Flabuless Mama
Postpartum Mama trying to conceive
RawrGirl has binge eating disorder (BED) which explains the roller coaster effect of her weight chart in her signature (which only reflects the last 4 years). Her weight has roller coasted from 170 or so to 145 or so several times a year for the past 14 years. And she has come to realize that she will never reach her goal let alone maintain it if she does not figure out how to stop bingeing. So she has spent the last several months reading every book she can on the subject and is working through all of that and is closer to her goal right now then she has ever been in 14 years. But she knows that she could blow all of that over the holidays if she binges as normal. So anyway...here is what she has learned so far:
First, figure out why you binge.
The people are right above who said that dieting sets you up to binge. You go on a diet, you mentally label foods that you can/can't have, you start feeling deprived, you give herself an "off" day and eat everything in sight.
BUT that may not be the only reason. You need to see if you are feeding an emotion -- happy, bored, frustrated, sad, lonely, hurt, etc. RawrGirl is somewhat rare in that she usually only binges because she is happy/wants to celebrate...such as the weekend, holiday, Christmas week, etc. She associates food and happiness with feeling loved and close to people, so if she wants to *feel* loved by/close to her husband on the weekend, she chooses food as the drug to get that "high" or those happy feelings. (During the week she is busy with projects, work, etc and has always been what is called a compensating binger, in that she immediately goes on a strict diet Monday morning, just like clock work.)
During one weekend night, RawrGirl has consumed in excess of 5000 calories. She will eat everything she can on the menu as though the food will never be there again (even though it will be there the following weekend). She will eat until well past the point of satiety and will feel sick for the rest of the night, but then she will do it again. And not just for supper, she has done this will every meal all weekend long (or all holiday long) choosing the fattiest, highest sugar, most "bad" food that she can and eating it until she is stuffed. Only the past few weeks has she discovered why she does this. It's not that the food will never be there again...it's not physical hunger she is trying to fill. It's the unconditional love/acceptance/approval that is not and has not and may never be there for her from her family. RawrGirl not only feels like she is "never enough" but that she will never be loved enough. And since she unconsciously equated the food eaten on Friday night "family night" of pizza and a movie and family happiness with Christmas and vacation, where food was in abundance, she now has come to understand that she is seeking to fill that void left in her (mostly be her father, but somewhat by her mother) with food. It's like she is a little child again, eating everything in site, hoping to get as much love as she can while she can because she knows it will be taken away again, and life will return once more to the emotionally abandoned and abusive "normal" week.
So for RawrGirl she is working through realizing that no amount of food whether it be healthy or an entire tray of homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven is going to make her any more or less loved. So then it comes down to simply feeling deprived because she is not letting herself eat those things during the week (right now, she only has one free weekend a month) till she reaches goal. So all month long, she keeps a list of all the things she starts craving...whether it is milkshakes, Chinese food, chocolate cake, a particular restaurant ..whatever. And then when that weekend comes, she looks at her list and asks herself, what does she REALLY want. What is she really in the mood for most? What would satisfy her? And then she lets herself eat that...and as much as she wants (not just a bite), but she has to stop before she is stuffed (and after 2 1/2 months of a VLCD, her stomach has shrunk considerably so that's not that much). She eats slower (rather than wolfing it down) and really thinks about the taste and the texture (rather than eating as much as possible as quickly as possible, sometimes barely chewing, swallowing bites whole, just so she can eat another bite).
As for her upcoming 10-day holiday over Christmas and New Years, RawrGirl has been stressing quite a bit and then started making plans this early in advance to keep her from bingeing that whole time. (The last time she had a holiday back in April, she put on 15 pounds in 4 days -- and that was AFTER she lost 8+ pounds of water gain). RawrGirl should reach her goal for the first time in her life (she came somewhat close 14 years ago), just in time to show off for Christmas and does not want to gain it all back by Jan 1.
So her plan is to eat normally for breakfast and lunch, and then eat a bowl of soup prior to eating any of the holiday dinner foods. She doesn't normally eat soup, so that in itself will be a treat (broccoli cheese, and cream of potato with added light sour cream, and a sprinkle of cheddar, bacon bits, and chives). She will then help herself to a plate of Christmas foods in small portions. As for desserts, she has come up with a list of very tasty desserts that she plans on substituting for the higher fat/sugar varieties and then allowing herself very small portions of whatever she REALLY wants of the regular stuff. (If Christmas was only 1 day, RawrGirl wouldn't be going through all this, but like she said, she will be with family and friends for 10 full days where they will be eating tons of food).
As for maintaining her goal weight, RawrGirl's goal is to do as the books recommend and "stop" dieting which ultimately means "don't label any food bad or restrict it." For instance, if you never can have donuts, then you will crave donuts, and if you only allow yourself to have donuts on the weekend or whenever, then the likely hood of you bingeing on lots of donuts is very high. But if you eat a doughnut every single day by the time the weekend comes around, you could care less about donuts. And many people report that they don't even actually want to eat a doughnut every single day, that just the realization that they are *allowed* to have a doughnut every single day helps them realize they don't even want it...that they only craved it because they weren't allowed to have it. So that is RawrGirl's plan. First with pasta (as she hasn't let herself have that very often at all for the last 2 years), then with bread, such as making french toast for breakfast, and then desserts. She hopes by eliminating the dieting mentality, she will rid her self of the desire to binge.
