An official restarter in need of some help!

polly.cantle

polly.cantle

Member
Hello all!

I'm brand new to this forum - my name is Polly and I've rejoined Slimming World last week (today is my first weigh in!) after originally joining in January and falling off the wagon. I've had weight problems all of my life and have been left a little mentally scarred by the whole issue - it's a long story but I've basically been left being used to not talking to anyone about my weight. I've always been the type of person who prefers to keep my issues to myself and not let them burden other people. Therefor, it's stewed into a physical and emotional problem which now needs sorting.

To try and make a start in getting onto the straight and narrow, my boyfriend had long chats with me about how my weight problem and insecurities were affecting him. He insisted that I get a personal trainer. So, I did and I also joined Slimming World in January. However, my mind wasn't fully focused and I slipped off course. I only ended up losing about 5lbs and a couple of weeks ago, I decided to face up to the fact that I'd gone off track and start afresh.

My main problem is to do with my boyfriend: he feels very hurt that I went off track, which I can understand considering he was so honest with me about how he felt and I had promised him things would change. I've apologised and have gone back to the good old SW routine - counting every Syn and Healthy Extra like nobody's business. I've even given up everything bad that sent me off track before. However, I feel that no matter how well I do, he still brings up the fact that I failed before.

He keeps telling me how he wants to see 'real' results and that I'll only get there by going without sweets, chocolate, crisps, fast food - anything (not even the Slimming World replacements). I've tried to explain that Slimming World isn't about cutting things out entirely and have asked him to come with me to a meeting so he can learn about the program and support me further in getting me to goal. However, he doesn't want to. He insists he knows the program (even though I know he doesn't know it entirely) and that he thinks that I'm in denial if I think I can reach my goal using SW alone.

It's really really frustrating as I have already sacrificed a lot for him - I've gotten a personal trainer despite my concerns at letting someone else into my problem, which he was very insistent on. Plus I've done many other things for him. Yet he won't come along to this meeting with me or listen to me when I try to explain my method of weight loss. I've even tried to compromise by saying I'll go for one month without any chocolate/baked crisps, but this isn't good enough either.

I'm completely torn in what I should do - whenever I try to explain things from my point of view, we get into an argument. So, should I give up everything for him, or show him what I can do my way?

Thank you all and sorry for rambling!
 
To be blunt, he really doesn't sound very supportive and it doesn't sound like a partnership. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that's how I see it.

Well done on starting the plan. As you well now the syns and hex's help you enjoy the plan. Stick with it.

Good luck darling. I know I don't know either of you but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Take care x
 
Welcome Polly:welcome2:

I have moved your thread to the SW forum as it will get more attention here.

If you start a SW food diary it will help to keep you focused and other members will be able to help you with it if you ask.

Here is the link to the Food diary forum...

Slimming World - Food Diaries

If your boyfriend is willing to help then he should respect your choices and to give you support when asked for, it might help him to read a couple of these treads about how SW works so that he fully understands it and to have a look at the Before and After photos in the Inspiration Photo forum!

Slimming World - Inspirational Photos

http://www.minimins.com/slimming-wo...d-advice-new-comers-including-extra-easy.html

http://www.minimins.com/slimming-world/116347-slimming-world-faqs.html

Good luck with SW you can do this just believe in yourself and do this for you as you are the most important person in your world!
 
My partner supports me and encourages me. He doesn't make me feel bad for using my syns and doesn't bring up the fact that I've been on every diet under the sun. He sees I'm trying and admires that, and he comes swimming with me and enjoys the same dinners. I feel this Is how a loving relationship should be. He wants me to succeed for me. Not for him. I think that's a question you need to ask, because if you're not doing this for you, long term it ain't gonna stick! Maybe have a chat with him and explain how he's making you feel, and that you need to feel good about yourself now, during and after your route to target and you want him to be a part of that. Don't let people drag you down, you're worth more x hope things get better x
 
