think being big was a way for me to keep people at a distance. I sound like a weird loner now, lol. I'm not, I do have friends but I've always struggled with relationships (been hurt a couple of times, like so many people I guess) and the thought of men suddenly finding me attractive is on the one hand frightening but on the other hand quite nice.

    This is certainly more than just a diet for me, it's a journey of self discovery, cheesy I know but I really want to use my time on sole source to examine the reasons I've been overeating.

    Gosh, what a rambling post...
     
  13. cornishkez

    cornishkez Gold Member

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    Not rambling at all! I think a lot of people will read that and be able to completely relate to it. Well done on being brave and opening up.

    Sadly the world is a shallow place and I think when we are big we shy away from attention because with the good, also comes the bad. And if you are like me, I'd rather none than have the bad.

    I can't take a compliment either, it makes me feel uncomfortable. In my head, when someone says something nice, I think to myself, yeah right! Realy they think what a fat, ugly cow! And a to of the time I think people are being patronising.

    It's true though that people are drawn to confidence, so as you are becoming more confident, people are going to feel more comfortable about approaching you. So try not to think that they couldn't be bothered when you were bigger, but try to embrace it and enjoy it! Because you are going to keep getting thinner and more confident, so you have to start learning! lol x
     
  14. phatbird

    phatbird Full Member

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    Hi Agnes

    Just wanted to say how well you are doing on the diet and how impressed I am at your weekly losses.

    Enjoy starting to look after yourself. You deserve pampering and I hope your confidence continues to grow as you lose more weight.

    PB
     
  15. MrsJustin

    MrsJustin Full Member

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    Hi Agnes,

    Just read your posts and, especially the one about self sabotage.... I completely agree with you! It is a very shallow world we live in and its a shame. However, you are going on this journey for you and not anyone else!! I, like Kez, find it difficult to accept compliments and will only hear the bad things in my head! But, having been asked twice in the last week if I'm leaving my job to go on maternity leave next week, is really quite demoralising!!!! You are doing fantastically well, and are an inspiration to others - I look at how well you've done so far, and it makes me more determined to get on with it properly ad lose the weight for me - despite what anyone else may think or say!

    I think at some point we've all kept people at a distance, but as you move further along your journey you'll become more confident in yourself, and start letting those who are worth it in (I hope that makes sense!)

    Keep it up - you're doing brilliantly!

    MrsJ
     
  16. cornishkez

    cornishkez Gold Member

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    MrsJ, my nephews asked me the other day if I was having a baby. When I said no, they said I must be because my belly was so fat! nice....
     
  17. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Yup, have to totally echo what Kez says and can also totally relate to what you are saying. When my other half gives me compliments I have to add in my head 'but I'm still fatter than your ex-wife'.

    I wonder if we ever do get to the stage where we can happily accept compliments?

    Good luck today xx
     
  18. leeds123

    leeds123 Silver Member

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    hi agnes. i love your diary and its not boring at all, in fact you write brilliantly and honestly and funnily.

    i think i was around wk 7 when i wrote about elf sabotage in my diary too. i feel exactly the same as you on this issue and for a few weeks aroud wk 7 i was nibbling and completely self sabotging. whilts doing it though i was very introspective and reaslised that CD was making me take a closer look at myself and in time i came out of that phase. i think its about wk 7 that most people go through the same thing, the weight is coming off you feel better, cd is getting boring etc. i actually started getting scared of getting to goal and convinced myself i would re-gain it all! use the time off food to look at yourself and help yourself and heal yourself. for me, food has been used as a comfort in my life but in the end it ended up making me so ill and miserable and depressed and i will NEVER let it take over like that again. i address my food issues weekly as ihave a day off every week, but i make healthy choices and only eat when hungry. i am amazed at how much my intake has reduced by. keep going, you are doing brilliantly.
     
  19. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Hi Agnes

    How are you this morning? Hope you are good.. You are doing really well. xx
     
  20. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Leeds that is brilliant, and loosing still too :D:D:D. You are good to be able to do that and this way you'll not be weary of food either :) xx
     
  21. Agnes

    Agnes Full Member

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    Hi everyone,

    Thank you for all the lovely messages. Very insightful, it's reassuring to know that there are others dealing with the same issues.

    Hi Nikki - I'm fine today, works is manic at the moment as loads of ppl have called in sick and it seems I'm the last woman standing.

    I'll write a longer reply tonight and have a proper look at the other diaries too.

    Thanks again for all the replies and I hope everyone is having a good day so far.

    xxx
     
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