Well, here I am - just three days untill I start abstaining. I have found it interesting, that I have not made one 'special' or 'naughty' meal this week. On other attempts with Slimming World, I would have all my favourite meals the week before and the night before was like the last supper, and I could scoff for England. But this time, I have done nothing. Don't really know what that means, but I think it's a good sign. In fact, each time I eat something, I am thinking, 'god, I can't wait till I don;t have to eat anymore!!' As Monica's father on FRIENDS said in one episode, to her mother, 'My god - I think she is finally full'!! That is sort of how I have been feeling. I am feeling sick of food and miraculously am looking forward to not eating. THat is how I feel now. Tomorrows another day....but fingers crossed - its a good ad empowering feeling.
I think it is because I have had 7 or 8 weeks to mentally gear upfor this. I think that has really helped.
What I am fearing giving up most believe it or not is Diet Coke!! lol
I am feeling quite strong now. Fear has been replaced with excitement and a strong level of commitment. I am going to give this my all - 100% abstainence. I have read how some here suffered over the Christmas holiday and then getting back on the plan, and I don't want to have any back steps. I am going to try my very very best...that is all I can do. But at the moment - I feel confident.
Today I am emptying my cupboards to one in the corner of the kitchen, and will have a nice clear space to keep all my LL packets, etc., and that will be my safety zone. The fridge will be emptied of most things and replaced with bottled of water.
I have been taking great pleasure with every ache and pain, knowing soon they will begin to dissappear.
I do not feel brave enough to say, 'this time I KNOW I will be successful'. I am not that bolshy yet, as I have said that every single other time I have tried to lose weight and I cannot face another dissappointment in myself. But I know I am prepared to give it my all, my very best effort.
I am going to start a scrap book, as someone here suggested on another thread I think, where I will clip and paste outfits that I would like to see myself in, and that will help keep me motivated. I may treat myself along the way, but as this is expensive, that will be minimal. But at the end, I have been promised a $3000 (insert pound symbol - American keyboard and all....) shopping spree for a new wardrobe. I guess we will have to clear a credit card for that....lol....but its a sweet gesture from my OH.
I did realise, that I think much of my fear stemmed from the fact that I feel in my heart, that this is my very last chance to sort this out. On my own that is. It's this - gastric bypass - or live with the weight forever. I feel these are my only options, and I don't particularly fancy the latter two. I have already had the misfortune of 15 different surgeries in my lifetime.....I don't fancy another when there are already at least two more ahead, maybe three or more if I need a TT, etc., at the end of this - so this has got to be my salvation. And that is how I see it. Salvation.
When I was feeling fearful of cutting the chord with food, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I looked deep in my eyes and asked me, 'Would you rather stay the way you are, and keep indulging and enjoying short term false happiness with food.....or....would you rathar sacrifice those pleasures for a MERE 6 or 7 months, and then be able to live again.' With tears in my eyes and an amazingly strong tug of my heart- I knew the answer.
This is it. This is my time. This is my life, and I reclaim it NOW!
