1. hayley222

    hayley222 New Member

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    Hi all i need some help or advice as i am so unhappy and dont know what to do anymore. I have been overeating my whole life and at 19 got to size 32 and 21 stone, i did a VLCD and lost 6 stone which was the best feeling in the world and really thought my troubles were over! how wrong....turns out me taking food out of my life worked but as soon as i came off the diet i went straight back to wanting to eat constantly. I developed bulimia from this as i was terrified of putting the weight back on. I have put a stone back on and people keep telling me how great ive done to keep most of the weight off but they dont know im making myself sick. I dont do it after every meal sometimes il go a week without doing it. It only happens when i go on a mad binge and i can spend a fortune on food, im in debt which is making me depressed so i eat more and so the cycle continues. This week ive had 5 binges and made myself sick after. If i ate a normal diet i wouldnt be sick at all but I cant stop doing it!! the only diets i stick to are the VLCD ones which leads me to believe im obviously addicted to food so as soon as I take it away i stick to it. I cant carry on like this it cant be doing my health any good! ive been to counselling for 5 months and it didnt work, she helped me with other stuff but she even admitted this eating disorder is one of the hardest to beat (great) no-one knows so im thinking about telling my mum? maybe if i tell someone close to me it may help as ive always been a secret eater. Im sure she is well aware of my bingeing but not sure she knows about me being sick. I wish i had the money to pay for a gastric band i really do as then i wouldnt be able to do this anymore. Has anyone else been through this? any advice would be gratefully received.
     
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  3. vanda

    vanda plodding away

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    Oh Hayley, so sorry you are feeling so low. Yes I think it would be a great idea to tell someone close to you - it must be so hard to deal with this on your own. I havent got any personal experience of making myself sick after binging but have plenty of experience of binging - hence the weight.

    Could you not restart the counselling 5 months may sound like a long time but if you had other issues to deal with maybe you needed longer, or maybe a different counsellor - one who specialises in eating disorders. Is your GP aware of all this, if you are feeling that depressed maybe a course of anti depressants would help - I know prozac has been used to help some people with eating disorders - not sure how successfully though.

    Like you I am feeling a gastric band is the only way I will beat the food demons but cant afford it - have given myself this year to try an do it through lifestyle change and am struggling already.

    Just though, is there a branch of overeaters anonymous near you? Try their web site and check. I was considering giving them a go but thought the nearest one was too far away - although now I've mentioned it to you will check it out again as its worth a go.

    Sorry I've waffled on a bit and hope some of it is useful. Try and be kind to yourself you are not alone.
     
  4. hayley222

    hayley222 New Member

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    thanks for your reply. im not going to go on anti depressents did before and they didnt help me just numbed pain for a bit but that was just temporary. May look into counsellor for specialist conditions as the counsellor i saw covered everything. I wish I could get a gastric band done i know its not the complete answer but sure it would help!
     
  5. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    It is a toughy to sort isn't it. I've had BED for many years, though never bulimia. I consider myself 'in remission' at the mo...hopefully 'cured', but you never know :rolleyes:

    I haven't binged in two or three years. Think it's two, but it's probably 3 as time goes so fast these days...:sigh: Talking about real bingeing, not just overeating.

    I knew I had to deal with it, and only did the VLCD (last of very, very many diets), to get me to a place where I felt I would care enough to deal with the BED. It was a risk, as dieting does tend to make it worse, and I know I couldn't have dealt with it the way I did whilst dieting.

    Ack....all so complicated.

    I don't have an answer for you, because my 'cure' was very personalised and has taken so much time and work. Can't just say 'do this and that' and it'll go, cos it doesn't work like that.

    I do feel very confident that I'm done with it. That I have enough techniques to deal with pretty much anything that could push me in that hole again.

    Just wanted to give you hope. It's just finding the right answers for you, and you will if you want it enough.:hug99:
     
  6. fitz

    fitz Lovin it !!! :)

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    Hi
    I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so low - have you considered contacting beat : Welcome to beat - they are a leading UK charity & they specialise in Eating Disorders & may be of more help that an "everything" councillor. Your doctor may be able to refer you. They may help to find the route of the problem as food isn't the issue - it's what leads you to seek solace in it that is.
    I have done some volunteering with an Eating Disorders charity & know how this will be affecting your every waking moment.
    You are not alone so please don't think you are.
    Please take care & I hope you get some help with this xx
     
  7. Just Peachy

    Just Peachy Slowly But Surely

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    Aw Hayley, big hugs, I totally know where you're coming from. I was bulimic for a couple of years when I was a teenager and had no one to talk about it with, true hell.

    As hard and complex as it is to solve, what seems to have overcome my overeating and binging is getting to the root of my problems, i.e. why I binge. It's not fun to do, pretty troubling stuff sometimes but you come out of it a grown person and you know yourself so much better afterwards. I read a lot about emotional eating and a lot of it just clicked and I understood why I was doing it and now I've changed my habits and it's almost foreign.

    It's really difficult, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. That could be a route you might wanna go down, although not easy. I hope that helps x
     
  8. KookieDoh

    KookieDoh Ugly duckling going Swan.

