Back on the wagon

[Calamity]

Hey all,
So a few years back, I had a real shock standing on the scales and resolved to do something about it
I lost over 5 stones and was doing amazingly well. Thinking back on it now, I'm stunned at how hard I worked at exercising of my own free will! I did the Paul Mckenna system and it was a real revelation. I'd never really understood the psychological element in my weight and never realised how much of an emotional eater I am. I loved the system, because I was so much more relaxed around food. Other people in my life hated how I could always be baking cupcakes and still lose weight!

Alas, things went a bit crazy in 2011. A violently abusive family situation escalated and really threw me for six, with lots of binging coming along with the associated mental health issues. Then, later that year I had a nasty little accident that resulted in my being effectively confined to bed for a few months and unable to cook or exercise, with many a takeaway.

So here I am once again, having put on a heap of weight. I've been struggling with depression and social anxiety for over a year, and these really seem to be hampering my efforts to stay healthy. It's the New Year, and I really hate that I've undone so much good work. Enough is enough and it's time for a change!

So here it is in writing: This summer, where I was a lot more active because of work, I successfully dared myself to eat fresh fruit and veg with every meal and so I'm going to try and bring that back. Each meal I will try and resign from the "clean plate club" to get out of the habit of just eating everything that's in front of me. I'm also going to try and take some form of exercise every day, even if it's just ten minutes on the Wii Fit. Hopefully I can increase that soon once I get into the swing of it. And I'm going to try and use either the Paul Mckenna CDs or DVDs every day.

I've plotted out my meals for this week and I'm really excited about them. It's weird having a fridge full of healthy things and fruit and vegetables, but I'm really looking forward to it. I went out to a favourite restaurant a few days ago, and eating consciously made it taste so fabulous, and I managed to leave it at just a main course and no starter or sweet so I was very proud of myself. I'm feeling positive and now I'm just impatient to get the great results I know I can get

 

[hoola]

Hi Calamity, I've just joined too and your message was the first one I came across & it really struck a chord.

I too lost a a fair bit of weight - 4st on slimming world - but due to personal problems, not least being bipolar and suffering from social anxiety, it's started creeping back on. I dread going back to meetings and feeling like I'm starting all over again, not least because I found them cliquey and was too shy to get to know anybody. So this time I'm going solo and trying to shift that extra weight with a bit of online support and willpower!

Anyway I just wanted to say hi as we're restarting our weight loss at the same time and to say that I think you're really brave to be so positive after so many setbacks!

Good luck x

 

[Calamity]

Hi Calamity, I've just joined too and your message was the first one I came across & it really struck a chord.

I too lost a a fair bit of weight - 4st on slimming world - but due to personal problems, not least being bipolar and suffering from social anxiety, it's started creeping back on. I dread going back to meetings and feeling like I'm starting all over again, not least because I found them cliquey and was too shy to get to know anybody. So this time I'm going solo and trying to shift that extra weight with a bit of online support and willpower!

Anyway I just wanted to say hi as we're restarting our weight loss at the same time and to say that I think you're really brave to be so positive after so many setbacks!

Good luck x

Hiya hoola nice to meet you Are you still planning on following the Slimming World plan? My mum is doing that from home and is doing well for herself on it after struggling on previous diets. I must confess I've never had the guts to go to a meeting. It sounds silly, but I guess I've always worried about meeting someone I know. Because, you know, they might not have noticed before that I'm hugely overweight!! Best of luck to you, i look forward to hearing how you're getting on!

So far so good on my targets! Even though I'm only supposed to weight myself every couple of weeks, the lure was a bit great today after doing my Wii Fit. It's easier to avoid scales when you're not actively stepping on them every day. Anyway, since Sunday I've lost 5 pounds! Absolutely delighted, and it's a great motivator to keep it up.

 

[Kate54]

hi all! wow some of you have really gone through the mill here x i can totally identify with the emotional factor in eating, i am very much an emotional eater, when i am stressed, i tend to reach for the choccy and biccies or lose my motivation... i lost a stone on slimming world but its crept up again and i am back at my old weight of 11 stone and i really want to get back down to 9 stone.. the only sinful thing i had this week was yesterday when i had a smallish piece of stollen in the staff room at work, my only excuse is that i'd had a trying day!! and I had brought some healthy snacks but i just went for it... i too suffer with anxiety, not an excuse for pigging out but i can certainly see how it affects eating habits as it has affected mine and still does as you can see! anyway, hopefully we can help and support each other ...look forward to joining in and having more success on my weight loss journey, same to all of you!! xx

 

[hoola]

5lb in four days is amazing! Well done.

I'm always far too tempted by the scales and it's easy to kid yourself you're doing well if you hop on in the morning when you're normally weighing yourself at night. That said I don't think any amount of cheating could shave 5lb off

Hey Kazz! Yes, I'm following Slimming World from home too, I did really well on it last time so I'm hoping it'll have the same effect - it's just getting over that first week of feeling starving!

