Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

We looked into a stairlift but at £2,000 it's not an option... she refuses to consider having her bed downstairs nor a commode... I understand that.. she asked me this morning why is she so tired.. so I told her, your body is using all of it's energy fighting the nasty stuff inside you, and the morphine will make you woosy too..

I've got her some really tasty things to eat.. really different flavours too.. so she will eat more... encouraging her to eat nuts too and some cheesey bits... I've bought some brie and grapes and some really special cheese biscuits and will be taking a little plate up to her in a while for her to "snack" on.. she enjoyed her danish pastry so much yesterday.. so I think perhaps a mid-morning "treat" will be a great way of sneakily getting her to eat. lol

She is going to need help with cleaning etc.. my sister isn't really fit enough to do all mums housework and I don't mind doing it when I get here on the weekends but it would be good if maybe she could hire someone to come in and "do" once a week - she's keen on that idea too...

I'm about to blitz the fridge now having done a wash, scrubbed the kitchen sink and made a ham-fisted attempt at fixing the leaky shower.. she tried the shower seat last night - it's a definite no no and I'm going to go and get her one that she can use from the mobility shop in her village. She will feel better if she showers at least every other day.. and it's good for her to have a routine where she does things for herself too as far as she can.

To be honest, she hasn't the energy to do anything right now.. and you can feel the heat radiating from her lower back by her hip where the tumour is deep within... her body must be in overdrive trying to fight it... little wonder she is so damn knackered!

I don't want her to stay in bed all day, but, if she wants to, she can, just this once though... am NOT going to let it become a habit... getting up and dressed and being downstairs is best.. mentally if not physically, for her.. and to eat downstairs is a good thing.. and better for her digestive system than laying down trying to eat..

*sigh* I'm a bit emotional today - I know TOTM is fast looming.. and I admit, I am tired.. but maybe later I will have a nap in the car.. lol Her neighbour just called and took the dog out for a walk so that's good! She says she will come every day at 2pm to walk him! Top news! Mum will be delighted (so will sis). My foot thanks her too! lol
 
Sorry to hear your mum is feeling so weary today, I'm loving your food plans for her, you are so thoughtful!!

You are doing amazingly well on the diet, lesser people would have thrown the towel in with what you are going through!

Sending lots of hugs for you and your mum xxxx
 
My heart goes out to you, Jennie. But you are doing a wonderful job for your Mum.

Besides the tumour, the morphine is a double edged sword. It helps with the pain but will also make her tired and washed out. The doctor decided to give it to Mum for her severe arthritis. She only had 2.5ml dose twice a day ( I had to buy one of the baby/small child droppers) but she was hadly awake and felt awful when she was.

Perhaps you could find where the nearest Red Cross depot is and get any aids you need for her comfort there. The worst part of staying in bed is the likelihood of pressure sores which would add greatly to her discomfort. So I dont blame you for trying to encourage her to get up. That is how I am with my Mum.

Dont work too hard, although I find doing things in someones elses house never as hard work as doing it in mine.

Thinking of you.

Pam xxx
 
Well, one horrid big shower seat returned to well-meaning and very concerned but oh-so-time consuming friend... new shower seat purchased,.. plumber booked to come and check why shower is flooding (at 2pm) lol... mum downstairs snoozing having had a "surprise treat" of very tasty special oniony cheese bsicuits with brie and red grapes... washed down with Tesco Finest Apple and Alphonso (or something like that) mango juice. She polished off the lot! We chuckled and I said it reminded me of our holidays and the mid-morning treats we would have...

The morphine is definitely doing it's job - she is relatively pain free but as you say Pam, it knocks her out too. She's ever so pasty looking.

I'm going to cook her salmon in a tangy coriander and lime sauce with mange-tout and boiled new potatoes for her lunch... haven't quite settled on desert - possibly some Activia creamy yogurt over the mixed melon pot the grapes came out of earlier...

