Am I right to be peeved about this?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by blue-eyed-girl, 6 March 2011 Social URL.

  1. blue-eyed-girl

    blue-eyed-girl Member

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    Hi all,

    Not sure if this is me overreacting or not. I have a friend who I go to Slimming World group with. We've been friends for quite a while. She doesn't really need to lose that much weight (about 7 lbs) and I suspect she wanted to come along to support me, which was really nice of her.

    However, since January I've lost 24 lbs and dropped a dress size. She's lost about 2, mainly due to falling off the wagon and ordering takeaway. I'm not at all judgemental about this and, to be honest, it would be pointless anyway as she's already in the healthy weight BMI range. But her behaviour towards me is a little depressing.

    At least twice now when I've had my weigh in and had a pleasing loss, she'll stand back and look at me and say 'Wow, yeah, it's all come off your chest - your tits!' or something similar. When I pointed out to her that I wear an industrial strength padded bra as I've NEVER had any tits to speak of, she just repeats that the weight is coming off my chest.

    Another friend who I see about once a month, due to us living in separate areas of the country, has not even mentioned my weight loss. I know it's not all about me but it's noticeable (according to many others) and it just seems odd and a bit surprising. When my partner mentioned this, she just said vaguely 'oh... oh yes, well done.' High praise indeed.

    I just wanted to get people's opinions on these two examples. the first one particularly (with the chest comment) really makes me feel stupid for being excited about my weight loss. I know it's pathetic of me but it brings me down and ensures that I spend the night following my weigh in feeling like I have abnormally small tits! Which, I'm sure you'll understand, is not the desired glow of achievement I would hope to feel.
     
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  3. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    I would be peeved too. I started going to a sw group with a friend who needs to lose about a quarter if what I do and the first couple of weeks were great but when I continued to lose and she couldn't be bothered she started not coming and making comments and just being a but funny with me- it is jealousy! But now she realises how I have stuck to it and I font need her to do this she wants to come back! Stay positive for you and remember why you are doing this and I'm sure she will stop, but also you could say that her comments are hurting your feelings if you think it would help! Eventually people won't be able to not notice your weight loss do gang in there and do it for you!!! X
     
  4. StacieG

    StacieG Full Member

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    Hey.. I know how hard it is. I joined slimming world last January weighing 20st 9lbs!.. I never really thought about my weight and im 5"7' so have been able to carry it off a bit better, people were shocked I was actually that heavy. I got together with someone in October and kinda pissed about with the diet, then thought I'd stop for christmas.. before this I had gone down to 17 stone excatly.

    My sister runs a social club which is full of oldies.. when I had lost the 3 stone and was helping behind the bar my sister was always like you know shes lost 3 stone.. I went in just before new year and one of the regulars looked me up and down and went 'its coming back on aint it?'.. I just stood and looked in horror.. it was kinda the kick start to get me back going and I joined 3 weeks ago starting weight 18.9.

    People can be really harsh, in relation to the friend who goes to group with you I am guessing it is probably a bit of jealously.. that you have more than her to lose and she does only have that 7lbs and you have the determination and the ability to do it where as she is fart arsing about. I also probably think she wants to compliment you but also doesnt know how to do it.. and in a way its a back handed one by saying well it is coming off.
    In relation to the other friend maybe it wasnt something she wanted to mention? I went through a stage when people were going wow you have lost loads of weight and others didnt say a word.. indeed that annoyed me but at the end of the day the happiness should be about the way in which you persieve yourself rather than others.

    I think i got what I wanted to say across in a really rambling way then lol. Just keep your chin up, be pleased with what you are achieving.. and the next time she says something about your tits.. mention how that takeaway went straight onto her arse! that should soon shut her up :) Keep smiling xxx
     
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  5. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Your friend does not sound like a friend to me :eek: Bit of a green-eyed monster more like.

    Hardly anyone mentions my loss to the point that it is just silly now lol. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself, not for anybody else's approval.

    If you allow yourself to feel peeved, you may fall off the wagon. Don't allow your so-called friend have the satisfaction of seeing you fall. Well done on your loss :D
     
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  6. Clareel

    Clareel Gold Member

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    First of all, I'd just like to congratulate you on the weight you have lost so far - 24lb since Jan is really fantastic!

    The friend who goes to class with you I would imagine is jealous. She knows when the group gets started and your weight loss is anounced you'll get plenty of claps and well dones whereas if she hasn't lost anything she's not going to get the same reception.

    As for the other friend, there really could be many reason why she hasn't mentioned your weight loss. Possibly she isn't happy with her own weight? I found it's the people who are comfortable in themselves that give you the most 'well dones' etc.

    Asides from that I would try not to worry about it, I know it's frustrating but ultimatley, you are doing amazingly well and making a change for life!

