Step 1 Sole Source + Banishing junk food and junk thoughts

[AuburnAshes]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, and started CWP yesterday. I did SS about 6 years ago and lost a couple of stones, but have gradually put most of it back on.

This time around, I'm doing SS+, and so far I'm finding it much easier than I found SS. I hope that's not because I'm doing it wrong.

Breakfast is black coffee and porridge (that's actually more than I would usually have for breakfast, so I'm definitely not feeling hungry so far). Lunch is a shake and dinner is a max 200 calorie meal, with another shake in the evening when the urge to snack sets in. And water. Ohh the water. I have realised that I did not drink enough of it before, but now I may have to consider moving into my bathroom permanently.

Does that seem ok? *anxious newbie alert*

I've set an initial target of losing 2st. I'm 12st13 at the moment (ugh) and think I would cry with happiness if one day the scales said 10st-something!

I'm suddenly a single mum again after 4 years with a manipulative, psychologically abusive man, who I foolishly thought was 'the one'. Love is blind, but fortunately the condition isn't permanent. However, I'm 40 in 4 months, and needless to say this is not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.

This is not a sob story though, so step away from the teeny violins. I'm doing ok, starting to enjoy life again, and enjoying focussing on being a mum.

I want to be able to look at myself in a mirror or photo and not feel ashamed. My weight has been the butt of so many barbed comments and mean jokes in the last few years that my confidence is on the floor. Losing weight won't 'fix' me, but I am hopeful that taking more care of myself both mentally and physically will begin to heal some of the damage.

I'm starting a diary to help me stay on track between weigh-ins, and so I have somewhere to ramble aimlessly when I need to distract myself from hunger pangs.

Please jump in with comments, suggestions, advice, bum-kicking if required, or just chatter. I'd really like that.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Eek, halfway through day 2 and it just got tough. Hunger pangs + the unexpected stress of my mum being ill = glass of wine and a bag of crisps.

Usually.

Not today, not so far.

I'm drinking and fighting (water and hunger respectively), and browsing slim-person clothes online.

ICANDOTHISICANDOTHISICANDOTHIS...

They are just a few tummy rumbles. Hardly the worst thing I've ever withstood.

Waving, not drowning. :wave_cry:

 

[Sophiesophs]

Hi sweetie! You're doing great! And yes you're totally doing it right from what I've read online! It's always hard when things are thrown in your path, stress always used to be my trigger as well and is still something that I'm struggling with! As well as boredom, tiredness, loneliness oh and happiness! I was a plain old comfort over eater! Keep fighting!! Xxxx

 

[AuburnAshes]

Thank youuu! Comfort eating is my (slightly odd) middle name.

I made it through to dinner time and have just had my tuna and cucumber with loads of black pepper. It tasted SO good!

I'm feeling full-but-hungry now, which I'm thinking is probably psychological hunger not real hunger. I am attempting to pacify it with a nice glass of water.

You're doing so well with your goals! I hope I can keep this up for longer than 4 weeks too. Accidentally picked up a bit of bread earlier when I was making a sandwich for my daughter and it fell off. Without thinking, I put it in my mouth, then remembered, and spat it into the bin.

Stay classy Jo, stay classy.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Today has definitely been more difficult than yesterday. Tomorrow is day three, or as it is otherwise known, the DAY OF DOOOOOOM.

Going to try to stay motivated and just plough through the cravings, the hunger and the looming headache. It hasn't quite hit me yet, but I can feel it lurking there, at the back of my head, waiting to pounce.

I apologise now if I spam this diary with woe-is-me posts and complaining. Just tell me to suck it up and get on with it.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Day 3 in the Big Blubber house.

I am tired. Soooo very tired. :4635: But still 100%, and trying hard to stay that way. The kids had Quorn hotdogs for lunch, and it was all I could do not to snatch them off them and shove them in my mouth sideways.

I've only had porridge, coffee and water so far today, so it's time for shake. Hopefully that will perk me up a bit. :sign0009:

Hope you are having a good weekend!!

 

[AuburnAshes]

I've actually given up and gone to bed for a bit. I need to be where food is not.

Day 4, you had better bring me some energy and cheerfulness, or there will be cross words.

 

[Sophiesophs]

Oh I hope you feel better tomorrow! I'm sure it'll ease up a bit! And don't worry about the pity party, it's what these diaries are for! You should see mine! One day I'm up, the next I'm down! Xxxx

 

[AuburnAshes]

Thanks - I will go and look for your diary now!

I think I made today worse by expecting it to be bad. I really have no energy at all though, despite a 2 hour nap!! Never mind, I didn't cheat and that's the main thing. I can go to bed soon, knowing I'm hitting the worst bit and I should start feeling better and more energetic soon.

I've just tried the rice pudding, and it was surprisingly ok. Too sweet, and compared to bunging some powder in some water, a bit of a faff to make (hehe, can you tell I hate cooking?), but it made me feel like I'd eaten something. Washing it down with peppermint tea and water instead of my usual Saturday night glass (pfft, singular, haha) of wine.

