an ex 'big' person

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by b_n_3003, 18 August 2009 Social URL.

  1. b_n_3003

    b_n_3003 Silver Member

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    I was with my MIL the other day and noticed that she is really 'fatist' (can't think of another word)
    She used to be about a size 18-20 on a 5'2 frame but is now really slim but my God she's horrid about people over about a size 14 - even her own daughter (she's always horrid to me so I don't count that)

    Has anyone else noticed that people who have lost a lot of weight are like ex-smokers, preaching to the (not so) converted?

    My mate who lost 8st on a VLCD has also got into the habit recently of saying 'look at that person, they are fat and horrid' she then clarifys it with 'like I used to be'

    I'm finding it quite hard lsitening to them, and am astounded that so many people can be so rude - were/are they like that about me?
     
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  3. Guru

    Guru Silver Member

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    I've not noticed it in particular from ex-big people. But I don't think I know a lot of people who have lost a lot of weight! In general though, I think people are very rude about overweight folk. I have had complete strangers shout things at me in the street and I want a hole to open up so I can crawl inside and die.

    And my aunt, who is stick thin, is always banging on about how disgusting someone or other is by being fat - in front of me. It never occurs to her that I might be upset by it.
     
  4. Tracey1404

    Tracey1404 Enjoyin' my journey....

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    It's funny isn't it. A few years ago a friend of a friend was happily walking down the street eating fish and chips when she saw a large guy on the otherside of the road with an ice-cream. Comment "disgusting, you think he'd be too ashamed to eat like that in public"!! Pot - kettle!! Okay to eat if you're slim, but not if you are larger.
     
  5. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    Or the other one that really amuses me, though people are actually not trying to be rude is if they are talking about someone else and use the word overweight, fat, obese etc they actually drop the tone of their voice like that's going to soften it for me. Err I know I need to lose weight. Not an issue really :)
     
  6. sugar_lipswales

    sugar_lipswales Silver Member

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    I think we forget how hard it is being that size, how much courage it takes to walk out of their front door every day knowing they face such insults and general fat bashing. I'm ashamed to say sometimes I look at someone and think 'OMG, I don't ever want to be like that again!'. It's only ever in my head, I don't vocalise it and my next thought is 'That poor person has got a hell of a journey ahead of them'. I'm now trying to find something positive about big people when I see them, like nice eyes, a nice top or necklace or just the general way they carry themselves. I hope this will train my brain to start looking for the person not the size. I'm not an evil, smug cow I swear :(
     
  7. Angela83

    Angela83 Silver Member

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    I copied and pasted this to my collection of posts to re-read again from someone who was saying the opposite. Guess it just depends on the person but I agree with the post & I hope by being more overweight than I am now I'll understand that theres lots of reasons why people are overweight and not be too quick to judge.

    "there are benefits to having once been larger.. for me..

    I have really strong healthy legs for having carried so much weight so long

    I'm loving and appreciating my new found health, but I'm not arrogant about it, and I have a healthy humility and understanding of how easy it is for anyone to get into comfort eating etc.. so I haven't turned into some body-fascist who stops seeing the value in people, and only sees their size/clothes.. It's easier to value people's strengths when you've been there yourself."



    this is the second time I've quoted it, hope she doesnt mind!!
     
  8. boardwitless

    boardwitless Silver Member

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    Having been big for a long time (and not too small now by the way as I will always be 5'11" ;)), I think I have developed a healthy disregard for the various comments that have come my way in the past so I now don't take things to heart too much if someone says something derogatory about any aspect of me. In contrast to others who worry all the time about what other people think about them, I can take the p*ss out of me before anyone else does
     
  9. eyeontheprize

    eyeontheprize can see the end in sight!

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    I am ashamed to say that I feel sorry for really large people when I see them. I have been there and know how every day is a struggle but the last thing I would have wanted was pity. I'm still a big strapping girl, I'll never be petite so I don't think I'll ever become one of those insulting people. The memory of how uncomfortable and self concious I was will always be ingrained in my mind, and would never ever feel anything but empathy for people who are going through the same struggles.

