Bingeing and CD?

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Lexie_dog, 3 June 2009 Social URL.

  1. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

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    Well lassies, I come to you with a heavy heart. Basically I have been on a two day binge. Its like I literally cannot stop, I am like a woman possessed, trying to work out what I can eat. Its like I have a hole I'm trying to fill, its a deep gnawing hunger like the one that sent me to docs for PCOS testing, the one where I was waking up at 4am to eat.

    Started yesterday after driving test.

    Back on this morning and went a bit mad after 2pm today.

    I'm rather shocked and appalled at just how much I've managed to cram in in such a short space of time. Estimate probably rammed in about 1000 cals. I wasn't so much thinking **** it as I just went blank, only interuppted by thoughts of "what can I eat next?", all the while hiding it because anyone saw me that would be terrible.

    Now I know I need to get a grip, because I'm totally off the reservation here. I'm not off the wagon per se, because I don't know if I can even catch the wagon up its left me that far in its dusty wake.

    Upshot is now to pay for this I'm going to have to do another week on SS which I'm bitterly disappointed about. I was only supposed to be on this week and then maybe next before moving up to 810, where ironically I was panicking about the volume of food. Now though I might be on SS for longer,and whilst I know its totally my own fault, I wonder if by doing this I'm using SS as an excuse to avoid the higher plans? Almost as a punishment, but also as a delaying tactic?

    What I wonder is do you struggling ladies find you binge more than cheat on CD? Also can you ever train yourself out of it?

    I had really thought this time I had cracked it. I thought I had finally got there. Turns out I not only fail at driving test but also at dieting, all I need to do now is fail my uni exams for the hat trick. I don't know if the Driving really just threw me yesterday because its the only test I've ever failed. I'm not being bigheaded, it really is my first ever fail.

    Am debating avoiding uni tomorrow as don't really want to see anyone.

    WTF is wrong with me? I could honestly just sit and cry, not because I feel "I've ruinedmy weigh in this week" I mean I know thats royally screwed,more because I feel so out of control, totally untethered.

    I don't even know what to expect or what to do, hubby is away on business and wont be back til tomorrow and I just cringe at the thought of telling him.
     
    Last edited: 3 June 2009
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  3. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

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    Edit: I'm also really trying to keep a lid on it and not a) vomit or b) starve self completely for next 3 days or c) exercise excessively to burn it off, as I realise that compensatory behaviour is a slippery slope.

    I really feel out of control
     
  4. lisalulu

    lisalulu Silver Member

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    Lexie, big hugs missus. I wondered where you had been. I've had a long day today, and should get some sleep, but before I head to bed I wanted to tell you 'YOU HAVE NOT FAILED AT DIETING'. You have done a truly amazing job to get where you are, not many people can hack this diet and all the emotional upheaval that comes with it. Be proud hun, you're doing amazingly. I'll send you another big hug and will write a proper reply to you first thing in the morning.
     
  5. kerryberry

    kerryberry Silver Member

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    oh honey i really feel for you
    you can take back the control over food by doing SS again just draw a line through it and start again don't beat yourself up.

    i am to early on in my CD journey to understand it all but i know that when things aren't going great i binge and them feel bad.

    tomorrow is another day and how can you turn this round it would be easy to carry on eating but you don't want that

    sorry i could help more big hugs for you honey xx
     
  6. Eternalflame

    Eternalflame Excited about the new me!

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    Lexie.. You are in a pickle. Just keep thinking about how far you have come, and need to go and then picture yourself there. If you carry on like this then that you will undo some of the hard and it is hard work that you have done. I struggle daily with either cravings, hunger or head aches. I have had my TOTM now for 21 days and that is a side affect as I got it straight from the GP today, but... I am determined that I WANT to continue regardless. I need this so bad, and its for me!! Please remember that there are so many of us out there feeling the same pain as you and we are all here to support you too. Get to bed and tomorrow is another day! xx
     
  7. wannabesize10

    wannabesize10 Silver Member

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    Sweetheart i am so very sorry this is a quick post as i must get to bed have a very early start should have gone already
    but i wanted to say ... i really feel for you as i know it's such an emotional rollercoaster with food devils in our heads

    just given you a vitual hug as a fellow pcos sufferer i do totally understand how hormones , emotionals can send us running for the carbs etc - i will be sending you a message when i can tomorrow with some advise help
    once again so sorry for short post

    Here is that hug ((((((Lexie Dog ))))))

    XXXX
     
  8. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

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    ach no its alright re short replies, I'm more venting than anything I think.

