Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

well, decisions made (must be the day for those)... I've emailed both bosses and told them I am off for the rest of the week! Prob get sack from second job but what the hell. Will sign on if necessary! Also asked boss of job 2 to post me my pay cheque so I can bank it! Hope he does!

Boss 1 will be cool about it as i have work here I can do for him.

As for S, he rang to see how I was this afternoon and we ended up having a very long conversation which basically came up with..

a) It's been weird for us both since last week

b) He was scared BEFORE Thursday night about HIS feelings for me - said he had never felt so strongly for anyone after just 2 dates and it was scary and he was already getting cold feet about HIS feelings (let alone mine) and whether or not he wanted to be involved
* nb... remember I said I thought he was cooling off! Perhaps my radar isn't as faulty as I thought!

c) He really doesn't know HOW he feels right now EXCEPT that he knows he wanted to keep in touch and wants me to continue to text and talk etc and he'll call me later

d) He thinks I was at burnout last week and that the trembling wreck he saw was not me at all (that's positive??)

e) I told him I need to know what's what before I go on holiday

f) Told him about PQm asking me out for a drink (well, thought it couldn't hurt!) lol We both ended up laughing about that one! He did an 'I told you he was looking at you and taking a second look when you took me there!!' lol

g) Talked about my needing to 'catch up' mentally with the physical changes that are taking place and how others react to me - talked about self-image.

h) He went to great lengths to say that he isn't saying 'thanks but no thanks' but he is in a weird place and needs to think about things more and this week has been mad work wise

i) He did make me wobble when he said we might want to just be mates! I don't honestly know if that's possible... if we saw each other just as mates then how would I feel about dating? Hmm.. I know... I wouldn't date! Perhaps I do need a good male friend to go out socially with. BUT.. to be absolutely honest I told him I wasn't sure about that given the start we had.

We both agreed that this afternoon was not necessarily the time to have this conversation and that we would talk again. The thing is, I believe we need to speak face to face. I hate this 'over the phone' stuff. Not my style. Would rather face things square on. That way we will at least have got over the initial hurdle of seeing one another again.

I am pleased we said what we did though and that I was brave enough to start the ball rolling. Admit I was nervous though and faced the prospect of outright rejection.

PLUS, am stunned that he was scared by HIS feelings! I thought it was only women who freaked themselves out!! lol I did remind him of all the stuff he said to me and how fast things were from him to me!

We agreed that if he had made one simple call on Thursday night it all could've been avoided but that we can't change things now, we need to just stay cool and see what happens.

I was pretty firm though - things need clairfying before I go away. I won't be going on holiday still in limbo - that isn't fair and he agreed. If he doesn't make a decision I shall be forced into making one. (Feck, have I grown balls???)

Not sure we are much further on apart from the fact that we do acknowledge we both like one another and want to stay in touch.

As for the diet - I've had 2 packs thus far and going to have a third in a couple of hours. I've ordered all my holiday packs from Ailsa (105 of them!!) as won't see her for 5 weeks!

Going to apply for that job right now, then update CV, then sit in the sunshine and text S something inane as usual.. lol

Thanks for all your comments and wise words... I spent a long time on the phone this morning crying on the shoulder of a lovely friend who gave me similar advice to the rest of you. It's so hard, and as S said a short while ago - 'It's scary sh*t and we don't know the rules!'

Can we be 'just good friends' - I dunno, but it might be a fresh start. After all, the significant men in my past (i.e.. first hubby and one other BOTH started off as friends in my life)... ho hum. At least the tears seem to have abated for now.

Oh, boss 2 rang - he wants a Dr's certificate! Now I have to try and get an appt to get a cert!! Flaming hell!!!!

 

[Redpam]

Just the accountant in me but I thought employers had to accept self-certification for the first week. Doctors wont usually give a certificate during the first seven days

 

[kazbro]

hey fffs you sond a bit more cheerful now
glad you both spoke
as you say you do need to know where you stand
he sounds just as scared as you

enjoy the time of work
chill out and pamper yourself
hugs
kaz

 

[MadamDotty]

Hiya hun

So glad you've had that conversation with S, it's got things out in the open and whilst not resolved yet, at least he now knows you need it to be resolved, one way or the other before your hols. I think that's really important, even if it's not the way you want it, you need to know, you can't go on being in limbo and you certainly don't want to go on hols not knowing.

