an outloud cry for help...

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by lottie***, 9 June 2009 Social URL.

  1. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    hello everyone,

    Im writing this feeling complete dispair at the moment, i actually came on the net to look up stuff up on google, for some sort of guidance for the answer, but some how ended up here...

    I have always has such an issue with food, for as long as i can remember i was always binging and hiding and sneaking food, going to the shop and buying a cake but buying 2 and scoffing 1 on the way home (i can feel the tears coming :( ) i can even remeber thinking that i was only 8 years old and i weighed 8 stone!

    Since i started my cambridge journey i have so many personal ups and downs that have affected my will power and how ive coped with this diet, my weight loss as been slow and ive struggled but did for the first time, but i managed to start piecing the path together- me and food and how it happened, after speaking to different family members it all sunk in for the first time ever...
    when i was born my mum who was only 21 suffered for bulemia, my grandma had a very strong influence on my up bringing, she would feed me my meals and my mum would then insist that i was fed another meal when she would eat, through sheer paranoia that her problems would affect me, i was so over fed, even more to that affect when i would go and stay at my dads at the weekend, though paranoia that i wasnt being fed enough with my mum they would also over feed me and so it went on, that was where my addction to carbs started.

    I have really hit rock bottom for the past 2 weeks and avoided everyone, i cant stop binging, i really cant, and this is so important to me, but my head tells me its not as important as the binge and i just carry on eating.. i really dont know what to do and im so sick of how food is ruining my life and how it has such an inflence on everything, i just wish so much that i could have a normal relationship with food.

    This is the fist time i have ever admitted this out loud but i think i need professional help but im too embarrased to go to the docs in fear they will just fob me off.. i really dont know what to do, somebody help me....
     
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  3. incognito

    incognito Full Member

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    You have made the first step by talking about it.. Thats a big deal!

    The fact that your are facing your problems head on is something that although hard you should be proud as you are showing great strength x

    Everyone on here has issues with food.. all different issues but issues all the same you are not alone.

    You can do this.. and your on your way there.. you are making attempts to deal with the situation and thats all you can do one step at a time x

    I strongly suggest you speak to someone tho.. if you find your GP daunting.. an informal chat with your practice nurse is an option?
     
  4. babyblues

    babyblues Full Member

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    this breaks my heart reading this. i too am/was/is a closet binge eater. i cant go into details right now as bf is looming over my shoulder, but im completely with you with your desperation.

    i grew up with my mother being an anorexic. then years later, she became a comfort eater. totaly mixed messages.
    i dont have any answers myself. iv been to 3 "professionals" looking for help, and no one has been able to even point me in the right direction about where to get help.

    pls keep posting . pm me if you want

    bb
    x
     
  5. baby_callalillies

    baby_callalillies Full Member

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    awwwwwwww....

    Just thought i would come on and give out virtual hugs!!!

    Wish i had all the answers, but i dont. You have made a fab start here on CD, just think of taking it one day at a time until you are strong enough to see the week through.

    Wishing you loads of luck....you have spoken out and admitted how you feel, its a HUGE step forward in the right direction. xxx

    take care
    anni
    xxxxxxxx
     
  6. mollydog

    mollydog Silver Member

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    Hugs from Fife too.
    You have just taken the biggest step in the rest of your life by voicing this. You must see your GP and they are not doing their job properly if they fob you off. Even if you do get fobbed off, go to another GP and another and another until you get the help you need and are entitled too.
    I wish you success in your journey.
    Mx
     
  7. Wales

    Wales Silver Member

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    Lottie, I am sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. But you are taking steps to help yourself, continuing with CD through your ups and downs and you have had good losses, working out the reasons you are like you are with food, posting on here and admitting you need help. Please take some comfort from that.

    Please don't be put off speaking to your GP. They are there to help and if you go in with some background and an understanding of why you are feeling like you do they should be able to give some advice. The only thing I do know is if they were to refer you for counselling it can take quite some time to get an appointment.

    A few years ago I wanted to speak to someone as I was going through a rough patch and I found a counsellor via the internet - she was approved and certified (or something like that) and I found it really helpful. It wasn't cheap but I thought it was good value compared to the issues I was having and the problems they were causing. I was suprised at the topics we covered and found out quite a bit about myself and it enabled me to address many areas of my life - not just what I went to see her about.