The problem I found was that it's difficult to maintain, I couldn't eat like that forever and though it's supposed to it obviously doesn't change your attitude to food (at least not for everybody). I don't think it's healthy to think that eggs and bacon are a better choice than oily fish or that eating 'as much as you like' of anything (as they suggest with free foods). What I had intended was to stick to a more rounded diet post-SW. But 'rounded' ended up 'equal parts beer and Dairy Milk'.

Good luck with your diet, I think for all of us too anxious about meetings talking here is great! X

 

[Calamity]

The problem I found was that it's difficult to maintain, I couldn't eat like that forever and though it's supposed to it obviously doesn't change your attitude to food (at least not for everybody). I don't think it's healthy to think that eggs and bacon are a better choice than oily fish or that eating 'as much as you like' of anything (as they suggest with free foods). What I had intended was to stick to a more rounded diet post-SW. But 'rounded' ended up 'equal parts beer and Dairy Milk'.

Good luck with your diet, I think for all of us too anxious about meetings talking here is great! X

That's why I love the Paul Mckenna system so much. Realistically, I'm not going to go without my favourite foods for the rest of my life.
I'm off to the cinema tomorrow and I might have a treat there, I might not. For once, I feel like I don't need to grab every opportunity to eat chocolate/sugar/ice cream/etc. I don't want to be eating something just because "You always do at the cinema" or because "Ben and Jerry's/Pick n Mix will really make this an occasion". And if I do take something, as long as I'm not taking it just to graze on and that I am actually peckish, it's not the end of the world provided I enjoy it consciously. Also, I'm doing a veggie dinner experiment tomorrow that should be fun!

I *feel* better, and even though parts of it are difficult - it's really hard to use happy feelings and memories to motivate yourself when you feel like there are none - it doesn't feel like other diets have where a) I'm only on the diet for a certain amount of time and then I can go back to my old ways and b) like I'm having to give things up and deprive myself of things I like.

I've got the same feeling that I had before that I'm actually wanting to be hungry so I can let loose on all the scrumptious healthy things I've bought. Actually eating fruit and veg of my own free will, what a strange, rare and mysterious event!

Things I need to practice: Being a bit less reluctant about my little daily challenges. I've done wii fit everyday, but not necessarily very enthusiastically, and for some reason (I think there's something fear-related, perhaps fear of failure underpinning it), I am having to force myself/talk myself into listening to my CDs and take the time out from messing around on the internet to focus on it. It's very annoying, because I do know that it works. Still, I like the approach that not everything is going to be perfect right away and I need to practice my new habits. The acceptance of the odd slip makes me feel like it's a lot easier to not fail because I'm not so worked up about it. I also need to practice stopping when I'm full. It's very hard when you're really enjoying something to put it down and say "I can have the rest later if I feel hungry". But I just need to keep working at it, hopefully the CDs can help my resolve on this.

Hi Kazz and good luck with your weight loss journey The realisation that I was an emotional eater was a big deal for me, and once I was aware of it, it was really shocking how bad it was. I remember being in a stressful situation once, coming home "absolutely starving" and gorging on a seven layer piece of chocolate cake! It's all about replacing that association I guess and finding another way of dealing with the negative associations. I think it was Caitlin Moran's book I was reading when she was talking about how people understand if you deal with issues by alcohol or drugs or smoking, but look down on you for self medicating in the exact same way about food as being a choice somehow, but really it's so very similar. We're addicted to the rush of it and we have the associations that food will medicate our mood.

Well, not anymore!

 

[hoola]

That's really interesting, my husband used Paul McKenna's confidence CD and said it worked really well. He had a bad time at work a while back and really lost his ability to deal with people and lead meetings (he had a total b**** for a manager - she was our friend to begin with then went psycho on us both, tried to force M out of the company etc. like I say, psycho!). Anyway, I might give it a try, your explanation makes a lot of sense, I think it'll take more than seeing a diet work to keep healthy eating habits going, especially for us emotional eaters and scale cheaters. Problem is every time I think of McKenna I think of that show he had in the 90s(?) where he'd make people act like chickens and so on, it's difficult to take him seriously.

Good news, I've just weighed myself and have lost 4lb! No doubt some of it's bloat but I'm so pleased, seeing those results really makes it worthwhile.

 

[Calamity]

That's really interesting, my husband used Paul McKenna's confidence CD and said it worked really well. He had a bad time at work a while back and really lost his ability to deal with people and lead meetings (he had a total b**** for a manager - she was our friend to begin with then went psycho on us both, tried to force M out of the company etc. like I say, psycho!). Anyway, I might give it a try, your explanation makes a lot of sense, I think it'll take more than seeing a diet work to keep healthy eating habits going, especially for us emotional eaters and scale cheaters. Problem is every time I think of McKenna I think of that show he had in the 90s(?) where he'd make people act like chickens and so on, it's difficult to take him seriously.