Glad you've taken the week off, I really do think you need to give yourself a proper rest, stop running about after everything and everyone and take some time for YOU! Are you listening to Dr Dotty now? I mean it!

Take care my love

xxxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Redpam - I thought as you did too, so I didn't ring the Docs but will do tomorrow morning when a bit more with it

MD - I know, I am still tired even though I've done nothing all day.

I got the job application emailed in time and a reciept notification, so, will hope that comes to something, also sent off an important letter to Building Society which should relieve some pressure for a couple of months.. plus went to see my neighbours mum and dad to ask them about how to go about renting out my spare (well, one of) room. They were very helpful (once he finally recognised me!).. plus, he does gardening and this afternoon S mentioned he was thinking of getting someone in to sort his garden out so I offered to make enquiries as I know this chap.

Following our phone call earlier this afternoon I didn't send any texts as I was bogged down with the job application and he sent me a text asking if I was ok and had he upset me?

Have to admit, that did make me chuckle... but no, I soon put his mind at ease and told him about the job app. When I sorted out the gardner for him he sent me a thank you text with his old term of endearment in it. Bless him, a slip of the fingers methinks, but whatever, it made me feel nice inside for a moment.

He said earlier that he doesn't want to hurt me, but I told him he would only do that if he was less than honest with me, so, hopefully, that's cleared that up and he won't feel he HAS to say or do anything that he's uncomfortable with.

My mother just rang - I couldn't pick her up I'm afraid... I'm just too tired and too emotional still. She's very down because of my stepdad and one of her stepdaughters has been staying there and been a hindrance instead of a help.

I feel guilty for not being able to buoy her up but to be honest, I'm too jiggered and need some buoying meself!

I had a meal this evening - lettuce, pickled beetroot, pickled cabbage, onions, mushrooms and chicken. It was about 200 cals worth, but I've only had 2 packs and half a bar and I felt I needed something a bit substantial so that's what I had. I will probably have a soup later, although I may well just go to bed in a minute as still tearful and tired.

Feel like I'm teetering on the brink of something dead nasty but as the day goes on am getting further from the edge (if you know what I mean).

Can't help wondering what it would have been like to see PQM this evening and, if S and I are no longer an 'us' whether I will live to regret turning him (PQM) down (although I think if I am 'free' when I get back of hols I might remind him of the offer...).

The holiday can't come quick enough now. 2 weeks today. Not long yet a lifetime away too. Hoping pay cheque comes tomorrow from job 2 so can put in bank so it will clear by end of month - well, it won't now due to Bank Holiday, but I doubt boss has even considered that one!

Oh well. Will wait and see. Nothing I can do about it.

God, I'm such a moaning minnie at the moment. Am sitting withh Cambridge book open in front of me, reading about AAM and the 790 plan.. and just thinking maybe 4 packs a day is the way to go rather than the 3 + meal. Might ring Ailsa tonight and have a chat with her about it, but will have to do so soon as tired and don't want to call her too late.

Hope tomorrow is sunny - if so I'm going to force myself to lay in the sunshine and try to do nothing.

Yeah - that'll be the day eh? lol

 

[KateF]

First of all huge congrats on the ten stone!!

Second of all, congrats on listening to your body/heart/friends!

Your body is saying rest-
and you are! (sort of)

Your heart is saying that you want a relationship and you're prepared to risk yourself; but you know you want lots of nurturing back. Accept nothing less! Remember how right your intuition has been on many things. You were picking up S' fear as well as beginning to hear your own. Strong feelings ARE scary. I hope the two of you manage to get to the point where you can feel them in a relationship together without being overwhelmed- cos it sounds like you could have something great. But it seems like honesty, honesty, honesty is the key. As you say you can only deal with what's happening between you if you're both riskily open- well done on your balls! (lighter as they would be by the day if you were a bloke!).
Hard to separate listening to your intuition from being overwhelmed by old fears sometimes (which it sounds like Thursday was about) but it seems like you're getting a better grasp of both all the time.