Right - dinner is at 1pm (I am SO hoping her friend arrives later!)... and the dog has been walked and my shopping trip is done so it's just some cleaning and cooking and a bit of paperwork to get her a disabled parking badge - oh - and a firm phone call to Cunard too to see what they are playing at by witholding her £500 deposit! FFS - odds are she will not even be with us in a year's time so how can they, in all honesty, keep it! I will sort them out!!! lol

Watch this space!!
 
Well - whirling dervish jenny is at it again I see. You so take a situation and grab it by the throat and squish it until its shaped the way you want eh?

(Well I know what I mean)

poor old cunard - they won't know whats hit them by the time you're finished! LOL - but their attitude sounds shocking and thoughtless.

I wouldn't worry bout bits of ham and flying choccie things - your whirlingness will compensate for that and we all know that mental well being (I am told choccie things do strange things to girls happy-o-meter) is vital at this time.

I get attacked by flying kettle crisps myself but not recently though. :)

keep doing what you do best (and we all love) and thats be you and continue to dervishly whirl

Non illegitimi carborundum (haven't written that before have I eh?)

Much huggles and cwtches (or however karen spells it) xxx
 
Thanks guys and gals... the rain is returned and mum ate a really good plateful of salmon in the sauce etc... and I did go for the melon with mango yogurt and to make it a bit special, sprinkled some of the bits of honey-nut clusters on top like you would granola... she ate the lot!

Now there's a crappy cowboy film on the telly so... ordered her floral arrangement she wanted (huge silk thing to go on the plinth in the corner of her dining room - will be stunning!) , have cleared up from lunch, had my soup and now - time to blitz the manky fridge! The bathroom can wait until tomorrow as the plumber just came and put some sealant on the shower screen thingy dofer so no point trying to clean in there, need to get "Henry" out of the shed, empty him and then take him upstairs to get the bedrooms vaccummed... will wait for her to be having her tea (or when her friend comes) whichever is soonest...

I cooked some extra potatoes and have basted them in lemon and butter and am going to make a little ham, cheese, onion, mushroom and potato frittata (posh word for omlette with spuds in really).. for her tea... and hopefully... before she turns in, I might tempt her with a mini magnum ice-cream ... she keeps losing weight so I'm doing my damndest to "fatten" her up...

Right - no more procrastinating - fridge - here I come!!
 
Well, that's got to be the cleanest fridge in the universe now! Every single bit of it out, washed, bleached shelves, all spotless and back in situ - everything out of date binned and restocked... took me a while but if you're going to do a job, you best do it right or not at all eh!?

Also cleaned the rest of the kitchen and emptied the bins, got the recycling sorted and in relevant containers... "tea" prepped - red onion, tomato, ham, mushrooms, potatoes and a little bit of grated cheese... will be pan frying and then chucking in 2 eggs to hold it all together and serving it with a little lambs lettuce as garnish..

Diet - FAIL! Had 2 slices of ham and a ginger biscuit! HELP!!! I think mebbe another pack will be in order... maybe soup... I just crave sweet food at the moment and as I KNOW where it all is it's very hard.. lol I am NOT opening the kitkat bite things.. and I am trying hard to ignore the country slice nestling appealingly in the box... *sigh*

Right - perhaps I shall go and do the bathroom after all... lol I mean, can't eat when hands down a loo eh? lol

Mum doing okish.. but am peeved that sis is coming at 7pm Sunday eve so that means I DO have to sleep on the sofa so I'm going to tell her she'll be having an early night as I need to get one so she will be dispatched upstairs no later than 9.30pm in fact, am going to text her and tell her right now... not sure why she can't stay at home and be here early Monday morning instead... but then... it doesn't matter to her does it... she's not the one relegated to the sofa! Grrrrrr... in that case she can make their dinner Monday.. borrocks! lol
 
Something I dont understand, Jennie. If your sister is coming Sunday why does she get the spare bedroom in preference to you? If she wants to come Sunday then she has the sofa until you leave on Monday.