    Put the binge list of shame on my blog and not on here as feel that would be a bit much like. Even looking at it makes me feel the deep rooted shame.
     
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  9. stoshy

    stoshy Full Member

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    i know exactly how you feel.... im going through the same phase as you. while your craming the food in you are thinking why why why but your hands are reaching for the next edible object doesnt matter what it is!! I feel so disgusted once finished that it makes you want 2 do it again. its BULL**it ive been trying to restart for the past 2weeks but can never make a full day let alone morning.....

    oh well....... its all mental power which i just dont have right now....

    hope it goes well for you you dont have far to go do it for the bingers!!
     
  10. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Just a short one Lexie, cos I soooo shouldn't be here:eek:

    Firstly, absolutely nothing to be ashamed off:copon: Never shame, never guilt, never failed (just having a pause there;) never punishment. Ever. Recipe for disaster hun.

    You haven't got to. It's your choice. If you would rather, then fair enough, but if you do and it happens again, get yourself up to 810 presto. Loads of reasons for this.

    Possible, which is one of the reasons that you need to just do it. But there's also physiological reasons that it could of happened, along with leptin levels, coming out of ketosis blah blah..loads of stuff.


    Ah, but what did you think you had cracked? It wont be issues around food. Sorting that doesn't really happen until you go up the plans and into maintenance.

    Gotta rush. Big hugs though. Been there, done that, but it is something you can sort. Move forward Lexie, too many positive steps to take...no time to dwell on what has happened.

    Wake up happy in the morning knowing that a 2 day binge isn't going to be a 3 day binge :clap:

    Whoops, not quite the short reply I intended :eek:
     
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  11. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

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    Lexie, Hon
    Just seen this post this morning and I hope you are feeling much better today and just wanted to send you some big hugs..
    You have done so fantastically well on your journey....... You are only human and dont beat yourslef up..
    You definately have not failed at dieting how could you have failed when you have lost a remarkable 53 pounds...
    So chin up sweetie.... remember we are all doing this journey together so we are all here for you...
    Today is a new day just jump back on hon xxxxx
     
  12. tillyfloss

    tillyfloss Gold Member

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    Lexie,
    I too have only just seen this....
    They say that being at the steps and maintenence is often harder than the dieting and it takes a long time to get to grips with it...
    Thing is you don't have anything to feel guilty about!
    You have had a blip thats all, shown everyone you are human!
    I think that when we are overweight we spend 90% of our time thinking we are worthless... and all the other negatives you used to describe yourself in your blog, BUT, you are non of these things....

    Look at KD, Mike, Summer and all the many many others who get to goal and stay there... I am sure that each of them will have their personal struggle story of the period toward the end of the diet....

    Thing is.... YOU have to draw a line under it!
    You always amaze me with your wonderfully candid and frank advice to people... now it's time to take your own advice!!!
    Remind yourself that you really want this, get right back on a plan, whichever plan is right for you (as KD said 810 might be the one you need) and work toward the end goal....
    It is so close and you are doing fabulously.... remember when you miss a bus, another always turns up, so whilst yesterday may have gone and left you standing in the dust, today is right here now waiting for you to climb back on and finish the job you started!