You're continuingly inspiring as ever.
Last bit; Listening to your friends; They're all telling you to be nice to yourself and take it easier! Please carry on...

love

Kate xxx

(also progressing in the journey of listening to intuition/overcoming unjustified fears and trying to figure out what the heck the difference is...)

 

[HelenG]

Hi FFF

You will not get a NHS sick note from your GP. They are not allowed to issue them until day 8. They will do you a private sick note and if your employer is so keen to have it, then he should foot the bill! Just check with your surgery if they will charge - we do at ours (£13 + VAT). In my experience the employer will pay if they are insistent on the certificate.

It is actually against the law for a GP to issue a Med3/5 before day 8. (I think it is classed as fraud but not sure.)

Hope you are feeling much better soon & I'm sure everything will work out with S

 

[jane]

Just the accountant in me but I thought employers had to accept self-certification for the first week. Doctors wont usually give a certificate during the first seven days

Thanks i was going to say similar.

Hiya hun
Glad you've taken the week off, I really do think you need to give yourself a proper rest, stop running about after everything and everyone and take some time for YOU! Are you listening to Dr Dotty now? I mean it!

Take care my love
xxxx

Dr Dotty is right!!!

Hi FFF

You will not get a NHS sick note from your GP. They are not allowed to issue them until day 8. They will do you a private sick note and if your employer is so keen to have it, then he should foot the bill! Just check with your surgery if they will charge - we do at ours (£13 + VAT). In my experience the employer will pay if they are insistent on the certificate.

It is actually against the law for a GP to issue a Med3/5 before day 8. (I think it is classed as fraud but not sure.)

Hope you are feeling much better soon & I'm sure everything will work out with S

So Helen is circs like this what happens if the employers still demand it but won't pay? Guess the worker just has to stump up.

Redpam - I thought as you did too, so I didn't ring the Docs but will do tomorrow morning when a bit more with it

May I suggest that you go to see your doc anyway to report in about your current tiredness.I seem to remember that he was v helpful & sympathetic. you can tell him about your progress, & about boss wanting sick note etc & see what he suggests

I feel guilty for not being able to buoy her up but to be honest, I'm too jiggered and need some buoying meself!

Jennie it sounds as if you really need to just keep yourself at home for a while & have a complete rest.

I had a meal this evening - lettuce, pickled beetroot, pickled cabbage, onions, mushrooms and chicken. It was about 200 cals worth, but I've only had 2 packs and half a bar and I felt I needed something a bit substantial so that's what I had. I will probably have a soup later, although I may well just go to bed in a minute as still tearful and tired.
Meal thing sounds good.
God, I'm such a moaning minnie at the moment. Am sitting withh Cambridge book open in front of me, reading about AAM and the 790 plan.. and just thinking maybe 4 packs a day is the way to go rather than the 3 + meal. Might ring Ailsa tonight and have a chat with her about it, but will have to do so soon as tired and don't want to call her too late.

Either sounds fine& I hope you & she get something sorted,but whatever you do it won't undo the exhaustion.Only rest can do that

Hope tomorrow is sunny - if so I'm going to force myself to lay in the sunshine and try to do nothing.

Yeah - that'll be the day eh? lol

Do yuo promise to do nothing?
Really promise..?

 

[kazbro]

morning fff
hope you chill out again today
going to be a warm one so sit with ya feet up and lay in the warm sunshine

kaz

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Good morning...

Ok, I know, I'm up and on here before its even 9am but my sister rang at 6am this morning to tell me that my neice gave birth to a gorgeous girl at 2.30am (or thereabouts)... Emily Jane Jacqueline weighed in at... wait for it... 9lbs 14oz!!!!! They had let Claire go 16 days over, despite there being a scare 2 weeks ago when Emily stopped moving!!

So, I was woken but elated. This is wonderful news - a baby sister for Joshua (5) and a Great-Neice for me!! (Blimey I feel old! lol)

Thankfully I hadn't heard the missed call on my mobile at 4am that sis had made., lol... I was wearing my now familiar friends, the ear plugs! I do hear the house phone through them though... but it was a nice alarm call.