    I hope that you can find some specific advice on here, there are very many knowledgeable and very supportive people on here - so stick around and talk some more if it helps.

    Take care x
     
  8. devilishandsweet

    devilishandsweet 100% all the way!

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    Hi Lottie,
    First all well done for getting it off of your chest. I think you might find that helps you a bit.
    Secondally believe me your doc won't fob you off, dont be scared they are used to people with these sort of problems and if you don't get the courage to it may hinder your chance of getting over this. Please go a see him and get the help you need it will be worth in the end xxxxx Good Luck xxx
     
  9. mrsessex

    mrsessex Gold Member

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    Welcome to the forum :)

    I know what its like to feel like you do right now and at times ive wanted to hibernate :(

    My Mum was a bulemic/anorexic as i was very young didnt know laxatives were laxatives until i was about 17/18 and realised the little tabs of choc on the tray of my mums wernt choc after all :(:( she excersied obsessivly too :confused: and all this ....she was a size 8 :cry:

    No wonder if f**ked me up!

    Im winning the battle now and you will too

    Good luck xxx
     
  10. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    I can really feel for you. As has been said, so many of us are here because we have/have had similar problems. And the weight is not the big issue, the relationship with food is.

    I started CD because I felt I'd hit rock bottom... not just with the binge stuff, but all kinds of other stuff too. I did well for maybe 6 weeks and then fell into a binge just after Xmas... I was horrified, and scared, and thought I had failed... yet again. That was the time I started posting on minis, asking for help with the binge stuff, and help came. I didn't feel so alone, others were offering shared experiences and advice, and I began to face and admit the whole issue, and look at why I did it and how to stop it from having such power over me.

    Long journey... but I think I am getting there. I know how awful you are feeling right now, but it is very possible that if you use this moment and make it into a turning point, you can learn from it and maybe one day look back and be glad it happened, as I do now with that Xmas binge. Admitting it is the first step (I never had, either... certainly not outside my own head). Posting on here is the next step... then listening, taking on the advice and exploring it all, that is next. Yes, get help from your GP, or see if there is CBT or NLP therapies in your area, or Overeaters Anonymous, or any other form of support that may help. Read books on the subject. Start a blog on minis, or open a binge eat thread, or check the section of minis under 'general weight loss and support' that is called 'bring your head inside and your body will follow'... weird title but it's all about helping with the emotional and head stuff.

    You are NOT alone. You may be at rock bottom, hon, but from there the only way is up... and it can be done. You CAN do it. Big hugs, and keep posting... for me, it was a lifeline.

    xxx
     
  11. lindylou

    lindylou Silver Member

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    Hi Lottie

    Congratulations on getting your feelings written down - now print them off!! Make an appointment to see the nicest GP at your practice and show them your words.

    It would take a very cold heart not to be moved by them and want to get you some help.

    I always get tongue-tied or miss the most important bits out when I see my Doc - so sit back and relax while the Doctor reads and really gets to understand your feelings about this issue and what you have been going through, and then insist that you want to be referred to someone who can help you sort this out.

    Like some of the others have said - be persistant and dont take no for an answer. You deserve to be taken seriously!!!

    Good luck :)

    Linda
     
  12. imagisal

    imagisal Full Member

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    Lottie, you are not alone......keep coming to this site for support, there are amazing people here, alot of whom will have a story like yours.
    A few years ago my overeating brought me to a crushing depression and 17 stone weight, I was lucky enough to have a great GP who referred me to the eating disorders unit for a course of cognitive behaviour therapy. This 'food illness' can become all controlling but through the therapy I gained better understanding..most of which like you was rooted in my childhood...and coping methods. Everyone has their own path to follow but the GP route helped me immensley...they also had group meetings and an emergency help line which although I didnt need felt good to have options.....I think if I had found a forum like this years ago it would have made all the difference. This diet works...there are people proving it in every post. This can work for you too...yes it can! Also Overeaters Anonymous can be a great help. I wish you all the best...keep coming back to this site.
     
  13. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    Thanks so much for all the replys from you all.. Im going to try and go to Eaters Anonymous (which i never even knew about) and once i have given a shot at a meeting there i will go to the doctors too.

    Its such a hard thing and im so thankful for the support from you all.

    thanks so much

    lottie xx
     
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