Be strong, my love, or she will walk all over you.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
 
Good job resisting the goodies Jen, and glad you're getting some time alone with your mum, why not treat yourself to one of those blow up beds, i have one, wasn't cheap, about 70 quid but its really comfy, i got mine from qvc 2 years ago, use it when my daughter has a sleep over.
At least sis isn't coming till 7 so you will have another whole day with your mum.
Will be thinking about you tomorrow hun. x
 
I agree with Pam, let her have the sofa, why should you give up the bed for her, when she is the one to have changed her plans x x

And..................you have not failed!!!!
 
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lol you all Sooooooo don't understand my families dynamics... this is how it works...

Sis is first born = daddy's favourite... dad dies... Mum remarries... Sis sulks... sis divorces.. sis travels loads.. sis is screwed over ... sis moves in with mum and stepdad... sis becomes mum's favourite... sis gets involved in the village life and becomes friends with all mums friends,.. stepdad becomes ill... sis helps out ( I do too but as I live 2hr away and have a job, kids and a dog and mortgage and am not in permanent residence it's nowhere near as much) ... sis becomes everyones favourite... sis still living with mum when stepdad dies... moves out... mum gets ill... sis not working so can spend most time here.. sis does all the driving around for the first 10 days of mum getting ill and stays with mum = sis is still everyone's favourite again... sis is riddled with arthritis in hands and legs = sis needs bed... me, I only have a permanent disability with a mullered foot and a knackered neck and spine which will one day seize up totally, but as I am used to it after 25+ years it's ok.. lol therefore... sis gets bed, I get sofa... get it? lol lol

I know it sucks but it is just NOT worth upsetting mum by arguing with sister about sleeping arrangements...

I've almost finished the cleaning... still have to vac the stairs and do the bedrooms tomorrow and the bathroom floor... but mum needs to be downstairs for me to do that.. her best friend rang and is coming tomorrow morning.. no church for me and mum then... mum said it would be too embarassing for her... bless her... I kinda know where she's coming from but what I might do is try and see if she would like to go down there for a cup of tea after the service ends... just to put folks minds at rest and for her to get some fresh air...

I have a feeling she will say no thanks.. and that's ok as Monday is going to be another tough one..
 
I actually enjoyed cleaning out her fridge earlier.. it looks like new and I just wish she could look and see it but she's not really up to wandering around... she did love the food I gave her today though.. and she ate lots!! I am really really pleased... tomorrow she's having a yummy duck meal thing which I'll serve with rice and maybe a small side salad.. and sprinkle with chopped spring onions... for mid-morning snack I think it will be the sunflower and honey bread lightly toasted with brie and a dab of onion relish on... and for mid-afternoon snack I think maybe another toasted teacake as she really enjoyed the one I gave her this afternoon... and for tea.. hmm.. not too sure yet... there is some really nice ham in the fridge but how to make it tempting... oooh, I know... will wrap it around some finely shredded salad and cheese and serve on the onion cheesey biscuits she liked so much this morning! Going to make the shepherds pie for them both tomorrow anyhow as I have the ingredients and don't want it to be a case of sour grapes... mind you, I think I need to nip and get some tinned tomatoes and tomato puree for it.. that's ok... when mums friend is here I will nip out.. be good for them to have the privacy...

Told mum I am going to come down every weekend except a couple where I have things I am heavily committed to, as I don't think she and sis will enjoy being together 24/7 for 2 weeks at a time... lol.. I told her we wouldn't either so it was only fair to mix n match... lol

HOWEVER... I have a funny feeling that sis is going to claim carer's allowance for looking after mum... I'm not... but I can understand why she may have to... her rent won't get paid if she isn't available for work, and she clearly isn't now... but that too seems a tad, erm, is it really churlish to say it's a tad unfair? Well.. anyway... we (mum and me) will have all day tomorrow (give or take an hour) together in a peaceful relaxed atmosphere... so will make the most of it..