Last night I did ring Ailsa and we had a very long talk. She agrees with the general concensus - I'm exhausted and must rest. I'm going to ring the Dr in a mo and see if I can see my GP this morning. He has always been lovely and might just do the cert if boss is mega insistent - it means I'll only get SSP from Job 2 , but I'm past caring. Job 1 I get full pay when off sick.

Have already got up, showered, washed hair, dressed in skirt!! (I know!! shocking! But great for sitting in sunshine)... and new trainers that arrived t'other week from Cotton Traders. They are these Aqua things where you can wear them in the sea and they drain away - I thought they'd be ideal on holiday as sand will be too hot for barefeet and I love paddling.. although will probably end up looking like I wore socks the entire time - lol

Anyway, they are incredibly comfortable.. might just order another couple of pairs as they still have time to get here before I go.

I feel much better today BUT am STILL tired! I mean - how much sleep do I flippin need!?

No real housework to be done.. although could polish, but as I did the floors yesterday they look good... kitchen is looking lovely as I've kept on top of that... there is a pile of ironing but that is not tempting at all!

I've rung up for 2 job application packs this morning already and emailed about a 3rd one. I have one to fill in which arrived in yesterdays post but am not sure I am suitably qualified.. although it does state my degree as an essential qualification - I got it 10 years ago and have never really used it. So a bit rusty doesn't even come close!

I've got a few things I want to do today - 1) pick up my holiday money from the bank 2) do some of my job 1 work (but will limit myself to the most urgent)
3) speak to my Sarah as when she rang me on Tuesday I was too tired and emotional to give her proper attention and I'm sure she probably is hurting about that
4) Take my size 14 top back to Asda and swap it as it is marked

I didn't have my normal night time call from S last night and assumed he had probably decided to take some thinking time so I sent him my usual goodnight message. Well, bless him, he had fallen asleep during the footie and my text woke him (it was about 10.30pm) He texted me and asked me to call him in the morning and, for the first time in a week, he actually wished me sweet dreams. Ah, 'tis the little things that seem to make all the difference.

Needless to say, I did NOT call him at 6am. lol Although I could have texted him. I wanted to wake up and be dressed and more awake before contacting him. I finally called him at about 7.45am , he was about to call his older lad back so said he would ring me back. He did.

His older son is off on a school trip today to Venice. So exciting . This led to us reminisicing about our school trips and me laughing as I recalled a particularly ace one to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with my school production of a show called "Lucky Peters Journey". LOL The memories are making me chuckle even all these years on.

In the course of our conversation S suggested that, work permitting, and , if I am not still getting dizzy, that we might like to meet this afternoon and take a stroll and have a natter as we do, around the lakes. It took all my effort not to squeal! lol Although, it might not be what I want.. (the natter, that is).. so I need to think optimisitically but also realistically. He couldn't have suggested anything better though. Neutral territory. Open space. No sharp implements. lol (just kidding, I wasn't THAT bad!)

I think the lakes will be a good place to be, they are calming and beautiful and the fresh air will do us both good, PLUS, it stops me doing my gardening (which I am tempted to do... the grass really needs cutting!)... however, it is too easy to feel heaps better and then overdo things.. so.. am still listening to body! Anyway, conversation was left with the promise that I will keep in touch via texts this morning and we will firm things up this afternoon. I like the sound of that. I am very nervous. I know this is a real crunch time. I may be exhausted and emotional, but I'm not stupid. This is a key point in whatever kind of 'relationship' S and I may or may not have. It really is as important as that. So, I need to take it easy this morning to make sure I don't look as pants as I feel. lol

Will wear something casual (not provocative) and either shorts or combats. (Mad isn't it, trying to decide what to wear when I think I'm about to be dumped., lol)

Might wear my red top that Zoe took on holiday and I've never worn yet. Hm, probably not. Might just stay as I am but swap skirt for shorts. Hairy legs though (getting waxed next weekend just prior to holiday!!).

Lordy, he isn't even going to notice my legs, he's probably nervous too and wondering how he's going to let me down gently (he is a very gentle kind of man I think).