Was anyone else nervous about giving up alcohol? I didn't drink huge amounts anyway, but because I'm still getting over the separation and stuff, not being able to have a drink as a crutch felt like a big deal. In reality it's not, and a period of abstinence is probably a good thing if I was beginning to feel like I *needed* it.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Phew, feeling a bit better today. Not bursting with energy, but I hardly had any sleep. I've only felt hungry when I've been late having my shakes though.

 

[AuburnAshes]

I ache all over today. Has anyone else had that? It could be completely unrelated; I just can't think what I've done that would cause it.

I've noticed that after a couple of the packs, I've had indigestion/reflux (so far, the rice pudding and the flavoured porridges). It was so bad yesterday that I had to have some Rennie to ease it, or I would have been choking on burning stomach acid. :yuk:

I couldn't find anything online about taking Rennie on CD, but I hope it won't affect my weightloss too much.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Day 5, woohoo!

Today started badly with a huge battle with my son to get his lazy bum out of bed.

I'm still 100% so far, but think today may be a struggle. I did think about having my meal at breakfast time and making some scrambled eggs, but they wouldn't be the same without toast, so I'll stick to the porridge.

I'm sure my CDC mentioned being able to have balsamic vinegar, is that right? Thinking of having tuna and spinach with balsamic and black pepper for dinner this evening. Funny that I'm drooling at the thought, and not craving unhealthy things in the slightest.

 

[AuburnAshes]

I haven't dared check until now in case I was disappointed, but I peed on a stick, and it went pink!

Does that mean I'm having a girl??

 

[Mini]

I ache all over today. Has anyone else had that? It could be completely unrelated; I just can't think what I've done that would cause it.

I've noticed that after a couple of the packs, I've had indigestion/reflux (so far, the rice pudding and the flavoured porridges). It was so bad yesterday that I had to have some Rennie to ease it, or I would have been choking on burning stomach acid. :yuk:

I couldn't find anything online about taking Rennie on CD, but I hope it won't affect my weightloss too much.

It is ok to take a Rennie but I wonder why you are having reflux...it would be worth mentioning this to your CD as I am sure she has come across it before.

Day 5, woohoo!

Today started badly with a huge battle with my son to get his lazy bum out of bed.

I'm still 100% so far, but think today may be a struggle. I did think about having my meal at breakfast time and making some scrambled eggs, but they wouldn't be the same without toast, so I'll stick to the porridge.

I'm sure my CDC mentioned being able to have balsamic vinegar, is that right? Thinking of having tuna and spinach with balsamic and black pepper for dinner this evening. Funny that I'm drooling at the thought, and not craving unhealthy things in the slightest.

If you take bread or any high carbs it will knock you out of ketosis so you don't want to touch them.

Balsamic vinegar is allowed but make sure it is not one of those that have added sugar.

I haven't dared check until now in case I was disappointed, but I peed on a stick, and it went pink!

Does that mean I'm having a girl??

Pink mean that you are ketosis and from here you should find that you feel less hungry and in some people the hunger can go away completely.

Well done on getting to day 5 you are doing well!

 

[AuburnAshes]

Thanks Mini! Some things give me reflux in general, so I don't think the CD is to blame. I'll ask her though, good idea.

I'm definitely staying away from the bread, don't worry. Just don't think I could eat scrambled eggs without having a huge toast craving. I'm really enjoying the things I'm eating though. Who would have thought I'd be excited about spinach and prawns!

I just checked my balsamic vinegar and it doesn't have any added sugar. You should have seen me - I almost jumped for joy. Little things...little things...

 

[Sophiesophs]

You're doing great! And you're in ketosis! The only way is up! (Or down in our case!!) when's your weigh in?! Xxxxx

 

[AuburnAshes]

Weigh-in is tomorrow. Already nervous about it because I don't feel like I've lost anything, and I'll be so disheartened if I haven't when I've stuck to it 100%.

I'm feeling pretty motivated still though. I keep having a slight moment of panic when I think how long it will be until I can have a nice glass of wine! But I honestly haven't really missed it much at all.

Honestly.

 

[AuburnAshes]

Weigh-in day!! CDC got the time wrong and arrived before I got home from work. Bless her, she waited for me though.

It did mean I got weighed without being able to nip to the loo, and I was bursting for a pee! :argh: I'm sure that made all the difference.


Anyway, I lost 6lbs...woohoo!! Probably more importantly, I proved to myself that I could stick to it.



Although afterwards, I accidentally had a big spoonful of cheesy mash, and a yoghurt. Shhh.

 

[Sophiesophs]

6lbs is great hon, well done you!!! By this time next week you'll be way over half a stone lighter :superwoman:

You should be very proud !

 

[Mini]

Well done:happy096: