Biggirlsam

I can't believe i havn't posted for days i'm shocked!!! I had a problem that wouldn't go away so my hubbie took me to the as I thought see his mum but he took me to the doctor:(.. I hate going always I must be dying and then I try and put itoff... I just feel that i'm fighting to get them to listen to me so I just don't go... But he was right i was ill and i've never seen her before and she agreed with me:) .. Shock horror me and a doctor agreeing:D , anyway i'm on tablets and lots of things have gone away for tests, I get scared that the cancer has come back every time I go in for results and told her this this time and she said just call when you feel like it no pressure:D .. Wow where has she been all my sick life?????. I have been working outdoors all day today and I completed 94 par cans onto base plates and boy am I shattered... I have 44 to do tomorrow and will I be glad when its finished!!. Sometimes I feel that the years are flying by it seems like only last week I was doing this for Christmas last!. I know the people enjoy wandering around the forest and it looks great when all the lights are up and running but boy is it hard work. We will be starting to put the lights in on Sunday and it will take 12 hours at least a night and last year my dogs got in the van because it was so cold! I am freezing now I have no idea how i'm going to cope this year.. Maybe find a frozen Sam in the illuminated trail this year:)
Ok going to shake and have a lovely warm bath.
 
44 yes well where did I go wrong!!!!!it was more like 440 no really but it did feel like it. My piece of plastic that I put up on the back doors of my van to keep me dry decided to cave in and share the whole huge huge massive tons of flipping water where???? Just over my head:eek: ....When I finally stood up after getting a cold shower my neighbour said "you do love your work" and went in... Scream!!!!!! love my work in the pooring rain with wet knickers and soaking feet and worse I have 7 left to do and nothing will make me leave this house!!!!!! I will not do them hubbie can get stuck in when he gets home because if I see another par can i'll set fire to it:mad: .....Had a lovely bath and now im going to do the housework that as usual gets forgotten when work screams.
 
I woke up this morning and i'm so so gutted... I have lost 5 stone and up until this morning I was so happy, I gave all my clothes away apart from a dress and a pair of trousers I got weighed in first... Each week I tried on my big clothes to see how much weight I lost but this week I don't have any to try on so never lookes in the mirror.... My husband said this morning you are loosing the inches now:) yipee I thought finally. I waited for him to go to work and went to the mirror in such a happy mood to see what he was talking about:). And then it happened:( I can honestly say if it wasn't my face I would have said it wasn't me:(. I can't explain it if I wanted to try- grotesque and disgusting come to mind:(. How can a body change so much in 2 weeks!!!! I have always known i'd need surgery on my tummy being at 6 stone overweight all my life it was to be expected. But I don't know if I can cope with that in the mirror:( , I am so torn between finding a surgeon NOW of just eating and getting rid of this sagging belly and filling it up with fat:(at least it wouldn't look like this. What do I do I honestly don't know:(. Do I just start eating and be resigned to be being fat all my life or do I hide it all and hope in a stones time I will be able to cope. I just looked at it and felt sick- I can't say anything to my husband he is so happy about the change in me he says the old Sam is back:), how do I tell him the old Sam wants to be the old Sam!!!!! Please someone what do I do??
 
Oh Sam ((((((hugs))))) feel so sorry that you were up one minute then down the next.

You have lost 5 stone .... that's no mean achievement girl. Yes you have a few wrinkles and saggy bits to show for it - but that is sooooooooo much better health wise for you than carrying around 65 pounds.

I too have saggy/wrinkly bits .... but part of that is my war wounds from having 3 children - but also losing weight. However most people don't see that part of me and when I'm dressed look half way decent. I can't afford cosmetic surgery - but would love to have it if i could .... if you feel this would make you feel better then go check out plenty of surgeons and get advice.

But don't think about putting any of that hard fought loss of weight back on!!!

Love and ((((HUGS)))
 
Oh Bev today has been so hard:(, each time i start something I think of this morning and I just want to cry:( . I'm normally up beat and I just can't get rid of the feeling that I would be better fat!! I just oh I don't know!! I just hadn't expected it, I was just happy getting thiner, and now I really don't know which is best.. I feel old now:( I never felt old just fat but now I feel old and I look old!!!!!!! I have been on and off the net all day trying to find out how much it will cost and my daughter came home to me in floods of tears and offered me the money she has for a car- from one old banger to another hey!! That made me worse and I havn't done half the things I should have done.... I have to go to work tomorrow with a crew from London who are coming down to film in our set and I just don't want to go...... Child I know but gosh if there was someone else who could do it I would spend all day in bed the way I feel.... I looked at weight watchers today and I just thought why???? I'm going to find out how the internet thingy works how do they know when you are at target??? do you get gold membership on the net??? all those questions that I can't be botherd to trawl back and find out. I'm going just start a thread and ask- lazy cow today...
 
Please dont take away what you have achieved, I know exactly how you feel, I have been overweight for 15/20 years or so, had a nine lb child and a c section, my stomach and the top of my legs are in no way tip top shape, But, please be proud of what you have achieved, it takes time for the mind to catch up with how you look, and when it does you will be so proud x
 
oh vicky thank you so much :), I really felt so alone I couldn't tell my husband after the nice comment he said to me and I just cried and cried, I had a pm from mini asking me- yes me to help someone and I don't know why but it really put into perspective how silly i'm being:(. I as you say have done good... I knew it wasn't going to be easy but it will be ok.. Thank you for taking the time to talk and help me out- I really needed help. I hope one day I can be there for you like you have done for me:)...
 
Glad you got to continue on the plan!! You must of given the pharmacist what for!! lol

It wont be long until your at target and then the world is your oyster!! You should take this opportunity to go back and read your whole diary and this will give you even more determination to finish. (no matter what plan you lose the last few lbs on!)
 
Claire I did I read it and you are right... I just wish I hadn't been called by a pickled onion....... the jar did the same to me the other day and my husband screamed at me to spit it out!!! This time I just dived in and ate the flipping thing!! The odd thing is that I only wanted one:), I have never wanted one of anything!!! Roll on 8 days time and I can say yes sam you can eat that!!! Well chicken and lettuce:). I did give the pharmacist hell to be honest:), I even showed her my belly!!!!! Poor girl.... and she agreed 2 weeks and then I said I can't come for 3 because i'm working :), I really am working but I still feel cheeky:).
 
Biggirlsam said:
oh vicky thank you so much :), I really felt so alone I couldn't tell my husband after the nice comment he said to me and I just cried and cried, I had a pm from mini asking me- yes me to help someone and I don't know why but it really put into perspective how silly i'm being:(. I as you say have done good... I knew it wasn't going to be easy but it will be ok.. Thank you for taking the time to talk and help me out- I really needed help. I hope one day I can be there for you like you have done for me:)...
Click to expand...

Any time hun, thats what this site is for, Im having an off day too today, like you said roll on the chicken and lettuce, doing my head in now, and Ive got a bloomin boil too!!! Grrrrr!!!

It was never gonna be easy, but you are right, it will be ok, when you have a stomach that you can map the london underground out on, like mine, yes its upsetting, but we fought and are winning the battle hun, and we have our battle scars to show for it x
 
Biggirlsam said:
Claire I did I read it and you are right... I just wish I hadn't been called by a pickled onion....... the jar did the same to me the other day and my husband screamed at me to spit it out!!! This time I just dived in and ate the flipping thing!! The odd thing is that I only wanted one:), I have never wanted one of anything!!! Roll on 8 days time and I can say yes sam you can eat that!!! Well chicken and lettuce:). I did give the pharmacist hell to be honest:), I even showed her my belly!!!!! Poor girl.... and she agreed 2 weeks and then I said I can't come for 3 because i'm working :), I really am working but I still feel cheeky:).
Click to expand...

Your just right. You have to look after number one. Theres too many people out there to tell you what you can and cant do!!
 
Right hopefully i'll stay on now. I have been avoiding my diary:(.... Well here goes. The other night I got a call from a friend from Germany and he wanted to come see us:), well I thought I was off the hook because I finished work at 7.30 and he wasn't going to get here by 9.30 but Dieter being Dieter he was hungry!!! Well we went and I ate chicken and salad so hopefully not too much damage done that night... Well the next day I went to work and good day until I went home.... I stood in the kitchen and opened a packet of worcester sauce crisps and thought well just eat them slowly and enjoy... Yeh right... in no time I was shovelling them in amd 3 packets later I had just scoffed and scoffed:mad: :mad: . I have no idea what happened.. I told my hubbie and tried to explain but I couldn't..... Ok that over with I went to work yesterday and if you upset easily please please don't read any more........ During the first scene my bowel decided to prolapse:eek: :eek: . Omg painnnnnn . and I couldn't get it back, Well luckily for me I had a great DOP and he covered for me until I could sort myself out:( :( . Well to cut a long painful day short he even carried my bags to my car for me and I came home in the evening and knew I needed to go to get stiched:( . Ogg I go and I told the doctor about lipotrim and he proceeded to tell me I was really thin he saw my flipping shoulder bone:( ... And told me I was too thin:eek: ... I came home in floods of tears and ripped into my poor husband the minute he came through the door.. Screaming why didn't you tell me!!!!! The poor guy had no idea what his ranting wife was on about:D . Well after I calmed down and explained my day he said that certain bits on me were very thin but he didn't want to say anything because he knew how much I wanted to loose my belly.... I'm so shocked and sad and oh I don't know scared I think... I am 11 stone and a size 16 jeans I have always had really thin legs but for the first time in my life I wish I could put a photo up for help.. My hubbies says I need surgery to take my belly away and that is where I am carrying all my weight????? I really son't know... I finish lipotrim on Tuesday but I don't want to be ill... Is there anyone out there with really thin everything apart from the belly or am I the only freak
 
Hun u r not a freak :mad: pls dont talk like that.You have done so well loosing so much weight already.We cant choose where the weight drops off from unfortunately.
What size do u want to get to or what weight are u happy with.
Pls dont listen to others comments, u yourself know when u r happy with your body weight and u alone.

