*Anna's Final Mission - 8st to go!*

[onelasttime]

Hi anna vixen, thats for posting your lovely diary, I have just started on my SW journey and after reading your diary I feel inspired.

 

[anna_vixen]

Hi anna vixen, thats for posting your lovely diary, I have just started on my SW journey and after reading your diary I feel inspired.

Good I am so pleased!
Hope you're having a fabulous week
Thanks for taking the time to read it
xx

 

[anna_vixen]

So....
I was just filling in my fit log and guess what?!!?
I've done my 4 weeks for Silver award! I thought it was 6 weeks haha!
So when I go to group tomorrow, I will hopefully get my Silver award hooray!!
I've really enjoyed exercising, and will definetly not give it up!

I was looking at what you have to do for Gold award - I think the next stage is for me to plan my workouts - otherwise I'm not sure I will fit it in! But I LOVE it!

Lots of smiles xxx

 

[anna_vixen]

Hey!
So I completely forgot to say how my run went!
I did day 3 of couch to 5k, I know I was meant to leave a days rest in between but I just wanted to get out there!
It was brilliant! I really did enjoy it week 2 starts soon yay! Xxz

 

[anna_vixen]

What a fabulous evening!

I lost 1.5lb this week - which resulted in;

CLUB10!!
Slimmer of the week
& bronze body magic (because they had run out of silver certificates so they gave me bronze for now haha!)

HOORAY HOORAY!!

 

[anna_vixen]

Food Diary

Breakfast
Toffee mullerlight
Apple
Clementine
Banana

Snack
Clementine

Lunch
Clementine
Toasted tuna sandwich (heb) (hea)
Salad cream = 2syns
Spread = 3syns
Frazzles = 6.5syns
Clementine

Snack
Chocolate all bran cake = 4syns

Dinner
BBQ Sauce = 1syn
Extra lean mince burger (homeade)
Schwartz classic bbq flavouring
Onions
SW Chips

Total for today; 16.5 - not too bad! Getting better on weigh-in day!

 

[julesm]

WELL DONE!!! All those awards!!!!!!! Wowie, and your running, you're doing just great!

 

[anna_vixen]

WELL DONE!!! All those awards!!!!!!! Wowie, and your running, you're doing just great!

Thankyou my lovely
Hope you are doing fabulous! Xx

 

[fayhamy]

Hello there! Just spotted you had your own diary too! glad to here that you've caught the running bug - just be careful that you dont do too much too soon incase of injury. I speak from experience -buggered my knee and couldnt exercise at all for 6 months, so what did I do instead, yes youve guessed it I ATE!And thats why ive started sw! I overpronate too and have spent a fortune getting the right trainers especially after injury. Unfortunately i cant get out to run much with 3 year old at home and 3 kids at school but I have a treadmill in my bedroom as well as sky plus so that keepe me going! Keep up the good work!

 

[anna_vixen]

Hello there! Just spotted you had your own diary too! glad to here that you've caught the running bug - just be careful that you dont do too much too soon incase of injury. I speak from experience -buggered my knee and couldnt exercise at all for 6 months, so what did I do instead, yes youve guessed it I ATE!And thats why ive started sw! I overpronate too and have spent a fortune getting the right trainers especially after injury. Unfortunately i cant get out to run much with 3 year old at home and 3 kids at school but I have a treadmill in my bedroom as well as sky plus so that keepe me going! Keep up the good work!

Hi! I definately have got the running bug - I love it! Havent managed to get out for a couple of days - so wil try and get out tomorrow I think. I can see that I will need to try a few pairs to get it right!
That's cool - I have never run on a treadmill! Haha!
Hope youre having a good week xx

 

[anna_vixen]

Late update! I was out late last night!

Yesterday's Food Diary
Breakfast
Bacon sandwich (heb)
ketchup = 1syn

Lunch
Fajita chicken salad - salad cream = 2syns
Clementine
Uncle Bens Rice = 2.5syns

Dinner
Pork chops (fat removed)
SW roast potatoes
Peas
Carrots
Gravy = 4syns
Stuffing = 2syns
Yorkshire Pudding = 3syns

Pub
Archers & Lemonade = 5syns

Total =19.5 syns

 

[anna_vixen]

Food Diary

Breakfast
Bacon Sandwich (heb)
Ketchup = 1syn

Snack
Grapes

Lunch
BBQ Chicken Salad
2tbsp bbq sauce = 2syns
1tbsp salad cream = 2syns
cheese (hea)

