Biggirlsam

[Biggirlsam]

hi everyone i'm sticking to my diet and its going ok.. feel like i'm going back to square one. anyway I went to the doctors yesterday and the flipping nurse said jump on the scales and off I came to you really should loose some weight you know:cry: .... What could I say ok, or are you real .. I just smiled and said i'm working on it:sigh: :sigh: ...
Sonike thank you, i'm not very good with past and copy thingys so I just type....
Cheryl I had a brill time and you and your hubbie are so good together you are a wonderful couple
Russian doll : I loved talking to you its such a wonderful feeling watching you and seeing your before photo you have lost a whole person and the one underneath is so lovely .. "Freakish", is a work I totally understand but take it from someone who has and is there you will never be that!!!!
Pandora, hi slimgirlsam seems like tempting fate , I guess i'll stay like this so I never forget where I was and where I never will go again ..
I try and come on and type but I spend so much time reading I just don't get around to it so tonight I typed first and now i'll wander.

 

[Russiandoll]

Hi Sam
I can't believe the nerve of that nurse! That's what happens when people operate their mouths before engaging their brains!

Her remark doesn't detract from your awesome achievement though so YAH BOO SUCKS to the thoughtless nurse!

Hope you had a great day - keep up the fab work

 

[cah-ching]

Yo've been told you need to lose weight?! Are you the same person I saw In Portsmouth?

As Russian Doll folk really are lazy when it comes to engaging their brains before speaking.

Don't be disheartened - you look fabulicious, you ARE FABULICIOUS!!!!!!


xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Biggirlsam]

Hi ladies thaks for the lovely comments, i'm sat here crying my eyes out... this mornig I had a car accident and i'm in pieces... I stopped at a zebra crossing for a woman to cross and the next thing I know I was the other side just staring ahead , I started to cry because I thought that the lady was under my car and i'd killed her!!!! oh my god just putting it down is scaring me.... I thought that writing about it would help.... I just did nothing say there!!!! the passenger door opened and it was her the woman waiting to cross. oh god I was so scared I just sobbed..She said she had seen everything and it would all be ok but she thought I was crying because i'd been hit but it was because she was alive!!!!!!!!!!!. She gave me all her details and I asked her why didn't she cross??? she just said she always waits oh god I am soooo glad she does....... Then the person who hit me came and asked if I was ok and I was in such a state I didn't even notice she was pregnant... Until we had moved out cars and she came back to mine.... All I could think about then was her and her baby, were they ok and they needed to go to hospital.... We called our husbands because nothing on this earth could make me drive then...My husband arrived and did the basic things I should have done I cannot believe that I went to pieces.. Normally I'm the one who takes care of others but I thought I had killed that woman and even now i'm sobbing with relief, well I think its releif..... We thought there wasn't much damage to my car but when they were putting it on the recker the man said look at the spare wheel its been crushed so I guess thats the last i'll see of that:sigh: .. The lady rang her midwife and she is going to see her soon but I wanted her to go to hospital but she wouldn't go...... Her car is not drivable and I came home and then it all started insurance companies ringing and blaim and this and that!!! I had a call from a man who said we won't offer you compensation now wait a few days and see how bad it gets... Bloddy hell I nearly killed a woman and all they are concerned about is bloody money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The woman on the crossing could be dead now and the lady with the baby could still suffer a miscarrage of early birth and all they are thinking about is bloody money!!!!!! God what has the flaming world come too..... My arm and head are killing but I just can't face people asking questions and now my husband has just rang and they have given him a warning he is going to be thrown off the production because he came to help me... oh god it just gets worse:cry:

 

[Eclipse]

OMG Sam, poor you hun! What a day. Thank god it turned out OK for everyone. Best thing you can do is have a lie down, take it easy, sounds like you are in shock.

Big hugs to you hun x x x

 

[Biggirlsam]

Hi cheryl Shock was an understatement all I kept doing was thinking back to imagining that woman was under the car:cry: ... Well I rang her last night and thanked her for giving me her details, and i rang the other driver and made sure she was ok... Today i've had to go to the doctors because I couldn't move my neck and the headache didn't go all night, I needed stronger pain killers. Well she offered me a sick note for two weeks and I had to say no thanks i'm self employed no work no food I did consider it !!!! What a way to get the last stone off .... Anyway they gave me a hire car for 14 days and yes my dogs fit in it but I can't lock it with them in it!!!! I had to leave it open when I went to the pet store because the alarm kept going off.....Poor dogs very confused... I had to sort out the next 11 days I'm working flat out and oh I hope this flipping headache goes by tomorrow.... diet ways I did ok until the car man asked me to drop him at the fishshop before he got his train and he bought me a bag of chips as a thankyou for taking him down... Guess what he came from Portsmouth---- very surreal.... I procedded to tell him all about the trip and poor man was glad to get out... but I ate all the :break_diet: chips:break_diet: ..so instead of dwelling on it I just had porridge for supper and tomorrow is going to be a good day... Sat in a box for 12 hours with no chance of cheating... Going to wander and read so roll on 11 days...

