Starting Over Issues


New Member
Hi All,

A bit of background - in 2014 after 2 years of not being able to get pregnant I sought fertility help. At 18st the first thing the doctor said was loose weight - before they would even do any tests. I began loosing weight after joining Slimming World, and after about a year managed to loose 4st and they started to run the tests as I still was unable to get pregnant. It turned out I had PCOS which not only was the reason I found it hard to loose weight (and easy to put on) but also why I couldn't get pregnant.

I got to the point that I was exercising twice a day and eating less than 900cals a day and very little in the way of carbs. I struggled as I have always been heavy and had a lot of muscle, so my BMI was really high - they would only give the go ahead for IVF if my BMI was below 30. In the end I starved myself, over exercised and also starting getting an eating disorder (I would feel so guilty when I ate I would often vomit). Right towards the final weigh in before the green light I even took diuretics to help shed the last pounds to get me under 30BMI.

Throughout all of this, it taught me BMI is rubbish - especially if you have a large muscle percentage. I have never felt as unhealthy and rotten as I did when I was just down to 27BMI (smallest I ever got to), my ribs and hip bones were sticking out and family begged me to stop. Luckily, I gained some weight and was a bit better prior to the IVF transfer. It was a difficult pregnancy with my son being born at 29 weeks. He was in NICU for 3 months, and this time I would run out and eat whatever was quickest to get back to him. He was home on oxygen and needed to be held 24x7 so I would eat what I could eat one handed, had little energy to make meals or good choices - needless to say now my son is 3 and I have gained all the weight back on.

So now, I started calorie counting on New Years Day with little exercise except daily exercise (the current pandemic situation in my area in full lockdown and only one form of outdoor exercise a day). My son doesn't sleep well, I have him to look after as well as working full time at home so I have little time / energy for exercise. I really found going to the gym and having a trainer with me the best motivation - trying to do workouts at home I really find hard. I have lost 13lbs so far (a lot is fluid loss from starting a deficit again). I am just really worried I will start getting obsessed with BMI / restriction / eating disorder territory again. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this?
Welcome to Minis!

I'm Bean an Tí, admin here at Minis, mum of two toddlers and a fellow Cyster! I have very similar struggles as yourself regarding the weight loss history and what PCOS does to our bodies. I completely 100 percent agree with you regarding BMI, I know for one, when I am at my healthy BMI, I have no boobs, and have the shape of a 12 year old boy! Its horrible, but I find that when I get to a size 12-14 I am at my most comfortable, any smaller doesn't really suit me or isn't managable long term. Like yourself being a busy mum in lockdown is hard keeping on track, so know that you are not alone.

Personally I find keeping a food diary here allows me to keep track of my day to day eating not so much focussing on the overall loss I need. I find SW works best for me, but rather than the unlimited carbs, I tend to lean towards the more LOW GI side of the diet, as I know it is what works for me, when I do SW full throttle, all white rice, pasta, mugshots, muller lights etc like you see all over insta, it just doesnt give me results and leaves me sluggish despite the fully being on plan. So I weigh my wholewheat pasta, opt for higher protein bread instead of a benefit bar for hexb etc etc.
I would obsess for months as to why i was gaining and loosing the same 5lbs, but it wasn't until I really sat down and foccused on what meals I like, what meals suits us as a family and especially what food works for my body have I started to feel a bit better in myself, I lost track over cmas but have taken all on board and am here not working it off. So feel free to follow me at bring on the bikini thread and I can be here along with all the minis crew to help you get to where you want.

Bean an Tí
I have a tendency to be a little like this, but this time I'm trying to focus on healthy long term habits and not quick fixes.

How are you getting on?
Sorry it's taken so long to reply. I am struggling to be honest. Hormones have been pretty messed up lately. So hopefully keeping myself accountable will keep chipping away at it.