I don't want to leave her.. it's going to be so hard to say bye on Monday .... *sigh* Makes me wonder if I really ought to go so far away... blah!!

PLUS - mega fail - had another 4 ginger biscuits!! (all of 'em as it happens! ) AND a little bag of special k mini bite things...

I KNOW it's TOTM time very soon (Monday if diary is correct) but I had hoped to be able to put up more resistance.. lol.. still haven't done the figures I need to send off to my bike club treasurer... argh! MIGHT do some now and then in the morning in the quiet time between mum having breakfast and getting up and dressed and downstairs...

There is a part of me that thinks - f*ck it.. but I am responsible for the figures and don't want to let them down..

HWSNBN has said yes to all the jobs I asked him to do and says he has already done the garden and my washing! wahayy!!! Result!

Right - may head off to bed soon and make the most of my opportunity of a comfy sleep... lol lol wonder if I put crumbs in the bed if that might make me feel happier in a muah-hah-hah-hah way tomorrow.. lol Just joshing!!

I know my sis really couldn't cope with the sofa at all... so... it's sort of ok.. (but not really too) lol lol

Moaning minnie's got nothing on me! ;P
 
Another boring update - sorry... mum's friend is here now and I have come upstairs out of their way. I have a feeling she doesn't like me very much,... maybe it's just me being paranoid.. lol

Need to do these figures today but am so tired.. but I MUST get them done... I emailed my bosses and asked them if I can change my hours so I can come down on Thursday eves to look after mum for 3 days and 3 nights rather than just 2 days and 2 nights each week. I have given them 3 proposals: 1. I book each Friday as holiday.. 2. I spread the Fri hours equally across rest of week or 3. Spread the hours in a specific way.

I hope they agree to option 3 as that one is the best one for me physically... it will mean long days on Tues and Weds but normal hours on Mons and Thurs when I am going to be at my most weary.

Washing is all done and sheets are in the drier right now... I need to go and get the vacuum cleaner and polish and do mums room whilst her friend is here.. otherwise I feel like she is being left on her own if I don't sit in same room as her... I know she enjoys the company and she usually has a good amount of time in bed and that's when she is alone. So... attendance allowance form now printed and signed... blue badge application to finish off.. then Cunard to deal with (ran out of time yesterday)... and my stock figures for bike club, PLUS an article for the club magazine... *sigh* and orders to update...

How anal is this - I went through her freezer and have written a list of what's in each drawer so that it makes things easier for sis to cater.. lol I've also done a list of the dates I am coming to stay. So sis will just have to accept it as a done deal! lol BUT... if she wants to come too then she WILL have to ask me for the bed or share it as I am NOT leaving the sleeping bag here... (but I shall keep it in the car.. along with an emergency trip bag...)

Getting nervous about tomorrow... didn't sleep well, was up way too early this morning... need to have a shower too... oh hell.. will have one tomorrow when I get home! lol

Mum had a shower this morning - I am so chuffed ! The stool I got her yesterday was perfect!! Bless her, she is in such a lot of pain today... and she said yesterday she was worried about getting sores... so we shall have to ask for ideas on that one... I wish I could do something for her to ease the pain... she was very happy when she came down and saw how clean and tidy the place is... so that was good.

I texted sis last night and told her I am going to sleep at 9.30pm and she was cool with that.

Hope she has managed to get some rest during the last few days...

Right - time to fetch Henry and get stuck in to the upstairs! Won't take me long! Diet wise - have stuck to it thus far but was very tempted this morning... may have soup soon to stave off temptations whilst prepping foods... Scales show a loss of about 4lbs since Weds but how reliable they are is anyone's guess.. will have to be good on holiday and then wait for the verdict upon my return! I have decided I am definitely coming home a day early from hols so I can do some catch up at home as I am back down here again just 2 days later.. and I need to catch my breath a bit in my own place ...
 