 

[Eclipse]

Hope your headache has sorted itself out!

Forget the chips, that's in the past, can't be changed now. The most important thing is to take care of yourself.

X X X

 

[Biggirlsam]

Ok here goes, its been a very long time in my life since i've felt strong enough to post here!!! You see my life fell apart and so did everything I ever believed in:cry:..

I want to post my problem so hopefully it will help others, God knows I wish there had been someone there for me.

I found out on Christmas day 2006 that my husband who I worshipped and gave up everything for was a kerb crawler:cry:, I had been told by a work collegue that "he wasn't the man I thought he was", but he wouldn't say anymore, so I confrunted him and he admitted that he had just been out for his Christmas present- a **** with a street prostitute.

My life ended then and there!!! When people say their heart broke, it did. The pain was real the physical pain hurt so much I thought I was going to die then and there!!!

He said he loved me but because he could he did it, he siad he'd been doing it for 2 and a half years, I was totally, distraught, I went ot pices totally, I couldn't stop crying and then it hit me.... HIV diseases, what did I have was I going to die!!!

No-where was open it was Christmas and nothing opened until new year, I spent the time waiting to see a doctor crrying and screaming, I lived in limbo for those 2 weeks and the after all the tests I had to wait 3 months for my hiv test, it was the hardest part of my life, waiting to find out if he had killed me!!!

Me Sam the perosn who was there for everyone had no-one!! I couldn't voice what was happening to me, I just couldn't talk to anyone... you see I was so ashamed that I loved this man so much I hadn't ever not trusted him. and he took my trust and laughted at me everytime he made love to a prostitute he immediately came hom and made love to me- each time he was late and work overrun, I accepted and run him a bath not knowing that it was to was someone else off him!!! I got into a massive massive depression and did something that has changed my life for ever!!!!

I booked to see a doctor who agreed to give me a tummy tuck and breast lift thinking if I looked better it would give me confidence, so in June 07 I had an operation that changed my life!!
the tummy tuck was a success, but the brest life was a total disaster, I had before I went in j cup breasts and I wanted them lifted. I came out with no breasts!! One was a aa and the other was just a lump... The operation went so wrong I nearly died, I had tubles and drains everywhere and I looked down and I was a freak!!!! the doctor explain to my daughter that when he started operating there was a massive problem and I had to go the aa, but when he went to the other breast he just took it away....

I won't go into why, when, where or how but 3 months in hospital I finally saw what happened and I dropped into a massive depression, not only had my life ended as I knew it I was now a freak, I no longer felt feminine and got into the mindset if I put on weight maybe I might get some breast fat back, you see I went to pieces and wasn't thinking straight at all- looking back I reallly beleve I had a massive break down and no-pne could see what was happening to me they just saw the outside hard working me as usual. I had to wait 6 months to get another operation on my breasts to repair what happened to me.

The problem was I still beieved that if I ate I would put weight on my breasts and I would look better!! All that happened is I put weight on everywhere else and it looked even worse....

And so to today, I have read the forum each day as I used to and I have great joy in seeing others overcome thier weight problems and some like me struggle and have to start all over again. i'm obese I don't want to be anymore, i've had my op and now I have some breasts for what its worth!! I have massive scars all over my body fro the operations and I urge people to look in the mirror and thing about the operations that went wrong no-one talks about...

Please don't talk to me about my past the pain is too raw but I felt if i'm going to do this I had to explain a little about what happened to me to bring me back to the weight I am...

I am not going a vlcd I am going to do weight watchers and soon i'm off to say hi to the people doing it... To everyone I know from the past hi, i'm back and determined this is going to work for me, and to everyone new, i'm damaged and mad so come say hi and help me get to my goal of 10 stone...

i'm 14 stone now having lost 7lbs already and when I can work out i'll change my ticker..

 

[cah-ching]

Oh my! I was only asking about you the other day!!! We were at the Birmingham meet and I asked about you to Russian Doll as we were reminscing about the Portsmouth meet.

I'm so sorry to read about ALL of the past few months it couldn't have been easy for you.

I'm sending you all my love because God knows you need to know someone loves you :hug99:

The weight loss is a road you've travelled before, so you know what you need to do .. the inspiration stories and pictures are great, I agree.

Take care and good luck on your weigh.

xxx