Any people meet their OH later and have kids?

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by curvesncurls, 1 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    :cry:Just back from the breast consultant for the routine two year check up. My dad's cousins were diagnosed with breast cancer about 6 years ago and I was sent to the consultant as a precaution. They're both healthy and well, thank God, having both made full recoveries.
    The point of the post is that I'm crying my eyes out, as I do every time I see him. He's a nice man, very factual and straight to the point. The first time I saw him, he gave me all the worst case scenarios and told me that I may have to cut off both my breasts as a precaution - it's a choice some women make. Got over that - but hey, it was tough.
    The point of the post is that every time I go, he asks me if I've had a child yet. I'm 33 and single - looking like it's gonna be forever at this rate. He then tells me about how it's so much better to have kids under 25, but def before 35 'cos it's so dodgy afterwards. He always makes me feel as if I'm a total waste of space as a woman 'cos this hasn't happened for me yet. (I do know that's not what he means, but it's said in such a flippant way). I do worry from time to time that it's never gonna happen for me, esp as I've friends so much younger than me married with kids and pregnant again.
    I tried to distract him by asking him if I was going to lose any weight of my breasts, cos they weren't gettting any smaller - to which I was told no, it's mainly breast tissue because it's waiting for me to get pregnant before it's too late. :cry:
    He said they were too small to be reduced and then I sat up after the examination and he went "Oh, they do hang though don't they? And the nipple points down, but nothing can be done about toning them up, cos they wont turn to fat until the breast tissue contracts when you're hitting 60". Ah, they're about the only part of my body that I like - the rest is pretty flabby and ****, so I really needed that like a bullet in the head.
    Sorry guys, I know this is a long one and pretty negative - but I was buzzing about the weight loss and feeling good, now I just feel totally hopeless, like I've let life pass me by and that it's downhill from now on. So I guess I'm looking for stories of people who did meet someone and have kids in their lates 30s or 40s - I'm losing the will to live here, I really am - I need a glimmer of hope before I face into the baby talk at work again tomorrow.
    Oh, and to top it all off, I dropped a dress size this week - but put on 4 pounds at weight in - have no idea at all how, but doesn't help matters!!
     
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  3. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    I've nothing to say but want to give you a BIG hug xxxxx
     
  4. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Ah thanks Shirleen - reading it back, guess there's not really much to say. :wave_cry:
    xx
     
  5. Debridger

    Debridger On track to target

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    I haven't had children, so maybe not in a position to comment, but I have friends and colleagues that have had children later in life - late 30's , early 40's
     
  6. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    So much of what this silly little man said to you makes me mad. Your worth in this world is not measured by the number of children you have, or whether you have a man in your life and there is no need for his attitude about your breasts. I thought we had left the dark ages well behind but
    It appears i was wrong. There are plenty of women who have children later on in life & are fine. Equally, i have a sister who had a severely disabled child at 25, and a best friend who had a son with downs at 31. He is talking rubbish on so many levels i want to find & hurt him.
     
  7. Minxymoo

    Minxymoo Silver Member

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    I had my last son 20 months ago, when I was 39, he was my third son the eldest being 15 and the middle one 8,

    I've got one overy, and had a miscarraige prior to getting pregnant with cooper, met my hubby when I was 31 and a single mum,
    Big hugs hunny x
     
  8. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Ah girlies- I'm crying now for a diff reason! KL - you're a woman after my own heart, shoots from the hip- love it! I'm just floored, as I am every time, it hits every vulnerability that I have- much as I want to be stronger.
    And that's just the kind of story I want to hear- 3 boys lucky to have a caring mum like you!
    At least this might stop me going out this weekend to get knocked up by some random tosser before my last egg packs it's lonely bags. thank god it's not the usual reaction I get when I get my boobs out - it's usually very positive in fact!!!
    I'm touched guys- I really needed this xxx
     
  9. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Well I've got plenty to say!