Wow Jen you really are a champion multitasker:) hope your bosses agree to the change in hours, i think your poor wee mum is really going to miss you next week, sounds like you have made her feel quite special these past few days, she will be delighted if you can manage to stay most weekends, sis will probably be happy about it too as she will have less to do physically.

Ps.. step AWAY from the biccies:)
 
Mum snoozing on sofa... she loved her dinner of Confit of duck in a Juniper Berry Sauce served with roast potatoes and peas... followed by posh vanilla ice-cream with prunes.... just after her friend left I served her up some sunflower and honey bread, toasted with melted brie and spring onions.. (that was her mid-morning snack).... this evening it's the wiltshire breaded ham salad parcels with mange and apricot chutney served on onion thins .... oh... and.. lol... for her afternoon "treat" I got her a custard danish... I KNOW she will love that!! So... even though the scales say she is losing weight, I am fighting them on her behalf by feeding her with lots of yumminess!

I have also made the shepherds pies for her and sis's dinner tomorrow - there is enough left over for another portion of mince and a cup full of mash so that's mum's dinner or a snack for sis taken care of too. Dishwasher is churning away and sink drainer is stacked up with stuff drying and sink full - am going to cheat and reload the dishwasher later... upstairs is all lovely and sparkly clean - bathroom is all shiny and the bedrooms vac'd and polished... just need to make the bed for sis (although may just pile the sheets on it and she can do it herself ... will see how I feel... lol )

All I need to do now is the blue badge thing (next on list)... then the bike club stuff and eventually Cunard (although I may save them for office hours tomorrow and get them when I arrive home in the afternoon! )

Glad mum is sleeping as she is clearly very uncomfortable today.. need to ask too if the cancer could spread to brain as she is struggling with finding some words for the crosswords we're doing and was complaining that her eyesight wasn't so good... could just be the morphine I guess though... so,.. question added to the list!

Sis and I talked this morning and she said she's not coming in to see the oncologist with us and will wait outside.... I don't think she's coping at all well right now... she was in tears on the phone too... bless her... I feel for her... I haven't really cried since I got here but I bet I shall when I leave tomorrow... seriously not sure about travelling so far with her so ill... but if I don't go she will be fuming.. lol

Interestingly enough, sis called this place "home" when we were talking... odd as it's never been home to either of us - just to mum. She does need to remember she has her own home... I WILL have the bedroom when I come ... lol IF it looks like we will both be here at the same time for more than one night we will have to see what compromise we can reach.. although tonight I shall have a pillow... lol and that will help lots!

PLUS.. I am jiggered!! I look it too! Look really rough.. lol.. and eyebrows seriously need attending to but I can't get them done! Not sure if shaving them would be a wise thing to do but if I don't I shall look like Dennis Healey before the week is out!!!!!

Right - badge now... then that will be all the list for mum (except Cunard) done.. and she can sign it all and we can get that sent off in the morning too...

In many ways I don't want to go home tomorrow and in others I can't wait. To be back in my own home will be nice... but leaving mum will be torturous...

I hope she isn't subjected to "sandwiches or soup" for tea in my absence! I bought some lovely strawberries and melon so hopefully she will enjoy some fresh fruit salad this week too... and I know my sis loves them too so.. win win all 'round I s'pose..

As for me and the diet.. I stepped away from the biscuits last night as I ate the last one... today I had a mini gingerbread man biscuit - only the one though.. and I did taste my shepherds pie... mmmm, but nothing much so am not feeling tooooo guilty.

Will have another choc mint "muffin" just before doing mums tea this eve.. and in the meantime am chomping on chewing gum and that seems to be helping... TOTM is looming large.. I can feel the grumblings... lol That won't help the sleep situation.. ah well... sod it... Hattie time Tuesday (apparantly also coinciding with torrential downpours!! )...

Boss 1 emailed back and likes options 2 & 3 so am hoping option 3 will be the way to go!