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    I can't say I know what it's like to have a disorder like Bulimia but I suffer from BDD so I do know what it's like to act compulsively and feeling like you can't talk to anyone about it. I bet you are scared that if you tell anyone you have it, they will look at you like "yeah right" and not believe you, don't you? I've been there! It's part of the problem isn't it? Oh you poor thing.

    The first step is to talk to your doctor again. Explain you feel you need something more than one to one counselling. Does your counsellor do CBT with you? If not, ask your doctor to refer you to a CBT counsellor. Cognative behavioual therapy is not sitting and talking. It changes the way you think about yourself and gives you the tools to overcome stressful situations. It's one of the most effective treatments in disorders such as this.

    You should tell your mother and refer her to the beat website so she can understand more. It's far easier to overcome an image disorder with support. Look for support groups on the net where you can be anonymous if you wish and talk to others in the same boat. If you need help at anytime of the day or night and find yourself in a panic health wise, call NHS direct on 0845 4647.

    I hope that helps X.
     
  9. Lynn8124

    Lynn8124 Gold Member

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    Hiya. I know what you are going through honey. I got 4st off on Lighterlife and put 5st back on when I came off it, I was/am totally out of control. I've been in Overeaters Anon for 16 months, it's a spiritual program like AA, only for food addicts, which I class myself as. I've had problems with food since I was 5yo but they've gotten worse after eating no food for ten weeks on LL. I am not knocking vlcd's and indeed I keep on trying to repeat my first success even though I know deep down I just cannot do it any longer. I got into a binge/starve cycle.

    I am still looking for my own answers and hope you find yours.:) I am desperate for wls but I know it won't fix my addicted mind.
     
  10. Star*

    Star* Full Member

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    Hi Hayley

    I have just read your thread and I can feel tears stinging my eyes as I could have written it myself. I have suffered bulimia on and off for the last 16 years and I am overweight. It is a horrible disease that tears at your self esteem and you end up in a vicious circle. I kept it really quiet for years and got very good at being secretive - but talking really helps. Please tell your Mum - you will feel so much better and I promise she will want to help.

    I can't tell you what is going to work for you but for me I follow slimming world at home on my own because I can eat lots of free food like home made burger and chips and not feel too guilty. It's the guilt that triggers me off fo a binge. Guilty at not being thin enough, guilty for not being able to eat normally, guilty for not being able to wear the clothes I want and guilty for wasting my youth looking fat - and then the binge comes and with it more guilt. If I feel myself starting to feel edgy I try to do something that feels nice that doesn't involve food like having a bath with a whole bottle of bubble bath, losing myself in a book so I don't have to think about it, going for a walk in the sunshine, painting my nails - Anything to take my mind off it. But the biggest change I made ws stop buying magazines. Sounds silly but I never realised how much rubbish they fill your head with - celebrity diets, celebrities getting fat (that only weigh 10 stone - I wish I weighed 10 stone LOL), clothes you can't afford and a lifestyle you'll never have.

    You should try and eat food that is high in serotonin because they make you feel better really quickly like bananas, sweet potato and prawns.

    I hope this helps xxx
     
  11. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    I just came across this post and wondered how you were all doing...

    I too am a binge eater and having lost 11 stone with a low carb diet (not shakes), I too am starting to binge again and although I restart regularly, I'm seeing weight come back on...

    Very alarming...

    So I wanted to know how you were all doing
     
  12. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Well I'll be jiggered Joanne! Long time no see!
     
  13. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    Hello there KD... and how I wish I were posting under different circumstances!!

    I popped up a week or so ago, with some mea culpas, but am not yet sure where to post!!

    I'm kind of doing my own thing (again)... with low carb influence... and regular but smaller trip ups...

    You're still there in the zone I see... congratulations! I can't put all my problems onto quitting smoking, but it certainly took a crutch away... and dabbling with low carb and ketosis (not shakes, but a French diet coming over to the UK currently called "Dukan") hasn't helped!

    Any advice for an oldie before she bulges out of all her clothes?!!
     
  14. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Ta muchly. Yeah, the zone is mine now...it's all me, through and through I reckon.

    I've replied on another thread that you wrote on....somewhere..:D But just done it so it won't have gone down too far. Tell me what you think..when you've found it :)
     
    Last edited: 13 April 2010
  15. Maintainer

    Maintainer ** Chief WITCH **

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    off to find... will be back!
     
  16. Wench62

    Wench62 New Member

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    HI There

    I know how you feel I have been Bulimic for nearly 30 yrs, i dont binge/purge anymore, but I still feel that its like being an alcoholic you can control it but it never leaves you. You need to find the root causes of the urge to binge as thats whats making you feel low and in my case worthless etc and thats why you go on binges, because all through our lives we have been given food to make us feel better, and Im not saying that sometimes a bowl of warm soup etc is whats needed most of the time its emotional help.

    So firstly talk to someone either a friend or a self help group or councillor, as you need to understand before you can control.

    I found with me it was negative thoughts, that made more negative thoughts until the downward spiral started and ended in a binge. Now I try to break the negative thoughts, I did have help in the beginning.