    Have another hug and lets move on... everyone here is behind you!!
    xx
     
  13. wellandgood

    wellandgood Silver Member

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    Lexie, Im with KD on this. You have not failed. I might be going against the flow here but i think somehow you needed it like therapy? It is human nature believe it or not. You will get back on track even if it means moving to 810 immediatly. You know what you have done and how you feel and no matter what we tell you, it is only YOU that can sort it out. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED!!! You have been fab all along girl. Use the binge as a therapy lesson, not an excuse to say you failed. Again, you havent!!! (((((()))))) hugs
     
  14. Ibizamad

    Ibizamad Loving losing

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    Thinking of you Lexie and hope you realise that what has happened in now in the past and you have a fantastic slim future ahead of you. You are not a failure at all.Don't feel guilty as that will make you carry on.
    You have inspired so many others with your words of wisdom, I hope you can be inspired yourself by everyone else. It is just a blip and one which has been and gone. I would reckon that a higher plan is now the way forward for you but I am not an expert. I know that I found doing SS+ was better for me cos I was still going thro the motions of eating.

    we have ALL been where you are and know how you are feeling.

    Be strong, you have many friends here who so want you to continue to do well.

    Take care

    Sarah
    x
     
  15. Jessica Rabbit72

    Jessica Rabbit72 Gold Member

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    Hey Lexie only just seen this and have to take kids to school and off to work but I will reply properly when i come home later but sending you big hugs for today and
    YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    will speak later
    love
    Jess
    xxx
     
  16. imagisal

    imagisal Full Member

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    Just wanted to say hi and point out that it is all there by the side of your post. The numbers of pounds lost tell the story that you have been choosing mostly positive food choices rather than negative ones...it's indisputable that you have not failed! Perfection is not required ...your blip does not negate the wonderful job you have been doing......maybe this is just an old attitude to food coming back for a final fling and giving you a chance to remind yourself and prove to yourself that you don't have to follow a downward spiral into eating disorder......that you can get back on track. Best wishes
     
  17. Mia

    Mia Skinny girl in a fat body

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    Aaaaah Lexie. You are not a failure. You have done great, your stats prove that. Look at the positives - what you HAVE acheived. At the end of the day we are only human and we do have 'blips'. I was talking to someone in work yesterday who said to me (as I was putting a chicken pakora in my mouth), "hey, should you be eating that, you're not allowed". I KNOW he was trying to help but I told him that it is sooooooooooooo easy for those around us to tell us what we should and should not be doing, whilst they are tucking into fish and chips, or curry etc. It is human instinct to eat and sometimes, after such an extreme diet, we just flip and NEED to eat. Get back on the wagon today and put it behind you. You (and I) know you have do it.
     
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  19. Mia

    Mia Skinny girl in a fat body

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    You and I know you CAN do it (not have lol):D:D
     
  20. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

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    aw guys thanks. Sitting here bawling like a big "wean".

    The support is incredible.

    Have decided to dog uni today, having a lie in with the dog, then off to docs to get TOTM sorted, and get house into order.

    Having a coffee with some choc tetra in just now. If I can make it through today thats something.

    P.S totally paying for it today though, aside from the scales (which to be honest isn't my main focus atm) my stomach is rock hard and very upset. Been to the loo with great urgency this morning.
     
  21. lisalulu

    lisalulu Silver Member

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    Awww Lexie, I'm so glad you're being naughty and having a day to yourself. Just take some time out, relax and get your head around things. You've done so remarkably well hun- yes, you've had blips, and yes, you have had a bad few days- but starting a post like this took remarkable courage. I think you'll be back on that wagon before you know it, no matter how hard it is, you know its worth it and I know you WILL do it. You should be so so proud of yourself, I know from previous posts that you've had such a tough couple of months with family and what not, to go through that and come out the other side over 50 lbs lighter is no mean feat.

    Really hope you can get things sorted at the docs today. Sending you lots of positive "you can do it Lexie" vibes......
     
  22. Angela83

    Angela83 Silver Member

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    Have just seen this, big hugs lexie and i hope you're feeling a little bit mor positive today. Its maybe fear of the unknown and its bound to take a long time for us all to deal with our issues with food. But you're right, be true to your CDC and talk through these past few days and what KD said it's your choice if you want to move up the plans now, you dont have to do another week of SS. x
     
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