    Try to focus on any positive comment you have had (e.g., from friends or family) and also on non scale victories like buying smaller jeans or feeling more confident.

    Best of luck with the rest of your journey :)
     
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  7. Jennyonaplate

    Jennyonaplate Gold Member

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    Your 'friend' definately sounds jealous. Comments like that are only done so to undermine somebody - why else would you give someone a negative comment like that?! Maybe next time she tries to make a negative comment like that either give it an enthusiastic 'wow, thanks for that, supportive comments like that are just what I need to keep going' or simply ask her how much she's lost so far. If you thank her for the comment in a very polite and non-sarcastic way she'll know it's meant to be sarcastic simply because she knows what she's said is not a compliment, but she also won't be able to say anything as you've only been polite! As for asking her how she's done, It's a bit petty, but it might shut her up!

    StacieG - As for the guy at the social club, It sometimes astounds me how rude people can be. I sometimes wonder why people think they can say what they want about other people's weights without it being offensive. One of the things that always riles me is when someone says how much they've lost and it's swiftly followed with 'have you got any loose skin?'. I wouldn't ask someone what they looked like under their clothes if they hadn't lost weight, so why do people think it's ok to when they have?! Some people just think we're supposed to take it and think 'well I was only saying', but it's rude and offensive, and I always wish I had better retaliations for it when it happens to me!
     
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  8. Crys

    Crys Full Member

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    I think its jealousy too hon. You've done really really well, you should be proud of yourself! Don't let her bring you down and not enjoy your success.

    As for the other friend, I must admit I'm guilty of not commenting on the weight loss of friends I havent seen in a while. More often than not this is because I can't quite remember how big they were when I last saw them, and dont wanna make them feel bad if I say 'oh, haven't you lost lots of weight!' if they've actually gained. It could be that that friend is also a bit of a space cadet like me?

    I can understand you being peeved, but chin up, you're definitely doing it right :D
     
  9. StacieG

    StacieG Full Member

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    I did actually stand there and go 'Eeeerrr Thanks for that then!' and walked away trying my hardest not to cry.. everyone around was going on saying dont listen to the gits dont let them get you down etc. I tend to just laugh in peoples face :cool: really and then its when i get away on my own that it tends to affect me more. Just gotta keep your chin up and remember that it is the way in which you feel not others!
     
  10. Aline

    Aline Gold Member

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    Hun, I think your friend is jealous. She has little weight to lose and she is having an hard time losing that, while you're doing great.
    However I want to ask you something. It may sound strange, but did you ever praised her for her (small) loss? I think she joined you to support you but also to be supported. Even when we have little pounds to lose we also enjoy being supported. If you didn't praise her, she may be acting like that as a result of being a bit hurt. On the other hand, if you did praise her... well in that case she's just being a jealous mean person.

    The other girl may not praised you for two reasons: she didn't know you're on a diet and sometimes people lose weight because they're sick, so she could be afraid of compliment and then you say you didn't do anything to lose the weigh; or she kew about your diet and was just jealous.

    About the tit coment, I may say I have an A cup breast and sometimes my friends say unkind coments without even realise. Fortunatelly I embrace my extra small breats, I can run without feeling pain in my breats, I can go out without bra many times (except with tight shirts because I don't want my nipples saying hello to the world:p). Having small boobs isn't a bad thing, actually it's very confortable, so next time your friend comment on it tell her that your boobs don't weight 2 stones:p so you obviously lost weight everywhere else.

    Keep your great job;)

    xx
     
  11. Lady A

    Lady A Loves to Shop!

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    Hey hun,

    Whatever it is...It's THEIR problem and not yours. You should be so proud of your achivement as you have done extremely well. It agree mindless comments do hurt hun but that's all they are comments. No words will take what you have achieved away from you. The fact that you have inspired your friend to take Slimming World seriously again just goes to show how envious your dear friend is of you. Keep doing what your doing hun you are fab! :)
     
  12. blue*smartie

    blue*smartie Blue Rulz

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    Maybe the friend is not only feeling jealous, but also feeling threatened by your weight loss, and the improving confidence that losing weight brings.

    My personal story, at Christmas I met up with a group of 'friends' that I hadnt seen since the start of my losing weight and none of them knew I had been dieting. I walked in all glammed up after having my hair cut from waist length to a shoulder length bob and had gone down from a size 22 to a size 14. I am not the most vain person around, but I must admit I was expecting some WOW!! comments, in reality I got nothing, not even a 'You look nice'

    It was later on in the evening, when we were chatting about what we had been up to when I said 'Well, I have been going to SW and have lost 4 stone'. One of the 'friends' looked at me and said 'I thought there was something different about you'. Then came the punchline 'Your t1ts look smaller'. This led to a 5 minute discussion on how by breasts had shrunk and me defending their size :(

    I havent seen or contacted them since, I dont need people like that in my life

    I feel better now for getting that out of my system :D
     
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  13. bailey52

    bailey52 Full Member

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    Green eyes are at work love pay no heed to them when you reach target you can have the last laugh .
     