    Im still not out of the woods and sometimes turn to food for comfort, hence my being 23stone, but im now working on that. Just get help because you can cause yourself so much damage emotionally and physically - I have no upper molars left, a hiatus hernia, a reflux problem and an enlarged neck from all the straining.

    I hope you find your way out of your darkness, it can be done but like i said you need a guide.

    Monica
     
  17. QueenMaude

    QueenMaude Member

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    i've had a problem with bingeing and purging since i was 12, now 10 years later i still have problems. i have thought about going to OA meetings but i am too scared.

    It seems to be all or nothing, if you cant fast and you slip up and have something, its the biggest disapointment in the world and you might as well binge cos you've already ruined things. But now, my hair keeps falling out, my teeth are sensitive and my skin looks so manky [to my eyes anyway] i need to stop the b/ping. thats why i want to try lose weight the proper way.

    yet i still find myself determined to go the whole day without eating.

    :(
     
  18. jockiejoe

    jockiejoe Wanting Is The Key

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    Well QM u have nothing to fear from attending OA, You will only find support and understanding. You will find that your not alone and that there are others in OA who have been on the same journey as u now find yourself. And best of all you will hear and see ppl who have got free from the pain n torture of food ruining ur life. Sure try it and if u dont like it its nothing lost, but from reading your story I do think once u choose to walk through OA's doors you will feel better n you will find a way to help you, if u really wants that help. As the quote says in OA, Go To Any Length To Get Well. Ps it caters for all issues re food related problems
     
  19. blissfulbabe

    blissfulbabe Full Member

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    Ladies

    As a recovering bulimic your stories feel so familiar it's as if I could have written them myselves. I have been bulimic/ overeating for more than twenty years (which is why I too weighed more than 23 stone at the beginning of the year). Last year I had a major headshift following a conversation with a student who is recovering from severe depression and who became a shopoholic - to the point where she spent tens of thousands of pounds in a just a few months.

    She now focusses on 'getting through the day'. A good day is one where she spends money like a 'normal' person eg on her bus fare or a coffee. A bad day is one when she either spends too much money or doesn't spend anything at all as she is too scared to (that immeadiately made me think of binge/starve days). Well, the thing that struck me was that she said she keeps a dairy of how she is feeling and gives each day a smiley/ neutral/ sad face. At the beginning, every day was sad, then a few neutrals crept in - she needed help from her friends to realise that a neutral was actually a good thing - then the odd smiley day appeared. Now, more days than not are smileys, neutral days are always around and the occasional sad day appears. BUT, when she has a sad day she looks at her diary and recognises that these are just 'blips' and that stops her from panicking and spending money just to feel better.

    So that's what I've started to do - I keep a food diary (am on Slimming World) and just give each day a rating. When I have a sad day I can stop it turning into a sad week/ month by recognising it's just a blip, not a forever way of being. I haven't purged for over seven months and I've been dieting since the middle of Feb without having obsessional thoughts about food. I spend about 15 mins a week planning lunches and dinners for the week and I use my syns allowance to give me a bit of leeway but that's it - I don't panic about what I'm going to eat, I fill up on superfree foods between meals and, on the whole, am eating and thinking like a 'normal' person :):):).

    And if I slip up , so what? Now I know that I can just start from where I was and the world will not end! It's a great feeling.

     
  20. MaxieP

    MaxieP Full Member

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    Hi all,

    I can also empathise as I have these problems too. Lost 6 stone with a VLCD felt amazing, but put it all back on as I kept on binge eating in the same situations I had done before. Loved the VLCD as I never had to think about food (and felt like a normal person with so much control). I had counselling, but it made it worse (!) as my issue is with being out of control. So speaking to someone about how to help me made me feel even more out of control. Now that's just messed up ;)

    Anyway, I know this seems an odd suggestion, it's a bit left-of-field and is hard to understand but it has worked for me (not just with this but other things). It made me stop bingeing and made it seem like the weirdest thing in the world (but requires no willpower as willpower just doesn't work).

    Anyway, check out www.emofree.com. Search for binge eating/bullimia in the search engine.

    It's really helped me (and the tapping bit is what Paul McKenna uses in his technique).

    Worth thinking about, as it's made loads of difference to me :)

    Maxie
     
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  21. hayley222

    hayley222 New Member

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    took me a while to reply sorry i kinda lost myself a bit back then! well things are no better really still making myself sick, was so good for few weeks and started getting into excercise but its all gone back to 'normal' now and yet again i find myself want to do cambridge again im sorry i know vlcd's work for people it did for me but its screwed me up so much i never made myself sick before i did this diet and although im grateful for losing that weight im not sure it was worth this pain now! i did tell my mum and it was a waste of time, she was nice about it, said she understood why i did it or why someone would but she said she didnt know how to help me and thats it, she hasnt mentioned it since. ive tried to bring it up once or twice but she has nothing to say so there is no point. ive been in counselling she did cbt and it didnt work i honestly cant see any hope for me, i know its negative but after years u start to give up faith! i even found myself on an anorexic site the other day looking at tips for not eating, thats worried me a bit, told my mum and she said oh thats not good. maybe i should just accept il always be fat and unhappy!
     
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