Big Boys Need Love Too!

[abz]

well i haven't eaten anything. i think it's radiation treatment of some kind she'll have but she's going to give me the details tomorrow. she's drinking a lot of wine and playing computer games with her fella tonight as she's rather upset, none too surprisingly...

the person i was going to go and look at hotels in york with on monday has just pulled out so i don't know who to go with now. think i'm just going to have to go on my own. i hate going places on my own. i don't know why but i do. especially when it costs a fortune to get there and back. hmph.

never mind. if the weather is nice i'll take a book and sit somewhere with a coffee and if the weather is manky...well knowing me i won't go!!

abz xx

 

[elle2585]

well helloooo everyone. sorry ive been missing today, been ironing on my last day off. annoying to have to go back in on a friday... anyway, guess who just went swimming? yep thats right, the one and only meeeee. although ive had a bad day today - keep picking on bits here and there. we have a huge box of maltesers downstairs and i reckon i've made my way through around 9 of them... ah wellllll... we'll see what happens tomorrow with weigh in and stuff. argh my arms, i havent swam in ages.

sorry to hear about your friend abz! hope she's feeling ok (as best as she can feel).. have we heard from tyn tyn today?

hope your days have gone well xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Gemstone]

Yo Elle. Love swimming - Did you enjoy? Had a busy day today and family stuff later. Not long got back home and feeling totally knackered (not to put too fine a point on it). Impressed with the ironing though, avoid it like the plague myself - the worse job in the universe I reckon! Haven't heard from Tyn in a while. I guess he's busy with family stuff. I hope he's ok. x

 

[Martyn]

I am oki, i just didn't have any energy today, so i just stayed in bed for most of it, watching crap dvds and TV.

Almost had a heart attack tho, dad or my sister used my mums laptop, and her MSN thing signed on, was not a pleasent shock at all.

Finally got in contact with my aunt (one of the few people in the family my mum liked) And had to tell her. Shes the only one i have done, and my god it hurt. She thought it was my nan who had died, but wasn't prepared for my mum. Shes already threatened to kick her arse when she gets up their lol. Love her.

I am not liking this nothingness. Everything is planned, all arrangements made, talking to her was the last thing on my to-do list. Other than go buy a new suit tomorrow with my dad. I don't like suits, usually just wear pants, shirt and a black coat, but think my mum deserves the full works. Dad said i don't need to carry her coffin, which is such a relife, i don't think i could have done it.

Life officially sucks monkey nuts. But for some reason, i am wanting to do CD more than ever. I wanna get healthy and happy, so i can finally settle down, i want a kid now more than ever, don't know what has kicked my maternal instincts into over drive! lol. Also been looking at Tattoo's. My mum always wanted a tattoo, so i think i am going to get one for her.

I keep smelling her aswell. Which i don't like, even just sat in my room, i get the smell, buts its more like a taste, really weird.

As we can tell, i am feeling rather down today. Not sure what happened as i was almost perky yesterday. Found out some stuff about my mum i didn't know aswell. None of it was good either. Apparently my mother had a serious problem with money, and its only in the last year or so that my dad has managed to bring their heads over water. Apparently she has been forging my sisters signature for credit cards aswell.

I wish they had told me these things before, its getting tedious the amount of 'protection' my family has given me, from each other.

 

[elle2585]

hey tyn.. we all have skeletons in the closet i suppose. i guess your sis and your dad didnt want to cloud your view of your mum your aunty sounds ace. you need people like that around... and as for the tattoo, it sounds like an excellent idea, although good luck lol, cos i'd love one on my back but i'm too much of a wuss.

i'm not surprised you're down today..you'll have your good days and your bad days. and as for the smell, is it making you feel better? i suppose it's just your body's way of remembering her. i had a pretty touch and go moment with my dad a few years back when he had a heart attack and i slept on his pillow every night, and in his pj's just so i could smell him. people thought i was a bit weird lol but it's just a way of coping. when's the funeral hun? xxx

 

[elle2585]

p.s. guys i'm not really looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in, as i feel bloated and fat tonight, regardless of the swimming. it must be the pasta i had (yeah the carb thing's not going so well, only recently have i realised how regularly my family consume pasta after 6 lol). i'll see tomorrow and write it down but i'll probably end up a bit sad. i can just feel it. might weigh again next wednesday and change that as my WI day as i always seem to be better off mid week lol. anyway, night all you fantastic people xxxxxx

 

[Martyn]

Funeral is 11:30 on Tuesday And no its not a pleasent smell, its the smell that she had just before she went. I guess i am going mildly bonkers

 

[Gemstone]

Early Morning Check In

Good Morning People :character00238: Looks like being a nice day today and it's ALL OURS Still quite busy today but will try to check in from time to time.

