Bellerine'diary

[Bellerine]

I'm not someone who sets goals and then rushes to achieve them. I find goals and deadlines give me stress headaches. But this once I'm going to write down my goal because I read somewhere that to do so makes it way more likely that you're going to achieve it. My goal is to lose seven stone five pounds on lipotrim.

I have other goals but they will have to wait. I want to run the Madrid marathon in 2012 if for no other reason to show my kids that a person can do anything if they try hard enough. I want to be free of my cravings for kettle crisps and ice cream and Chips with curry sauce. I want to dance at a night club and not feel self conscious. I want to be able to clean my house properly and enjoy the physical effort involved. But first I have to lose seven stone and five pounds because I am being disabled by the weight. I can't run. I can't dance. I try to lift things off the floor and my stomach gets in the way. I want a few good years of living in a healthy body before I get old. I threw away my Thirties. I am going to LIVE MY FORTIES. I am glad to have company on this journey. It's a long road I am facing down and to be honest I am scared. I am daunted by the prospect. I am afraid I am too weak - that I will fail as I have failed so many times before. And lastly I want to change my relationship with food. Food is not a comforter or a friend. I want to find another way to ease that need for comfort inside me and that scares me.

But despite the fears I have taken the first step. I am 9pm down after week one and today is day 8. And I'm still here. Breathing and the sky hasn't fallen. So maybe if I go on it'll be ok. It'll all be ok. Hugs to everyone.

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

Lots of typos in above. Couldn't edit it on a iPhone. Sorry.

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

Day 9. I'm feeling great today. The weather is fantastic so it puts a rosy glow on living. I find the water is going down really well cos I'm using sparkling water this time instead of still and it's much easier to drink. I've also found peppermint tea is a lifesaver. It's starting to become routine. I found myself thinking about things other than food today which is a good start. I am finding that I crave foods that I don't need even when I'm not hungry. That is really making me think. Hugs to everyone.

Bellerine

 

[Leluna]

hiya... welcome aboard! ah it's just mad what we do to ourselves with food?? I look at other people who have their dinner and eat two thirds and then leave the rest and sit chattin etc.... if that was me that food would be screaming at me..... i just cant leave anything behind.... my battle with weight has been forever... im 41 now and like you im determined to finish this battle for good..... before i used to diet to get into clothes etc, but to be honest like you now its a health issue... i have a lot of back pain and am killed with a pain in my heel... had injections and they worked for a bit, then wore off.... so now its imperative i get the weight off.. and fast.... tired of goin on hols and lookin at everyone all cool and refreshed and im roastin and unable to run on the beach with my children coz im worried about everyone lookin at me.... but most of all to get rid of those negative thoughts in my head... everytime i look in the mirror im sick with myself that ive let myself get so out of control with food and cant win the battle...... im on day 44 and have not found it too bad... im doin this for my two children and husband.... for them to have a mum that can play on the beach, go swimming, run and get involved... for my husband to have a hot chick on his arm!! and for myself to hold my head high and know ive won the war! im headin on holidays mid june and for once i can say ive made an effort and achieved this...... I'VE WON!!! stay strong... take it day by day... each day becomes a week, then a month and before we know it we will be there...... at the winning line and can re-join life without food as a friend.....x

 

[Bellerine]

Thank you!!

Hi Leluna,

It's like you are reading my mind, telling my story. I am so tired of being tired and self conscious and feeling inadequate. You are doing so well. Congrats. I can't believe tomorrow is day 10 already. The days are just flying by.

Bellerine

 

[5stonetolose]

well done on writing that bellerine. keep us up to date. cant wait to see what you lose on your next weigh in. you will be at your target in no time. i wholly believe that you will succeed on this journey. keep up the good work and keep writing

kerryxxx

 

[ginagee]

i can't believe so many of us have the same story , i do believe we all will succeed at this x love and strenght to all

 

[Bellerine]

Hey there 5stonetolose and Ginagee. It's really nice to have your support. Thank you.

I'm on day 10!!!!!!! Wow. If I can dp 10 days I can do 100. And I need to do 100. Maybe 200. I'm fretting over the distance ahead. Note to self. Stop fretting and just take it one day at a time.

Lovely weather helps.