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  14. loobylou

    loobylou Reached Target. woohoo

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    " I know it's not all about me but it's noticeable (according to many others) and it just seems odd and a bit surprising."
    In my opinion hun, it is all about you, you are losing the weight for you, you are getting healthy for you and its you that's doing all the hard work, well I say well done on your weight loss and try not to listen to people who don't want to congratulate you and encourage you.
    Keep up your brilliant work.
    xxx Loobylou
     
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  15. Beegee

    Beegee The Big One

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    A couple of my oldest friends haven't mentioned my weight loss. I've known them for around 20 years, they're not overweight and are perfectly happy with themselves so no jealousy issues, am I deluding myself to say maybe they just see past your exterior appearance and don't think it's that important what you look like?! You've done great so far to lose as much as you have so keep with it and relish the compliments that you get from everyone else!
     
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  16. ladeebug

    ladeebug Member

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    It's obvious she's jeleous and threatened by your success. You can't have lost so much weight off your boobs otherwise they'd look like a pair of empty socks, which I'm sure they don't. She just wants to rain on your parade because she's fed up with herself. I've noticed people around me who do their best to sabotage my diet attemepts and to be honest it makes me more determined. I am lucky my oldest friends are great are noticing weight loss and also if I've put weight on, we're a kind bunch really.
     
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  17. TRIXABC

    TRIXABC Banned

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    I'm a neewbie here (only joined today!) but I identified with this scenario so much that I had to reply.
    A couple of years back I lost 4 stone with SW (Unfortunately I've regained it so here we go again). I had EXACTLY the same comments from a friend - stuff about being flat chested and all the weight coming off my boobs etc. I finally realised that she was jealous, not just of my weight loss, but of my ability to change my life and show some real determination. I also think it made her feel guilty that she couldn't do the same. You've done amazingly well with your weight loss so don't be disheartened by this. The jealousy is her problem NOT yours.

    keep up the good work (I hope I can!)

    TRIXABC ;)
     
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  19. rumbletummy

    rumbletummy Silver Member

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    Like others have said don't worry about what others are or aren't saying, do this for you and how it makes you feel.

    Eventhough your friend sounds a bit indiscreet with her comments you still have to give her credit for continuing at class, paying a fiver a week when she's only lost 2lbs lol! Let her know kindly that you don't find her comments helpful, she may not even realise :0)

    And as for the other friend, it may be jealousy, but it could also be the fact that some people don't like change. Watching someone losing lots of weight can be quite scary for some people as they might feel that their friend/ partner/ relative could change. When my sister lost a lot of weight it upset me as I felt like she wasn't the sister I'd known all my life, of course she was the same, it was just me who had to adjust!

    We are all strange creatures, keep going you're doing great!! xx
     
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  20. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi hun well done on ur loss so far :happy096:

    :dragon:def green eyed monster there if she was a true friend she wouldn't make such awful comments she is obviously jealous of you if i were u i would drop her like a hot brick :D good luck losing the rest of ur lbs xx
     
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  21. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    It can be a hard journey at times and people react strangely but I am getting to the stage now where I am realising that those that matter will still be with me at my destination and unfortunately some have got off along the way :confused:
    I hope you and your friend can ride through this and she will see that you are still you just a different shape :)
     
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  22. Jacq81

    Jacq81 Full Member

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    Aw I feel your pain lady. It is about you and her, she may not have much to lose but she joined with you to go together and that is lovely and i'm sure she's a good friend. I would think of something witty to say nxt weigh in like when your leader says your overall weight loss i'd answer something like "yes all from my boobies apparently" and nodd at her "maybe nxt month i'll lose my arse ; )"
    my experience has been with a friend who i love to bits BUT she joined SW after I and another friend had (i think she thought she was missing out on something) and promtly told me she was told by our leader she wouldn't lose big numbers as she didn't have that much to lose said after my 6lb loss gggrrrr (might i just add here there are girls in my group smaller than her and have been getting on great losing 11.5lb in the same amount of time as me clearly bigger than them) a blantant lie as our leader has NEVER said that. After a week needless to say she gave up and has since told me she's lost 10lb in 2 wks carb free. (i found this really insensitive as it's taken me 6 wks to shift 11.5lb)
    I just let it go or make a smart remark to get my point across with out a big deal being made out of it. The last thing I need is negativity as that drives me to over eat and crave the wrong foods.
    Also
    my husband and i have been losing weight together and i've heard from a lot of people how you can really notice it. my husbands lost over a stone none of my in laws have said a word and my family have told him how he's lost and nothing to me!!
     
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