Laters! xxxx
 
Jennie, you should be able to get a special mattress on the NHS for your Mum so that she can avoid pressure sores. I ripple type mattress, I believe.

I am sure that your Mums problems with the crossword are more to do with the morphine than anything else. One of the reasons Mum stopped the morphine was that she felt her brain was fuzzy all the time and could not think straight. Dads prostate canacer metatiscised to his spine and ribs but no problem with his brain so please dont put everything down to the dreaded C until you know more.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope you get some positive news. Dont know if things have changed but when we did Mums attendance allowance they still sent a Doctor out to see her. Although if you are applying for the higher rate they may not bother.

Take care and big ((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
 
Well now, it's nearly bed time and I still have not done all my numbers that needed doing..

Mum went back to bed this afternoon and looked a much better colour as a result of a good solid 2 hours kip. Fed her well again.. lol... lush raspberry and vanilla danish pastry mid-afternoon and for tea I did the ham salad parcels on the onion thins... I had some too... I just am so damn weak at the moment with this diet!! I am useless!!

Mum tucked in to everything and polished it all off! She's doing really well with food and drink intake... I have told sis... breakfast, mid-morning snack, dinner between 12 & 2, mid-afternoon treat and evening tea... hot choccie at bedtime and anything else she fancies in between! If mum was well there's no way I'd give her the stuff I am as she would be piling on the lbs... as it is I am just trying to excite her appetite and stave off any more weightloss...

She's asleep now and sis has arrived. We've had a lovely long chat.. she offered me the bed as she knows TOTM has arrived and I do suffer for the first 48 hours.. but it really won't do any good.. I shan't sleep wherever I am tonight.. bellyache... things in head... too much going on..

Plus, for all my moaning and griping, she really needs the bed so much more than I do so, she is making it and has already gone up! lol

I am sat here surrounded by scraps of paper which I am sure made perfect sense when I wrote them but now... well,. now they just confuse the heck out of me!

I finished all the housework except the ironing so sis is going to have to do that... and the badge application is all filled in and signed... and ready to send, as is the attendance allowance form...covering letters all attached and I shall take to the post office tomorrow afternoon and get them weighed so I know they go 1st class!

Have loads to do tomorrow after I get home... not least pack for my trip! Hope the weather is kind to me on my journey down on Tuesday and that I can do it in the one day... am sure I shall as I am very keen to get there.. lol BUT... if I find I am getting too tired I shall have to stop somewhere enroute.. end of.

Mum gave me a sealed envelope tonight and told me I cannot open it until I go home tomorrow... she says its petrol money... so that's going to be very welcome as I am totally skint at the moment...

Another dieting disaster of a day in some ways... but hopefully all the hoovering and running up and down stairs etc will have taken care of the badness!! Blah!!

Tomorrow is going to be a toughie.. I am not looking forward to it... this one is gonna be the one where we get even more answers methinks... as for the brain/crossword thingy... don't worry Pam... I guessed it was the morphine.. it's just that I know this can spread to the head and we really don't know just how aggressive the damn thing is... I am sure it IS the morphine though... but I am glad it brings relief and rest to her...

So ends another day in my never-dull life.. lol

Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my mother's life... and all of our lives ... sobering thought that... but true! xx

Night night all... hope you have sweet and peaceful dreams... (or sexy raunchy ones if that's what you want! lol ).. ;P
 
Right st this time you need the strength to look after your mum , if that means a few nibbled of food & a slower weightloss journey then so be it . Your mum needs you , not a weak half you .....look after you to be able to look after her & by the sounds of it it is quality food not rubbish xxx
 
pandora said:
Right st this time you need the strength to look after your mum , if that means a few nibbled of food & a slower weightloss journey then so be it . Your mum needs you , not a weak half you .....look after you to be able to look after her & by the sounds of it it is quality food not rubbish xxx
Click to expand...

Hear Hear! xxx
 
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