Have u worked out your Bmi to see what your ideal weight should be, maybe u r already at goal weight.
Here is the link to work out your BMI

Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

Could your belly be alot of loose skin if thats the case then its only cosmetic a tummy tuck will reasolve that problem.
Pls dont get upset hun and take care x
 
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oh roach i'm in such a pickle, I don't know an answer to any of your qiestions:( .. I have from the start just wanted to loose the weight- to be totally honest I didn't think deep down this time would be any different to all the other times...I hoped that because I was doing it for myself this time i'd do it but a massive bit of me didn't have the confidence I needed to even look to the future... I am getting weighed tomorrow and then I start re-feed, I am scared stiff, I wish I could stay on lipotrim for the rest of my life!!!!Its been sooo easy for me not having to think about anything I guess when it comes to me I'm just a lazy so and so. I went to the post office earlier to return a parcel- oh god I think i'll tell why it would be good to make a few people laugh.. I ordered a baskque to make me feel good- the first new bit of underwear I have ordered since i've lost weight:) , and I opened it soooo excited, and omg!!!:eek: they sent me the wrong thing, not just the wrong thing but for the wrong sex...... They sent me a bl**dy blow up doll with wait for it 3 ho**s..... God was I angry.. then I started laughing and couldn't stop- a blow up doll... for me.... well I rang them and the girl on the other end of the line just said oh- me I was in fits of laughter and she must have thought i've got a right one here!!! She asked me to send it back and was it opened:eek: :eek: What use would I have with it???? Thought of opening it and blowing it up so hubbie could have a laugh but to be honest I just want my basque- how do you spell it I;m useless at spelling!!!! Anyway after returning the offending item:D I wait to see what I get next:D :D . I went into the shops across the road and I looked for a cardigan because i'm really cold all the time and for once in my life I chose not buy something because it fitted!!! I chose not to get it because it looked nasty.... I was really pleased that finally I have a choice as to what to wear... I wear disney t shirts and people look at me as if i'm mad but I love them and at my age I can wear what I want.. well thats what I tell the pen pushers who say "that is not appropiate wear for the work enviroment", well I tell them I push buttons you pay me to work not look good, One day i'm going into work in a dress and omg will they all be shocked....
I have just completed 3 weeks worth of ironing and I started at 7.30 this morning:D . I really wish I could get someone to do it but i'm so picky when it comes to ironing why I don't know everything else is ok thats good enough but when it comes to my ironing I just turn into a witch..Well now to cut gel 360 pieces by tonight oh have I got a odd life:D .. I'm going up tonight to do a final walk around to see what it all looks like and try and give my hubbie a bit more encouragement than I did last night.... They only turned one generator on and it looked just like a landing strip, so I said so and was told it is NOT a landind strip!!! oh was I told off:D Well off to cut gel and try and not think about tomorrow.
 
I never thought that I would enjoy shopping but gosh did I:), I took my husband and poor him has had to do all his own shopping for 5 months... I have refused to do any shopping for any of my family and now back to it!!!. We walked up and down and for the first time in my life did I pick up and check labels without feeling embarrased:D , isn't it funny how when your weight changes you change and don't even notice it... I picked things up that looked interesting and when I checked the fat levels I put them back:D . I have never put something back I fancied before.... I told hubbie he could put biscuits and all his nice things in MY basket:D , wow i'm soo proud of myself:) . I walked up and down and didn't want anything apart from his french stick oops really the frence stick;) . I love bread but I know its a no no for me at the moment... I came home and went into the cutlery draw for a knife and omg the draw is in a mess:( , what can two adults do in a few months?? Well I cooked myself a chicken and lettuce, tomatoe a little onion, and carrots, I even had a cup of tea wow that was nice, the first warm thing in 5 months:D . I took my dish into the pharmacist this morning I know idiot!!! But I just wanted to know if this was a mediun size! they say medium but if I knew what was medium I would never have got into the mess in the first place. Well into the room I went with my bowl and out I came with a smile:D ... I bought 4 of them thankfully they are medium... She told me not to pile it high and I didn't... I sat with my husband and ate wow what a wonderful experience to stop when I was full, another first for me and I threw away food amazing!!!!! I scraped my excess food into the bin.... That for me has made the night and I didn't even think about it until I was stacking the diswasher... I hope I can continue with this confidence I have today... On another note I have signed up to go to a meeting and I have booked a room so I can't back out. I'm ok on one to one but in a group I just sit there, I am so shy but this time I will just take it as it goes, the people on here seem so friendly I just wanted to go:D ... Oh and now i'm in a sort of panic thinking omg I have never danced:eek: , they are going out in the night!!! Oh god 12 years old and obese and never been dancing how do you do it:eek: :eek: , that is not looking good I think I can do the okey cokey but as far as anything else:eek: . Anyone know of a good dance teacher by Janurary please let me know!! 2 left feet and now panic:eek: ... Oh god it will be a night!
 