Snack
Grapes

Dinner
Chilli Con Carne = FREE!!
Boiled rice

Snack
Magic Stars - funsize = 3.5
Indulgence options = 3

Total for today; 11.5

 

[anna_vixen]

This is quite an emotional post - but I think it's something I need to do.
Today I broke down. I stood in front of the mirror whilst I was getting dressed and broke down. I could not stop crying - my partner was trying to comfort me - but it was just a horrible expierence - I didnt feel like me. I felt like a completely different person - and after months and months of build up everything just came to a head this morning.
Today I was diagnosed with mild depression.
I never thought I'd be writing this. But here I am typing this.
I have had a lot of the symptoms for a while, and never thought alot of it, and thought I deserve to be unhappy because of the size that I am.
I have currently lost 2stone 4lbs on slimming world - and am proud of myself - but at the same time I am completely disgusted. I cannot believe the size I have got to. I just feel like an elephant.
I asked my mom/partner/friend to describe me in 3 words; loud, bubbly, talkative, friendly - all of these came up. But today I have found the real me - not the front that I put on everyday to get through it but the real me. & I am unhappy.
even with syns I still feel guilty for eating 'bad' food - and I've been told I need to get passed that guilt.
Also, things with my other half aren't great in the bedroom department and when we discussed it - it's been about a year and a half since its been good.
There are other symptoms too - and I know kind of what I have to do to try and get through this.

1.) Sort out my sleep. I sleep for about 7 and a half hours at night, and I always sleep when I get back from work in the afternoon for about 2hours. This needs to stop.

2.) Keep on exercising - and moving about. Stop sitting on my bum in the afternoon for hours.

3.) Baby steps with the other half.

4.) Try and think more positively

5.) Attempt to sort out my self-esteem (YEAH RIGHT!)

It feels like a bit of a weight has been lifted as all of these things that I have been feeling mean something - and I'm not just being silly.

 

[Freshstartnewme!]

Hiya Anna

Firstly well done for writing that all down. Sometimes it's a little easier to sort through how you are feeling when you get it down somewhere. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I suffer with depression and go through stages of being very up and down.

You are completely right in the steps that you have written down, making those small changes will really help you. I have trouble thinking positively and even in my work appraisal last week I got told I was a 'person who has the glass half empty' kind of person which hit home a little bit

Your OH Obviously love you very much, and it's very hard when you aren't feeling confident in yourself to share yourself and your body with other people, even someone as close to you as your OH. Like you say one step at a time and being open with your OH will help, try and talk to him about how you feel.

It's horrible when the tears finally come and they are hard to stop, if you are anything like me you hold it all inside, hide it away from other people and put on a front, the bubbly, fun happy' person they see you as is in fact not you at all.

All I can really offer is support and that you are totally normal in the way you feel honey, sharing the way you feel is a great first step and hopefully now your know like you say that the way you are feeling has a reason, that you can start looking at why you feel these feelings and how you can help change them.

The very best of luck Anna, I can totally relate to how you are feeling as I feel the same at the moment, work on things at your own pace and I hope you start feeling a bit better now you have had a cry and got things out If you ever need a chat feel free to PM me.


Oh and by the way- Well done on the weight loss so far, fantastic arty0011:

Hugs

Claire xx

 

[fayhamy]

Oh Anna Vixen, I so feel for you! Iwas diasgnosed with depression after the birth of my first child but tbh it was present before.The experiences you have described are symptons of a medical problem, if you had a broken leg people would see it and feel sorry for you - this is no different. You have been incredibly brave and well done for this. Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about it is not a sign of being weak, it is a sign of being too strong for too long and suddenly your brain cant cope and needs to tell you to give yourself a break, please do this.

Also i have experienced the exact same thing re self loathing, when i was eating everything without thinking about it I wasnt interested in looking at myself, then when i start to diet and want to see changes in myself I have to look hard at myself and then I am disgusted by what I see, so much so that i want to give up and start eating again so I can ignore myself again. Please dont give up, we will do it together, I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone and you are not abnormal! (and if you are then that makes 2 of us!)please feel free to private message me at any time, i hope this helps. Thinking of you

 

[anna_vixen]

Hiya Anna

Firstly well done for writing that all down. Sometimes it's a little easier to sort through how you are feeling when you get it down somewhere. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I suffer with depression and go through stages of being very up and down.