Well, I have hours to get through before that and have plenty to do and think about. So, first things first, try and get appt with GP. Also going to try and reschedule appt with nurse to an am one next week as don't want to cheese off job 2 too much.

 

[pandora]

morning hun,
hope you've had a nice lie in & are going to enjoy a really busy day doing nothing !
lie in the sun whilst sipping away on lovely chilled appleade, bliss !!
i agree with whoever suggested to seeing the dr anyway, irrelevant of sick note, your lethargy could be due to allsorts, ie anaemia etc..
glad things with S are starting to improve even though slowly, patience will pay off, but its good you layed down a few ground rules too.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Morning Kaz

It's going to be lovely and hot! I adore the heat so perhaps it won't be TOO hard to sit in the sunshine today after all!

I have work I can do whilst in the garden, so could do that at the table so won't feel a complete lazy mare!

I've made an appt to see Dr tomorrow afternoon, and, I've rearranged my appt with the nurse to the morning. So. That's 2 jobs done. Think I will jump in car and go and do the bank and Asda now so that the rest of the day is mine and no need to go or do anything apart from the walk with S this afternoon.

Sudden wave of tiredness just hit me again - man, this is weird! Not brave enough to wear this skirt in public so into my jeans and off I go. Hopefully won't bump into anyone I know but even if I do, there are things you have to do when you are off work!

Kate - thank you for your lovely post. You are so insightful. I hope you are right about the relationship thing, who knows.. I certainly don't, but I do know that I don't want a life without S in it in one way or another and that's a difference since yesterday.

Perhaps we are both scared and need to go for it regardless, OR, we need to be friends first and foremost and see if anything develops from there. Problem is, I don't normally feel this way about my male friends.. lol But then, I don't suppose he does about his female ones either!

Right, not going to go round that circular 'what if' route - it isn't healthy and it isn't constructive and as Ailsa was saying last night, Stress is very damaging and we underestimate it's effect on our bodies and minds!

We (Ailsa and I) set the world to rights good and proper,lol I'm going to still SS but if I need to do AAM then she said to do so, or have a 4th pack. Either way I shall still continue to lose, although more slowly. That's ok , I suddenly read my ticker last night and realised that by resetting my goal to 11 1/2 stone (aka size 14) that I now have just 24lbs to go. That seems incredible. She reaffirmed that she feels this was a very wise decision of mine and that, in all honesty, I probably have a stone of skin hanging on me (so, I can convince myself that my true weight at goal willl be 10 1/2 stone + skin.. )

Whatever, size 14 / 11.5 stones, that's my goal now and a realistic one. I think that throughout my life I have expected too much of myself and set unrealistic goals and targets and that is, in part, why I have felt a failure in so many things.

Gosh, this resting lark gives way too much time to thinking!

Ailsa and I agreed that I need to rest too or will spend my entire holiday being ill - and THAT is NOT an option! I want to swim and dance and sunbathe and take photos and get a sod off fanbleedintastic tan! lol

Last night Zoe and I had a chat (at bedtime) about some things... we've agreed that IF I can get finances and work sorted out, we (Zoe, Sarah & I) will maybe try and go somewhere for a week in the winter. It's a big IF but it would be nice I think. It will depend on money and Sarah's uni and Zoe's job. She got a call from the agency who placed her, they told her that the hotel can't wait for her to start and are dead keen for her! How fab is that to hear when you are 18 and newly qualified and about to leave home and embark on a career!? I am so proud of her!

Will see if We can get some photos taken together today or tomorrow so you can see how well she looks with her tan (***** - lol).. and hopefully NOT how knackered I look! lol

I do have a pic of me and S which was taken at the music festival, but I can't put it online as that wouldn't be fair to him.. but the girls saw it at the weekend Mind you, they also met PQM! lol

Roll on this time in 2 weeks, I shall be flying to Tobago, Factors 30 down to 2 in me suitcase packed neatly next to me Fibre89, Psyllium Husks, Ramekin dish and special soup mug! lol Not to mention the 63 packs!!! Blimey, at least when they are gone I can get more stuff in my case to bring home! (Wonder how much they will weigh!).

