an ex 'big' person

[claira07]

i hope that wasnt at me,i may be being sensitive lol, im talking to you girls openly as we can here, im not rude to people and wouldnt dream of being, people dont need saving no their lives are their lives, but that doesnt mean you cant worry for people, my mum was worried for me cos my auntie died at age 31 at 20 st of a heart attack and didnt want it to happen to me, i have hopefully turned my life around, without her worrying my little boy may not have had a mum, im not judging anyone for being big, im just saying i dont understand how they can be totally happy, and i would think everyone on here could also say they werent happy being fat or we wouldnt all be dieting,

 

[LV30]

We can all voice our opinions here, whether we agree with them all is a very different matter.

 

[claira07]

thats right we should all be able to talk freely and say how we feel without be critacal of others views, everyone is different and have different views or life would be boring, i may have just been sensative sorry if i took it wrong, i think as long as we all get where we want and help eachother xxxxx

 

[Guru]

I have thought about this again quite carefully before I answer.

I think it's actually impossible to say you don't judge someone on how they look. First impressions are first impressions - yes you may get to know that person and disregard their looks in the long term, but when you first see someone all you have to go on is what they look like.

There is some research that shows that fat people get paid less and get offered less jobs than thin people. I will try to dig it out (I work in recruitment so this particularly interests me). I don't necessarily think that this is open prejudice, but subconsciously people do assume a fat person is lazy/stupid (I do not believe that they are by the way and hate when people think I am!)

So I know, when people look at me they are judging me. Whether that is in a job interview, at the bus stop, on a night out, on holiday.. whatever. It is human nature. We are all being compared against what is considered "normal". And "normal" is not fat - although I would say that our perception of what constitutes "fat" is different to say 50 years ago when generally people were a lot smaller and we have much more tolerance for weight than then.


On the point about wanting to save other people. I never feel like that. Mainly because I know I have had to get to the point of HAVING to lose weight before I did anything about it. Yes I have wanted to for a while, but it was not until I HAD to do something about it that I have taken it seriously. Each person is different, and until they are in a place emotionally where they are ready to tackle it then there is no point preaching at all. Some people genuinely are happier when they are bigger... for the most part, I was. If someone had try to "have a talk" with me about my weight (with the exception of my GP) I would have been very cross! We are grown ups, we make our own decisions.

 

[StephieAck]

The situation that always amused me, and annoyed me a little actually, is when someone is talking to me/someone with me and then talks about a fat person and says "oh he was so fat" turns to look at me and says "no offence".
The first few times I was like but then I did actually say back to someone "why would I take offence, youre not insulting me".
But actually they were, by thinking that they needed to say that they had unwittingly had a dig at me.
I remember one time when I was in high school, so I was in my school uniform and so obviously quite young, I was walking down the street and a white van drove past and some men hung out of the window and screamed "FAAAAAT SLAAAAAG" at me. It was horrible and made me feel like hell, I think that that is one of the things that hit my self confidence so badly and I have never recovered it. But nowadays that memory makes me angry, how dare those people scream obsenities at a child...who were they to think that they had the right!!!!
Also, its the people in public that just look and say out loud "god youre fat" or "youre fat"...I am like wow, I wouldnt have known without you telling me!!!
But I would never dream of doing that to them, hell, I could think that they were terribly ugly but manners taught me never to say it, I would never think to say to them "god youre ugly" just for nothing, so why are they ok to tell me about my weight?!!?
We DO live in a very judgemental society and people DO have certain perceptions of fat people, I remember talking to a slim woman I know that had a HUGE lunch and she commented on her meal being large as if I should know what wanting big meals is like and when I said "oh I hardly eat anything, not fair is it, you eat like that and have that lovely figure and I eat like a bird most of the time and look at me" and she replied with "wow, really? funny that isnt it".
People are always going to judge people on everything, especially weight, I am just going to make sure that I never do, even after my operation and hopefully huge weight loss. I am going to hold on to how I felt when those men shouted that mean thing to me and make sure I NEVER forget how it feels to be fat, hell, Ive had 31 years of being this way, it cant be that easy to forget.
Steph xx

 

[alipally]

thats right we should all be able to talk freely and say how we feel without be critacal of others views, everyone is different and have different views or life would be boring, i may have just been sensative sorry if i took it wrong, i think as long as we all get where we want and help eachother xxxxx

Hey Claira.... See my quote below! This is a forum and as such people are invited to give their opinions, I'm sure that nobody is offended.... Great debate, btw, thanks to the OP!

Guru, I would be really really interested to see that piece of research about job offers and being fat.. I'm job hunting at the moment and have had a couple of knock backs, with no real feedback as to the reason, these are all jobs I can do, and do well. Last year I had two lots of interviews via video link (sat behind a desk!) I was offered both contracts without hesitation. This lot have been face to face, I'm not doing anything different.... I actually think it might be my weight that's holding me back. Esp. when I was last slim, every job I went for I was offered but until you mentioned that research, I thought it was paranoia!

 

[Guru]

Here you go Ali:

smaartadvice :: ‘Fat applicants are less likely to get that job’

and this:

http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/48257/health/fat_people_less_likely_to_be_promoted.html

 

[rachele]

LOL Not at all Claira!! I did't mean you at all. I identify with you in fact and all I meant was however well intentioned and caring advice is given if you not motivated in yourself its not necessarily going to help. So sorry if it sounded like I was digging at you I really wasn't!! Fab weight loss by the way!

 

[claira07]

thankyou sorry thought i might be getting the wrong end of the stick, having a pmt moment, xxx
your also doing great, i do love this diet, and the support on here xxx

 

[Mrs Z]

I accepted that many larger people are just happy that way. Who am I to judge?

Sometimes we just don't realise we are getting bigger - I didn't! It was like a sledgehammer in my face and an anvil dropped in my stomach when I saw some photos and realised the "fat person" in the picture was actually me!

I also used to tell myself I was happy with my size. I was happy to be that big. Now I realise I wasn't but it was easier to say I was rather than accept I had got so big and failed at every diet I had tried.

I would never dream of telling someone else to lose weight. I'm too busy telling myself to keep on going and keep losing my own excess!

 

[coconut]

The funny thing is, if you walk down the street and see a large person a lot of people might think 'how did they get like that?' or 'how are they happy?' or 'that's disgusting'.
Whatever your opinion is, you have no idea whether this person is doing anything about their weight.

When we start this diet, people on the streets dont know that. After 1 or 2 months you might have lost 2 stone and feel great. But you could still look 'fat' to other people. People might look at you and think 'how are they fat and happy?'.
You're happy because you're doing something and working to a goal that will make you happy for good.

Dont think people aren't doing anything. Obviously some people dont do anything but you've no way to tell who is and who isn't.

Also, I tend to only notice skinny people! I'm constantly looking and saying 'yes I wanna look like that!'.

Sorry for rambling or if this doesn't make sense.

 

[lunar jim]

Doesn't matter. To the people who look at you and think or say 'fat *******' or whatever, you are just something else for them to ridicule (along with ugly people, the disabled, people who dress different etc. etc.) in order to make themselves feel better in their own tiny minds and boost their profile in own bigotted circle of friends. They are beyond contempt IMHO

 

[eyeontheprize]

Perfect and succinct as usual jim! Sums it up perfectly.