    What gets me annoyed though is overweight men (regulars in the pub I work at in particular) who think they have the right to comment on other peoples weight, mainly womens. When in fact, they could all do with losing a good few stone themselves! Hypocritical old codgers.
     
  10. tattyboo

    tattyboo Full Member

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    I'm half maori so i was born to be rugger build but lets just say that it will be much better to think of myself as chunky than chubby lol

    i reckon people who have lost a lot of weight have forgotten how hard it was for them, i'm sure it wasn't plain sailing

    out of interest how did she lose all the weight?
     
  11. ditzeeblonde

    ditzeeblonde Call me Linzi...

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    Interesting thread, I have never had comments from someone who has lost lots of weight but 3 years ago I lost 7 stone in weight & promised myself that I wouldn't get that big again... but here I am.

    My problem is that I'm always thinking in my head what people are looking at me & thinking... such as look at her fat sweaty cow, she must be incredibly lazy to be that fat, how ugly does she look being that fat!!

    And its taken me ages to think actually I never look at a big person & think that, not even when I was smaller so why would someone think that about me??? I think its helped me get in a better mindset for losing again hopefully!!
     
  12. rachele

    rachele Full Member

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    A "friend" of mine lost 3 stone on weight watchers last year she's never got down to her goal but would sit there with a group of our friends saying things like "when I was a fat cow or when I was a fat greedy *****". It used to make me feel uncomfortable and angry especially as i was 4 stone heavier than shes ever been. Since I've started to lose the stones she says things like oh you look great now you don't want to lose too much more which is a joke as i still have 3 stone to go before my bmi is 25. I have in fact come to the conclusion that she likes having a fat friend as it makes her feel superior! I promise I will never make someone feel like she made me feel. :)
     
  13. b_n_3003

    b_n_3003 Silver Member

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    weird isn't it, or aren't people should I say

    tattyboo - the MIL lost her weight by not eating, and lots of smoking - she still doesn't eat anything much now (and has never seen a vegetable) she just eats small amounts of crap but she's happy that she's thin

    my mate lost hers with a VLCD (LL) and has to be fair kept it off, she doesn't particually like that fact I'm loosing weight either Rachele, keeps reminding me how hard it is
     
  14. lunar jim

    lunar jim Gold Member

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    Healthy then :rolleyes:
     
  15. LV30

    LV30 Gold Member

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    Must admit, that since being on the CD and knowing how incredible the results can be, if i do see someone who is overweight, I feel like running up to them and saying "Try the Cambridge Diet - it's brilliant!" Of course I'll never do that... because I wouldn't be so insensitive to someone's feelings. (If someone had run up to me and said it, I probably would either have cried or punched them!).

    And its not so much the comments, because i really didn't have people coming up to my face being insulting, but with me it was more of what people were thinking... they are thinking - what a fat ugly cow - but in reality, they were being lovely to me. Yep, head is all messed up (but getting better!!).

    Even now, lots and lots of people are noticing the weight coming off, and i don't know whether i'm bored with people asking me or actually a little embarrased about it. Strange feeling. Never been good taking a compliment, but this is something more. I'm probably ashamed about the size i was, so people talking about my weight still makes me feel uncomfortable.

    Lynne
    x
     
  16. alipally

    alipally Serial Dieter!

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    I think that people on VLCD's get a bit evangelical about the diet and what it can do for them and I was definitely one of those people.
    I remember looking people who were, essentially the same size as I was and larger, and wanting to tell them about the diet that would save their lives!!! :rolleyes:

    This lasted for about 4 weeks, until I sat down one day and realised that these people did not need 'saving' and it was just an external manifestation of my own, personal wishes. It was me who was wanting to be saved. They were just going about their daily lives and really didn't need me to tell them that they needed saving!!:eek:

    So, I accepted that many larger people are just happy that way. Who am I to judge?
    If they weren't then they are perfectly capable of finding something that works for them.... let's face it not many people convert to Christianity on the words from a street preacher!
     