Told Zoe I want the suitcase on the spare bed so I can start packing - lol Bless her, she's going to need one to take on Tuesday!

You know what - and this IS bad... I might ask the Dr to sign me off until next Weds so I can take my time driving her to Hatfield and coming home alone... think Tuesday is going to be a toughie. Not thinking of that now, it can wait until Tuesday! Right.. off to bank... will be back later.

I'm waffling today - I know I am. Lots whirring in my head. Still emotional. Still shattered! Still loads to do. (Still got festival stuff to do but not got the energy).

Thanks for all your messages and lovely support. You're a smashing bunch xxxxx

 

[kazbro]

Good morning...

Ok, I know, I'm up and on here before its even 9am but my sister rang at 6am this morning to tell me that my neice gave birth to a gorgeous girl at 2.30am (or thereabouts)... Emily Jane Jacqueline weighed in at... wait for it... 9lbs 14oz!!!!! They had let Claire go 16 days over, despite there being a scare 2 weeks ago when Emily stopped moving!!

aww congrats but 9lb 14oz ouch

So, I was woken but elated. This is wonderful news - a baby sister for Joshua (5) and a Great-Neice for me!! (Blimey I feel old! lol)

Thankfully I hadn't heard the missed call on my mobile at 4am that sis had made., lol... I was wearing my now familiar friends, the ear plugs! I do hear the house phone through them though... but it was a nice alarm call.

Last night I did ring Ailsa and we had a very long talk. She agrees with the general concensus - I'm exhausted and must rest. I'm going to ring the Dr in a mo and see if I can see my GP this morning. He has always been lovely and might just do the cert if boss is mega insistent - it means I'll only get SSP from Job 2 , but I'm past caring. Job 1 I get full pay when off sick.
glad your seeing gp
and double bonus that he`s nice my gp is great

Have already got up, showered, washed hair, dressed in skirt!! (I know!! shocking! But great for sitting in sunshine)... and new trainers that arrived t'other week from Cotton Traders. They are these Aqua things where you can wear them in the sea and they drain away - I thought they'd be ideal on holiday as sand will be too hot for barefeet and I love paddling.. although will probably end up looking like I wore socks the entire time - lol
:giggle:

Anyway, they are incredibly comfortable.. might just order another couple of pairs as they still have time to get here before I go.

I feel much better today BUT am STILL tired! I mean - how much sleep do I flippin need!?

lots and lots you have been doing to much need to rest

No real housework to be done.. although could polish, but as I did the floors yesterday they look good... kitchen is looking lovely as I've kept on top of that... there is a pile of ironing but that is not tempting at all!

I've rung up for 2 job application packs this morning already and emailed about a 3rd one. I have one to fill in which arrived in yesterdays post but am not sure I am suitably qualified.. although it does state my degree as an essential qualification - I got it 10 years ago and have never really used it. So a bit rusty doesn't even come close!
you never know

I've got a few things I want to do today - 1) pick up my holiday money from the bank 2) do some of my job 1 work (but will limit myself to the most urgent)
3) speak to my Sarah as when she rang me on Tuesday I was too tired and emotional to give her proper attention and I'm sure she probably is hurting about that
4) Take my size 14 top back to Asda and swap it as it is marked

I didn't have my normal night time call from S last night and assumed he had probably decided to take some thinking time so I sent him my usual goodnight message. Well, bless him, he had fallen asleep during the footie and my text woke him (it was about 10.30pm) He texted me and asked me to call him in the morning and, for the first time in a week, he actually wished me sweet dreams. Ah, 'tis the little things that seem to make all the difference.


Needless to say, I did NOT call him at 6am. lol Although I could have texted him. I wanted to wake up and be dressed and more awake before contacting him. I finally called him at about 7.45am , he was about to call his older lad back so said he would ring me back. He did.


His older son is off on a school trip today to Venice. So exciting . This led to us reminisicing about our school trips and me laughing as I recalled a particularly ace one to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with my school production of a show called "Lucky Peters Journey". LOL The memories are making me chuckle even all these years on.