Tyn - None of us know everything about our parents and don't judge her too harshly for being actually quite human. Lots of people get in to difficulties with money these days and some people use spending as an emotional prop (similar to eating I guess). It's good that your mum and dad were able to begin sorting the problem out. It's so hard to think of a parent having failings as they are the ones who brought us up. Always have at the back of your mind that she WAS only human and she lived her life (with all its pitfalls) without an instruction manual. We all make our way as best we can. The smell Tyn is what was worrying you towards the end and what you and your sister had to clean. Smells are SO evocotive. Is it that the smell is still hanging around somewhere or is it emotional? If it is real, there may still be debris hanging around that you and your sister missed. If not, it is just your mind's way of dealing with things - you are NOT going bonkers. You have been busy for a few day and now everything is done you are in limbo until the funeral so your mind is probably racing out of control with the inactivity. No-one said it was going to be easy - and it's not but you WILL get through it. You are still on the rollercoaster but you are stuck on that bit on the top where you have climbed and are hanging over the edge before moving down again. You WILL come to the end of the ride and you WILL be ok. I am sending you more hugs :hug99:Auntie sounds lovely, just the sort of person you need. Cut some slack, especially to yourself. A (religious) friend of mine has a saying which is pretty cool really (don't always agree with her). She says "This time too will pass" and it always does. x

Elle - No there's nothing wrong with the way you dealt with your close call. That would not be my way but it wasn't my issue. Whatever gives you comfort is absolutely ok. Everyone has their own way of coping. x

Jenn - What can I say The Gods of porcelain must be SO pleased with you hon. Seriously though if it goes on maybe you should get it checked out as if you are apeasing the Gods too much you could be dehydrating or losing vital nutrients and minerals from your body and that's not good. Hope all regulates for you soon. x

Abz - So sorry about your friend. These things can have really good outcomes when they are caught early but it is very upsetting when it happens. Well done sticking to the diet when you're feeling so crap. Sending good vibes to you and your friend x :vibes:

Hugs to all
:grouphugg:​

 

[abz]

well good morning chaps.

tyn. i really feel for you hon. smell is the most memory inducing sense, and as a result we can imagine smelling and tasting things that aren't there when we are invoking the memory. like gem says, if you are sure there isn't anything that can be causing the smell around then it will be what you are thinking about that is causing you to smell what you do. your brain is intact honey.

i can't really add anything to what gem has said, but it is usually the case that we find out things we didn't know about somebody when they die. you will find out good things too. everything about your mum made her who she was, the good and the bad, and you loved her to pieces. your family may have overprotected you but they did it with the best of intentions. you are doing fabulously well. keep feeling how you need to, not how you think you should. your best mate and your aunty will be with you to support you.

and of course we'll be here if you need us.

abz xx

 

[abz]

gem. where exactly is this good weather that you keep talking about? i wish somebody would send it to leeds. or york on monday... it now looks like i'm going to look at hotels on my own in york on monday as my mate has dropped out. her OH had arranged something apparently so she can't come now never mind. a good book and a cafe and i'll be fine

i am worried about my friend of course but am remaining optomistic. she needs to be optomistic and so do i. and it's got a good rate of complete recovery which is also fab. she's helping me choose wedding things at the mo as she's one of my two bridesmaids well, and a little one, ha.

i am feeling really light headed and peculiar this morning. think it's just got to 'that' point in cd for me. most people feel fabulous by day 4 it would seem. not so for me. i don't feel quite as crap as i did the first time around. i am getting tummy cramps a wee bit and i REALLY don't was totm again...

elle. how did you weigh in go honey? drink lots and lots of water remember. up to 4 litres a day will get rid of that bloat!! and well done on the swimming. i don't want to brave a swimming cossie at the mo but after another week on this i may tentatively start exercising but you aren't supposed to for the first two weeks because your energy levels won't be great on cd...