But she is breaking the carnal rule of all the books that says she must do that NOW, and that she can't finish dieting and get to her goal weight first. But, that is RawrGirl's choice. She wants to hit goal by Christmas. She wants to have nice, fashionable clothes, and she wants to be slender and feel confident.
Sorry if this was too long...but RawrGirl has actively been working on this for months, including journaling and working through some tough issues, so she figured she would share. Hope it helps.
First, figure out why you binge.
The people are right above who said that dieting sets you up to binge. You go on a diet, you mentally label foods that you can/can't have, you start feeling deprived, you give herself an "off" day and eat everything in sight.
BUT that may not be the only reason. You need to see if you are feeding an emotion -- happy, bored, frustrated, sad, lonely, hurt, etc. RawrGirl is somewhat rare in that she usually only binges because she is happy/wants to celebrate...such as the weekend, holiday, Christmas week, etc. She associates food and happiness with feeling loved and close to people, so if she wants to *feel* loved by/close to her husband on the weekend, she chooses food as the drug to get that "high" or those happy feelings. (During the week she is busy with projects, work, etc and has always been what is called a compensating binger, in that she immediately goes on a strict diet Monday morning, just like clock work.)
During one weekend night, RawrGirl has consumed in excess of 5000 calories. She will eat everything she can on the menu as though the food will never be there again (even though it will be there the following weekend). She will eat until well past the point of satiety and will feel sick for the rest of the night, but then she will do it again. And not just for supper, she has done this will every meal all weekend long (or all holiday long) choosing the fattiest, highest sugar, most "bad" food that she can and eating it until she is stuffed. Only the past few weeks has she discovered why she does this. It's not that the food will never be there again...it's not physical hunger she is trying to fill. It's the unconditional love/acceptance/approval that is not and has not and may never be there for her from her family. RawrGirl not only feels like she is "never enough" but that she will never be loved enough. And since she unconsciously equated the food eaten on Friday night "family night" of pizza and a movie and family happiness with Christmas and vacation, where food was in abundance, she now has come to understand that she is seeking to fill that void left in her (mostly be her father, but somewhat by her mother) with food. It's like she is a little child again, eating everything in site, hoping to get as much love as she can while she can because she knows it will be taken away again, and life will return once more to the emotionally abandoned and abusive "normal" week.
So for RawrGirl she is working through realizing that no amount of food whether it be healthy or an entire tray of homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven is going to make her any more or less loved. So then it comes down to simply feeling deprived because she is not letting herself eat those things during the week (right now, she only has one free weekend a month) till she reaches goal. So all month long, she keeps a list of all the things she starts craving...whether it is milkshakes, Chinese food, chocolate cake, a particular restaurant ..whatever. And then when that weekend comes, she looks at her list and asks herself, what does she REALLY want. What is she really in the mood for most? What would satisfy her? And then she lets herself eat that...and as much as she wants (not just a bite), but she has to stop before she is stuffed (and after 2 1/2 months of a VLCD, her stomach has shrunk considerably so that's not that much). She eats slower (rather than wolfing it down) and really thinks about the taste and the texture (rather than eating as much as possible as quickly as possible, sometimes barely chewing, swallowing bites whole, just so she can eat another bite).
As for her upcoming 10-day holiday over Christmas and New Years, RawrGirl has been stressing quite a bit and then started making plans this early in advance to keep her from bingeing that whole time. (The last time she had a holiday back in April, she put on 15 pounds in 4 days -- and that was AFTER she lost 8+ pounds of water gain). RawrGirl should reach her goal for the first time in her life (she came somewhat close 14 years ago), just in time to show off for Christmas and does not want to gain it all back by Jan 1.
So her plan is to eat normally for breakfast and lunch, and then eat a bowl of soup prior to eating any of the holiday dinner foods. She doesn't normally eat soup, so that in itself will be a treat (broccoli cheese, and cream of potato with added light sour cream, and a sprinkle of cheddar, bacon bits, and chives). She will then help herself to a plate of Christmas foods in small portions. As for desserts, she has come up with a list of very tasty desserts that she plans on substituting for the higher fat/sugar varieties and then allowing herself very small portions of whatever she REALLY wants of the regular stuff. (If Christmas was only 1 day, RawrGirl wouldn't be going through all this, but like she said, she will be with family and friends for 10 full days where they will be eating tons of food).
As for maintaining her goal weight, RawrGirl's goal is to do as the books recommend and "stop" dieting which ultimately means "don't label any food bad or restrict it." For instance, if you never can have donuts, then you will crave donuts, and if you only allow yourself to have donuts on the weekend or whenever, then the likely hood of you bingeing on lots of donuts is very high. But if you eat a doughnut every single day by the time the weekend comes around, you could care less about donuts. And many people report that they don't even actually want to eat a doughnut every single day, that just the realization that they are *allowed* to have a doughnut every single day helps them realize they don't even want it...that they only craved it because they weren't allowed to have it. So that is RawrGirl's plan. First with pasta (as she hasn't let herself have that very often at all for the last 2 years), then with bread, such as making french toast for breakfast, and then desserts. She hopes by eliminating the dieting mentality, she will rid her self of the desire to binge.
But she is breaking the carnal rule of all the books that says she must do that NOW, and that she can't finish dieting and get to her goal weight first. But, that is RawrGirl's choice. She wants to hit goal by Christmas. She wants to have nice, fashionable clothes, and she wants to be slender and feel confident.
Sorry if this was too long...but RawrGirl has actively been working on this for months, including journaling and working through some tough issues, so she figured she would share. Hope it helps.