    What a prize pillock he is! I wonder just exactly what his hang-up is? Sounds like a real charmer, and what a fantastic bedside manner...NOT!

    I'm not sure whether he is displaying extreme arrogance or ignorance! - It seems to me he has all the charm of a gestapo officer and the warmth of a cold, long-dead wet fish! (with all due respect to gestapo and fish!!).

    If I was you I would report him and demand to see someone else, or even change hospitals or whatever necessary. There is no way you should be made to feel that way by someone who clearly hasn't a bloody clue what he's talking about.

    You know I'm glad I'm human, have loads of faults and made monumental errors etc. because it means I am human, have human traits, and warmth. He seems almost robotic in his mantra and outlook dishing out facts like a computer would spew out data and with the same degree of feeling!

    Steve
     
  10. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Seems to be the general consensus Steve!!!
     
  11. AnnaFaraday

    AnnaFaraday ..

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    Some women have children young, some when they are older, some don't want them at all. No-one's business but yours!
     
  12. sweet pink

    sweet pink is losing for shoes

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    Hun you're still young & still have loads of time to meet Mr Right & have kids!!! Don't know what else to say really other than what a complete pig!!!!
    I sure love to hear people talking about all these ideals!!! If we lived in an ideal world there would be no poverty, the weekend would last at least 5 days & chocolate would of course be superfree!!!! ;)
     
  13. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Actually now I'm not at work or on my phone, I will say this, you seriously need to complain about this tw@ of a man.
    To make you feel this way? Is an abuse of his power!
    To mention your breasts like that? Is abusive.
    If you feel I am being harsh then consider there could be woman who has gone to him heard his crap and never returned and died as a result?

    I say this because the nurse who sewed me up 'down there' after having my son made so many derogatory comments about my downstairs that I didn't have a smear for 12 years!
    I know how much it hurts.

    I pray that you get everything you want from life, be happy xxxxx
     
  14. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    I dont have any children and i am nearly 33.

    I would like them in the near future, but dont feel the pressure of by a certain age. My auntie had her first at 38 and then another at 41. No complications whatsover.

    I hope you complain about the doctors comments, i think he is very rude and needs putting in his place.

    x
     
  15. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    It was something that crossed my moms from time to time, but I'm not overly broody or anything. It's just when it's put so bluntly as a lost case, you feel so destitute. I know the risk factors and I've very few of them - I'm doing all I can to minimise the ones I do have. This is largely outside my control- if you know what I mean. Yet this is what he zones in on every time. I know it's not ideal to have kids as you get older, but sometimes that's just the way it works out.
    Gonna look to talk to my gp about it, change consultants and keep focussing on how it works out well for 100s of people every day. My turn is coming soon, please God.
    Makes you think about fly away comments and how you never know how they affect someone on the inside.
    Good job there's minimins to let rip and get the back up! Xxx
     
  16. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    And that should read mind btw...
     
  17. Sassia

    Sassia Silver Member

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    I haven't got anything to add that others haven't already said. Just couldnt read and not post xxxx

    Sent from my Desire HD using MiniMins
     
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  19. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Aye report him for harrassment - unprofessional conduct and lewd talk. Failing that, we could always pay him a visit ;)
     
  20. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Ah Stevie baby- love it!!! I'll send you on his details....
     
  21. kerry b

    kerry b Silver Member

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    Aww honey, you are still young. I met my OH when I was 30, fell pregnant at almost 36 and was 36.5 when i had my son. Doesnt matter what age you meet your Mr Right. One of my best friends met her hubby when she was 24 but didnt fall pregnant til this year, she has just turned 38 and is talking about no. 2 already. I have friends who got pregnant in their early 40's so you have loads of time.
     
  22. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Thanks Kerry - they're the stories I need to hear! And thinking about what Steve said earlier, he's at least four or five stone overweight- all around his belly, so maybe I'll bring my Sw booklet and a few stats next time, what do you reckon?!!!
     
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