You are completely right in the steps that you have written down, making those small changes will really help you. I have trouble thinking positively and even in my work appraisal last week I got told I was a 'person who has the glass half empty' kind of person which hit home a little bit

Your OH Obviously love you very much, and it's very hard when you aren't feeling confident in yourself to share yourself and your body with other people, even someone as close to you as your OH. Like you say one step at a time and being open with your OH will help, try and talk to him about how you feel.

It's horrible when the tears finally come and they are hard to stop, if you are anything like me you hold it all inside, hide it away from other people and put on a front, the bubbly, fun happy' person they see you as is in fact not you at all.

All I can really offer is support and that you are totally normal in the way you feel honey, sharing the way you feel is a great first step and hopefully now your know like you say that the way you are feeling has a reason, that you can start looking at why you feel these feelings and how you can help change them.

The very best of luck Anna, I can totally relate to how you are feeling as I feel the same at the moment, work on things at your own pace and I hope you start feeling a bit better now you have had a cry and got things out If you ever need a chat feel free to PM me.

Oh and by the way- Well done on the weight loss so far, fantastic arty0011:

Hugs

Claire xx

Thankyou so so much for taking the time to read my post.
Thankyou for understanding. It makes me feel almost normal!
I have a question, do I still put on a front? Or do I just be how I am right now?
I'm really confused as to how I should be if that makes any sense.
Thankyou for being so kind xx

 

[anna_vixen]

Oh Anna Vixen, I so feel for you! Iwas diasgnosed with depression after the birth of my first child but tbh it was present before.The experiences you have described are symptons of a medical problem, if you had a broken leg people would see it and feel sorry for you - this is no different. You have been incredibly brave and well done for this. Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about it is not a sign of being weak, it is a sign of being too strong for too long and suddenly your brain cant cope and needs to tell you to give yourself a break, please do this.

Also i have experienced the exact same thing re self loathing, when i was eating everything without thinking about it I wasnt interested in looking at myself, then when i start to diet and want to see changes in myself I have to look hard at myself and then I am disgusted by what I see, so much so that i want to give up and start eating again so I can ignore myself again. Please dont give up, we will do it together, I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone and you are not abnormal! (and if you are then that makes 2 of us!)please feel free to private message me at any time, i hope this helps. Thinking of you

That is exactly how I am feeling right now - I just want to give up with slimming world. Thankyou for understanding.
It means alot xx

 

[fayhamy]

Dont give up, Anna, it will only make you feel worse in the long run, I know because now at the age of 37 I am doing slimming world to improve my selfesteem and get off the yo yo dieting roundabout.

Are you finding the sw plan difficult? Or is it that you dont feel you deserve to lose weight and love yourself again? If its the latter then please realise that by giving up and undoing the brilliant work you've done already will only make you feel worse in the long run.

It would appear that you have a supportive boyfriend and family so make the most of them now, rely on them for their support to help you through this rough patch, if you need to go to gp do that, its not always about medication there are talking therapies etc now which are really useful.

Also thing about going out for a short run I know how much you were enjoying that and it might just get some of your motivation back!

Please dont give up! We are all in the same boat and paddling hard!xo

 

[Jane R]

Well done Anna for admitting the way that you feel. That's a brave step in the right direction and one that will open you up to the support that you need. You are far from being alone in this, as you have already seen in the posts you have received. I have also experienced depression in the past and I am also in the midst of it at the moment so I really feel for you. One little step at a time Anna and never think that you are not normal.
Also well done on your weight loss so farxx

 

[anna_vixen]

Dont give up, Anna, it will only make you feel worse in the long run, I know because now at the age of 37 I am doing slimming world to improve my selfesteem and get off the yo yo dieting roundabout.

Are you finding the sw plan difficult? Or is it that you dont feel you deserve to lose weight and love yourself again? If its the latter then please realise that by giving up and undoing the brilliant work you've done already will only make you feel worse in the long run.

It would appear that you have a supportive boyfriend and family so make the most of them now, rely on them for their support to help you through this rough patch, if you need to go to gp do that, its not always about medication there are talking therapies etc now which are really useful.

Also thing about going out for a short run I know how much you were enjoying that and it might just get some of your motivation back!

Please dont give up! We are all in the same boat and paddling hard!xo

I'm finding the sw plan easy. I just feel I don't deserve the money, the effort, or the time.
I know what I have to do, just getting there will be tricky.
My boyfriend is being amazing, he just doesn't understand that there isn't a quick fix and this will take time.
My ankle is messed up at the moment but have been for a walk twice since last night which is helping.
Thankyou for being here xx