Hi Sam

Don't panic hun, I have never been able to dance. I just go with the flow as it were, and see how it takes me. Usually end up feeling like a headless chicken, but hey ho, would be boring if we were all the same wouldn't it?

Looking forward to meeting you at the Portsmouth meet, still finalising plans for transport, but will be in touch soon.
 
Hi everyone been very busy and really sometimes feel i'm :) getting addicted to this site:), I hadn't realised I havn't posted for a few days I normally come and read and answer a few posts but just forget to post on my owm little bit... Well eating is something I was not looking forward to:(, I read the sheet and re-read the sheet until I know it backwards... And on Tuesday I got weighed and was 8lbs down:) thats for 3 weeks but I was pleased. I was officially 10 stone 13lbs but the 10 was just a bonus I wanted to be 11 dead so 1lb has really made me smile... I looked into the gi diet and bought loads of books but its just not for me, so I went to Weightwatchers on Thursday night and signed up... Its really hard for me becasue I work self employed and work has to come first and I don't finish until 7 most times 7.30 at night and there are no classes that start late so this woman took a little coaxing to let me go when I can... I got on her scales with shoes and a cardigan so it was a different weight and I will go for that for my first weigh in but in 3 weeks I will go back to the pharmacist and get weighed real:), I will be happy if I don't put any on but really happy if I loose just a lb.... I got dressed in the dark yesterday morning it was my husbands first day off for ages and I didn't want to wake him, so I just grabbed jeans and a top and went downstairs, and as usual I spent too long in the bath so I was in a rush. I just pulled them on and left, I did think that they were a bit tight on my legs but I just guessed it was me eating again... Well about 5hours later on the loo I noticed what jeans I had on:eek: , I was wearing the jeans I got in a sale size 14 for when I loose weight:D :D , I was so surprised I just sat there:) - looking at the label 14,14,14,14. Well when I finally pull myself together;) I left that loo with a real bounce in my step:) .It nice that people I havn't seen for a while look and look again, I know i'm hung up on my belly and saggy bits but boy is it nice to be dressed.... I was told to get a skirt and boots, me in a skirt and boots:eek: - I smiled at her and said i'll get my daughter to come with me:eek: , I don't know how I look I wish my head would catch up with rest of me... I still see obese Sam when I look in the mirror, maybe it will never change, I just don't know... All I do know is i'm fed up of lettuce.... oh Moaning minnie I am but there are only so many ways to make it,,,Can't wait for Monday i'm then going to start the weightwatchers plan so at least i'll have a bit of variety.... I am suppost to stick to re-reed for 3 weeks but thats only because I pushed as it says on the sheet you might want to if you've lost a lot of weight....But i've changed my mind and will go onto weight watchers from then onwards...
I have a cold its one of those drippy ones -you put your head down and drip drip drip, so to finish this post there is a tissue rammed into my left nostrl:) . I didn't get anything when I was on lipotrim but the minute I start eating my body said ok its for you!!!!. I don't feel ill just drip drip... I have a weeks worth of laundry on the line and the last load is spinning now:( , that means i'll have to start the ironing soon... oh if onlt I could win the lottery i'd pay someone to do it:D ..... Time to log of and brave the cold outside, oh I did notice that i'm not as cold as I used to be now- guess body is getting used to food again:) . I will be trying to do the wobble thing next week with a friend of mine who thought it was sooo funny that I havn't done the dance thing before.. she is taking me to a "cattle market", her words not mine she says its the best place to make a fool of myself so i'll let you know how it goes:cool:
 
ok been lurking for over an hour putting off the thing I have to do..... I have been trying to find a swimming costume everywhere and can't, gone into all the shops in Bristol and I mean ALL the shops and I can't get one to fit this wierd body..... Need a low leg with a long body and do you think I can get one no way.... so I have decided to do wait for it an exercise dvd OMG... I have been in this room for over an hour and half reading the posts because its important to keep me motativated.... yeh right... it keeps me from turning the darned thing on..... I havn't even opened the curtains because I don't want the guys on the cricket pitch to see me trying!!!!! Ok signing out and god help me if i'm not back tonight send an ambulance to me i'm stuck in an inpossible position on the floor callled EXERCISE......
 
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