I'm afraid I have to agree with the others - this person just doesn't sound worthy of your attention. If he's not prepared to support you in what you want to do to make yourself healthy then he doesn't deserve you. You need to want to do this for YOU, not for him - that's something I had to come to terms with myself when my husband used to nag me about my weight. I was never going to do it for him, or even for our daughter, it had to be for ME. I now weigh 8 stone less, and have still eaten plenty of chocolate, crisps, cakes etc. whilst doing it, just not all the time, lol. (I also do zero exercise.) It sounds like your BF has a hopelessly out-dated view of "dieting" and I can guarantee that if you tried to follow such a strict regime you would fail, because you'd feel deprived and miserable. Do what you want to do, not what someone else tries to force you into! :) xx
 
Usually ppl like that tend to not be so perfect themselves, unless he's the diet coke man with a hot six pack n bulging biceps to match I'd be tempted to point out one or two of his floors I'd then put every grit n determination into loosing it for me, get the weight off and the body I was happy him then "support" him on finding his way to the door where you will have your pick of men who don't donthat to you.

:) short of that ignore him and do this for you
 
Thank you all so much for your support! :) I'm glad to report that I've lost 6lbs in my first week!! Am absolutely thrilled plus it shows that weight can be lost on the Slimming World plan and not by giving everything up. I'm going to have a chat with my boyfriend and also bring him along to next week's meeting, whether he wants to go or not! I chatted to my leader about the boyfriend issue and she's promised to have words with him!

I think the main reason why he's being so harsh with me is that he's terrified I'll fall off the wagon and waste my 20s being depressed about my weight, so in turn eating to make the pain go away - the vicious circle! He's been through depression too when he was in his 20s (he's 32, I'm 24) and even tried to take his life when he was 28. But now, he's healthy and happy but seeing me so unhappy worries him, because he's frightened that I'll do something like he did. He just wants to see me happy but is going the completely wrong way about it. He's unintentionally being UNsupportive....

Thank you all for your replies! I'll let you know how his talk with my leader goes next week! :)
 
his attitude worries me, to be honest.

but all that aside, SW is not a DIET, its a HEALTHY EATING PLAN designed to put you on the right path to healthy eating and sensible choices for life.

never deprive yourself or it will not work.

do this for YOU. YOU AND ONLY YOU.

try leaving your books lying around, leave some sw mags in the loo, give him the chance to read them without having to admit that he does.

i truly wish you all the best.

xx
 
Hi all,

Tried to reply earlier but it didn't work for some reason!

I'm pleased to report that I've lost 6lbs in my first week! :) Am super pleased and just goes to show that SW really does work!

Thank you all for your replies on this :) I've decided to have another chat with my boyfriend and bring him along to my next meeting, whether he likes it or not. I had a chat with my leader at tonight's meeting and she's promised to have words with him! I think what the issue is is that he's been through a lot of issues I have - he's had depression and anxiety issues when he was in his 20s (I'm 24, he's 32). He even tried to take his own life when he was 28. But he's happy and healthy now and he's scared that what happened to him will happen to me. He's seen how unhappy I am with my weight and doesn't want me to waste away my 20s eating to try and numb the pain I feel. He's trying to give me a kick in the right direction
but is doing it in the completely wrong way. Hopefully a chat with my leader next week will help him. I'll keep you all updated on how it goes :)

x
 
"He insisted" "he wants to see real results" "he insists" "he was very insistent on"

You are not ten years old, and he is not a Victorian father, nor is he your headmaster at school. This is all about him, what he thinks, how he feels, what he insists on. You have to do what he says, but he won't listen to you at all.

You do NOT have to do what he says. You are a grown up person and you can do what you want to do.

"Whenever I try to explain things from my point of view, we get into an argument" - right then, stop explaining. He's not listening, so stop trying. It's a waste of time. Drop the subject, refuse to discuss it, never mention it again, and do what you want to do.

"I have already sacrificed a lot for him" - and are you prepared to go on doing this?

