Lexie_dog
UNLEASHING THE BEAST!
Well lassies, I come to you with a heavy heart. Basically I have been on a two day binge. Its like I literally cannot stop, I am like a woman possessed, trying to work out what I can eat. Its like I have a hole I'm trying to fill, its a deep gnawing hunger like the one that sent me to docs for PCOS testing, the one where I was waking up at 4am to eat.
Started yesterday after driving test.
Back on this morning and went a bit mad after 2pm today.
I'm rather shocked and appalled at just how much I've managed to cram in in such a short space of time. Estimate probably rammed in about 1000 cals. I wasn't so much thinking **** it as I just went blank, only interuppted by thoughts of "what can I eat next?", all the while hiding it because anyone saw me that would be terrible.
Now I know I need to get a grip, because I'm totally off the reservation here. I'm not off the wagon per se, because I don't know if I can even catch the wagon up its left me that far in its dusty wake.
Upshot is now to pay for this I'm going to have to do another week on SS which I'm bitterly disappointed about. I was only supposed to be on this week and then maybe next before moving up to 810, where ironically I was panicking about the volume of food. Now though I might be on SS for longer,and whilst I know its totally my own fault, I wonder if by doing this I'm using SS as an excuse to avoid the higher plans? Almost as a punishment, but also as a delaying tactic?
What I wonder is do you struggling ladies find you binge more than cheat on CD? Also can you ever train yourself out of it?
I had really thought this time I had cracked it. I thought I had finally got there. Turns out I not only fail at driving test but also at dieting, all I need to do now is fail my uni exams for the hat trick. I don't know if the Driving really just threw me yesterday because its the only test I've ever failed. I'm not being bigheaded, it really is my first ever fail.
Am debating avoiding uni tomorrow as don't really want to see anyone.
WTF is wrong with me? I could honestly just sit and cry, not because I feel "I've ruinedmy weigh in this week" I mean I know thats royally screwed,more because I feel so out of control, totally untethered.
I don't even know what to expect or what to do, hubby is away on business and wont be back til tomorrow and I just cringe at the thought of telling him.
Started yesterday after driving test.
Back on this morning and went a bit mad after 2pm today.
I'm rather shocked and appalled at just how much I've managed to cram in in such a short space of time. Estimate probably rammed in about 1000 cals. I wasn't so much thinking **** it as I just went blank, only interuppted by thoughts of "what can I eat next?", all the while hiding it because anyone saw me that would be terrible.
Now I know I need to get a grip, because I'm totally off the reservation here. I'm not off the wagon per se, because I don't know if I can even catch the wagon up its left me that far in its dusty wake.
Upshot is now to pay for this I'm going to have to do another week on SS which I'm bitterly disappointed about. I was only supposed to be on this week and then maybe next before moving up to 810, where ironically I was panicking about the volume of food. Now though I might be on SS for longer,and whilst I know its totally my own fault, I wonder if by doing this I'm using SS as an excuse to avoid the higher plans? Almost as a punishment, but also as a delaying tactic?
What I wonder is do you struggling ladies find you binge more than cheat on CD? Also can you ever train yourself out of it?
I had really thought this time I had cracked it. I thought I had finally got there. Turns out I not only fail at driving test but also at dieting, all I need to do now is fail my uni exams for the hat trick. I don't know if the Driving really just threw me yesterday because its the only test I've ever failed. I'm not being bigheaded, it really is my first ever fail.
Am debating avoiding uni tomorrow as don't really want to see anyone.
WTF is wrong with me? I could honestly just sit and cry, not because I feel "I've ruinedmy weigh in this week" I mean I know thats royally screwed,more because I feel so out of control, totally untethered.
I don't even know what to expect or what to do, hubby is away on business and wont be back til tomorrow and I just cringe at the thought of telling him.
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