Good news, I've just weighed myself and have lost 4lb! No doubt some of it's bloat but I'm so pleased, seeing those results really makes it worthwhile.

Wahey! Congratulations That's great news.

I'll maybe take a look at his confidence CDs actually. I was signed off work with anxiety and depression after a crappy situation with managers going psycho so I totally hear what you're saying! Really frustrating when one is normally a very confident person!

Didn't have such a good day today. Saw Les Miserables, which kinda knocked me for six and have spent the rest of the day crying into my duvet over it. Too exhausted for my wii fit, ditched my nice veggie meal idea as too much cooking and had mozzarella sticks instead and several jaffa cakes. Still, the rest of the day was good - cereal, low cal wrap and nothing at the cinema - and hopefully I can make up for it tomorrow. I do feel like I resisted the urge for bigger binges though - went and drank some OJ when I was craving something sweet and that was fine. So it's a small victory, but these things take practice.

 

[Calamity]

Strange day today. I worked out for some extra time today because of yesterday. It went really well actually, I wasn't dying by the end of it, even if my knees and ankles were starting to get a bit achey (have problems with both, which is one of the reasons I am trying to build up my exercise bit by bit). I felt much more in the zone with it. I did thirty minutes of free stepping, while watching The Biggest Loser on telly so that was great for motivation! Did some hula hooping too among other things and man can I feel it! I wasn't sure I even had a core to feel, but I definitely do. Feeling a pretty happy bunny with all of that and quite looking forward to more tomorrow (hopefully that lasts!). The weird thing though, is that all I've eaten today has been an egg sandwich and a few bon bons/jelly sweets with a friend. And I'm really not hungry! I'm at the point of debating surely I should eat something because I'm under 1000 calories for the day vs the First Golden Rule of the system. I'll leave it a while and see how I feel, but it's very strange! For what I did eat though, I think I did practice eating consciously much more. It's amazing how long you can make a haribo type sweet last when you're trying!

 

[hoola]

I think you did really well not to binge, that's probably the hardest thing to avoid being an emotional eater - one biscuit turns in to two and soon you've scoffed the whole packet.

I've just this minute eaten a fun-size Cadburys Fudge and, of course, now I want a whole load more! The cold weather makes it all the more tempting to eat badly too, the last thing I want now is salads and yoghurts.

 

[Calamity]

I like the anecdote Paul McKenna tells about the lady who put a big question mark on a bit of paper on her fridge door to make her ask herself "Am I really hungry or do I just want to change the way I feel?" - maybe something you can try with the biscuit cupboard? As for yoghurts, I'm currently loving the little Shape ones that are apple crumble and rhubarb crumble. Highly recommend! The other thing I've had when I've been in the mood for something sweet is the little pots of jelly, specifically the sugar free ones. A little hit of sweetness and under 10 calories, epic!

Just remember that eating healthily is a skill you're practicing, so even if you make one mistake, you need to dust yourself off and try again and not use it as an excuse to give up.

I am feeling absolutely great at the moment. The whole workout regime thing is going shockingly well. I've been trying to build up by 5 minutes a day, and am now up to 50 minutes and it's still going. Apparently I cycled 7km on wii fit today, wow! I'm just really trying to make it a habit, because I know if I start skipping my workout for whatever reason, I'll have no drive to get back into it again.

No real binge moments. I ate six jaffa cakes yesterday which was the closest I've really come. Made some amazing fajitas the other day - baked some chicken, onion and peppers with lime juice and chilli powder, then had them in brown wraps with greek yoghurt and homemade guacamole. They lasted me two days, but I still wanted them the next day. Other than that, had some chicken flatbreads with salad and yoghurt yesterday and curry potato cakes today, all yummy! Swithering between thai chicken cakes with rice or cranberry turkey burgers. So yeah, I'm making some nice healthy fun food without checking calories or measuring everything out and having a blast.

My main problem at the moment is that my sleep patterns are really messing things up. I'm unemployed, giving me plenty of time to cook and work out and what not, but, particularly because I live on my own, it turns me rather nocturnal. There's no real set times for anything, meal times included and I think it's probably throwing my body off. I have hardly any appetite at all, so I hope my body isn't getting weirded up and deciding to keep fat on board until I settle down. Still, I feel the last few days like I am seeing a difference, particularly on my waist and on my forearms. I seem to be a good bit chirpier too, dancing around the kitchen a lot!

I'm probably due for a weigh in - was supposed to do one after a fortnight, but I did sneak one last week, so I should really do a fortnight from there....we'll see, but it was heading in the right direction and I am definitely feeling that bit tighter

 

[Calamity]

Another good day today - 55 minute workout and I properly powered through it . Weighed myself, and I've lost a total of 7 pounds now in 11 days! Happy that it's all heading in the right direction. Eating out on Saturday so that will no doubt be interesting, but it sounds like the set meal we are getting isn't going to be too unhealthy, I just hope the accompanying salad is nice!