Ok, I know this all sounds a bit harsh, but seeing or hearing about people being bullied just makes me mad, so forgive the blunt speaking.
 
Hi all,

Tried to reply earlier but it didn't work for some reason!

I'm pleased to report that I've lost 6lbs in my first week! :) Am super pleased and just goes to show that SW really does work!

Thank you all for your replies on this. I've decided to have another chat with my boyfriend and bring him along to my next meeting, whether he likes it or not. I had a chat with my leader at tonight's meeting and she's promised to have words with him!

I think what the issue is is that he's been through a lot of issues I have - he had depression and anxiety issues when he was in his 20s (I'm 24, he's 32). He even tried to take his own life when he was 28. But he's happy and healthy now and he's scared that what happened to him will happen to me. He's seen how unhappy I am with my weight and doesn't want me to waste away my 20s eating to try and numb the pain I feel. He's trying to give me a kick in the right direction
but is doing it in the completely wrong way.

Hopefully a chat with my leader next week will help. I'll keep you all updated on how it goes :)

x
 
He sounds like a controller to me. You are worth more, I think he needs to be shown the door. You will do this eventually when you realise how much he is playing on your lack of self esteem. As our consultant says "you are so much more than your weight" If nothing about you pleases him, then why is he with you?
 
Do it for yourself not for him. Sounds all a little crazy to me! That's really controlling and sounds a bit like mental abuse. I'd Tell him shove his personal trainer up his must be perfect rectum and do whatever YOU feel like doing. This has upset me :( you deserve to be happy, your clearly not. You deserve better.
 
Thank you!

Hey all,


Thank you for your replies! I'm pleased to report that after my first week's weigh in, I lost 6lbs! Am very very happy :)

I've chatted about this again with the boyfriend and he's agreed to come with me to the next SW meeting on Monday (my leader has agreed to have words with him!). I think the main problem is that he's extremely worried that I'll slip back into depression: he was extremely depressed when he was in his 20s and even tried to take his own life when he was 29. He has seen how unhappy I am and is determined at trying to make me stay on track, but is going about it the wrong way.

HOpefully chatting to my leader will sort him and his worries out. It's causing a massive rift between us at the moment...

Thank you all for your advice :)
 
well done on your first weeks loss.

keep up with the positive mental attitude xx
 
Polly, 6 lbs is amazing! Hopefully, your C can get your other half on board so he understands better about having syns. To most people, being able to have treats would mean not losing weight. When he see's that it is possible, he may be a little bit kinder. Your head has to be in the right place to begin with, and you have to be doing it for the right reasons, otherwise it's not possible to keep going for very long. What matters now, is that you do the plan in a way that suits you and no one else, and then you are far more likely to succeed as you will be the one in control of your own weight loss xx
 
Well done and fact you've lost this much still positive and still hopeful and willing to let your bf understand, work with your consultant shows your grit and determination which will see you do very well on here :) x
 
Wow! 6lbs is amazing. You must be so chuffed.

My DH didn't believe SW could work when I first started. He didn't think you could eat all the free foods and HEx's and still lose weight. He's lost 1st while I've been going group. He totally believes in SW now.
 
Thank you all so much :) im very happy with the first week's loss and was so shocked when the scales showed the results! I'm feeling so much more positive already thanks to your support! I think I've finally found the eating plan for me after years off trying! I'll definately let you all know how the chat goes between the man and the leader on Monday! :) x
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

B
First weigh in tomo don’t think I’ve lost 😭
Replies
10
Views
2K
Butterbee
B
Kate54
Rejoined in Feb 2023!
Replies
1
Views
2K
Halley
Halley
Biscuitbadger
Hello
Replies
4
Views
3K
Kittywinks
K
tipperary
Tipperary back again
Replies
3
Views
3K
Kittywinks
K
CarnivoreTalk
Hello from Northeast Ohio
Replies
9
Views
2K
AliGal
AliGal
Back
Top