Hardest thing: cooking lovely meals for my kids and not being able to have any. But I'm getting through it. It's not like I couldn't do without a few dinners!!!

Hugs to everyone. Stay strong today.

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

So here I am on day 11. I am still craving food but thats becoming a way of life. I think I need to examine why food is so important to me other than as a source of nutrition. I have this need to "Sit down now with X Yor Z and a glass of wine". It hurts not to be able to do that. It actually hurts inside. So why is that?????

Hating the Chicken right now.

Hardest thing - actually having to drink the shakes. They are not appealing at all. Once I have them made its ok and I can down them pretty quickly (while standing in front of my kitchen sink) but the thought of them makes my stomach revolt. Odd.

Easiest thing: The water the water the water. i did this diet before and I struggled with the water consumption and missed the 2 litre goal virtually every day. This time I'm drinking three litres per day minimum and its no bother at all. I have a routine going - two litres before lunchtime and then the rest throughout the day. Its amazing how the water hits the brain so quickly after drinking. Its like seconds. Didnt know that. Will drink more water in future post LT.

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

Today was very hard. Very hard indeed. I craved food, felt lightheaded and slightly off kilter, confused. This went on for hours and I was within inches of giving in. But I drank some more water and it sorted it out but I ended up drinking almost 5 litres. I was thirsty all evening but couldnt allow myself more than a sip of water. Then I went out to the cinema and couldnt go to the concession stands and my son ate popc and then after we went to Eddie Rockets and my son and mother had full meals while I sipped a black coffee. And its my own fat fault I couldnt partake. But I am so proud that I got through it. I am so proud that I got through today. It was a real test and I feel like I passed. Yea me!!

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

Day 12. Still here. Easter Sunday today and I'm planning to stay 100%. If I can get through today I think I'll start to have faith in myself. Cos I lost faith in my own ability to active things. I've spent few years in the "giver upper" group. I can't recall the last time I won anything. I've felt like a loser for so long. But this time I'm going to win. This is my opportunity to change my life. Today will be a test.

Bellerine

 

[bye-bigun!]

Well done on staying strong!!!! I think the ultimate test was when you were out - and you did it! that deserves a huge pat on the back for doing that which proves you are not a loser but are strong, motivated and positive!
Keep it up and you will get there x

 

[5stonetolose]

hi bellerine. just read the rest of your diary, (my own fat fault). i think the saying should go down in history. keep it up. keep updating your diary.

kerry xxx

 

[Bellerine]

Thank you Kerry and Donna. It's been a total struggle over the past few day but I LOST FIVE POUNDS THIS WEEK!!!! Yea me. That's over a stone in two weeks. Wow. No other diet can do that. I feel good today and am motivated to go on.

Mini goal: get under 15 stone.

Bellerine

 

[ginagee]

well done i am so proud of u bellerine . 4 some reason i love the shakes i think it is because i am so busy all the time its just nice that i dont have 2 spend much time making them x this weekend will be my big challenge i am away in liverpool 4 4 days hope i can stay with it . good luck all

 

[wallflower]

Well Done everyone, i love reading all your posts. (own fat fault) still giggling at that

 

[Bellerine]

Good luck this week ginagee. God it's tough. Anyhow. Let's just say I'm not honking after yesterday but I'm back in the saddle today. Thanks to everyone for the support and good wishes. It is a really really hard diet. I really couldn't do this without this website so thanks again. I am sitting here in the sunshine drinking a Choc shake. Life feels good. I just try to imagine what it would be like to be 100 lbs lighter and how good I would feel every day. So go chicken. Let's lose some more.

Bellerine

 

[Bellerine]

I moved. Sorry.

I just want to thank all at lipotrim forum for the support. I was on LT for about three weeks and lost over a stone which has stayed off. I was finding the shakes were turning my stomach
And it got very very hard. I was drinking loads of water but it wasn't shaking the woozy feeling and the ketostix showed I was deep in ketosis. I felt it was a little too hard on my system and my day to day responsibilities of work and kids and home were suffering. So I moved to exante. I am loving it. I'm in ketosis and losing again. The shakes are the same really but the soups are really nice and the bars are to die for. Very filling. I'm losing weight but my system no longer feels like it's in shock!!

Anyhow. Thank you all again.

Bellerine