In the course of our conversation S suggested that, work permitting, and , if I am not still getting dizzy, that we might like to meet this afternoon and take a stroll and have a natter as we do, around the lakes. It took all my effort not to squeal! lol Although, it might not be what I want.. (the natter, that is).. so I need to think optimisitically but also realistically. He couldn't have suggested anything better though. Neutral territory. Open space. No sharp implements. lol (just kidding, I wasn't THAT bad!)

I think the lakes will be a good place to be, they are calming and beautiful and the fresh air will do us both good, PLUS, it stops me doing my gardening (which I am tempted to do... the grass really needs cutting!)... however, it is too easy to feel heaps better and then overdo things.. so.. am still listening to body! Anyway, conversation was left with the promise that I will keep in touch via texts this morning and we will firm things up this afternoon. I like the sound of that. I am very nervous. I know this is a real crunch time. I may be exhausted and emotional, but I'm not stupid. This is a key point in whatever kind of 'relationship' S and I may or may not have. It really is as important as that. So, I need to take it easy this morning to make sure I don't look as pants as I feel. lol

Will wear something casual (not provocative) and either shorts or combats. (Mad isn't it, trying to decide what to wear when I think I'm about to be dumped., lol)

Might wear my red top that Zoe took on holiday and I've never worn yet. Hm, probably not. Might just stay as I am but swap skirt for shorts. Hairy legs though (getting waxed next weekend just prior to holiday!!).

Lordy, he isn't even going to notice my legs, he's probably nervous too and wondering how he's going to let me down gently (he is a very gentle kind of man I think).

you might be suprised i bet he thinks that about you
enjoy the lakes and be happy dont think the worst if you can help it

Well, I have hours to get through before that and have plenty to do and think about. So, first things first, try and get appt with GP. Also going to try and reschedule appt with nurse to an am one next week as don't want to cheese off job 2 too much.

kaz

 

[kazbro]

oops psoted same time

good idea get signed of for as long as possible
just think of the stuff you can get done and also lounge in the afternoon
you sound happier today keep smiling
kaz

 

[sonkie]

Congratulations Great aunt Jennie.....what lovely news.....great weight too, same as my youngest son.

 

[sonkie]

Hope your walk goes well, Im sure things will be fine.

 

[pandora]

oops overlapped posts !
what a lovely day for a stroll round the lakes, stay chilled hun & i'm sure you will be posting a possitve account of things later !
xx

 

[mindless]

crikey - you are the only person I know who thinks a 'sweet dreams' ending last night, text me in the morning request, 'lets walk around the lakes if not too dizzy' suggestion is the prelude to a dumping!!!

Not in any way have you made it sound he is that callous a guy. He is carzy nervous himself and there will be an awkwardness when you first get together as the last time was the PWFH episode.

So, prediction - after say 10 seconds (if that) of 'hi, how are you' - there will be a massive huge hug followed by (hands over kids eyes if they are reading) an offensively sloppy snog.

So 15 seconds to put things straight I reckon.

and you are right, hairy legs will not be an issue for him or you atthat stage as you will only be looking into eachothers eyes (pass the yuk pills quick)

Seriously, great news - and good luck

Have a good time Great Auntie Jen

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Half an hour and counting....

He just rang and we are meeting in about half an hour - I am so nervous I feel sick!

He doesn't sound particularly upbeat, nor particularly downbeat. I can't second guess what will happen but he did suggest we meet there (which doesn't bode well in my book).. but then, at the moment, my glass is definitely half empty...

I'm excited and frightened all at the same time.

I'm wearing my new size 14 top that I bought last week at Asda... Zoe just took a pic of me so will maybe add it to this post if able. I'm going to wear a cardigan (hide the flabby overlap and saggy batwings!)

I feel shattered and nervous and excited all rolled into one. I just want to sort of get this over with so that either way I can get on with things. Know what I mean?

Oh boy. Wish I'd never been PWFH last week... is it ONLY a week ago?? Feels like an eternity.... going to be optimistic in one respect, brush my teeth! lol Right, all prayers and positive vibes gratefully recieved!!! Will post later - whatever the outcome. xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

well, the bell tolls now - he just rang - we are meeting in the car park - NOT a good sign... oh well, deep breath and here I go... oh if only one could turn the clock back... ... ... ... ...