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  17. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Umm. Good question.

    I'm a really case, because I've never been one to notice body shapes or appearances come to that. DH says I look into people souls :eek:

    I do notice what they are doing, body language, facial expressions, what they say etc, but appearances...well...wouldn't recognise DH if I passed him in the street :D

    So, for that reason, especially in that past, I couldn't describe 'x' as being overweight, or underweight or anything.

    BUT. I have noticed much more recently. I think this is because my habit since reaching goal, is to compare my silhouette with others. Not in any judgemental way, but just to help me get a grip of where I'm at. I do this walking down the street, in the pub, wherever :D

    I've also noticed an inclination to slip a business card in their pockets when they pass by :D

    Must say that it quite upsets me for some reason. Just the fact that I now notice, so am to a certain extent, defining them by size.

    I remember being with some colleagues and someone said about my 'reduction' and another hadn't noticed. 8 stone of not noticing :eek: She went on to say, she never noticed. I was me...that was all. I wasn't a size, and she had never looked at me in that way.

    That's how I was. I dislike this new me that looks and takes note, even though it's just for a moment :eek:

    But as I say, never judging.
     
  18. LV30

    LV30 Gold Member

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    What a lovely post KD. Made me feel quite emotional.

    I like to think that people think i'm just me and like me for me... and there's more to me than my weight/size.

    Lynne
    x
     
  19. ditzeeblonde

    ditzeeblonde Call me Linzi...

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    My friends tell me that I'm just me & they don't notice my size. I have an 'ex' friend who was big like me & when I lost weight became really awful to me, now I think about it whenever she came round she always brought something horredously calorific!!
     
  20. claira07

    claira07 needs a real kick in the

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    hhmmm this ones gets me thinking, im going to be honest here but please dont dislike for it,
    i look at peoples sizes and always have even when when my bmi was 39, and a size 22, i think i hated me so much and couldnt understand how someone can be fat and happy, im sure they can its a personal thing but i hated myself so much, the bigger i got the more i hated me the more i ate, vicious circle, i have lost 4st so far and feel exilerated, im no longer on my way to a heart attack, and will see my little boy grow up, thats why i cant understand how anyone can be fat and happy, im still overweight but im healthier now, so when i see someone who is more than likely obese, i feel for them , they may be happy but im sad for them and their families, i want to help them, like lv30 i want to go up to them and say caimbridge, its fab, i also never would, but i find myself looking at people and thinking god i never want to get like that again, its not that fat or owerweight people discust me, but i was discusting, to me, i have always been big and the whole family on my dads side are very big and un healthy, my 11yr old brother is 12st 5lb and 5ft, he is desperate to loose weight, but my dad feeds him junk and massive steaks fried ect, i ate healthy just masses of it late at night, everyone is big for different reasons and not nessecarily unhealthy, but i still want to help anyone that wants it, i dont judge anyone otherthan saying to myself i dont want to be like that, sorry for the long post, hope i havnt upset anyone, i just feel so happy now and want everyone to be happy, whatever their choices xxxxxxxx
     
  21. rachele

    rachele Full Member

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    Why do people who say "i'm just honest and say what I think" use this an an excuse to be dam right rude and nasty to others. I prefer people who think of the consequences before they open their mouths!!! OOOOh! Don't know where that came from?! Alipally - I think you're right we shouldn't assume people want "saving". A very dear friend of mine congratulated me on my weightloss at the weekend and said she'd been worried about my health before I'd started CD and had been considering having a word with me about diet and excercise (she's very fit as I once was!). I think is she had I'd of been extremely cross and possibly felt like slapping her! even though her intensions would of been to "help" me. As we all know unless we are doing it for our own reasons and are minds are in the right place nothing anyone says can make us lose weight whether its well intended or just nasty. God I'm having a rant today aren't I!! :)
     
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