tyn, it sounds like you've got your mind set in what you want to do diet wise. you are in control. that's great. as for the tattoo they've always seemed too permanent for me, somebody who changes their mind from time to time, and then again, ha. but maybe that's what you want, so go for it

abz xx

 

[Gemstone]

I'm with you on the tattoo abz. I would like a small one and thought I knew what I wanted, so in true Gem form......... I did nothing and thought about it a lot. Now I've modified my idea and, although I still want a tattoo, my design idea is significantly different. If I still want the same in a couple of months I might just go for it. x

 

[elle2585]

morning everyone. yeah looked like it was going to be a nice day here gem and now it's overcast. but still, not as bad as tuesday, that was 'orrible...

weigh in results are in.... 14st 3lbs. not as good as 14st 2lbs lol but i'm happy. i really am going it slowly haha but i suppose that's a good thing in the long run. i'm still going for my 1 stone loss before my hols on the 12th august.. going to go swimming when i can get to a public swim (my local baths are just STOOPID, they only do public swims in the evening on tuesdays, thursdays and sunday mornings, but i will try and get all three in.) it's all very exciting though, if i can get to my stone loss that will mean i'm only a stone overweight! I dont think i've ever only been one stone overweight hahaha. yaaaaaaaay.

abz i would soooo love to come to york with you, i really wish i could. one of my favourite things is visiting pretty towns and cities and just CHILLING. I prefer it to doing it in Cyprus lol, there's something....erm... quintessentially english about them hahaha. I cant explain it. But maybe it's because i'm a massive fan of Jane Austen and the prettiest cities and towns are most definitely the regency ones lol. Look at me, babble babble babble...

hope everyone is well xxx

 

[Gemstone]

Well don that Elle slow weightloss will possibly mean less saggy skin at the end. You're going the right way - yay you!

 

[elle2585]

ok lol that makes me very happy as i really dont want saggy skin at the end of all this. it's bad enough with my boobs hahaha. ahhhh man. i'm so tired today. not just tired, like, shattered. i'm finding walking up the stairs too hard lol. surely this cant be from swimming? i mean, i know i havent done it in a while but this is ridiculous. xx

 

[Gemstone]

Carbs = energy. Are you totally depriving your body of carbs or eating too few? Are you still doing porridge? Make sure your diet gives you all the nutrients and trace elements you need as tiredness can be a symptom of deficiency somewhere along the line. Of course it might be that you are just tired because you have been busier than you realised. x

 

[elle2585]

still eating the porridge and i had a sandwich yesterday and pasta fro dinner lol so i'm not exactly depriving myself of carbs. I had around 7 hours sleep last night so this is all a bit confusing. I look awful haha, and i'm feeling a bit hungry already. weird. i'll try drinking some water. actually, to be completely honest, these bloomin pins and needles in my feet have been worse since swimming, they got worse in the water. maybe i'm just generally tired, stupid after 3 'days off'. xxx

 

[Gemstone]

If the pins and needles are recurring and there's no apparent reason get it checked out by the Doc. Just a thought - are you getting enough calcium? Sometimes lack of calcium can cause cramp - I had that when I was pregnant (gosh what a memory!!!!). I used to wake up in the night and scream with pain not able to move my leg. If you are getting enough of everything get it checked out to rule out things like circulation problems, trapped nerves, etc. God I go on

 

[elle2585]

already did last year gem, i even had an mri. all they could say is i have a virus in my neck which could be the cause. the sensations come and go. when theyre at their worst i feels very tired. and my least favourite is when i kind of get burning sensations, like when i touch a spot it feels like i've burnt it badly in the sun. when that happens even wearing clothes hurts lol. put i think i already said, ive self diagnosed myself with fibromyalgia, since i know the docs probably wont think of it. it's just something i cope with, no biggy. just VERY annoying hehe. x

 

[Gemstone]

Yes I do remember you saying about that but wasn't sure it was the same thing. Must be quite a nuisance for you. Hope you feel better soon x

 

[Gemstone]

What's happened to Summer

:character00238: Hey Guys. Remember my greeting early this morning, well no more Mr Sunny Face - it's p...ing it down here!
OK Guys, who's been doing the rain dance?

:sign0163:​